… gotta think that in 2012 John is totally screwed as a result of folding on that conversation.
Here’s the thing, women quite like houses, there’s this huge nesting instinct driving that and it’s not going to go away any time soon. Big house good. Small house bad. After that the Rationalization Hamster engages and it’s “the children, the children, the children, the children” until you’re shamed into buying the big house, or the nicer house, or the house over there next to the thing that’s for the children.
Most Fitness Tests that you fail affect you for a day or two, or maybe a couple weeks. But if you buy more house than you can really afford, you’re going to set yourself up for several years of dealing with a bad decision. It creates a massive structural problem for which there may really be no proper solution other than the financial equivalent of reaching into a wood-chipper.
It’s really hard to Game your way out of a low sex marriage if you can’t exercise, help around the house, play with your kids and generally be romantic toward your wife because you need to work an extra job to pay for the house. Her watching every penny and juggling the robbing Peter to pay Paul routine for years on end isn’t conducive to her wanting to make sexy time.
For the record, that video is painfully true for Jennifer and myself. Jennifer not as bitchy as the chick in the ad, more excited than anything and me not willing to pop her bubble about it. We botched on this one in 2006 and it’s been a major strain on us for the last six years. There’s some more complications to all that, but it all sums out to a less perfect decision than it seemed at the time.
The numbers at the time were basically okay as well, but close to our limit of affordability. Then I had an unexpected large dip in my income and the price of heating oil went way way up. There’s a few other missteps along the way as well, but the house drives the lions share of the overall problem.
A year ago we were in a very bad place, and now we’re about three months from all the credit cards being paid off and just the mortgage as the only debt we carry. So there’s a happy ending, but damn I’m tired from this double duty routine for the last two years. I don’t regret starting MMSL for a moment, but when I say I’m thankful for everyone that’s bought a book… I really am thankful.
And to be fair, this has been a great place to live for our kids. The last neighbourhood wasn’t terrible, but we’re somewhere safe enough for the kids to walk themselves and the local school is better. So there have been good things along with the less good things.
Jennifer and I have learned our lesson with this one well and truly. We’ve already identified where we want to move to next and if you want to play guessing games in the comments – airline hub city, warm weather, condo, gayborhood, public transport system, more things to do and better cost of living than Connecticut (that last one doesn’t narrow it down much at all). But we have many small steps to make before that happens and the likely date is 2018 unless I suddenly make so much money that when I go to make deposits, the man running the local branch of our bank starts to spontaneously ovulate.
So anyway, until then… we still have this fucking house.
And for the record, Jennifer gets very upset about this particular issue and feels guilty about it. And being stuck in the house means that aspect of things doesn’t get to vanish easily either. This remains a sore spot for us and people shitting on her in the comments will be deleted just as fast as I get to them.
As the Captain, I’ve taken responsiblity for this mistake. It’s more my fault than hers. No fair claiming leadership rights and not also carrying the can if you make bad leadership decisions.