Reader: Hi Athol, First of all, thank you for your site and your book. I picked it up last year and it’s opened my eyes to some things and reinforced other things that I was already doing right. My wife and I are now up to 3-4 times a week up from a low of a couple times a month a couple years ago and zero times over the course of a year during a high risk pregnancy and severe post partum depression. It took a while, but we’re getting there.
So here’s a question maybe you can give me an opinion on. Sometimes in the morning my wife will notice my erection and offer me a quickie. I’m not usually for morning sex, but I’m not going to turn it down either. So here’s the thing, she’ll grab the lube and bend over and tell me not to worry about her and just go fast and hard because she’s really not in the mood. So I do and it feels great. After I’m done, I’ll leave, and get ready for work. But a couple times I’ve come back to the bedroom and caught her with her vibrator finishing herself off under the covers. So here’s the question, was she really not in the mood and the fast and hard just got her horny? Or was she horny and didn’t really feel like a big production and just wanted me to slam her? If she wanted an orgasm, I’d be happy to try and last a bit longer for her to catch up or help her out after I was done. I can’t imagine having sex with her, bringing her to an orgasm then leaving and jerking off in the bathroom to finish myself off. Doesn’t make sense to me.
Do I just need to remind myself that I’m having regular sex, she’s offering it, and I’m not responsible for her orgasms and leave it at that? Most of the times we do finish together, but sometimes she does things that make me scratch my head. After going through long periods of sexual rejection, I tend to over analyze things that are sometimes nothing at all. All I know is I’m not going back to how it was.
Athol: Sounds like you’re over thinking it a little.
I suspect she starts off not feeling all that horny, but by the time you are done with her, she’s gotten horny and some of the way to an orgasm. So she decides to finish the orgasm off herself.
This is just fine as she’s taking responsibility for her orgasms, and you don’t have to worry about whether or not she’s faking interest in you or is just tolerating the sex. She’s putting the moves on you so she’s obviously interested. It may just take her longer to get to orgasm than is convenient to get done during the morning routine.
What you should do when you catch her getting herself off like this, is get involved with it. Kiss her deeply, pull her hair, tweak her nipples, slide the covers off her and tell her you want to watch. Put your cock in her mouth. Whatever works to make it hotter for her.
Also check into where she is in her cycle when she just happens to offer a morning quickie. Maybe she’s ovulating and is in her horny time of the month.
Jennifer: Not making a big deal of it and not trying to take it over is good.