Female Orgasm: Who Cares?

So what’s more important in getting your wife to be able to orgasm when you’re having sex together?

Is it…  Longer foreplay, or longer intercourse?

Well according to The Journal of Sexual Medicine Volume 6, Issue 1, pages 135–141, January 2009, the answer is in fact longer intercourse.

Hat tip to Badger for sending me the link, and lulz to Danny who would no doubt answer my question with “Who cares?” and has thus given me a controversial post title that draws female attention and yet does not give away the answer to the question being asked.

ABSTRACT Introduction. It has been asserted that women’s likelihood or consistency of partnered orgasm (her orgasm as a result of sexual activities with a partner) is determined by duration of foreplay, but not by duration of penile–vaginal intercourse.

Aims. The objective was to examine the extent to which women’s likelihood or consistency of partnered orgasm is associated with duration of foreplay, duration of penile–vaginal intercourse, and age.

Methods. In a representative sample of the Czech population, 2,360 women reported their consistency of orgasm with a partner (from “never” to “almost every time”), and estimates of their typical durations of foreplay and of penile–vaginal intercourse.

Main Outcome Measures. The association of consistency of partnered orgasm with typical durations of both foreplay and penile–vaginal intercourse.

Results. In univariate analyses, consistency of partnered orgasm was more associated with penile–vaginal intercourse duration than with foreplay duration (consistency also correlated negatively with age). In multivariate analysis, foreplay ceased to be a significant correlate of partnered orgasm consistency (the exclusion of respondents reporting a penile–vaginal intercourse duration of 1 minute or less did not alter the results).

Conclusions. When both sexual activity categories are examined in tandem on a population level, women’s likelihood or consistency of partnered orgasm is associated with penile–vaginal intercourse duration, but not with foreplay duration. In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve the quality and duration of penile–vaginal intercourse rather than foreplay. Weiss P, and Brody S. Women’s partnered orgasm consistency is associated with greater duration of penile–vaginal intercourse but not of foreplay.

So what does that all mean? Should you stop all the foreplay and jump right to the P-in-V?

Well not exactly…

Personally I like foreplay just because I like people with boobs and find it pleasant to nuzzle them, put my face in between them and go blub-blub-blub. I don’t think it’s going to shock my readers to learn that I like having my cock sucked and played with before the joyous coitus I so richly deserve. The joke I used to tell Jennifer was that I was going to treat her like a postage stamp… first I’d lick her and then I’d stick her. So yeah, we like the slap and tickle under the duvet so to speak.

But what you need to understand is that your wife’s orgasmic response is related to your ability to be an Alpha in the bedroom. Part of that Alpha response is taking your time and enjoying yourself with the P-in-V. Or coming from the other direction… it doesn’t matter how long the foreplay is, she isn’t going to be very orgasmic with you if you’re a minute man.

Some of this is straight Time Before Writing programming. The village Alpha is going to enjoy as long as he likes with a woman because no one is going to bother to challenge him as he does it. A lesser male might be trying to get it done before another male tries to catch him with his pants down. You can see this same thing in the animal kingdom in many species as the lesser males on fringes try and get in and out as quickly as possible to avoid a confrontation with the real heavy hitter males. The stud males just take as long as they want.

The shape of the human penis is designed to create a small amount of suction inside the vagina as it’s thrust in and out, the purpose being to displace a rival’s semen. So the longer a man can keep up the thrusting, the better his chances are with being the one to father a child with the woman.

The other issue is that men having sex infrequently tend to have more semen stored up inside them, which creates a greater sexual tension and a faster progression to getting to the ejaculation part of their day… week… month… leap year. So they have greater need and less sexual skill, which are both signals to the woman that he’s not a particularly impressive male . There can be a vicious circle of lack of sex begetting yet more lack of sex.

Also there’s just a basic fitness issue at work for some men. I suspect some fat guys ejaculate at the one minute mark, because at the two minute mark they’d have a heart attack.

And song break…

Solutions…

Oldies but goldies. Get physically fit. Get some practice with self-control. If that means you have to practice jerking off and knowing exactly when your orgasm is going to hit and learn how to change the stimulation to make it last longer, then do that. Have more sex with her and/or unload the gun before jumping into bed with her.

If you’re getting close, make the call for a change of position. The 10-15 seconds to get her from one position to another can help you reduce how close to orgasm you are a good deal.

If you’re getting close and you can pull it off, you can tell her to finger herself to orgasm while you hold fairly still / periodically thrust.

You can also just pull out and go down on her again, or finger her to another orgasm, before climbing back on her.

Once you get a proper sense of exactly how much intensity you can handle, you’ll find there’s a certain level of intensity of thrusting that will have you on a “cruise control” where it feels quite good, but doesn’t start up the final ramping up toward orgasm. It may only be 5- 10% difference in vigor that’s the difference between you orgasming in ten minutes, and you orgasming in two minutes.

And as a final caveat… at some point a woman just doesn’t want you being inside her anymore and wants it to be over. After a certain point pleasure turns into pain and it stops being fun. You can always ask her to tell you when she wants you to come. One of the things Jennifer and I do is have her riding me cowgirl… a position I can last forever in if I want to… and when she wants  me to cum, she climbs off me and we do a short, sweet and rough missionary finish.

Jennifer: I feel like Goldilocks. This intercourse was toooo short. This intercourse was tooooo long. But this intercourse was juuuust right. Athol is a cross between a labrador puppy and a groping octopus…and I like it that way.

Comments

  1. you're right, but... says:

    What a great post. Rings 100% true to me. Jennifer, you nailed it with the goldilocks comparison. PS= I love Missy Elliot! thanks!

  2. This doesn’t surprise me. Too much foreplay just gets annoying and consistently short duration of intercourse is equally irritating (nothing wrong with quickies but if that’s all ya got…). The intercourse is where the real bonding happens.

    Think of it this way: which is preferable, intercourse (of a reasonable duration) without orgasm or foreplay without orgasm? Which is likely to leave a woman more frustrated or more content? I think for most women that’s a no-brainer.

  3. I love the “primal” analysis, I had never thought of that and it makes a ton of sense.

    Part of what makes your blog great.

  4. Nice touch with the lesser cavemen trying to get in and get out before getting killed by a greater man reference.

    When you think about it, this still isn’t that far off by today’s standards. You don’t hear too much about the “bad boy” that goes through women having problems with premature ejaculation. It may be a stereotype, but it’s typically the “nice guy” who’s glad to be in some pussy and fears or has disdain for the bad boy who struggles with this.

    While the nice guy reveres the vajayjay, the guy who is sure of himself and his dealings with women takes his time and doesn’t typically have that “this is actually happening” burst of excitement that leads to the fun ending before it really started.

    Good stuff.

  5. ~If the frequency was “never”, as in some of the study participants, does this mean it didn’t make any difference how long you did foreplay for or how long you fucked for, the answer was still “never”?

    You could hook some women to Steely Dan from Yokohama, and it wouldn’t be able to go on long enough.

    As for “But what you need to understand is that your wife’s orgasmic response is related to your ability to be an Alpha in the bedroom. “, I think you’re confusing correlation with causation, or just wishful thinking, mate.

  6. “Athol Kay says:
    March 16, 2011 at 12:01 am
    The ability to be able to have a orgasm from penile thrusting alone is most dependant on the proximity of the clitoris to the vagina which varies from woman to woman”

    So basically, if the geometry’s wrong, it won’t make a difference how long you do it for. Isn’t this rather at odds with it all being about the man being alpha? Or is there some magic trick that alphas have to change clitoral geometry?

    It’s “partnered orgasm” which doesn’t mean “vaginal orgasm.” She might come best from oral sex, but is going to come more reliably from oral sex from someone more Alpha. It’s the same sort of effect as women being more orgasmic with men who have higher incomes.

  7. So what’s more important in getting your wife to be able to orgasm when you’re having sex together?

    According to Athol’s post http://marriedmansexlife.com/2011/03/sexy-move-the-vaginal-orgasm-workaround/

    Where her clit is is the most important thing…

  8. mmaier2112 says:

    So orgasms FROM foreplay don’t count?

  9. All these…efforts…put into “women’s orgasms” become just that: Efforts. Work.

    Work, when it should be fun. Natural.
    If it’s that hard for her, she’s doing it with the wrong guy.

  10. I’d argue that it’s not foreplay if i’m orgasming. My husband can very effectively make me orgasm over (and ovet! *melt) with just his fingers. That’s NOT foreplay! Lol

  11. gardenoflove says:

    Not all women orgasm from external clitoral touching or massage. I much prefer “internal” stimulation which seems to fit the study results.
    Also, for a man to insist that his wife give herself an orgasm while he is doing “something else” or nothing else seems to defeat the purpose of mutual sex and definitely of intercourse. Interesting but not as good as the penile vaginal goody.
    Athol seems to be trying to give valid suggestions for the men but what would work for Jennifer doesn’t work for me or all women. There were previous comments from women on this when there was a discussion of a husband giving oral sex to his wife. A few women,including me,were pretty,”meh” about it. The same seems to be the case for some of us with the clitoral alone stimulation.
    May I also say that multiple orgasms though interesting and sometimes fun are not necessarily more exciting then a thorough earth shattering,deeply satisfying orgasm of just a count of one. It does not mean a man is not a good lover if he does or does not find the path to multiple orgasms for his wife nor does it mean she is not enjoying her singular orgasm as much as the multiples.

  12. My wife is one of those women who do not cum from vaginal intercourse alone, period. (It’s not me, I had several girlfriends before we married who were nicely orgasmic during intercourse alone.) But we do just fine when we introduce “toys” (vibrators) into the mix. The best is one with a long thin handle with batteries in the base and a vibrating egg on the end–the “Wand” I think they call it. It slips between us as we have intercourse without interference, and she cums hard with me in her. Or we switch off to her “boyfriend Pierre”, a large dildo* in combo with the vibrator from time to time, either before or after I cum.

    Mutual orgasm during intercourse is a wonderful thing, but sometimes I think people worry about it too much if it just doesn’t work for them that way.

    * with me playing the part of Pierre with my out-Rageous French ac-cent-a!

  13. GumbyMan says:

    Ok, so according to this I must be super Alpha man!! (ummm which I don’t think fits!)
    I have a problem with delayed Ejaculation. It takes me a long time to get to orgasm, My wife is more of a short screw and She’s got to stop as it is getting sore. So it doesn’t work out well. I have always been very slow to get off, and it has gotten worse with age, and now even worse with depression and taking medication that the side effect is lower libido and ability to orgasm… witch seems very counter-productive to solving a problem with depression!

    So I have tried what I have read that works for this, mostly reducing masturbation and pressure of masturbation etc so that when having sex it is more sensitive and works better. That worked a little at first, but has not held up, I found that if I wasn’t thinking about sex and masturbating etc I just wasn’t thinking about it and then wasn’t really that horny. My wife and I work apart and spend a week or two apart and then are together for a weekend or a week at a time. So I might masturbate once or twice when we are first apart but then don’t for 5-7days before we get together. Normally (before the anti-depression drugs) I might be able to cum once or twice when we were together if we were together for a week and had sex half a dozen times. Last time we were were together for a week and had sex 6 times and I didn’t come once… even with trying to whack off on her ass, I got tired and gave up. She is good for 10-15 min probably but then starts to get sore so we have to stop. It takes me sometimes 20-30 min even with masturbation. I got into a porn problem as I needed the stimulation to help me get off, I have tried to give that up though and focus on intercourse and healthy masturbation if needed. It seems so unfair that I am like crazy about sex (like most guys!?) but only get to have one or less orgasms a week…

    I have looked into viagra and the like, never tried, they don’t seem to work for my problem. They just help you get hard and stay hard. Which isn’t really an issue. Although maybe a bit since taking the meds. It more seems to be that I get distracted and I lose my erection vrs not being able to get an erection.

    I don’t seem to be particularly sensitive, so that might be part of it. With some lube, I really don’t feel much until I am just about to cum.

    Any thoughts?

    PS: for depression I am taking 450 Mg of Wellbutrin (which is supposed to increase libido and ejaculation) and 50 Mg of Pristiq

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