Wife Said Stop Sexting Me And Then Jumped Him In The Shower…

Reader:  (yada yada yada redacted) ….and this gets to my question.  I am also being a playful ass with my wife.  Nothing harsh or mean just little comments about sex, her, us, what ever pops into my mind. And this is getting to my question, which I think know the answer.  Yesterday I sent a text asking for the color of her panties.  No response. She texted me later and said “Have fun at the gym, see your sore ass later tonight!”.  I responded back “that is not the only thing that is going to be sore”.  No response.  After the gym she mentioned my comments and said don’t do it. what if someone sees her texts.  She also said I should date a stripper.  The stripper part was a joke.  I told her I was an ass but did not apologize.  Last night I am taking a shower she jumps in and then jumps me.  Sex in the shower does happen, but normally I say lets go or she mentions before getting in the shower.  Last night it was just there in my lap before I knew it.  Obviously she knew we were going get busy that night b/c of my text but she took the initiative.
So the question is, should I not play with her via text or should I ignore her requests to stop?
Athol:  So she told you not to text her sexy things (talk), but jumped you in the shower (action) after you texted her sexy things?
Actual message – You texting me sexy things makes me horny as hell. So I’d keep it up without being overwhelming about it.
Jennifer: And there is a line here…for me, a few times a day is sexy, a few times an hour while I’m really trying to be productive, I’m driving, or I’m in a meeting is obnoxious.  (If he gets the “love you, in a meeting” text back from me, he waits to start the game up again when I give him the all clear.)
Athol:  We actually have each other GPS tagged on our phones so if I do see her out on an appointment, I never sext her.
Anyway… Women really like being treated like sex objects by guys they are attracted to. For sure they don’t want it 24/7, but at least for some of their day. Virtually every affair these days involves hundreds if not thousands of text messages between the two parties. A fair bit of those texts are going to be sexually orientated. Women like this, you just have to persist a little and keep asking for a little more. Act like you were her lover.
The trick is try and step up the intensity when she’s ovulating and establish a new baseline of comfort. So month one you can sext some basic teasing, and when she’s ovulating you can bump it up to “What color are your panties?”
After she’s told you panty color once, you’ve broken that barrier and she’s going to do it again, so you can keep asking that. Next time she ovulates, you can ask for a cleavage pic or a panty pic and see what you get. If she complies, then you’ve broken that barrier too and you can ask for that more through the rest of the month.
Next time she ovulates, ask for a pic of her boobs and see if she does that. If she does… woo-hoo, you’re wearing her down baby, you’re wearing her down.
Next month you’re going for pussy shots and upgrade after that to whatever your personal kink is.
Importantly, never ever ever show these to anyone else. Things have a way of coming around and biting you unexpectedly. It’s also fun sometimes to snap pictures of each other doing fun stuff once in a while too. She’s very likely going to be nervous as hell about that the first time, so delete them all with her assistance right afterwards. Keep deleting them after that, unless she wants to keep them, whereupon you forward them to her, and delete them from your phone.
And when you ask for sexts and pics, never apologize or take it back. If you ask, just wait for a reply and don’t reply to her until she replies to you. Just be patient and see what happens.
Anyway, I wore Jennifer down on this one ages back, I’m well beyond getting vanilla tits and ass photos. These days I’m totally getting pictures of her ironing my shirts.
Jennifer: lol it’s true…the shirt ironing picture is a classic.  I would only ad that from a mushy female perspective I also like the purely “I love you” or “Thinking about you…hope you’re having a good day” kind of texts.
Athol:  Which is to say, she likes the Beta texts and the Alpha ones. Mix and match. Chicken Monkey Duck.
Jennifer: Damnit let me get the last word! If she’s jumping you in the shower it’s all good. If she’s yelling at you stop.


  1. pdwalker says:

    *lol* ironing pics.

    You are a bad one Jennifer.

    To the original poster, believe what she does, not what she says. The two will often be at odds with each other.

  2. Orientated…I thought only us Texans added -ated to words.

  3. I had a similar reaction. One morning I sexted my wife and she called me back within a minute of the text feigning being a bit upset. She "demanded" that I stop sending those texts as someone might see them. I simply replied – then make sure no one sees your phone. And she just laughed exposing her actual enjoymeny of them. Shit test over. (Don't remember what happened later that night!)

  4. Anonymous says:

    I will add that if she works for a company with a good IT department and the phone is the company's, you could have a bunch of IT guys drooling in the other room. that's why I suggested to my wife not to make racy suggestions to my work computer.

  5. To the OP… As long as you aren't stepping over a line of hers and disrespecting her I would keep doing it – in moderation.

    You don't want to come on too strong and seem needy.

    I know for me, my wife I don't think gets particularily horny over them but she thinks its fun and she knows I wanna bang so it helps get that out in the open.

  6. Agree that you should continue sexting and gently push the boundaries, unless she clearly asks you not to do something. Keep it light/sexy/fun, rather than hot and heavy.

  7. Athol's advice is right on.

    I think the things you texted were flirty and fun with a little bit of spice. When her words and actions don't align, believe her actions. It is much easier to lie in word than in deed.

    I initiated some sexting by sending several breast shots to my husband. When I saw them saved to his work computer, a computer others occasionally use while alone, it took all the joy and fun out of sending them. I highly doubt I'll do anything like it again.

  8. Anonymous says:

    What's the girl game version of this? Guys what would you like to hear from your wives? My hubby is a little bit….vanilla…when it comes to all this stuff and is somewhat lower drive than me overall. I'd like some ideas on how to amp up interest durring the work day so we're not so "tired" by the time we get in bed…

  9. I would second this.

    When in doubt, go smooth like 007, not crass like a leering construction worker.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    The Girl Game version of this is the same as the guys version. Send some flirty texts. Pics are always good.

  11. Anonymous says:

    My husband is the same, my needs are higher than his needs… and how can I make him more interested in sex. And I want to tell him that I want to spice things a little more, but he doesn't seem to agree. He thinks our sex life is fine just the way it is…

  12. I would tell him that the definition of a sex life that is "fine the way it is" is when both people are satisfied.

  13. Email exchange sent- she can't get texts in her office. "Subject: I'm feeling like taking a ride tonight, body: to pound town. You coming?"

    Her response: "Maybe……"

    How do I proceed.

  14. Anonymous says:

    "I can call my girlfriend and we can make a three way if that is more interesting"

  15. I went with "If you don't want to come, that's your choice. Then I can get there exactly how I want to without you giving me direction."

  16. as a woman this comes off a little bit passive agressive sounding and harsh to me rather than playful and fun…

    You should interpret a "maybe" as a yes that just needs a little somethign to get excited about. She's open to sex, just not turned on yet. She's asking you to turn her on. Describing exactly what you want to do would be a good option.

    your first email was funny and playful, then your tone changes when you got "rejection" except that you weren't being rejected, she's asking for escalation.

  17. This is why I come to this site. I didn't get a reply from the second one. I've got a lot to learn for sure.

    One problem I do have is that it is work email and I can't use words that are going to trip the spam filters. So I have to outsmart the filters and use innocent words even if the message is supposed to be saucy.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Can you text instead of email?

  19. You dont want to come off in a way that every makes her feel like she's not wanted. If your goal is more sex, you've GOT to leave room for her to keep her pride and come with you and you've got to TURN HER ON if you want her to come to you. I'm positive the first email got a smile, it's very cute and silly. At that point, she's sexually nutural, but she's open to more interaction with you. She responded in a "if you play your cards right" kinda way. The problem is, that your response was the equivelent of walking away from the table. Yeah she could follow u, but she's not turned on, so there's no reason to get up out of her chair. You have to keep playing all day long and you'll get more an more escalation. if you keep your cute frame about taking a trip, you can go along the vein of kidnapping her for the ride if she's generally turned on rape fantisy stuff, you could come back with an email about stoping for something to eat on the way if she's into oral, you can bring back elements of maybe some memories of car sex you guys have had in the past. Or you can toss it back in her court with "what do i have to do to get you to yes" (I actually think a while back Athol had a good post where he escalates using a car salesman style sexual escalation – "I could thow in hair pulling for free" etc) but even tossing it back, gives her the chance to play back with you "i might be intersted if you threw in a back rub" etc…it's the GAME that's the turn on. It's the break from the monotony of the day where she's thinking about you and your evneing all day and getting slowly progressivly more turned on.

  20. pdwalker says:

    +1 jane.

    flipper: your answer was…um…not a good one. It smacks of rejection.

    Another possible answer to he could have been, "not even when I …

    It doesn't even have to be explicit, the innuendo leaves it to her imagination which makes it more effective.

    If you do get positive responses, make sure you follow it up at home appropriately.

    And read through Athol's archives.

  21. Having clever banter back and forth can be fun and requires imagination. Anyone can say let's fuck tonight but not everyone can say it without saying it.

    Try communicating using only song titles, or use cooking terms…I want to toss the salad tonight honey…

    A man who can use his words is mighty sexy.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Oh I dont know jennifer. The last "sexy" text I sent my wife was along your lines of "Love you, hope your having a good day" type thing.

    She showed it around the office and when they asked what it meant, she said "He wants to get laid tonight", following by titters and the obvious followup question "will he?"

    Nope was her reply.

    And that was actually the last "sexy" text I sent.

    Now she gets grocery lists.

  23. pdwalker says:


    Is sounds like your relationship has other problems that need working on. That sounds like a very unhealthy leave of respect coming from your missus.

    How did you find out about it?

  24. Anonymous says:

    She thought it was funny so she told me about it.

    Our relationship is borderline dead at this point. I can work on me but she's actively working against the relationship itself right now. Cest la vie, her loss.

  25. Athol Kay says:

    That's not a sexy text. That's just a comfort building one and it sounds like she already is 110% comfortable.

    Text her "what color are your panties?" and see what happens.

    Sounds like you have nothing to lose at this point.

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