Reader: What is your take on when spouses have celebrity crushes? Harmless or worrisome?
My wife has them, has always had them apparently. My attitude has been to try to joke about it, but sometimes it irritates me. What do you think?
Athol: It’s way better than having a crush on any guy she could have in real life. So nothing to worry about…
Attraction isn’t controllable, so when a woman sees a highly attractive man who has a team of people helping him look even more attractive… it’s just completely normal that she would experience attraction looking at him. It’s the same thing with guys looking at photoshopped naked women – it’s more of a red flag if you aren’t turned on than if you are.
Women have a need for variety and stimulation just as men do, but a celebrity crush is safe venting of that need. It’s the same with romance novels, it just winds them up a bit and if they needed more stimulation, it will relax then and make them feel happier. You’re much better off with her reading romances for her thrills than her messaging ex-boyfriends on Facebook.
However if she has constant celebrity crushes, that tends to suggest that she has a highly persistent need for stimulation and excitement. She’s literally getting her dopamine fix off of cycling though celebrity crushes, which makes me wonder how much is leftover for crushing on someone in real life. Or the other way around, if she was crushing on someone in real life, how much would be left over for crushing on celebrities.
So it really depends how significant her interest in this stuff is. Just like I say about porn or anything else fun but potentially addictive, “It’s not a problem until it’s a problem.” If hours of her day revolve around this stuff and she’s not having a normal interest in you, then it’s a problem. If she’s just into a particular movie star and would rather watch one of his movies than someone else’s, it’s not a problem.
If it’s a genuine problem, you need to bring it up as an issue, if it’s not a problem, the solution is just to be the best you can be. Also if you pay attention to who she crushes on, there’s often a tip about what you could do to improve yourself.
So if she’s into following Mr Beefcake, and you’re not that in shape…
If she’s into following Mr. Moneybags, and you’re not doing well financially…
If she’s into watching Mr. Dominant, and you’re fairly passive with her…
If she’s into Mr. Bad Boy and you’re an awfully Nice Guy…
I’m not saying change your whole life to be just like them, I’m saying that’s your weak point where you can probably make easy gains.
As an example of just this effect, Jennifer loooooves Straight No Chaser. Which is essentially a bunch of guys wearing suits singing.
I work in group homes and my work clothes are jeans and running shoes. Then I come home and write. I’m not much of a clothes horse at all, and dress sense is quite honestly one of my weak areas. I rarely ever have an actual occasion to scrub up nice for, but when I do, Jennifer always gets excitable about me doing so. It’s just an obvious connection in my mind and once in a while I lightly tease her about liking them so much.
At this point the editing process broke down into a discussion about how I completely misread her entire interest in Straighter No Chaser. It’s not because they wear suits, it’s because it’s smart, funny and musically quirky.
Wife likes men in nice clothes…
Purchased new shirts this weekend.
That’s about it.
I feel all Captainy.
Jennifer: LMAO you’re going to get hate mail for that last line.