Does Fitness Testing Ever Stop?

Reader:  Hi Athol, I have a personal question for you.  You can post it if you want.
Do the fitness tests ever stop even after the sex and emotional relationship is great again?  Does Jennifer still fitness test you?  In my case, we can have several days of amazing sex and emotional high together and then suddenly there are 2 or 3 days where she is irritable and bitchy with me about any little thing.  As usual, if I react at all or even try to talk about what is bothering her, things start to go downhill.  If I don’t react at all she will get over it eventually after a day or so and then the amazing sex and emotions come back.  Its easy to be non-reactive for an emotional outburst here and there, but when it goes on for 2 or 3 days its difficult to pretend like it doesn’t bother me.  I’m not even sure if these episodes are fitness tests or not.  Any thoughts?
Athol:  Assuming that you aren’t confusing her originally asking for something reasonable in a reasonable tone of voice and getting annoyed that you aren’t being helpful as a Fitness Test, then yes you can for the most part hope that Fitness Tests drop away to an occasional blip on the radar.

Fitness Testing is sparked by your lack of Alpha and once you get that together, there’s not much reason for her to test you anymore. It’s more of a calibration thing where you go “oh yeah I have been a little lax on the Alpha and overboard on the Beta recently” and then you readjust and move on.

Jennifer tends heavily toward natural submission, so even my moderate Alpha from obvious sexual intensity pretty much keeps her testing very low. I’m also wired for high mental and emotional intensity and… well… let’s just say I understand women really well lol. I supply Jennifer with all the drama she needs with this whole Tony Stark / Pepper Potts thing going on.
Grrr… not the exact video I was looking for, but watch it anyway. Great recovery line lol.

Jennifer:  I am for the most part the opposite of a Drama Queen.  No need for fitness testing, and I cringe at other people who do it, so that’s not particularly a problem I have.


  1. It will exist in one form or another until they close the lid on one of you.

    hate the PC newspeak version of 'shit test', btw

  2. So to the IronMan reference. Would the right response be to throw her off the edge to go get it? Is that how you pass that fitness test?

  3. I see the same thing with my wife. 2-3 days of great sex then a crash. I have a feeling it might be related to the dopamine cycle. My wife is not the most naturally submissive woman, but upping my alpha has helped quite a bit in the last year and the sex has been much better. But we seem to go on a cycle of 2-3 days good sex, 2-3 days of nitpicking and no sex. All I can think is that the dopamine has worn off because I'm pretty much the same. During those down days, I just don't engage her at all in her downer attitude.

  4. Athol, from your post are you saying he should add more beta if in fact he is not responding to her reasonable requests? What if her requests are made in a reasonable fashion, but at the same time she ignores your requests then gets bitchy when you ignore one of hers. It seems to come back down to an issue of control. This is where I think its hard for you to give advice to guys with more naturally dominant wives as Jennifer is naturally submissive and doesn't get into the drama. My wife must have drama one way or the other.

  5. So does this mean you have given up on the idea of nightly sex as the default? So in a way you are waiting for her to be in the mood? I have a similar situation. My wife can go from hot and horny for 2 or 3 days to giving me the "eye roll, do we have to have sex" the next next. I don't change anything about my behavior and still get this roller coaster. On the days where she is feeling stressed or bitchy its sometimes just not worth making the sex happen as the default.

  6. If he's not responding to reasonable requests then he should… they are reasonable requests aren't they?

    If he does stuff for her and then she doesn't for him, then she's become unreasonable and he shouldn't comply with her requests. The basic Tit for Tat strategy holds.

    Agree that Jennifer isn't in my face, but you also have to remember that I actively work with geninuely behaviorally challenged individuals on a daily basis for my job. Restraints, property destruction, med refusals, 911 calls, trips to the ER to talk to the crisis people, behavior planning and medication adjustments. 90% of my behavior insight comes from my job not anything I've learned on the Internet or from Jennifer.

    If your wife "needs drama" try seeing it as "needs stimulation" and pre-emptively seek ways to create it.

  7. Male fitness test: We engage in flirting,intense sex and upped frequency. After these times he ignores me,goes about doing whatever is on his agenda and basically stepping back from me. It makes me feel like crap and as if I am having a one night stand with my own husband. Got my fill,done with her,nothing to see here, move along folks. Until (see next paragraph).

    Then when he starts to get grouchy from less sex he gets difficult with me in addition to ignoring me.Irritable,rude,short tempered.
    The final test is to start blaming me because I am not acting interested in sex at this point.
    My lack of interest is being reinforced! Huh??

  8. After three years of marriage counseling, I divorced my husband because he treated me this way. Yeo, plenty of other issues, too, but after I tried Tit for Tat and a gazillion other strategies, he made it clear he held the control, and I chose to leave before my boys learned to treat women this way.

  9. This is obviously a troll comment. She has been making them for many different posts. Basically she is arguing that she couldn't get her husband to give up control (give her the captain's chair) and so she left him. We all know that if a guy gives that up and becomes beta deferring to his wife that the marriage dies a slow death anyway as her attraction for him dies over time. Feminist want it both ways, but it never works. I wish it did and I would not have been forced to swallow the red pill myself. This comment it total BS.

  10. Which? 844 or 1040?

  11. 844.

  12. Ah. Because the husband in 44 sounds similar to borderlines.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Don't understand why you think what I said at 844 was trolling ? I didn't leave him that was someone else who left their husband.
    Just don't understand the get close in sex and then push away behavior cycle we go through.
    Someone said it was about me controlling him but don't understand what they mean. How is surliness Beta or Alpha especially if he starts off getting the sex he wants and he is the one that then pulls away and then comes back later when he feels like he wants sex again and is mean or cold in between. Then if I feel hurt and confused I don't want to have sex and he gets mad so I have sex so he'll be happy with me for a while at least.
    Just don't get the cycle.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Check into personality disorders. He may have one.

  15. Athol Kay says:

    It's called being bullied into having sex.

  16. I saw this and lmao… especially the end.

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