Sexy Move: Whiten Your Teeth

I’ve always had a thing for Helen Hunt. I’ll defend that by saying she’s looks a little like Jennifer except hampered by being too tall. Jennifer actually has a pair of six inch heels that require a spotter and it’s actually mildly disturbing to see her so tall. So I usually bend her over something and provide “balance support.”

Anyway… ahhh….

Oh, Helen Hunt. Okay so I have a mild thing for Helen Hunt and I’m watching Twister on TV as a rerun and I cannot place why she looks so shitty in that movie. I’m wondering what is wrong with me when I remember her looking so good. I mean this was a big summer movie. Suddenly I get it… her teeth look terrible. After I notice it, I can’t stop noticing it.

I didn’t get the memo when teeth whitening became a Hollywood requirement, but Twister was filmed in 1996 and apparently before the rule came into effect. Nowadays of course, every media person and Paris Hilton’s purse dog has whitened teeth. So that’s what is officially attractive as far as teeth are concerned. If you want the evolutionary psych explanation, white teeth are an indicator of youth and good nutrition, stained teeth are an indicator of old age and bad nutrition.

The good news is that there’s a bunch of over the counter stuff you can try and for less than $50 you can make some decent improvements in the way you look. It’s probably one of the easier moves to do to boost your overall attractiveness as you run the MAP. It’s also a good signal to your spouse that you are actually taking action toward looking more attractive as well. Going to the gym and working out is perhaps just you on a health kick. You going to the gym and whitening your teeth is unquestionably you trying to look better. That has a little more oomph in getting the wife’s hamster up to speed that you’re up to something.

Of course if you have any kind of dental issue, broken teeth, crooked teeth, missing teeth, yada yada yada, you really should just get to the dentist and have the work done as soon as you can afford it / insurance covers it. Your smile is a vital attractiveness marker. It’s really hard to feel perky and fun when you don’t want to open your mouth in case people see your medieval chompers.

Oh yeah and for the love of James. T. Kirk, please brush, floss and do whatever it is you need to do to get any breath odor under control. Buy some damn mints or something. Coffee breath has a range of six feet you close talking bastard.


When Sex Tanks Right After The Wedding

I frequently get email questioning whether a married sex life that was never all that frequent, can be turned into a great sex life.

The short answer is no, and maybe.

The long answer leading to the “no” is that when you get married, the period of time immediately after the wedding is the high water mark of her interest in you. By which I mean that the tides of her interest in you can come and go over the years, but the honeymoon period is as high as her attraction to you gets.

So if she’s really not interested in having a lot of sex with you during the honeymoon, she’s really not interested in having sex with you on a permanent basis. Unless of course you can point to something really obvious like she spent half the time on the cruise ship throwing up because of some questionable clams. Otherwise, she’s just wasn’t interested in marrying you for the purposes of getting all up and personal with your cock.

This is not to be confused with her having sexual skill. Not meaning to make Jennifer feel bad here, but she was fairly terrible in bed for the start of our marriage. I mean put-a-strobe-light-on-to-make-it-look-like-she’s-moving bad, but she was attracted to me and interested in having sex. So over our 12 day honeymoon we did it 19 times and never really backed off from a very frequent pace. She was interested in me and just put in a ton of playtime. It’s like she started off as a Level 1 priest with a single crappy heal and now she’s at the level cap and a very ah… versatile healer. She can keep her tank up as long as she likes and we run our dailies together. She’s my HoTwife.

Conversely you can marry a woman with a lot of sexual experience and skill, but it will be a long bleak sex life should she not actually be interested in sex with you all that much. Her interest in you is paramount, not how amazing her blowjobs are. Blowjobs can be taught. Jennifer has periodically made me orgasm so hard I’ve pulled muscles in my neck, so not bad at all for strobe-light girl from the honeymoon. Frankly if you can’t take an inexperienced girl who is attracted to you and make her like sex, the problem is your sexual skills.

So…  If you’re having sex once a week during the honeymoon period, that’s as good as it gets.

The long answer leading to a “maybe” is a sex life that was fine before the marriage, which starts to rapidly decline after the marriage for no clear reason. In other words say you were 4-5 times a week before the wedding and it stayed pretty good after the wedding for a while, but by the one year mark it’s heading toward once every other week. Again, unless you can point to a clear reason this is happening, like say she got pregnant / seriously ill / deployment / major life stress event, then the reason she is losing interest in sex with you… is that she is losing interest in sex with you.

Often women can get so excited by the entire process of getting married, that it distracts them from their inner feelings of not really wanting to be married to you in particular. This is the sort of thing where a woman marries you because you’re a “good catch”, or she’s a solo mom and wants help with the kids and… well… your money. There are all these perfectly rational reasons to marry you, but not a passionate reason to marry you. So they hamster themselves into hoping that once they are actually married to you, it all will figure itself out and they’ll feel differently. Except they don’t.

What’s happened is that the process of getting married has supplied enough dopamine to excite them and that covers the gaps in your Alpha Traits. But realistically they’ve married you for your Beta Traits. Once the wedding buzz wears off, the sex declines. The sooner you can realize what is happening the better your chances are at getting things back on track. You must immediately up your Alpha goodies and balance them with your Beta ones. The longer it goes without fixing though, the deeper the low sex rut gets. Don’t waste time thinking about fixing things, just get into action asap.

Also worth reading  When Did The Sex Go Bad?  and  The Two Week Rule is important too.

Jennifer: I made Athol change the title from “Jennifer is a HoTwife.” I get the joke, but my father would have a heart attack!

Girl Game: Breast Implants Good Or Bad?

Reader:  Just a quick question …. Does Jennifer have implants? I have started working out and I know i will be ”perker” because of that. I love my breasts as is but I am 32 and wondering if a couple years down the road if a boob job is something a woman should consider to keep her number up? I know I am sexy my SO loves my body and says he wouldn’t want me to have it done but I also know he is a breast man. I am a nice B cup right now but wouldn’t a nice full C cup or even a nice D cup up my number? He has cheated in the past with a fuller chested woman and since finding your post and making personal changes to up my game he is bending over backwards for me and doing things for me he has never done. I take as much blame as him for his affair because I wasn’t keeping up my end i.e. Depressed, not taking care of myself, not believing in my own worth, not meeting all his needs and not making my needs important … So i feel like he is definitely more into me now but i wanna keep it that way… So are implants a way to up a females game?

Athol:  There’s so many different things happening here…

(1)  Does Jennifer have implants?

Jennifer does not have implants. We’ve had two scary mammogram results and associated biopsies and just no way we’d even consider putting in implants for fear of cancer. The biopsy pain and recovery was bad enough. Benign results both times thankfully.

(2)  …my SO loves my body and says he wouldn’t want me to have it done…

Translation from Manspeak into plain English – he doesn’t want you to get it done.

(3)  He has cheated in the past with a fuller chested woman.

This means nothing. He cheated with an available woman. If a small breasted woman made herself available to him he’d likely have sex with her too. It’s not about you. Being available makes girls far more likely to ride his cock than girls that are not available.

(4)  I take as much blame as him for his affair because I wasn’t keeping up my end i.e. Depressed, not taking care of myself, not believing in my own worth, not meeting all his needs and not making my needs important.

Well done. It’s fairly rare that the cheated on partner can see their part of creating the situation. I have some hope for you. You’re getting a free pass on me calling you Batshit Crazy at the end of this post for this display of honesty and introspection.

(5)  I am a nice B cup right now but wouldn’t a nice full C cup or even a nice D cup up my number?  So are implants a way to up a females game?

 The short answer is unless you can point to a serious defect to be corrected, I’d not advise it. If you have good B’s, keep them.

The longer answer…

Should the terrible happen and Jennifer gets breast cancer and mastectomies, I would think we would both want breast reconstruction to restore as much as possible of Jennifer’s appearance. I don’t think anyone would disagree with that move. The purpose being to correct a serious defect.

I spent some time today looking at breast implant before and after photos on plastic surgery websites. Hey it’s my job to research as many photos of breasts as possible and I’m serious about my work. Anyway… about half the photos were of reasonably nice A’s and B’s turning into C’s and D’s. But the other half of the “before” photos were of breasts that were rated “Owie”, “OMG what is that?” and “Dammmmnnnnnnn.”  So in all fairness, I have to say that for women with badly misshapen breasts, you will definitely get a Sex Rank boost if you have work done. There’s really not much question about that.

However if you have basically fine breasts and pump up the volume, it’s harder to say. Underneath a tight sweater, yeah your Sex Rank will improve. You’ll look hotter. Sorry ladies, just being honest. Once you have the clothes off though, it’s a little more of a question. If you have obvious scars, you’ll just have a damaged rack and lose Sex Rank. If the work was excellent and you didn’t go overboard, you’ll still have an increase in Sex Rank.

Once you’re doing the sexy naked time though it’s a mixed bag at best. You may have a loss of sensation in your breasts, so that’s going to reduce your sexual response and that’s bad for Sex Rank. He may just find them fake and unnatural feeling and that will kill his interest.


The most important reason not to get breast implants is that it flags you as the type of girl that gets breast implants.

“In 2008, the longitudinal study Excess Mortality from Suicide and other External Causes of Death Among Women with Cosmetic Breast Implants (2007), reported that women who sought breast implants are almost 3.0 times as likely to commit suicide as are women who have not sought breast implants. Compared to the standard suicide-rate for women of the general populace, the suicide-rate for women with augmented breasts remained constant until 10-years post-implantation, yet, it increased to 4.5 times greater at the 11-year mark, and so remained until the 19-year mark, when it increased to 6.0 times greater at 20-years post-implantation. Moreover, additional to the suicide-risk, women with breast implants also faced a trebled death-risk from alcoholism and the abuse of prescription and recreational drugs.[23][24] Although seven (7) studies have statistically connected a woman’s breast augmentation to a greater suicide-rate, the research indicates that breast augmentation surgery does not increase the death rate; and that, in the first instance, it is the psychopathologically-inclined woman who is likelier to undergo a breast augmentation procedure.”   Wikipedia.

In short, surgically altering perfectly healthy breasts to try and please a guy that previously cheated on you is Batshit Crazy a little nutty…

…but then you knew that already.

Jennifer: Oh hell no.

The Nice Guy Panic Attack After Standing Up To Your Wife

Reader:  I’ve been working hard to actually reform my nice guy routine, and have been standing up to shit tests.  In the last couple weeks, I have pushed back a number of times, highlighting that I don’t like her behavior.  She told me that I was acting like an ass, and then said: “I mean, I know I’m an asshole, but I don’t think we work when you are too.”  Granted, I may have been a little on the rough side when I’ve bumped back a bit, but at the same time, I’ve been telling her things like: “You wouldn’t accept that behavior from me, so why do you expect that I would from you?”  or: “With that attitude, today is going to be a very long day.”  Basically, I just don’t feel like she respects me.  During this argument, I remained calm and patient the whole time.  I explained that I have been working to stand up for myself, and define the ways that we will interact with each other, in an effort to have a healthy, loving, affectionate marriage.

So, I’m sitting here thinking that I was all proud of myself for actually standing up for myself.  But I have a lingering thought that even though I did something different, I get the feeling that it isn’t really working either.  Is this a shift in the alpha dynamic in my marriage, or do you think I’m only serving to push her farther away?

Athol:  It doesn’t matter if it’s “working” or not. If she’s treating you like crap, it’s unacceptable.

 “I mean, I know I’m an asshole, but I don’t think we work when you are too.”


 “Our relationship involves me treating you like crap and you tolerating it. You aren’t allowed to change that.”

If you defer to this behavior of hers, you will lose somehow. If you stand up to it, you may “win” or you may “lose”. But standing up to it is the only possible chance at “winning.”  Thus, you’re doing exactly the right thing.

What you’re experiencing though is the Nice Guy panic attack that happens right after you stand up for yourself and you haven’t yet heard back either a positive or negative response. Essentially what you’re doing in standing up for yourself is the complete opposite of your normal coping routine which is based on being socially anxious. Now all that anxiety just builds and builds and your own little hamster gets wound up to 100 mph about everything that could go wrong and all that anxiety is intensified into a giant event of dread.

The only way to get over it is to let it pass over you and wait for her response. While you wait though, it’s best to not look like you are experiencing a panic attack because it’s not an Alpha vibe at all. My recommendation is to just get active and do whatever tasks you find most distracting and do them until you get an answer. More often than not, you’re going to get a positive response as long as it doesn’t look like you are currently soiling yourself.

This panic attack sort of thing also hits Nice Guys when they step outside their normal boundaries and do something risky for the first few times. For example the first few times you text her to send naked photos of herself, you’re very likely to experience a moment where you go…

…OMFG what have I done how can I unsend this message OH NO OH NO OH NO she’s going to get the message and hate my guts and tell me that I’m a total jerk for doing something so inappropriate and wrong shit shit shit shit she’s going to tell me to fuck off and stop being a pervert and that will be that oh god why did I send that message to her I’m so stupid I’ve got to apologize before she finds the message and hates me oh but it’s probably too late because she always has her phone and she’s already seen it so I should just wait for her to reply…. okay its been like SIX MINUTES AND SHE HASN’T REPLIED TO ME!!! Oh god it’s over she hates it and is angry at me I just know it I can’t breathe I need to use the bathroom and pee and shit I’m shaking why did I do that why why why oh calm down calm down and EIGHT MINUTES aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!



…. oh no my erection is trapped in my pants and shooting off at a weird angle and it’s painful but there’s too many people around to rearrange myself and ow ow ow ow….

Using The MAP For Other Things

I had mentioned in an earlier post that the MAP had worked for me on my current employer. The basic principles work on plenty of other problem situations as well.

Essentially you start in a dependent situation, whether that’s a sexless marriage, or a job you don’t want, or whatever else it is doesn’t matter. You’re stuck with the situation because you’re dependent on whatever you get from the other party. In my case, I was good at my job but bored to tears by it. But I absolutely needed the money from it, so I couldn’t just leave on a whim. If there was something I didn’t like at my job, I essentially had to suck it up and smile about it.

The next step is to make whatever you must get from the situation attainable by other means should you wish it. So in the case of a sexless marriage, unless you could reasonably attain sex elsewhere if you wanted to, you’re always going to be held hostage to whatever your sex denying spouse wants. In the case of an employer, you’re always going to be held hostage until you can have a different job offer or another form of income replacing your paycheck. You need to become independent of the situation.

In the case of a sexless marriage, it may well take 1-2 years to get yourself into maximum attractiveness and start really pulling female attention. In the case of my job, MMSL took two-and-a-half years to turn into replacement income. There’s not always a quick fix, sometimes you just have to grind it out.

Once you are independent of the critical need from your arrangement, you have a great deal of leverage that you didn’t have before. The tables are now turned if you have something critical that they want from you, and they have not much that you want from them. You can either get what you want from them, or failing that, simply walk. You have taken control of the relationship.

I could have stayed and asked for more money and gotten it, but there’s nothing my job can offer me that trumps what I want to do for MMSL, so I’m waving goodbye. I fired the first warning shots of that happening earlier this year and I’ve got to say it’s been quite amusing to see how much nicer I’ve been treated since then. Gave them a lot of notice to give time to replace me and train the new guy as well, so I’m leaving with the moral high ground intact. Last day is the end of May.

All this can sound harsh and/or clinical, but it’s exactly the same principle as getting crappy service and the wrong food in a restaurant. They can either replace your meal and give you what you want, or there’s plenty of other restaurants out there that can replace the current one. You don’t need this restaurant in particular. Which is of course why most restaurants try quite hard to provide good service and the correct food. The possibility of moving on and never coming back is always something they’d rather avoid, so they work hard to please you.

Jennifer and I go out to breakfast a fair bit together because it’s cheaper than a dinner and fits in our day well. We have a favorite restaurant and at that restaurant we have a favorite waitress and we always try and sit in her section to be waited on. She does a great job, is always pleased to see us and never disappointed. So we tip well. We’re loyal to her.