How Do You Teach Kids This Stuff?

Reader:  I have young sons. How can I teach them some of these points as they grow up, even prior to various sexual information they will need?
MMSL primer is too adult for them right now so need a primer for the primer so to speak.
Athol:  You’re a role model to your sons whether you want to be or not, so you’re going to teach them expectations of what marriage / relationships / sex is all about anyway. So model what you want them to learn.
If you playfully swat your wife’s ass and pull her in for a kiss, and she obviously likes it and likes you, your sons will notice. If your sons are mouthing off to their mother, and you back her up 100%, they will notice that. If you have a long discussion about a serious decision with your wife, and obviously pay attention to her input, they will notice that. The kids are always watching, always learning.
That being said, how young is too young to be directly taught MMSL is an interesting question. I was reading The Hite Report at age 10 and sneaking the Playboys long before I was allowed to buy them and it’s not like I turned out obsessed about sex or anything and… oh… hmmm… it’s not like my AIDS ravaged body was found dead in a ditch when I was 27 or anything.
But what’s out there as sexually available to kids these days is staggering beyond all belief. I’m not shocked by nearly anything I see or read about sexually – I do say certain things like swinging probably isn’t in your best interest, but it’s not like I’m offended by swinging or dislike swingers or even close to it. But I do have an all purpose concern about the sheer volume of what kids are exposed to before they even get to having a first kiss with someone. So there’s always going to be something they directly learn about sex anyway, so why not MMSL?
On a more personal level, I have two teenage daughters and there’s always been in the back of my mind that someday they will read everything I’ve written, if they haven’t already behind my back. So I feel like I’m writing a message in a bottle to them with every post. But I would feel shitty if a message in a bottle got to them after they were pregnant and dumped,  riddled with herpes or wondering why no one wants to marry them. Or all three.
So at some point in the next year or so, I would like to write a “Teens Primer”, but it’s just an idea at this point. Not even a scribble on a napkin as yet. Until then though, Jennifer and I will just have to model a happy family and sex life. Which is fortunately quite enjoyable.

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Comments

  1. Karen says:

    Well, I've given my 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son this web site and have even read it with them (not the more graphic posts as I wouldn't want THEM to be embarassed!) They haven't commented but I check my history and they DO read it. YAY ATHOL!!

  2. Candice says:

    In addition to providing a good example, I'd like to add some points which I feel are consistent with Athol's model for marriage and also best practice in child rearing:

    I'd suggest teaching children to gather information, analyse issues and make logical decisions; to be considerate and respectful of others; to be assertive and stand up for their rights and the rights of others; to have principles and boundaries; to pay attention to their health and well being; to always make an equal contribution and not feel entitled or that the world owes them a living etc. These are all good contributions to their future lives and success in marriage.

    Also, the way we treat children affects their lives and the way they treat others and what they tolerate. If we beat them down when they assert themselves, they will never learn to be assertive; if we never discuss issues in a respectful way with them, they will never learn to negotiate and discuss with a partner; if we give them what they want when they cry and scream, then they will learn to win arguments through using emotion; if we beat them, they will learn to get what they want through violence and coercion.

    I'd also like to add, teaching children the importance (and rewarding them for) continual self development will set them up for a life that just keeps getting better.

    Teachings kids about sex is just one small part of teaching them how to have great sexual relationships.

    Keep up the good work Athol and Jennifer!

    :-) C

  3. Anonymous says:

    Athol,

    I'm curious what you will teach your daughter. Will you teach them today's feminist line that they "can be anything they want"? This, to me, is a dangerous message. Yes, women can pursue their career and become uber-competitive, but there are tradeoffs. Women's hypergamy being what it is, if they become gung-ho careerists they will simultaneously shrink their dating market and turn off the best (alpha) males who are not attracted to women of higher success then them. This is all well documented.

    Its not easy to raise girls if you go against the dominant Leftist/Feminist cultural programming.

    Jack

  4. Badger says:
  5. Anonymous says:

    Jack, wouldn't the best (alpha) males be plenty successful themselves? Not to mention self-confident enough to realize they're successful on their own merits, not only in relation to a weaker wife (especially one who has the potential to be more successful but is consciously reining it in so as not to emasculate her husband)?
    I think if a girl wants to grow up to have a family, she certainly has to tread carefully with "having it all," but in my opinion that has largely to do with running out of time to get around to the family part of things.

  6. Ian Ironwood says:

    I've been confronting this issue now that I have an adolescent son (just turned 12) who's terminally geeky, like his father before him. And while I didn't receive much of any advice from my father on the subject, I'm already feeding him remedial advice about improving his Sex Rank, along the lines of "don't pick your nose, girls think its gross" and "girls judge you partially on how you respect your mother", etc. He's been very eagerly eating it up. I just make sure that we can have candid father-son time.

    It also helps that I have a very open attitude about the issues he's going to face. While I'm pretty sure he's straight, I point out to him where sexuality differs between straight and gay men (we live in a very tolerant community) and advise him of both sides, just in case he suddenly decides he's gay. While that's not a main focus, it does help give him a broader perspective on the complexity of social interactions, i.e., not everyone is a boy-girl sort of person.

    I also have him in Scouts, and we actively participate. Boy Scouts is one of the best ways to instill a good masculine role model for a developing young man. But of course the more intimate information, i.e. how to talk to girls, we save for our one-on-ones.

    I have noticed one interesting thing. Not only am I modelling proper behavior with his mother for him, now, I am also (I find) a lot better at establishing my parental authority with him that I've taken the Red Pill. I don't hesitate nearly as often, I don't equivocate, I say what I do and I do what I say, and he's definitely picked up on that. It's had the beneficial side-effect of being a DHV for his mom, too. Same thing with my other kids. And that's not a bad thing at all.

    There does need to be a good Intro To Game adapted for teens. I know for a fact they're already reading Roissy, Roosh and Mystery anyway. Maybe something a little more applicable to their level would be helpful.

    Outstanding post.

  7. Anonymous says:

    There does need to be a good Intro To Game adapted for teens. I know for a fact they're already reading Roissy, Roosh and Mystery anyway. Maybe something a little more applicable to their level would be helpful.

    I'm curious. How popular are Roisey and Roosh with young kids today? What percentage of the population has taken the "red pill"? Interesting cultural question and the direction of the future.

    Jack

  8. Anonymous says:

    Athol, please do write that teen's primer. I'm still young enough to know how awful the sex ed curriculum is in most schools . . . and how often information on the internet can be biased or inaccurate, or just plain crazy.

    Teenaged me would have appreciated having material like yours very much, just as adult me appreciates it very much right now.

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