How To Find Your Wife’s Alpha Male Desires

I want you to do an exercise.

I want you to think back and remember every time that you saw your wife react with excitement and positive sexual energy toward you. Especially back in the time you were dating. Write down all those moments, and what you think attracted her to you then.

Also be sure to write any moments or events that your wife says was particularly exciting to her. Things that turned her on.

This part is harder, but important. Remember all those moments when you saw your wife act attracted to another man. Oh I’m not saying she cheated or anything like that, just the times when you know she started showing Indicators of Interest in another guy. She just kept talking to him and laughing at his dumb jokes. She made excuses to see him again. She slapped his arm and smiled at him a whole lot. What was it about that guy in particular that made her vagina tingle? Write them all down.

Now remember all those moments where you experienced jealousy or that soul crunching dread that something didn’t feel right about letting a particular guy anywhere near your wife. What was it about that guy that made you feel small or threatened? What were the female-attracting qualities about him? Pretty much the worse you felt in that moment, the more important that attraction trigger is to your wife.

Once you have all that writtten down, go through the list and sort it into some semblance of order picking out the common patterns of your wife’s interest in men. Once you have that, you have your shopping list of what your wife’s personalized interest in Male Alpha Traits are.

And that’s your list of things to start working on. It’s a kind of an ugly exercise to put yourself through I know. But in your heart you know the truth about what turns her on. The more you improve those particular traits yourself, the more likely she is going to be attracted to you.


  1. OffTheCuff says:

    All these are me being me. I’m lucky.

  2. An individualized manual would be nice.

  3. I looked her over VERY closely last night for detailed instructions, but didn’t find any. I will have to try this and see how it works. .

  4. @Rob – You’ve got all the right steps, you’ve just got to get after it.

    @Athol – This reminds me of when I first got into game: I used to ask women for advice and then do the exact opposite of whatever they suggested. It didn’t work all the time, but my success rate use anti-advice was exponentially higher than whatever I was doing pre-game.

  5. Gals, this’ll work for you too, once you’re finished freaking out about it. Just don’t try to seduce him on a raid night, mmkay?

  6. Stargate Girl says:

    Since meeting my hubby, other than appreciating someone in an aesthetic sense, can’t say any guys have elicited any evidence of interest. Freak of nature that I am….

  7. Most distracting photo to ever accompany an article on here! There were words adjacent… I know that much.

  8. 6′ 4″ men.

    I am 5’10”. What now?

  9. Great idea, Athol. I’ve always been a driven person, but terribly disorganized and averse to lists. I’ve recently discovered just how well they can clarify my thoughts and goals. Thanks for the idea for this one!

  10. this os why athol is so brilliant. like the dyson guys says “seeing the obvious that everyone else missed.”. it puts the individual diversity factor into your game. how many of our discussions here are works for you but never for me. this one exercise will find the individual balance for your woman. for imterest run it on your girl now and her before marraige. will help compensate for maturity, kids etc.

  11. As I was informally going through my mental list it occurred to me that most of what my wife likes in men is being a good listener and supporting her thought with prejudice for her perspective. On rare occasion did she croon over someone she didn’t know just because of his looks but in those cases they were ridiculously good looking men. It’s always been his sense of humor or ability to engage her emotionally with unbiased support for her that gets her panties wet. All of that seems remarkably beta to me which is odd since I feel like I’ve had the most work to do in my alpha traits than in my beta traits. I’m left feeling confused as to what she’s been missing from me, alpha or beta. Either way I’m still on phase one, losing weight so that I out sex-rank her.

  12. I would like this idea more if my wife hadn’t gotten into an EA with an Alpha in the first place this past year. Having discovered the EA, and some of her behavior during it, my attempts at upping-my-Alpha only make me more and more cynical. I just can’t be as objective as I’d like.

    I feel like I’m mimicking that other guy’s traits in my pursuit to win her back, and that in turn makes me think again and again about her going behind my back with him. I guess this is just the bitterness of the red pill.

    And because going through something like this, when you’ve become beta-ized, feels like a huge rejection, you in turn reject the notion of who you were all along, even if amongst your personality you were Alpha at some point. I don’t even remember now what excited her about me in the first place when we met…wait, oh yeah, I was single and hooking up with several women…and free and easy and single.

  13. Remember to consider all elements involved in the experience, or any locations, aromas, or other specifics that might engage her. For the first few years we were together, Mrs. Ironwood used to do her laundry in a laundromat usually around the same time this handsome dude in her building did his. He was tall, thin, balding, not to bright, but he was friendly, and they talked — maybe even flirted a little. And she was always more libidinous when she got back. I wasn’t worried — a little jealous, perhaps — but it was only after I got to know her better and find out more about her sexual history that I learned it wasn’t the dude who turned her on . . . it was the laundry.

    Without telling tales out of school, she had a formative sexual experience in a laundry room. The smell, the humidity, the heat, the vibrations all conspire to return her to that excited state. Once I understood that, it was a lot easier to engage that cue. To this day, she considers throwing a box of lavender and vanilla scented dryer sheets into the shopping cart foreplay.

    Don’t laugh — your wife has weird sexual cues, too. I just happened to luck across mine and figure it out.

    Other women I know have other cues: concerts, alcohol, parks, sport bikes, the beach, barns, stables, garages, basements, deep pile shag carpeting, a beat up GMC van, leather jackets, churches, museums, antique furniture, tuxedos,the State Fair, Disneyworld, even fishing tackle (!). In these cases it wasn’t the men they were with as much as the novelty of the sexual experience that helped imprint it into her brain. Especially focus on smells, which have a more direct link to memory.

    Focusing on the physical helps . . . but you need to know enough about her to put your physical body into an exciting context. Women are all about some context. If she lost her virginity in the bushes at a public park, she might like getting busy outside. If she had her first real orgasm the day she rode her boyfriend’s bike, then she might enjoy a motorcycle ride. Sometimes just the hint or suggestion of these things can get the ball rolling.

  14. Brian M. says:

    Truth. Once or twice in our marriage my wife has gotten all lusty in public around some real d-baggy guys. I didn’t really worry about it but I did secretly question her judgment. Then I read MMSL and realized that I was a real d-baggy guy when I met my wife and got beta-ized somewhere along the line.

    The only solution was to turn the volume back up to 11 and be me. Worked like a charm.

  15. Yes on the smells!!! OMG, the candle from the first time I slept wiht my husband…mmmmmm…old spice deoderant from my very first boyfriend….mmmmm

  16. “I want you to think back and remember every time that you saw your wife react with excitement and positive sexual energy toward you”

    Easy. In the last five years there have been none. Not one, none at all. Before that, very few since we were married and no pattern.

    “write any moments or events that your wife says was particularly exciting to her. Things that turned her on.”

    I am in the UK. So, I don’t have a gun. So, I can’t put a gun to her head. She will not admit to being turned out without that level of threat. I have tried drink, persuading and alpha bastardhood and nothing has got her to admit to EVER being turned on.

    “This part is harder, but important. Remember all those moments when you saw your wife act attracted to another man.”

    This has never happened. Around other men she just acts awkward, stilted, embarrassed or like there is a bad smell.

    Any bright ideas?

  17. Hmm, great idea, if I could just remember…

  18. Good point Ian….

    I may have to pick up some bales of hay and keep them in the shed. We had some fun times when we were supposed to be down feeding her horse. Might be good to break up the standard and introduce some excitement from our youth!

  19. @Captain Action:
    “I feel like I’m mimicking that other guy’s traits in my pursuit to win her back,”

    Not to absolve her of culpability, because she crossed a line, but I think that’s your resentment speaking. Don’t listen to it for long, because you may have it backwards. She was attracted to you first, right? “Beta” isn’t what you were all along, was it? You, the man who attracted her in the first place, have BECOME Beta-ized. You may even be good at Beta, which is useful, but is that your whole identity? Is rejecting the Beta-ized “you” really rejecting YOU? Might you also be a little ticked off at yourself for all the time and energy you’ve wasted pursuing the wrong ideal? Chances are, you weren’t born a Beta. You learned to be one because that’s what was expected of you. Then reality showed up and yanked the rug out from under you, and everything you’d worked toward suddenly became pointless.

    Gaming your wife isn’t a matter of changing who you are, it is discovering more of who you are.
    Go discover, and if your wife is worth it, take her along for the ride.

  20. Gardenoflove says:

    Reacting to other men and getting ideas from that is pretty tricky with me. Hugh Jackman and actor William Levy and some other old movie stars definitely catch my attention. A real life man and my reaction to him I keep hidden as it still seems like a private fantasy.
    Past events and cues from a spouse may not get the same reaction due to signal scrambling from other negative events that have taken place between the couple such as physical appearance or marital disagreements.

  21. feralfelis says:

    Barns and stables…you hit the nail on the head!

    One of my first BF worked in a small, family-owned dairy. I used to go milk the cows with him…and then milk him. The smell of a cold crisp morning, a warm barn, fresh hay, cows and cow manure is a complete aphrodesiac to me now!

    You know, you could try asking! Athol says to tell a woman what get’s you going (pink, hoop earrings, etc). You could just ask her what gets her going. When I was married to Husband #2, I couldn’t have looked at another man if you had paid me to do so; I was so into him I would cream at the sound of his voice, the lift of an eyebrow, or the hint of a devilish smile. One day, we did a “one for you, one for me” game and shared a half-dozen of our most hidden turn-ons with each other. It was his idea. THAT kept us busy for a few weeks!!

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