Happy Valentines Lay

Athol:  Happy valentines day!
Jennifer:  Lol happy valentines day. Love you so much
Athol:  Want anything romantic giftage?
Athol:  Whats for dinner?
Jennifer:  No desire for romantic giftage really. It’s Valentines day for us every day ;-)
Jennifer:  Dinner is mac and cheese and the bottle of wine I’m going to buy later.
Athol:  I’ll bring my penis.
Jennifer:  Lmao cool.
Valentine’s Day for married couples is kind of like a final exam for her interest level in you. If you’ve done the whole Alpha Beta thing all semester, the exam is easy and you barely break a sweat passing it. If you’ve been falling asleep in class all year, even a monstrously huge effort right before the test may not be enough to pass.
We did a little acknowledgment of today being Valentine’s Day, but really any of the days at work we get off together is more important romantically than Valentine’s Day.
Anyway, Jennifer’s having a long hot bath and two glasses of red wine. Expect the unexpected…
Jennifer:  Grrrroooowl….


  1. "I'll bring my penis."
    I think I'll steal that line myself down the road.

  2. Sorry for the hijack, put Athol, have you seen this?


    Interesting how it mirrors what you and what I call the "sane manosphere" have been saying for years.

  3. I look at Valentines as a special romance day (though I know that is not where it originally came from).

    Birthdays,Christmas and other holidays have their own rituals and so does Valentines Day in our culture. Therefore, it would be disappointing if my husband treated it as any other day we had off together and bringing his penis to the party would be nice but not quite in the total spirit of things.

    I am suspicious that men who moan and groan (though you did not Athol) about the expectations of Valentines Day are no more generous with the thoughtful gifts of Valentines on other days of the year. They are just cheap and rebellious toward any expectation (not you Athol). They care for their childish feelings of "you can't make me be romantic" than what might cheer their wife.

    When a man (in this case my husband) goes out of his way to treat me to cards,flowers, dinner out, and candy I feel valued and special. It does warm me toward him in a sexual way.

    I like these special things at other times of the year but they don't occur very often so Valentines is a real treat.

    By the way I got my husband cards (one handmade),chocolate covered strawberries, and a gift. I want him to feel special,too.

    Our evening concluded with the same gift that Athol was bringing to Jennifer so a good time was had by all. If they were ok with their plans that is fine but I liked my Valentines better.

    Let me add that a woman who is rude and mean about her Valentines expectations makes it bad for the rest of us women who are downright grateful for a good Valentines with the usual bells and whistles. We should profusely appreciate our husbands when they do this and show them later in the evening in actions not just words.

    Yes,couples who are not doing well at other times may do all the Valentines motions and have it fall flat as to effect. But if that happens it is letting them both know that some work needs to be done in the relationship. Valentines fun won't do the trick.

    There are women who are not interested in these particular romantic gestures but that is easily resolved by finding out something special that is meaningful to your wife (a music cd, tickets to something,clothing,etc.)…

  4. Ian Ironwood says:

    Took the exam.

    Aced it.

    Beta portion of the exam:

    Cheese and fruit plate (chevre and brie, apples, strawberries and cantaloupe) grilled lobster tail and steak; twice-stuffed sweet potato with cinnamon, all-spice, and brown sugar; some amusing little asparagus tips on the side; strawberry shortcake with just a hint of brandy and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. No wine — we're both on antibiotics. Heartfelt poem tucked into a heartfelt card. Cooked all of the above while racked with a raging cold. Also cleaned the house. Kinda.

    Alpha portion of the exam:

    MRS.I: You didn't have to do that, Ian! Damn it, you're sick!

    II: Yep. And I'm the kind of man who would get out of bed, sick to death, to cook his wife lobster and steak on Valentine's day and then feed her chocolate covered strawberries while we watched the "New Girl" Valentine's episode.

    MRS.I: !!!!

    Even went for the bonus points.

    Beta: Daughter left all of her carefully prepared valentines at home — major social disaster for a ten-year old. Daddy got out of bed and drove them to her. Daddy could do no wrong for the rest of the day.

    Alpha: Kids, time for bed early! If you stay up too late on Valentine's night, then Cupid won't let you go to your senior prom! Mommy and I are going to go eat dessert in our room and listen to music . . . really loud. Don't knock on our door if you want to live . . .

    ELDEST SON: DADDY! You know you can't legally kill us! I checked at school!

    II: . . . live inside. The State says I have to shelter you, it doesn't mandate that I do so in an actual house. The toolshed is reasonably dry this time of year. Let's not test the theory that I'd actually make you sleep there tonight, shall we?

    ELDEST SON: (eyes wide) Good night, Daddy! Happy Valentines Day!

    The blissful silence of sleeping children ensues.

    Major tingles from the Mrs. for being so commanding.

    Sick as hell . . . it was a good day.

  5. Found your blog today via someone that is following my blog. I will be back! Funny stuff and from what I see you are really on to something here. I am on my own mission to removing all the roadblocks to intimacy in my 21 year marriage – having a great time discovering all sorts of interesting things and doing my first blog as I go. http://dontsayno2012.blogspot.com/

  6. CantBeJustMe says:

    Hey, guess that would be me. I nominate Mrs.Yes for wife of the year. Jennifer gets wife of the decade.

    V-Day went well her too. Got her a gift she'd been eyeing, but didn't think I knew. Major hit. Had a few drinks, she convinced ME to stay at home instead of going out to eat. When she started turning things off like she was going to bed at 11pm I was silently going "WTF IS THIS?" She never goes to bed this early. And when I climbed into bed, expecting nothing, she threw a naked leg over me and I realized she was sans clothes. That is akin to my wife screaming DO ME.

    After, TV downstairs on the couch..the SAME side of the couch. Small steps, small steps.

  7. Athol,

    This year I gave up on Valentine's Day…would appreciate your thoughts…

    My wife and I have been married 21 years. Since we first met, every Valentine's Day I have made the effort to remember her in a special way…hand-made cards, flowers, special gifts, heartfelt note, etc…usually nothing really big, but something sentimental and sincere. Almost without exception, her response has been less than enthusiastic. By the way, my wife almost never does anything for me on Valentine's Day. Finally realized that my desire to celebrate Valentine's Day is "too Beta". This year, I just pretended that V Day didn't exist. All seems okay…did I do the right thing? By the way…have been reading your blog for several months now…MAP in progress…marriage is much better…we have gone from "low sex" marriage to "more sex" marriage…am realizing that I need to increase alpha and really watch out for and avoid being too beta, like getting sappy on Valentine's Day…
    Thanks Athol…

  8. Morning started with a nice sexual session.

    We attended an evening wedding. Interesting because they were planning a June wedding, moved it up because his visa was expiring and if we went back to New Zeland, he might not get a new one in time for the June date.

    Got home, gave her a nice massage on the new massage table. No sex afterwards.

  9. Correction, if HE went back to NZ

  10. Stargate Girl says:

    Got the kids some treats and a card for hubby. We went out for ice cream as a family for a special Valentine's day Treat. Hubby has never really been a card/gift type guy. So, while I would like to get flowers and such, I know it's not something that really occurs to him. I gave up after first couple years of marriage. He has something against doing the "cliche". I however, like cliche:P

    anyway, night ended with me a happy puddle of womanhood and him a spent happy man. It was all good. :D

  11. really?

    i steadfastly refuse to do a single thing on this materialistic bullsh$t "holiday" designed to empty a man's wallet and pedestalize women.

    no cards, no candy, no nada.

    morning sex though.

    but what I will (and have done) is do "Half Valentine's Day" on August 14th. take an "urban camping trip" where we do 5 star dinner/hotel in town. benefits us both.

    giving in to valentine's day is the worst.

  12. Well done. Sounds like a good night.

  13. Sounds like a good day, fun to involve the kids too… in the daytime stuff!

    Our oldest who is still pretty young and just understanding Valentine's Day had a lot of fun giving and getting treats, cards etc…

  14. Ian Ironwood says:

    I think you did the right thing. Part of the plan is often de-stabilizing the marriage in small, meaningful-but-unimportant ways, and not following a tradition of lame begging for attention is certainly going to at last get her attention.

    Instead, mention to her with amusement about that woman who hit on you in the grocery store. Watch her reaction. It might prove instructive.

  15. Ian Ironwood says:

    Well, I got righteously and thoroughly and repeatedly laid for the small amount of effort and resources I put into it, and I'm expecting waves of lustful bliss to reflect from the incident well into March. Spent less than $50 (would have blown more on going out to dinner) and increased her loyal adoration of me by a good +3. But to each his own.

    Maybe you just did it wrong?

  16. I.I., you nailed it. It's a day where a small investment of time, money and effort can reap you BIG rewards, if you're doing right the rest of the time. What else are you going to do with $50 / £30 that has the same impact?

  17. Our relationship is the same way. No huge thing on V day because we have that kind or relationship all the time. However, we did go away to a cabin in the woods over the weekend. It was awesome!! Sex 5 times in 3 days. (Thanks, Athol!) There is nothing like sex in a hot tub in broad daylight!!

    The really interesting thing that happened on V day is that we each got the other a special card. Except for the heading, they said exactly the same thing! I knew we were in tune with each other!

  18. My wife decided the laundry needed to be done. I will try and pass the exam next year.

  19. Yes CantBeJustMe you get the credit! Kudos on the naked wife initiating sex – hopefully a new trend and thanks for the Wife of the Year nomination.

  20. OffTheCuff says:

    SGG, family, and I went for ice-cream as she posted above. While we were waiting, there was a college student complaining loudly.

    Apparently, one of her friends got a Mac book pro, and a printer, and this and that and this. "And, LIKE A MACBOOK PRO IS $1300! SCOFF! Can you like believe it! SCOFF!"

    You could hear the entitlement and jealousy dripping from every syllable.

    My only thought was "neither of you deserve that".

  21. Ian Ironwood says:


    "There is nothing like sex in a hot tub in broad daylight!! "

    Oh, there is. Sex at night in a hot tub . . . in a snow storm . . . with single malt scotch and lightly microwaved Moon Pies.

    Try it. No, really.

  22. Stargate Girl says:

    Ya know, most wives are thrilled with nothing more than a rose, a kiss and an "I love you".
    You don't have to buy into the materialistic hallmark version of hallmark. Just have a fun day. with such a bitter attitude, anon 10:33, if I was your spouse, I'd probably give you a major cold shoulder. She's sweet. she gave you morning sex. I'd have given ya a morning fart.

  23. Stargate Girl says:

    Huh. I missed that. well, where the heck is my tablet? :P You said you'd get me one! *scoff* Well! Where is it? hehehehehe. Just kidding. I just steal the Ipad :D

    Stopped hoping for card/candy/etc long ago. Just enjoy the day. my parents would have been married 63 years on feb 13th, so that is more on my mind than wanting gifts. And making day fun for kids. Their 60 years of marriage is an inspiration to me. They were only apart in death for 6 days. Neither could live without the other. They fought, they loved, they raised 6 of us and had numerous grandkids and great grandkids. That to me is more a testament of love than any card or candy or gift.

  24. Be careful — not all women get romantic-sappy on V.Day.

    I don't, never did, and Mr Batshit-Crazy's reaction to my less than enthusiastic reaction was the end of 20+ years of life together.

    Had he brought his penis to the party, I might still be married. But you do not berate your wife for failing to get drunk when she has an hour's drive ahead of her that same evening. And worse.

    If I ever observe Valentine's Day again, it will be with an understanding man with so much alpha he can overpower the bad memories.

  25. Ian Ironwood says:

    Better have something pretty darned impressive to bring to the table, then. Alphas tend to have pretty high standards.

  26. Hubby got me a lovely necklace, dark chocolate-covered almonds, and great sex. I got him a gift certificate to World of Beer, lingerie (for me) and great sex. And we will go out for a nice dinner on Saturday. Small gifts and a little bit of cash for the kids. All in all, a very good day.

    I agree that husbands can receive a very nice return on a modest investment when it comes to Valentine's Day.

  27. Athol
    thanks for the parental help.

    Short version: 20+ years in sahm to nth degree. Running map for two years. At final stage with no chamge but token changes. I call it one fight left syndrome. We both know major figjt would be end.
    Right now too much debt. Under canadian law alimony is 2% per year and forever paid after 20 years. So i would lose 50% for life.
    I wont raise my kids in poverty so am doing all i can until they go to unoversity in three years.
    Little one knows because last year she asked and i needed to be honest wirh her.
    So i dont put up with crap but have to stay at stage five. We are room mates. Also she doesnt like anu physical contact. Learned behavioir from her parents.
    Thanks again. My mess my responsibility.
    My motto: redemption not regret

  28. That's rough. You're welcome to write me about any of this.

  29. Yeah I agree, a lot of reward for little effort. I couldn't figure out what to get wife, so I was not going to get her anything. Well that and I figured how romantic can it possibly be if I am spending our hard earned money on flowers. For heavens sake we've been married for 24 years.

    But she let me know (like a good wife should) that she would not mind getting something a little special. $25 bunch of flowers and she's tickled pink. She rearranges them everyday since I got them on Saturday. She says it's a lot more fun to lay me when I do the little special things.

    I'm not a big fan of Val's day, but I can't argue with the results!

  30. Thanks, Athol. I need more posts like this. Because it's all about me, right? Laying my husband like tile… Yeah. Check. Valentine's Day exam passed.

  31. Dude
    just keep writing. MAP works just not on someone with huge inherited intimacy issues and a total lack of motivation. Got to the ultimatum and she was out the door. Had to come back as we cant run two houses on one income and both know it. So now its keep the rank up for the specific target date in threeyears. No regrets. They are a waste of time. We can only control the future not be shackled by the past.
    P.s. I'll try RMT. Never would have thought of it.

  32. Loved Valentines day. Ours basically started on the friday before.

    On Friday I got 3 bouquets of flowers, tulips and roses. Good sex before sleeping. Saturday fantastic morning sex session. Sunday massage with hot oil from a candle (she won a bet, and could choose who-massages-who, I got to be the willing subject for attention), resulting in nice, slippery sex. On mondays I wasn't there, but thuesday I got a card, mix-cd, dinner, present, valentines-lay. Yesterday we danced in the living room when the kids where asleep. That resulted in a makeout session, put her up against the wall, stripped her, got my hands everywhere, went for it while picking her up, moved over to the bedroom after that, and let's say that it was good, very good. This morning a quick handjob before going to work. Life is good as a maximum alpha and a maximum alpha.

    (btw, I got her some real, realy nice stuff too this valentines, but also surprise her on 'normal' days).

  33. My ex-husband told me on our first marital Valentine's Day that he would not be participating because he is romantic every single day and does not need Hallmark to tell him to be so.

    I wore longsleeve flannel pajamas to bed and pushed him away when he nuzzled for pre-sex. I told him that I have sex with his romantic ass almost every single day of the year and do not need Hallmark to tell me to do so today.

    The next year I got dinner at a white tablecloth restaurant, roses, and a black naughty nighty. I felt very romantic in bed later, though I can't explain why.


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