Boyfriend Kicks Her Out, Asks Her Husband For Place To Crash And Plane Ticket…

An update on Walkaway Wife Is Friendly and Likes Cash… (short summary, she abandoned the marriage to cheat on him and still wants his cash to keep flowing toward her. He moved on and has a new girlfriend, and now wayward wifey wants him back.)

Reader:  What this all boils down to is that I was naive enough to think that we could be friends. But after reading your response and looking back on the last six months, I realized that you are right – she wasn’t my friend. Friendship is reciprocal, and friends respect each other’s need for personal space and boundaries.

Guess what happened two days ago, just after she had gotten back to [my town]? You’re going to be so shocked (sarcasm). Her boyfriend broke up with her (who was providing her with a place to stay and is the only other person in the city she knows besides me), and emailed me demanding a place to stay. Yes, demanding. Not even asking. She sent me an email that said, “I need a couch to stay on until you can fly me out of here. please call me asap.”

I’m done with it. I told her the rules, and I’ve been more than kind trying to help her get back on her feet and live her own life. My sister said I might just be the nicest man in the world. But I’m not going to be a chump and let her get away with trying to take more than she can get just because she thinks she can always manipulate me.

I sent her a very clear email telling her that I’m done being talked to like that and nobody owes her anything. And by very clear, I mean that the text “I do not want to talk to you, and I do not want to see you.” is it’s own paragraph, along with one other ones like “I’m filing the divorce. Do not come here, and do not contact me.”

…It wasn’t very nice.

I then blocked her phone number, blocked her email, and blocked her on Facebook. (Further complaints can be done via the legal system.) Oh, and she doesn’t have access to my building either. If she tries coming to my house the door man will kick her out of the building after nobody is willing to let her inside.

[edited legal discussion out as case is still pending]

Anyway, thanks for your advice. It was a bit of a reality check, and a good push to cut her out completely and get done with all of this. She wasn’t my friend, anyway. Sad, but I needed to hear the truth.

P.S. I wonder how shocked she was reading that email. This is the first time I’ve done something this harsh to her.

Athol: Thats an excellent response to her lol. I bet your new girlfriend LOVED it!  It sounds like a huge step forward. Well done!

Reader: Thanks! I feel proud of myself for finally putting my foot down. As for the gf, let me put it this way – she felt like Princess Fiona after Shrek and Fiona get back from their honeymoon and Donkey is still hanging around bothering them. And I just got rid of Donkey. So yeah, she loved it.

It’s kind of sad though. This all would have gone so much easier for her if she didn’t push me and force me to push back (and slam the door). She was all happy with divorce until she realized that meant she had to lose me (and my help).

Athol: The takeaway point is pretty simple. Bullies of all descriptions don’t stop bullying you until you stop acting like prey. Being nice to a bully is acting like prey. So don’t be nice.

 

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Comments

  1. ChevalierdeJohnstone says:

    Does this reader have an attorney? My guess is no, as an attorney would have counseled him not to warn his wife in a personal email that he is planning to file for divorce.

    Lawyer up buddy. You stand a good chance of losing everything in your divorce. Especially if she files before you do. Prepare to be accused of emotional and verbal abuse, bullying, and abandonment. The fact that she cheated on you is clear evidence that you were not good enough for her. The fact that you cheated on her (you have a girlfriend, but you’re still married?) is evidence that you are a liar and no good.

    Is there a restraining order against her? Or is this reader forcibly keeping her out of the home they share as a still-married couple? Join a boxing gym and learn how to fight, you may do jail time over this.

    Athol: You give great advice man, but in this case your response should have been:

    “Stop commenting on my blog and get a lawyer. Stop ‘saving up your money’: you can’t afford to not have legal representation on this yesterday.”

    Also, Reader: delete the account linked to your posts on this blog, unless you want your comments to submitted by your wife’s attorneys as evidence in the divorce proceedings. Once again, you have admitted (multiple times) to cheating on your wife with your current girlfriend.

    Athol: Check the earlier post this is a follow up to. I did tell him to lawyer up immediately and file.

  2. pdwalker says:

    Good luck. Stick to your guns and don’t relent no matter what she says or does. You are now a target and she’ll be aiming for with every weapon at her disposal.

    If it helps you any, she has to hit rock bottom before she can get better. You can only help her by keeping your distance and not doing a thing for her. No favours.

  3. Anacaona says:

    I will also add that if she tries reconciliation he should play it cool like he is thinking about it till he can do the filing like our lawyer friend above said she might hold off into the lawyer thing if she thinks he is just playing hard to get instead of trying to get the upper hand, one cannot be totally too cautious.

  4. Ponyboy says:

    Just want to applaud you again original poster. That must have been a hard thing to do, but she basically forced your hand.

    In many ways I feel bad for your soon to be ex-wife, she seems to be fairly dependant on people to help her through the world and that is a pretty scary place to be when you have abused the people who took care of you best.

    I guess she will have to learn the hard way.

  5. Mark says:

    “I guess she will have to learn the hard way.”

    Not necessarily. She might just learn to be more sneaky and manipulative, so that she never loses her stream of male support in the future.

  6. The MacNut says:

    Anacaona: “she might hold off into the lawyer thing if she thinks he is just playing hard to get instead of trying to get the upper hand, one cannot be totally too cautious.”

    Indeed one can’t be too cautious, and that involves considering the possibility that she may use a request for reconciliation as a delay tactic to keep him off balance while she files herself. Either way, he needs to file as soon as possible and brace himself for a shitstorm; as the first commenter said, the soon to be ex-wife will use the fact that the OP has a girlfriend against him in divorce court, and that could be the least of the shit she could throw at him.

  7. Original Poster says:

    I have no idea what she will do in the future. Maybe she’ll learn the hard way, maybe she’ll learn to be more manipulative. That is her current boyfriend’s problem (who it appears she worked things out with after I held my ground about her coming here). Not my problem.

    What some of you also need to remember (mainly ChevalierdeJohnstone) is there is a separation period in this state. So it’s not only expected, but necessary that we live separated in order to ever have the divorce final. Plus, she voluntarily moved out, on her own. And then the lease expired, and I renewed it without her. So there is no “home we share as a still married couple.” If anybody could claim abandonment, it would be me.

    And here is the best part – even if she does find the resources to hire a lawyer, and takes the time and effort to go through the legal process, there’s not really much she can take from me. There is no property, no savings, and no children. Even if she took 90% of our belongings as “marital assets” I wouldn’t care, because I plan on throwing all of that out after this is over and upgrading my furniture. The only thing she can possibly take is more in alimony – and I’ve already set the precedent that she can survive just fine on the amount she is getting now.

    I believe I will get out of this okay, aside from a couple of years of maintenance payments, a large dose of the red pill, and the pain of watching somebody you used to care for so much squander such a good opportunity (and quite possibly some verbal abuse before she learns that it wont work anymore).

    FYI ChevalierdeJohnstone – My comments on this blog are under the name “Original Poster”, with the email “op@safetymail.info”. There is no account linked to these posts.

  8. TheMan says:

    Good job to the reader and to Athol. Few things are more Alpha (in a good way) than the ability to say NO!

    Of course, the first comment should also be taken into view.

  9. Jaad says:

    Can someone explain what the Princess Fiona, Shrek and Donkey thing is about? I’ve tried to watch a Shrek movie (how many are there?) but it,like most animation movies, put me to sleep or worse.

  10. eShamus says:

    OP,

    Why did you respond to her demand? Wouldn’t silence have sufficed?

    It seems to me the best way of closing a relationship is to refuse any communication that isn’t run through my attorney. (And let the attorney tell her that.) You don’t need to tell her you’re blocking her, auto-killing email, etc. Just do it. You’ll never communicate “it’s over” with words that beat the articulate and succinct sound of silence.

    Your wife has run the table on you, her boyfriend and the handful she’s likely played with in between and during. Any attention is good attention. (And your present gf knows this.)

    TheMan: the thing more Alpha than saying no? Letting her know she’s not worth the time it takes to say ‘no.’

  11. Doug1 says:

    OP–

    You really shouldn’t have to pay her alimony for so short a marriage. She has no excuse for not working.

  12. Original Poster says:

    eShamus: I wanted her mindset to change from “he will always bail me out if I fuck up” to “oh shit, i’m on my own”. I will point out that communication attempts with me stopped the day after I sent that email, and I have been very happy about that. Also, I want to point out that silence is not necessarily alpha. Since she has known me as nothing but a full time beta for so many years and didn’t know me when I really changed, silence would more likely be construed by her as avoidance or fear, while the message I wanted to send was that of strength. She would have taken it the opposite way.

    Doug1: You’re right, on both statements. But a short marriage means a short alimony duration (usually no longer than the length of the marriage), and it wont cost me enough that I really care. Some guys spend more on lawyers during a divorce than I likely will on alimony. I’m just happy to have my life back.

  13. Doug1 says:

    OP–

    In most states alimony in short marriages (of less than 10 years) is typically for half the length of the marriage if it’s awarded at all.

  14. Doug1 says:

    Oh and filing for divorce generally counts as the end of the marriage for financial purposes, rather than the date on which the divorce becomes final.

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