Check Out “The Red Pill Room”

If you’re a long time reader, you know that I rarely link out to a new blog. So when I say go check a new blog out, you really should go check it out.
Ian Ironwood is a regular commenter here, and he’s done some good posting at The Red Pill Room, but today’s was exceptional. Go read Alpha Move Give Her Chocolate The Right Way
…I won’t steal his thunder, but it’s exactly what I’m talking about in Chapter 11 of the Primer.

Reader Story: MMSL For The Win

Reader story, not much else to add!
Hi Athol,
Just finished your 2011 primer. I found out about your blog through TAM, then found your book via your blog. Man, you nailed it with this one! Let me give you a quick run down on the last 10 years of my life…. and how things have changed!
We married 16 years ago, after a few years, children incoming…. 4 of them, so you can imagine that was a busy 10 years (and yep, we are DONE) talk about changing your life. The wife and I used to have sex EVERY night, except for those few “nasty” days each month. Bring on the kiddos, and the frequency didn’t drop, it PLUMMETED. once a week was a feast, and sometimes it would literally be months between. After the youngest moved to her own bedroom, and we had our alone time again, I full expected things to pick up, and to be fair, occasionally they did… but most often, the schedule was like this- menses ends, sex begins… 3 nights of raw monkey sex, then a night or two off because she was tired, or a kid would get sick, or something would screw things up…. a couple nights of no sex, then another night or two of sex…. then several nights of no sex…… then after I whined and complained enough, or we got in a big enough fight about it, a night of “get on, get off, then get OFF” sex….. by that time we were usually into the PMS ramp up, and it was hands off for a week and a half until the cycle began again.
This went on for years my friend…. many. long. years….
Oh,I still got some great sex in there. We went from ONLY missionary, barely any touching, when we first were married, to fantastic, energetic, multi position, blow jobs and everything else…. when SHE was feeling horny, which was for the first few days after her cycle started again. What stumped me was that when she SHOULD have been most interested, during her ovulation time, we usually did NOT have sex. Red flag there. Now, I’m pretty savvy on biology and such, and just did not understand why it all did not add up. A few months ago, after some big blowouts, one of which I told her I was no longer sure our Marriage was worth the effort, I decided I was done. I started being very frank with her, and open about my feelings, and my expectations. I knew something was wrong, and the only thing it could be was that she had become bored in our relationship. I have been with her for 20 years, and there is no way she was having an physical affair, and I was 90% sure the same was true on an emotional affair. She just had shut down sexually towards me because I had BECOME HER HOUSE BITCH. Yep, I tanked MY own sex life by becoming too Beta!
After selling our business, and me starting to work from home at the age of 35, I took over as the primary house keeper, cook, etc. It just made sense, since I was home, and she was working, that I not make her deal with extra stuff, right? Nothing sexier than a man that turns down help and says “no hon, you had a long day, just relax, and I will get the homework with the kids, dinner done, served, cleaned updisheswashedkidsbathedbedroomspickedpupteethbrushedbackpacksreadyfortomorrowkidsinbedhousepickedup…. all while you sit and play on facebook, or watch tv….. Sexy, eh?
Well, you know exactly what happened, I figured it out a couple of months ago, and changed it. Reading your book was confirmation. I lost the Alpha. I became the beta housebitch. It was a matter of time, and my hot, wonderful wife would have been having fantastic monkey sex with some other dude… it’s not like she would never have a chance. She started a new job in Athletics, and is around jock type guys constantly, sometimes late at night. (yes, I’m 100% sure it never happened, I gave myself ulcers checking) I know it would have, believe me, so that’s why I changed. I am proud to say, I started changing before I read your book. I hope you take that as additional validation that you put in print what some guys know instinctively, and others NEED to know to keep their marriage!
So what is it like now? well, last month was the first time we have had that much sex in many years….. many, many years. Probably since we started having kids. Hot, mind blowing sex, body fluids all over sex, right up to the end of her cycle. So, I figure, “well, after it’s been like this, I can handle almost a week without it” as you probably know, I didn’t have to (insert big, shit eating grin here) to put it in your terms, I got “laid like tile” right on through! Neither of us are into vag during her cycle, and the first couple days she feels horrible bloated and her breasts are extremely tender, but after that…. WOW…. we were lying in bed, spooning, ( just undies on, another side bennie! she used to always sleep in heavy clothes) and I was very aroused… it had been three days after all! She could feel me pressing against her, and she would push back against me and move slightly, just to tease me. It was driving me crazy, so I reached around and started playing with the goodies up top, I gave a nipple a what I thought was a bit too hard of a pinch, and she came unglued! I have never realized she liked it a bit edgy and rough, but she started really reacting to what I was doing, and I figured it would get those hormones racing my way, so why not. I was totally willing to suffer a few days until her cycle was done and we could ravage each other. To my surprise, and FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR MARRIAGE, she turned over, kissed me, then started south…. Never would that have happened when she was in “her time of the month”. Well, my friend, it didn’t end there, but lets just say she let me know that there were other depths to plunge, and I was one very satisfied husband that night. The next night, after several teasing blow jobs, I took your advice, and covered her tits…. She was disappointed! It was so messy that I had covered the head and her tit with one hand so it stopped flying everywhere. She told me afterward that she wanted to see me do it. 45 minutes later, she goes down on me again, and this time she got her show.
Well, that last paragraph is pretty graphic, but I had to put things in perspective. At any time over the last several years, action like that would have only occurred in this house if it was on a porn video. Upping my game with my wife, being more Alpha with her, and working out has changed things so much. I go on the TAM website, as a lurker, and want to bitch slap some of these guys, as I wished I had been bitch slapped years ago! Finding your book showed me that I had started on the right path, and gave me more concrete avenues to approach in changing myself. I’m happy to say that the results have been very worth it. I gave my wife the book to read, I’m confident enough now that I don’t care if she knows she has been gamed. I think she might enjoy it a bit. Last night after a bout of body fluid tsunami sex, we collapsed into sleep (she gets up very early for her work). At 3 am, we were awake again, and rocking the headboard against the wall- several positions, started with spooning, then her on top, then finished doggy style (this was NOT a wife-letting-the-husband-get-his-rocks-off-so-he-will-leave-her-alone bout of sex!). Another huge orgasm for her, then back to sleep for a bit before she had to get up for work. As she was leaving for work, I got a text with a nice tit picture.
Yep, I think I can handle this new life.
Athol, Men MUST read this book!
Athol:  Thanks!
Sometimes the blog just writes itself!

Happy Valentines Lay

Texting…
Athol:  Happy valentines day!
Jennifer:  Lol happy valentines day. Love you so much
Athol:  Want anything romantic giftage?
Athol:  Whats for dinner?
Jennifer:  No desire for romantic giftage really. It’s Valentines day for us every day ;-)
Jennifer:  Dinner is mac and cheese and the bottle of wine I’m going to buy later.
Athol:  I’ll bring my penis.
Jennifer:  Lmao cool.
Valentine’s Day for married couples is kind of like a final exam for her interest level in you. If you’ve done the whole Alpha Beta thing all semester, the exam is easy and you barely break a sweat passing it. If you’ve been falling asleep in class all year, even a monstrously huge effort right before the test may not be enough to pass.
We did a little acknowledgment of today being Valentine’s Day, but really any of the days at work we get off together is more important romantically than Valentine’s Day.
Anyway, Jennifer’s having a long hot bath and two glasses of red wine. Expect the unexpected…
Jennifer:  Grrrroooowl….

Functional, Productive and Happy

Occasionally I get a “Rubik’s Cube” email. A Rubik’s Cube email is an impossibly long rambling email about so many potential relationship issues that I want to set up an Excel file to track everything and sort it all out. Half the time there isn’t even a clear question, just a “so what do you think?” 
The answer to a Rubik’s Cube is always to go back to basics and start solving the puzzle. If it’s all a total jumble, everyone can figure out how to get one side of Rubik’s Cube solved. Usually people already know exactly what it is they need to do, they just need to do it. After that they can come back for help with the tricky bits.
Hi Janet,
The purpose of marriage is to have a functional, productive and happy life… not to save another person.
To have a functional, productive and happy marriage, you need two functional, productive and happy people. I’m not saying two perfect people, just two people that are standard issue adults that can hold up their end of the marriage.
My advice is for you to figure out what the functional, productive and happy version of you looks like, and start heading yourself toward that end. As you head toward that end, he’ll either (1) start calibrating himself to you and start becoming more functional, productive and happy, or (2) get worse.
If he starts calibrating to you and sorts himself out, then great! That’s a win.
If he gets worse, you can move on as a functional, productive and happy person, and be in a much better place to find a new man that is also functional, productive and happy, and have a wonderful functional, productive and happy marriage together.
At the end of the day, no matter how much you love another person, the only person you can really control is you. You can’t make them change, you can only make you be the sort of person that makes them want to change.
Hope that helps.

My Second Book Is Done And I’m Ready For Your Money

My second book is done! Available in print ($13.99) and Kindle ($5.99).

EDIT:  The Paperback page on Amazon is getting synced to the Kindle one and is semi-AWOL. Find the paperback on Amazon here.

In retrospect writing the 2011 Primer was a little bit nutty. I had a bunch of great ideas, I could write, but I had this idea that I could just round up a bunch of the blog posts into some semblance of order, and push print and the book would be done. Turns out I was wrong. Writing a book is hard.

To be sure some of the original posts made it into the Primer partially intact, but there was a huge amount of rewriting to do. Plus it turns out that formatting a book is harder than it looks, and formatting a Kindle version of a book requires a “Merlin” level of skill while I was still struggling as “Sorcerers Apprentice.” And 344 pages of book was idiotic for a first attempt as any mistake required far too much repairing.
But in the end it was done, and pushed out the door. Despite my technical shortcomings the 2011 Primer has sold very well, primarily based on it’s strength of content and the loyalty of my fanbase spreading the word. If you’d asked me two years ago what having a fanbase would feel like, I would have told you it would feel awesome and egoistical. The reality is having a fanbase is a precious and rare thing. Most books don’t sell at all, mine does and I’m grateful for that. Truly.
So to the second book…
This one really is a bunch of posts rounded up and put into book form. It’s 101 of my best posts from Jan 2010 through October 2011. It’s a mix of stuff that was too personal, too funny, too off topic or too whatever and didn’t fit right for the Primer. Plus it’s some of my most important posts that to me really matter in a historical sense. You see I have to write to think, and sometimes when I write I have mental breakthroughs where I discover my best thoughts.
Also this time around I got the formatting down much better, and finally got the Kindle stuff sorted out much better. Actually reading the book you probably aren’t going to notice much of a difference, but I can assure you I got  5-10 times faster with setting things up between the Primer and the Pants book.
Plus it has a much nicer cover…
So now to the sales hype…
Important stuff this book tells you that you simply have to know:
The two types of men that women ping pong between. Page 9.
How to answer “Do these pants make my ass look fat?” and get laid like tile. Page 11.
Why the wedding vows aren’t the actual marriage agreement. Page 16.
Seventeen ways women reveal they are attracted to you. Page 25.
How to tell if a SAHM is going to be great, or spend half the day on Facebook. Page 27.
How to beat approach anxiety. Page 31.
What to do when your wife won’t have sex with you. Page 35.
How to lead your wife so that she wants to follow you. Page 40.
Why monogamy works best for most men. Page 50.
How the wrong college degree can ruin your sex life. Page 59.
How to spot when your wife is testing you. Page 69.
What it means when your wife says she’s bored. Page 71.
What she’s really saying when she says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Page 76.
Why you should never ask for marriage advice from your close friends. Page 79.
How submission really works for women. Page 85.
When you should rescue her and when you should let natural consequences just play out. Page 91.
Why everyone gets the male mid-life crisis wrong and what is really happening. Page 92.
What makes up the female mid-life crisis. Page 94.
How to hit her sexual “Big Red Easy Button.” Page 106.
What happens when you have sex at 87.3% of maximum roughness and why it drives her wild. Page 108.
What you should never do if she asks you to move out. Page 110.
The “Second Date Rule”. Page 116.
Why her gaining fifteen pounds means she’s into you. Page 117.
Why it’s not your job to cure their sexual dysfunction. Page 123.
What the female arm slap means. Page 125.
Learn what acts like Kryptonite to women. Page 131.
Why being an asshole secretly pleases women. Page 137.
Why being a White Knight is a bad idea, and being a Horny Knight is a great one. Page 150.
Why catering to women makes them like you less. Page 152.
How to get her to try something kinky. Page 154.
Why SAHM’s need to be SAHM’s “Plus Something.” Page 160.
How helping a friend out can accidentally make your wife attracted to him. Page 169.
What to say after she cooks dinner that will make her melt. Page 172.
How to tell the difference between your marriage sucking, and your life sucking. Page 176.
How a hot bedroom fantasy can turn into your wife cheating on you and refusing to stop. Page 178.
How polyamory  and swinging really works. Page 180.
Why being playfully mean to girls turns them on. Page 182.
How female logic works when it comes to men. Page 196.
What to do if she offers you sex, but says she doesn’t want an orgasm. Page 197.
The best revenge possible to take against a cheating girlfriend. Page 201.
How to handle a drama queen. Page 204.
Why women should have long hair and ignore their friends telling them to go short. Page 208.
The #1 thing men crave women to do in the bedroom (It’s not a blowjob!) Page 213.
What to do when your friend starts trying to steal your girl. Page 217.
Learn just how many women fantasize about being used for sex. Page 224.
Assuming she’s into it, why you should only spank your wife when she’s being good. Page 228.
How to fall out of love as quickly as possible. Page 234.
Why a wife going on a Girl’s Night Out drives her husband batshit crazy. Page 240.
The only way to build self-esteem that works. Page 244.
Why the main complaint about monogamy is that it works. Page 254.
How to know if she is worth marrying. Page 264.
What people really mean when they tell you to “Just be yourself.” Page 267.
And…
“A collection of brilliant and hilariously true essays that everyone interested in love, sex and marriage needs to read. A fearless intellect coupled with a compassionate spirit, Athol ruthlessly tosses out the politically correct bath water but keeps the babies safe. At times controversial, at times wickedly funny, but always a powerful voice for love, marriage and hope.”
Which I hope means you can give it as a gift and read it in public lol. It’s only available as Kindle as an ebook because I’m seeing how the Kindle lending library works out and you can’t offer it on competing ebook formats. The free Kindle download for the PC is pretty easy though and overall better than reading a PDF on a PC.
And for those waiting for the 2012 Primer. It’s going to be late March when it’s available.
If other bloggers/reviewers want copies for review, you’re more than welcome to email me and I’ll send you an Amazon gift card for a Kindle version which allows you to post a review on Amazon itself. Though if I have a choice between getting a Primer 2012 review or a Pants Book review on your blog, the Primer one is more important. I have a 40 copy budget, so be in to win.
Jennifer: YAY!  BOOK!  I mean…yes, I’m very proud of my author husband and it’s a fabulous thing to see another book available after a lot of hard work.