KatF has left a new comment on your post “Getting Her To Pull Your Lever“
I think long-term rejection is equally bad, but a single incidence of sexual rejection to a woman is pretty painful. It’s hard to articulate specifically why, probably because we know that sexual attraction is so important to a man in a LTR/marriage.
Don’t deny your wife sex, it will have the opposite of the intended effect (making her want you more). Athol definitely got this when talking about the Lingerie Vault (and Lingerie Vault Part 2)- if you don’t positively reinforce it, she won’t do it. I have a couple stories of being rejected while wearing lingerie – you can bet he never saw that again.
Athol: Women react incredibly badly to sexual rejection as they have so little frame of reference as to how to even comprehend it happening to them. In their mind men always want sex, and the woman is the one that acts as the gatekeeper. The woman has the power of the decision between the sexual yes and the sexual no.
So when the man actually turns them down it’s a shock to their system. Typically they react to this in one of two ways, (1) they blame themselves and turn inward with spiraling feelings of unsexy worthlessness, or (2) they demonize the man as a total idiot / impotent / gay / less than a man. You have to be really obviously committed to another woman, or exceptionally attractive to pass on a woman offering sex and not have a negative outcome somehow. Even then you pretty much have to (3) say that you’re flattered by her offer and make it look like you actually felt tempted.
As an important aside for those in the dating world – If you actively pursue a woman and she offers up the goods and you decline, 99% of the time she will choose reaction number (2). Then she will broadcast that to her girlfriends and your inability to get the job done will spread like wildfire. So you may as well just pick a new country to start over in lol.
Wives however will 99% of the time choose reaction (1). She will in her shame tell absolutely no one, start eating chocolate double chunk ice cream and winterize her vagina.
So if she does come looking for you and quite openly makes a pass at you, she’s probably hornier than usual, a little excited that she’s being “A great wife and initiating sex just like he keeps asking for!” and imagining that you’re going to just mount her like Genghis Khan back from a five day ride. So you not being interested in all that, carries about the same level of psychic shock as her declining an engagement ring would to you.
What women consider as making a pass at you is probably less than you think it is too. This is classic miscommunication between the sexes here. What she thinks of as making a pass at you, is probably just exaggerated Indicators of Interest. Showing more skin, touching your arms a lot, flicking her hair, hanging around you, laughing at your jokes just a little more than than they are funny, giggling, licking her lips and so on.
What he thinks of as her making a pass at him, is her grabbing at his penis, or her bending over at the waist stark naked. Her approaching him wearing lingerie is a grey area to some men as she isn’t directly touching his penis, or bending over at the waist stark naked. So they might play it safe and keep watching the football instead.
So yeah, her wearing lingerie = TAKE ME NOW BAD BOY
Jennifer: Athol does decline sex once in a great while when he’s exhausted or extremely ill. What I ask him then is 90% playful but also 10% serious… “Should I dial 911?”