Reader: Ok, here’s an email from a wife. My husband has been reading through your book. He’s been applying a lot of what he’s learned in there. He’s had a lot of those moments when past situations now make sense and he sees where things were wrong. He’s a different man, I can see it, he can feel it and we both like it. He’s been working out and looks great. He’s had to purchase smaller sized clothing and muscles are showing up where I’ve never seen them before on him. Frankly, I can’t get enough of him. I like him being Alpha and leading our family, and I like some of the Beta he’s kept. I know it’s a process and there’s still a lot yet to do, but what has taken place so far is …well, it’s really good. So now I would like some advice from the other side of the coin.
I have read bits and pieces of your book. I figure it’s not my place to change my husband so I really haven’t dove into the information in it; I need to work on myself. And I have. Over the past couple of years I have lost a good amount of weight, and I’ve worked on other areas as well. I still have a considerable amount of weight to lose but have found myself at a standstill since last summer. I understand sex rating and from what I’ve seen in your book and on your blog women may soon be eyeing my husband like a piece of candy. They’ll be interested.
I feel like I’m getting left in the dust. I’m doing all I can to get back on track, I’m watching my food intake, working with a trainer once a week, my husband and I go to the gym another few times a week and work out together. Nothing is working to get me over this plateau. Don’t ask about seeing a doctor, I know everything there is to know about my physical status and nothing is present to deter any further weight loss. So what does the wife do when her husband becomes all he can be from reading the information you’ve put out there, and his status raises above hers and she’s left trying, but just not making it. We’re all human, and if some woman puts her sites on Mr. 8 while Mrs. 6 is still working at trying to match him…well, the temptation might be too strong and all that new testosterone surging through his veins might make it even more difficult for him to resist.
No, this isn’t a joke. I’m serious. I love the man emerging from within my husband and I want to be the wife that he needs and wants. I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all and can’t seem to catch up. He isn’t showing any hint of being unhappy at all, he’s happier than I’ve seen him in years, but I worry about what other women will see and don’t think I would stand much of a chance if one of them seriously wants him. How do I hold his attention until I get to a point that I don’t need to worry about the lonely women who are looking for an Alpha?
Thank you, A Happy Nervous Wife
Athol: Everything is working as intended… for him at least.
If he’s trumped your sex rank well and truly and he isn’t cheating now, he isn’t likely to. He can still be tied to you emotionally via oxytocin/vasopressin bonding. The way to maximise that bond is to have sex with him, and it sounds like you have that covered lol.
Tell him that he’s won. I’m sure at some point in the past you were “less interested” and had a higher sex rank than him, and he got stung into action and now the tables are turned. So tell him that he’s won and you admit defeat and he’s hotter than you now… and you’re scared he’s going to cheat or leave you. Tell him you can’t cope with the idea of being dumped or cheated on by him because it will hurt too much. Tell him you are starting to think you have to leave before that happens because you couldn’t cope with the pain. Tell him you absolutely don’t want to go and you’re utterly in love with him. Ask for reassurance. I.e. he’s totally got Alpha down, but you’re looking for a little more Beta from him.
Reader: Wow, thank you for writing back. I did a little more searching around your blog after my emotional distress waned a little. I found a couple of posts that helped. Then after your return email I searched a little more with the information you gave me. Which by the way, does make sense.
I came across a post from last year that really helped (Read, Think, Stay.) A lot more makes sense.
My husband and I have been married for twenty-five years so we must definitely be oxytocin/vasopressin bonded. I understand that.
You discussed Dopamine, and the differences between you and Jennifer and how those differences affected the relationship, mainly the temptation for you to get emotionally involved with another woman. You obviously were able to pinpoint what was needed to rectify the situation and your attraction was once again focused on Jennifer. How did you go about this? How did you figure out what she needed to do to help you?
I’m not saying anything is wrong with us right now, actually things are very good. I want to ensure that they stay good. I want to match my husband, meeting him with everything he needs so that our relationship will continue onthe course it’s on.
Athol: Sex has always been good and plentiful, but Jennifer has been rather easy for me and our weak point was their wasn’t much of a chase for me. As such, Jennifer is a lot more of a sexual tease with me these days.
I find when I’m starting to mentally wander off from being attracted to her, we play a game of tease and denial where she gives me handjobs, blowjobs, dresses sexier, gets me to bring her to orgasm, ties me up, blindfolds me, sits on my face and wiggle… and even intercourse…. but without letting me come to orgasm several times a day, for several days. It sounds very counter intuitive I know, but it’s an enormous build up of sexual energy and it creates a massive dopamine spike in relation to her. Thus I fall in love with her more. Also the final cumshot is quite spectacular. It’s not an everyday thing, or even every month, but once in a while it’s good. (Check more out on this at my How To Fall Back In Love With Your Wife post.)
Sometimes men just crave some outrageously intense sex. One option is having sex with a new partner. Another option is having your current partner tease you into a frenzy. I’m guessing you’d rather the second option lol. You might like to own some of your own sexual power with him too. It’s fun. It takes some communication and trust, but ultimately it’s a sexual game played together. Talk first!