Reader: I have young sons. How can I teach them some of these points as they grow up, even prior to various sexual information they will need?
MMSL primer is too adult for them right now so need a primer for the primer so to speak.
Athol: You’re a role model to your sons whether you want to be or not, so you’re going to teach them expectations of what marriage / relationships / sex is all about anyway. So model what you want them to learn.
If you playfully swat your wife’s ass and pull her in for a kiss, and she obviously likes it and likes you, your sons will notice. If your sons are mouthing off to their mother, and you back her up 100%, they will notice that. If you have a long discussion about a serious decision with your wife, and obviously pay attention to her input, they will notice that. The kids are always watching, always learning.
That being said, how young is too young to be directly taught MMSL is an interesting question. I was reading The Hite Report at age 10 and sneaking the Playboys long before I was allowed to buy them and it’s not like I turned out obsessed about sex or anything and… oh… hmmm… it’s not like my AIDS ravaged body was found dead in a ditch when I was 27 or anything.
But what’s out there as sexually available to kids these days is staggering beyond all belief. I’m not shocked by nearly anything I see or read about sexually – I do say certain things like swinging probably isn’t in your best interest, but it’s not like I’m offended by swinging or dislike swingers or even close to it. But I do have an all purpose concern about the sheer volume of what kids are exposed to before they even get to having a first kiss with someone. So there’s always going to be something they directly learn about sex anyway, so why not MMSL?
On a more personal level, I have two teenage daughters and there’s always been in the back of my mind that someday they will read everything I’ve written, if they haven’t already behind my back. So I feel like I’m writing a message in a bottle to them with every post. But I would feel shitty if a message in a bottle got to them after they were pregnant and dumped, riddled with herpes or wondering why no one wants to marry them. Or all three.
So at some point in the next year or so, I would like to write a “Teens Primer”, but it’s just an idea at this point. Not even a scribble on a napkin as yet. Until then though, Jennifer and I will just have to model a happy family and sex life. Which is fortunately quite enjoyable.