Review of the 2011 Primer.. And Looking To The 2012 Primer

You would think that there would be no more reviews of the 2011 Primer appearing, but suddenly there a new one was…
Bhetti at Heal Britannia – “Athol has a wonderful writing style. It’s a man-to-man down-to-earth conversation, with a playful acknowledgment that the ladies may be listening in. He goes through complicated topics with a simple, easy to understand fashion. He somehow parsed a lot of knowledge into a digestible format that can be read in practically one night. He’s also pretty entertaining, with certain turns of phrase actually making me laugh out loud.”

“I mean the moment I finished reading this book, I just wanted to give it to every man I know thinking of embarking on a serious relationship. And perhaps their women. Or even not thinking of it, but could think of it. Heck, I want to put it on the national school curriculum. Married Man Sex Life instead of utterly ridiculous Romeo & Juliet! Seriously. I’m usually highly critical of any kind of self-help book, and any claims it makes. However, this book is definitely one of those life changers and the most important book for anyone’s long-term relationship life.”
The question Bhetti pondered though was…
“I wonder what a 2012 revision would hold, and if there really is anything else to add to this book. I look forward to seeing what he comes up with, with reservations. Extra information might make the book much too long, or dilute its main points!”
Well when I started writing the Primer I was very worried about whether or not I would even have enough content to fill 200 pages, and it turned into 344 pages. There’s almost none of the 2011 blog content in the 2011 Primer, and that’s 300+ posts, so I figure I could easily add another 150-200 pages to the 2012 Primer. However doing that would turn the book into such a heavy tome that the book could also double as housing construction material.
So the plan is to add more content and streamline the older stuff. More power, less weight. Same buck, bigger bang. So the 2011 Primer will always be a Primer and I’m still proud of it, but I know if I stick with it, it can get better and better.
Just like a Ferrari is always a Ferrari…
…but even a Ferrari can get better over time.
I’ll have a full set of “patch notes” of the differences in the 2011 and 2012 editions when I release it. I don’t want anyone feeling punked when they buy it. It’s probably a late March date.
All that being said… I’m curious as to what people would like added to the 2012 edition, or could be improved on from the 2011 edition.


  1. Congrats to you Athol.

    My Bhetti, but congrats nonetheless.

  2. Are you sure you need to add new content to the current Primer? Couldn't it be created in the form of a new book? "Married Man Sex Life Primer: Digging Deeper" or something like it? It would be a collection of books, not a single book that keeps getting bigger.

  3. Ian Ironwood says:

    I tend to agree. While I think an update/tweak to MMSLP2011 isn't a bad thing at all, I also think that a few smaller books focusing on more in-depth explorations of select topics might also be a good idea, from a marketing perspective. A collection of Alpha and Beta moves, for instance, or a deeper analysis of kinesthetic dominance cues within a marriage. Overcoming nice-guyness, asserting yourself, and a MAP workbook wouldn't suck, either. You have a wealth of topics to choose from, Athol, and the more books you have out there the better.

  4. Anonymous says:

    What women can do to up their husband's interest.
    Any info on sex and making things continue to go well as you get older.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I am Anon 04:43 AM.

    I agree with Ian, it could even result in more cash, as there would be more material to be sold. You could obviously improve the Primer, but improving only what is there already, not including more content.


  6. Anonymous says:

    I agree with anon 08:21: it would be great to have a chapter with more specific details on how to adapt the MAP to women.

  7. I don't have much to add. I just marvel that of all of the books that have been written by people with earned doctorates or people with years of training, no books compare to this one. Where has this information been? Did I just miss it? Athol, I don't know what you call it…fate, providence, luck, genius? I just know that you have touched on something that makes so much sense, that you have a special gift that you are sharing with all of us and that I am getting laid now more than ever!

  8. The topic of aging and how it impacts to marriage is of interest to me. There are significant changes in the hormones of both men and women once they reach mid-forties. I know you and Jennifer are not quite there yet but as one a few years older than you, I can tell you that you definitely want to be as prepared as you can for it. (And of course, prepare your readers, who seem to be more of a mid-thirties crowd.)

  9. Anonymous says:

    I would like to see the new book be an addition to the original. No need to revise a new edition like a textbook.

  10. Polly,

    What do you mean by changes in mid-forties? I am 43. I am more interested in sex now than ever (kids are older & I am less sleep deprived). Hubby is starting to taper off hormonally although he is in the best shape of his life. I have the higher drive right now, but thank goodness men are already biologically wired to turn it on quickly.

  11. Polly,

    I have to agree with Lainey. I am 56 and am as horny as ever! I think what will help to keep the fires burning is following the plan in regards to working out. Keeping at a healthy body weight and working out does wonders for the libido! The sex is only getting better with age in our case for a couple of reasons:
    1) I read the book and this blog
    2) Having an empty nest is AWESOME!!
    3) We learn more and more about turning each other on (even after 39 years)

  12. Chip,

    That makes me smile. I was talking to hubby about sex, and he said he can't imagine us doing it into our 60s. LOL I told him,"Heck yeah, we are going to be doing it! So what if our bodies are older and a bit different. We should enjoy ourselves."

  13. To the readers who want to know how to alpply this type of info to women's game… This reminds me of the photo…
    This sums it up, men are simple and visual, just be hot and add a bit of sexy and your work is done. Can't wait for the book update; I use mine like a textbook and refer to it often. Still amazed this all works. Keep up the site! Thanks.

  14. Polly,

    I don't want you to think that just because I posted that we aren't having issues doesn't mean your point isn't valid. I really would like to read what you mean about going through the mid-40s with sex.

    It may be that we haven't hit that point or maybe we went through it early. :) There are problems/issues at any age. I'm guessing with aging there will be bumps in the road.

    So please share. :)

  15. Lainey,

    I'm so glad things are working out well for you. I love to hear about marriages going strong even after many years. I don't know of many in real life so the internet will have to be my source for hearing about good relationships.

    I would be interested to hear about this from Athol's Body Agenda perspective. If I am understanding it correctly, when a woman is in her prime childbearing years, much of the impetus for sex is making babies (unconscious impetus most of the time). Once those hormones take a dive AND there is no emotional/social desire for another baby, it would seem to make sense that the desire for sex would wane, also. That is what happened to me but I admit I am in a different situation than most because I had a baby after I was forty (yes, I have toddler AND teens). But I would think the hormonal changes would mess with "Body Agenda" regardless and of course, with the woman's mood. I hear that the later forties can be one long PMS. I am not quite at that point yet but noticing a more erratic pattern of mood.

    As far as men are concerned, over half have some form of erectile dysfunction by age 50. That is self-reported so it may be higher and the prevalence of Viagra commercials leads me to believe that something is going on. I'd like to see Athol discuss how that changes the game, so to speak. How should the man frame that? How should the woman respond? Chip mentions weight control and working out and I know Athol recommends that, too. Is there anything else along those lines to try?

    So it is just questions like those that pique my interest. It would be a strange dynamic if a man went to all the trouble to game his wife and finally get her more interested than she has been and then the physical body starts betraying them. I think I will stop at that but there seems to be so much that could be said, at least a chapter's worth….

  16. Toddlers and little ones really drained my energy. I think just having little ones makes my body say no to sex so I won't have any more when I am not up to it.

    You make good points about hormones. I'm glad they have viagra. We used to poke fun about it, but we are going to use it when the time comes. I am hoping they come out with a women's viagra here soon. I think that would help a lot of marriages.

    I know that birth control and a low thyroid worked against me. I think seeing a doctor about low libido can help a lot. If you hubby helps with the kids that helps, too.

  17. Athol Kay says:

    The Primer will always remain the "welcome mat" to MMSL thiking and product line, so will need updating and revision.

    Other books will follow soonish.

  18. That's right Lainey! I tell my wife that it is the last thing to go! I plan to keep the sex hot for as long as I can. I am only 3 1/2 years from 60 and I am in better shape than I was 20 years ago. And my wife? She sure looks hot in her size 4 skinny jeans!

  19. Polly, all I can tell you is our experience. We got married at 16 & 17 because she was pregnant and we haev been married for 39 years. Our last child left home 20 years ago. We both look young for our age (it runs on our families) and the Dr. said that my wife is biologically younger than her chronological age (she is still having regular periods at 55). The sex is actually better than it has ever been. If you want to know more, join and locate me for an IM. My screen name is romantic_guy.

  20. I just bought the primer for 9.99. I don't know why you don't advertise your sales? Money's been tight, so i was waiting until it went down a little and was happy when I checked today.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I am 53 and my husband is 61. The last 3 years have been the best for our sex life. I think that staying in shape and maintaining your health are critical. My husband has never had an ED type problem, primarily because he doesn't have diabetes, high blood pressure, or any of the problems that contribute to ED. It has been helpful to me for the kids to get older (high school and college) – having young kids with a lot of needs was very hard on my libido. I am into menopause but have really not had any problems because of it – I use a non-Rx estriol skin cream and that's it. Just lots of exercise, vitamins, a health diet, and, of course, good sex.

  22. Chip, 39 years in a good marriage is a real accomplishment. I started reading this blog about a year ago, when I still thought that advice books and blogs could help my marriage. Now I have become doubtful that anything will help but I still read here because it is an interesting place. After hearing your description of you and your wife, I wish I had paid more heed to Athol's advice to exercise whether or not one's spouse did so. I did not think it applied so much to me because I am not overweight but I can tell that the level of fitness you have as a couple is one large part of your success. As I said, maybe that could have helped me a year ago but now it would be too little, too late. Thank you for sharing some of your story.

  23. Anonymous says:

    In your 2012 edition please address what you put in Part 2 of How To Get Your Wife To Wear Lingerie, where you wrote:

    "What actually worked was expressing how angry I had become over the issue. …I don't yell, I don't hit, just the voice comes up 20% but there's this tone of displeasure that shreds her. She really does like to please me."

    "I think I really did the anger thing three times in as many months. Plus a couple of aftershock sort of things as well. There's was no 'game' intent to it, no part of a behavior modification plan, no pretending to be angry, no idea what would happen. I was just angry because I was angry, and angry because I had been driven to anger when by nature I'm not an angry guy. I tend to anger very slowly but once angry have a hard time shaking it off."

    I wonder if occasional anger is actually an alpha behavior. Is this wrong?

    I am like you in that I too do not easily get mad. However, I now think this trait combined with my great tolerance and patience and natural nice guy tendencies add up to real problems. I am working to increase alpha and decrease beta thanks to your book, but I question whether some use of controlled anger could help the cause.

    Please also add to the blog a few more success stories from men who saved there marriage by follow your advice and/or the MAP.

  24. Lainey, drugs like Viagra really make me nervous. The risk of both short term side effects and the unknowns of long term effect to health make it seem not worth it. But I acknowledge that individual health histories and the importance of the sex life in a relationship will vary with the couple. I just wish there was something safer and more natural for couples needing the help.

  25. Anonymous says:

    POLLY +1: How menopause and peri-menopause affect female sexuality, and how it affects (or does not affect) the body-agenda and rationalization hamster (therefore calling for variations in the game).

    Dealing with the financial/career element of comparative sex rank, such as: If the woman's career is going strong and the man's is off the tracks. Compensating and catching back up.

    What do do if you feel (rightly or not) that you'll never outrank your wife in her eyes (or yours).


    1. A book for women on "game" and all this stuff for the wife who has to lead the change in her relationship. (I emailed Athol back and forth dozens of times, and it's been good advice!)

    2. How about a basic "sexual health" book? From what I understand, getting in shape is part of the MAP for both men and women…both for sexual attraction and sexual ability. But there's also stuff like breaking down the shyness and communicating better…maybe this is like a basic building block to creating a better sex life?

    3. I agree that a series of books would be cool. Like the Primer is the overall explanation, but then the others are more specific, like a topic in each book…so all those big "parts" headings in the table of contents.

    4. Please stop using the phrase "Jennifer lapped it up" in the next books. I might enjoy something my husband does, but I certainly don't lap it up like our stupid dog that waits for you to drop your food. Just a bad visual :)

  27. Long time reader, first time commented, love what you do on this blog, many thanks for it!

    The one thing I thought that the 2011 primer was lite on was the detail on being more alpha. I got the concept straight away, but had to go to several other sources to amass the knowledge needed to properly apply it. A glossary of specific alpha male traits/body language/frame etc in more detail would be a welcome addition and would stop people cheating on MMSL by having to look elsewhere for it, lol!

  28. I like your new posts about the understanding of the C/FO model, particularly the work teams analogy. I hope more material along these lines ends up in the new edition.

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