Attention Ladies…

Don’t confuse “looking good” with “being attractive to the opposite sex.”
1 Male checking you out = 100 Female friends telling you look great.
In fact women will tell you how good you look, when you aren’t being attractive to the opposite sex. There’s always a sexy pecking order, if you drop down a few places because of what you just did to your hair, “OMG I just love what you did with your hair!”


  1. Anonymous says:

    Really, this is an area where women totally get things wrong. Biological interest triggers, predicated on millions of years of inspiring copulation, are very different from fashion cues designed by, largely, gay men.

    I've experienced women ask "Oh, what makes me look sexy," or have men buy lingerie only to complain "BUT I LOOK LIKE A *WHORE*!"

    Well, yeah. Kinda. A classy whore. But, not that I'm advocating prostitution, but if you business model is using visual stimuli to market a sale of sex, maybe they know something about what really turns men on.

  2. Womens view of attraction is very different from most men. Compare the boneracks in vogue to the curves in playboy.
    Attraction for both sexes is Alpha to start. It is attitude. My trainer has a simple test monthly. Put on a pair of jeans and a plain white t shirt. You either pull it off or you dont. Physical 4-8 points + attitude 0-4 points. Same person same day vary by two points depending on how theyfeel.
    Amd remember ladies how many times do you look at a beautiful woman and say "fat ankles". So do your friends really look at you like a guy would.

  3. This is so true! I have a rather hideous sweatercoat, bought in fast desperation during a trip to San Francisco, that my husband finds so unattractive that it has become quite the joke between us. " What is that made from? The foam that goes under the carpet?". He said one day. We both collapsed laughing. I kid you not though, I receive endless compliments from my girlfriends on this sweater. I can almost count on "I LOVE that sweater" being the first words from their mouths. I think I'll ceremoniously give it to Goodwill come Spring.

  4. I've had the experience Athol's describing with my friends, only to go visit my female relatives and get a scathing and honest review of how much I've wrecked my appearance. Why is that? (I'm already married FYI).

  5. I think women pick the most awful thing about each other's appearance to "compliment" on…it's pretty evil.

    So they're recycling carpet foam into clothes now? First plastic bottles, and now this…I'd love to see a photo :)

  6. Anonymous says:

    Usually my friends and I, since we actually LIKE each other, don't do that. But I've gone into groups of strange women and had the whole "why don't you cut your hair" questioning start. Then we go to "why don't you wear pants"… :p

    Trust me, my long hair is easy to deal with and my skirts are quite comfortable. Apparently annoying to random women, they elicits a very positive response from random men. And the hubby likes 'em. :)

  7. my wife is always self conscious about her appearance. on friday she fucked like a porn star. it was incredible. i reminded her the next day that being sexy is not only about how you look.

  8. Ian Ironwood says:

    I've seen this happen literally thousands of times. Mrs. Ironwood explained it to me like this: if you can decrease the sex rank of the women immediately around you under any pretext, yours will rise by comparison. Otherwise known as "always stand next to a chick who's fatter than you at the bar" rule of hooking up. You don't want your acquaintances to be unattractive . . . just less attractive than you.

  9. LMAO, Chuck! I just read that as "well, good thing you're awesome in bed baby, cause you're ugly as hell."

    I have a lot of insecurities myself, so I'd like to hear a compliment about BOTH my appearance AND my other skills.

    Props to you for giving her the compliment, above all else. It goes a long way to know she's pleased you (not a pun).

  10. Anonymous says:

    I tell my wife this ALL THE TIME. The biggest offenders are those who cut/style women's hair. Seriously what demented sense of taste told women the Kate Gosselin hair-do actually looked good? There are billions of examples of women inflicting this upon themselves.
    Classic feminine + confident wins every single time. Don't get me started on the clothing designers. Fit/cut & feeling of the outfit matters the most. Not the damn print. I could write an entire book on my personal observations of bad women's fashion trends that women thought looked good.

  11. Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa! You're right about this one. I got divorced recently and would like to marry again, so I decided to try to figure out what MEN like.

    I'm not getting many compliments from women these days, but lots of looks and compliments from men.

  12. Stargate Girl says:

    Accentuate the tatas and the men will come :D They're my best asset…..

  13. JCclimber says:

    Most women don't know $hit about how to display their tatas, either. Not you necessarily, but most women only seek feedback from other women on the best way to present their assets, and never bother to find out if it is really the MEN'S way of preferring to see them.

    For example, most men I know would prefer to see a tight shirt that lets you see the whole shape AND the curve, over deep cleavage that is usually hiding some serious belly fat with a loose waist.

    Deep cleavage might get me to look, but my subconscious immediately correlates that to my previous experience. Which is that deep cleavage is associated 90% of the time with obesity, which the woman is trying to distract from with her boob display.

  14. JCclimber says:

    Strike the 90%. More like 98% of the time they're a fatty.

    Of course the women will deride you for wearing a tight shirt that *gasp*, let's your bra outline show or some other fashion sin. While the men will be working on concealing their hardons. (provided the tight shirt is not simultaneously displaying some serious adipose tissue….)

  15. JCclimber says:

    I mean the wrong kind of adipose tissue, around the belly.

    So, basically, you should rethink what you believe about how to dress to attract males, and see if that belief comes from your fellow women (instilled starting in early girlhood), or from direct experimentation and observation of men's responses.

  16. Stargate Girl says:

    I admit, I don't have a washboard stomach, but nor am I rolling, rolling, rolling over the layers under the shirt. I actually used to wear bulky items that hid me.(sadly, this was when the body was VaVaVoom) My hubby has gotten me out of my shell. I have shirts that are bit more fitted to my shape, sometimes deep cut, sometimes not. My fav thing to do is put on one of his white tshirts and a pair of jeans, with or without bra….. hehehehe.

    and he's an expert bra fitter. He boned up on how to measure properly and how a bra should fit. Then purchased a nice big pile of em. Lots of trying on, adjusting the fit. Some passed, some didn't. But it was a grand time fitting em! Highly recommend said activity. Downside: At stores, the sales ladies won't let him anywhere near me to help me try em on :(

  17. Anonymous says:

    O.k. Athol! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do an entry on what men really love to see women wear (as well as hair and makeup) and guys please write some comments. I am working on my shape and I would also like to do an overhaul of my wardrobe. I have not really found a fashion sense as an adult and I can see exactly what you mean about friends not always offering the best advice as to dress. It would be interesting to turn several guy's heads but I am really only interested in turning my husband's head. However, he gives me little to go on.

  18. I would focus on what you think is your best asset.

    My wife has a great rack, she doesn't talk about it but I know she knows from the shirts she wears.

    She doesn't dress like a slut, but she does draw attention to her chest with low cut tops, necklaces that happen to fall right in between the girls etc…

  19. Stargate Girl says:

    why do I find myself wanting to see pictures? of the jewelry I mean….

  20. Never had that problem. I just assume the sales ladies are going to let me go into the dressing room, Victoria Secret, Fredericks, Department stores, no difference.

  21. By the way, I am pretty much neutral to all boobs. They're there. They look nice. I like to see 'em and play with 'em.

    But it's the a$$ that is pretty much 95% of the attraction for me. For many men, it's legs (which I suspect is code-speak for a$$).

    Hide your butt, and you won't, ever, get any reaction from me. Drop dead gorgeous? Whatever if I can't see if you're butt is flat or not.

  22. Stargate Girl…

    Haha I would be happy to share, but she would probably kill me.

    I have playfully teased her about the jewerly, she acts like she doesn't know what she is doing…

    The other day we took our kids swimming and she commented on how she saw guys staring at her chest. She knows.

  23. Anon 1:46.

    Men like women:
    In a man's dress shirt or football jersey, so cute
    In a sundress to show they are a feminine
    In fitted jeans and a plain T shirt, who doesnt like a tom boy
    In a skirt, not too short but long enough to show leg
    In a shirt showing the curve of the chest ala Climber
    With long hair, a bob says androginous mom
    Who show their curves even if they are slightly larger
    Who highlight their assets without giving it all away.

    We men have been imagining you naked since we were 10. FEMININE beats blatant SKIN any day of the week.

    Fashion ideas brought to you by the male designers of questionable leanings:
    Shoulder pads…I play football not her
    Jumpsuits…if I want my car worked on I see Fred.
    Sweat suits…in the gym..right on, elsewhere screams Im comfy and don't care
    Yoga pants…(I'll get flack for this one.) See above plus too much too soon for public display.

    And to be fair a list for guys
    Barney is right…Suit up damn it.
    And not the jeans and a blazer crap either, thats the male version of the sweat suit.
    Bike shorts or us all the visual and burn them right now. NO ONE, NO ONE can pull this off.

    Last of all, a check for both sexes. Jeans and a white t shirt. The only outfit that doesn't lie.

    If you don't rock it either hit the gym or work on the Alpha. Only a body or confidence pulls it off.

  24. you are right, i should have been more delicate about how i worded things. i am so honest and brash that it can get me in trouble at times. that is why i am here. need to learn to play the game better.

  25. Stargate Girl says:

    Seriously, I love jewelry :D

  26. So, are you of the "baby's got back" persuasion, or what?

  27. Anonymous @ 1:46 PM,

    Wear the form-fitting, feminine version of what your man wears. If he's mostly in jeans and bright t-shirts, you put on jeans or a denim pencil skirt and a bright or white v-neck knit shirt that hugs your curves.

    If he's more of the khaki & button-down type, wear tailored trousers or skirts and a fitted woven shirt. A few ruffles can be nice if they're not overdone. If it works for you, try to wear the same colors that he wears.

    Men don't usually like styles that are too fussy or patterns that are too busy. Too much skin looks slutty, but they love to see the shape of your body.

  28. Athol Kay says:

    Read the Girl Game posts back in April 2011

  29. This thread reminds me to get new bras.

    And to acknowledge an interesting experience. In my family — mostly mom and sister — I am the plain one, the fat one (even though my sister outweighs me by about 80 lbs and my body fat percentage IS 18% confirmed today TYVM), and in general the less interesting/capable/talented one.

    My sister always had boyfriends, but I was much more shy/hesitant (introverted?) than she is.

    What I always had — a lot of — was male attention. Lots of complements, lots and lots of respectful behavior, and a small group of boys fighting over me in high school. In college, lots of dates (only one boyfriend and i married him). And, at 35, I still get a lot of attention — from younger and older men. Most people peg me at 25 years old, not 35.

    I do take good care of my skin.

    It's itneresting to read this bit about 1 man's opinion = 1,000 girlfriend's opinions. My girlfriends and I do nto complement each other like "you look good!" It's more like "i like the color of that dress" or "girl, you are insane, why did you get that ridiculous hair cut." Oh wait, that last one wasn't a complement.

    Anyway, The reason that this info was good for me is because my overriding experience of women is — bitchy and mean. I'm ugly, i'm fat, i'm plain, i'm unattractive, no man will ever love me, blah blah blah.

    Ah well, I sure do get a lot of attention for an ugly girl.

  30. You could tell her she's beautiful when she's "fucking like a porn star," because to you, I'll bet she is…


    Opinions on breast implants, anyone? Would you prefer small natural breasts or good sized implants? I've heard that some men really are against the implants…

  32. believe me sue, i was telling her. i just thought it might be nice to say something the next day when her ass was NOT in my face.

  33. Anonymous says:

    Last several topics have left me depressed because I am an older woman too. Is there no hope for us on how to be sexy and attractive ? We are not dead yet.

  34. Stargate Girl says:

    Believe you are Sexy. Feel it in your Bones. And you will project that aura! But I hear ya. I get very depressed reading some of these topics and various blogs. :(

  35. Anonymous says:

    My vote would be to dress opposite of what men dress. Be the feminine to his masculine. Men are attracted to curves because we lack them. Jeans and short hair is me and every other dude. Dresses, skirts long hair, breasts, makeup are all woman to me and get me going.

  36. I know lots of sexy older women (whom I aspire to be like). It's about accentuating the positive, imo — and not dressing too young or too old. Classic cuts and styles work well on women of any age, IMO, as long as you are accentuating the good stuff.

    Also, whatever you can do to take good care of your skin, and a light hand on make up goes a long way.

    But, my opinion on the matter doesn't count as much as a man's. lol

  37. I've always had the sneaking suspicion that fashion is something that women invented to keep eachother occupied.

    I know what I like. Most men know what they like: A woman who wears something that suits her. That means wearing clothing that suits you and your strong points (Femininity, curves, healthy shape, etc)

    I think there's some sort of clothing cold war going on between women, where actually standing out is considered an act of agression, leading to mutually assured destruction.

    Also funny is that women seem to put so much value on the status of clothing. It's not the way it actually looks on them, but the thing they can associate with. Status, money, style, taste, being 'worth' a lot. They're projecting their wishes in men on themselves in the hopes it makes them more attractive, just like men focus too much on pure looks.

  38. Stargate Girl says:

    Most sales ladies act like a chastity belt and don't let the menfolk near the dressing rooms. Tempted to just walk out in the bra so he can adjust in middle of store!

  39. Stargate Girl says:

    I've been told that as long as one gets to touch em, natural or enhanced, they're all good. :D

    prefer them soft and natural myself.

  40. does it make a difference who the male appreciating me is? He's much older (like 20+ yrs). Or other guys, maybe my age but below my sex rank. (meaning, i don't find them attractive and would never consider dating them even if I was not married) If it's those guys giving me the eye does that still weigh heavier than my gal pals complimenting me?

  41. I dunno yoga pants make my ass look bangin, which also increases my confidence. Worn with the right fitted v neck T, I'm working a look. Not that I wear that all the time, but I look at myself in the mirror every time I wear that, and not so much in other stuff.

  42. oh yeah, and my most complimentary gal pal previously had a lesbian relationship. (She's married now too)

  43. I must say that I prefer small and natural… if they fit in a small "hand spoon", then it's alright.

    My wife actually had breast implants before I met her… a while ago, I used to feel that I had "lost" something… they were the way I love, and she changed it before I could do anything to stop it… I got over it, her breasts look great, but sometimes, I wish she never did it.

    But there are several different opinions in this. A lot more important than having massive tits, is being feminine.

    Extra: wear dresses.

  44. Older or younger, they normally like the same thing, with very small differences.

  45. Because we men fall for a few very specific things : Health, youth, fertility. That's beauty for us.

    You dress that up because you want to attract a man that IS attractive enough for you.

    By just mentioning the men you find unattractive, you create an unfair scenario, as I presume you do not dress up for compliments from women you dislike either.

  46. I think this absolutely varies from guy to guy. I would wager that most a$$ men would probably be against implants but that's just a guess. As a confirmed breast man however, I'm not opposed to them in the least. Big is fine as long as they don't look too unnatural. At least you are asking men's opinions; I swear many women get them simply to compete with other women rather than to please their man. If my woman were to get them, I would want it to be to please me, not compete with the rest of the women in the world.


  47. I would prefer natural breasts myself. Jennifer has already had two breast biospies, it's the most stressful thing in the world. I would always be worried something very bad would happen if she had implants.

  48. Exactly. I always check out the yoga pants. Always. Too bad they're generally only in basic black. Sometimes I miss the 80's lycra look at the gym. At least on the women.

  49. Really? To clarify, they're small as in trainer bra…imagine middle school girls just starting puberty :(

  50. Anonymous says:

    Oh, ladies.

    Athol gives some good advice about picking your female friends, and not listening to the other 'hens'. It's so true.

    I'm happy to say that I seem to attract some really lovely, genuine women into my life: loyal women of all shapes and sizes who are decent human begins and good dispensers of advice.

    Today I'm rocking a simple purple sundress, and I know I'm looking good (when dad and boyfriend give similar compliments, it's usually a good thing. Dad sometimes gets kind of teared up about the 'my baby's growing up' thing, which I find sweet but also kind of odd, as I'm in my mid-twenties at this point).

    That said:

    Female stranger on the street: "aren't you cold in that?"

    But then:

    Friend: "WHERE did you get that dress?"

    Sister: "Looking good, munchkin."

    Roommate: "So you look great in that. Uh, what size is it, and what do I have to do to get you to let me borrow it?"

    The moral of Athol's story shouldn't be "don't listen to your female friends". It should be: "you should be able to listen to your female friends. Who the heck are you hanging out with?!"

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