Some basic framing for Phase Four of the MAP
Reader: Numbers 1 and 2 could be a deep blow to some wives. Number 1 might be hard for someone like OP’s wife to hear because she probably thinks that at 3x a week, they DO have a good sexual relationship or at least as good as she can manage. I wonder if these requirements will actually make her withdraw more but maybe that is the point(?). If she withdraws from the demands, he is free to leave?
Jennifer, since you imply you went through this, I wonder if you rolled up your sleeves and got to work on these things right away or did you have a period of shock and dismay where you withdrew before deciding to forge ahead?
Athol: Okay…. I got to immediately question how (2) “Hold up your end of the relationship” is going to be a “deep blow to some wives”? If that’s a deep blow to a wife, the husband is probably going to be well rid of her.
Circling back to the original post though, the husband was hotter than the wife, and the wife was already questioning him as to when he was going to pull the rug out from under her feet and divorce her to be with someone else younger and hotter.
What you have to understand is that those five points in the frame, aren’t actually increasing the threat level to the wife. She’s already imagining much worse than that and just waiting for it to happen. What that frame actually does is reassure her that there are objective and fair levels of behavior she can realistically perform, and she won’t be dumped even if there is someone younger and hotter available to her husband.
Or put another way. If you stick to your vows, I’ll stick to mine.
Part of what caused me to stumble into the realm of Game was the desire to seduce a particular someone else a few years back. It eventually became obvious that I would likely succeed in that goal if I wanted to advance things, and if not with her, with other women if I wanted to. However in fairness to Jennifer I had to admit that she was being quite sexual with me, was basically being just fine as a wife and mother, and generally still excited about being married to me. Cheating on her would genuinely make me the bad guy. So I didn’t. I also don’t toe punt kittens.
Which is not to say that was anything other than a confusing, awkward and painful time for the both of us. We’d had well over a decade of peaceful bliss together, and I went a bit Batshit Crazy on Jennifer aka Mid-Life Crisis and we came out the other side intact. In no small part MMSL is a happy side effect of that period. Jennifer and I are happier than we’ve ever been.
So ultimately I think our agreement together runs along those lines in the frame. Jennifer is being a great wife and I’ve got a healthy dose of “Pikachu I choose you!” running through my veins as well.
Jennifer: Points 1-4 are kind of the blueprint of Athol’s marriage expectations of me. I’ve never been “surprised” by him springing them on me…I know that’s what he expects. My expectations of him are very similar, with the addition of one that says “I expect you to be a good father and pay attention to the children”, and the part about being a good wife changed to being a good husband, which includes holding down a job and not making me a Star Wars: The Old Republic widow.