MMSL Reading Husband Is Hot Now. Wife Happy But Getting Nervous

Reader:  Ok, here’s an email from a wife. My husband has been reading through your book. He’s been applying a lot of what he’s learned in there. He’s had a lot of those moments when past situations now make sense and he sees where things were wrong. He’s a different man, I can see it, he can feel it and we both like it. He’s been working out and looks great. He’s had to purchase smaller sized clothing and muscles are showing up where I’ve never seen them before on him. Frankly, I can’t get enough of him. I like him being Alpha and leading our family, and I like some of the Beta he’s kept. I know it’s a process and there’s still a lot yet to do, but what has taken place so far is …well, it’s really good. So now I would like some advice from the other side of the coin.

I have read bits and pieces of your book. I figure it’s not my place to change my husband so I really haven’t dove into the information in it; I need to work on myself. And I have. Over the past couple of years I have lost a good amount of weight, and I’ve worked on other areas as well. I still have a considerable amount of weight to lose but have found myself at a standstill since last summer. I understand sex rating and from what I’ve seen in your book and on your blog women may soon be eyeing my husband like a piece of candy. They’ll be interested.

I feel like I’m getting left in the dust. I’m doing all I can to get back on track, I’m watching my food intake, working with a trainer once a week, my husband and I go to the gym another few times a week and work out together. Nothing is working to get me over this plateau. Don’t ask about seeing a doctor, I know everything there is to know about my physical status and nothing is present to deter any further weight loss. So what does the wife do when her husband becomes all he can be from reading the information you’ve put out there, and his status raises above hers and she’s left trying, but just not making it. We’re all human, and if some woman puts her sites on Mr. 8 while Mrs. 6 is still working at trying to match him…well, the temptation might be too strong and all that new testosterone surging through his veins might make it even more difficult for him to resist.

No, this isn’t a joke. I’m serious. I love the man emerging from within my husband and I want to be the wife that he needs and wants. I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all and can’t seem to catch up. He isn’t showing any hint of being unhappy at all, he’s happier than I’ve seen him in years, but I worry about what other women will see and don’t think I would stand much of a chance if one of them seriously wants him. How do I hold his attention until I get to a point that I don’t need to worry about the lonely women who are looking for an Alpha?

Thank you, A Happy Nervous Wife

Athol: Everything is working as intended… for him at least.

If he’s trumped your sex rank well and truly and he isn’t cheating now, he isn’t likely to. He can still be tied to you emotionally via oxytocin/vasopressin bonding. The way to maximise that bond is to have sex with him, and it sounds like you have that covered lol.

Tell him that he’s won. I’m sure at some point in the past you were “less interested” and had a higher sex rank than him, and he got stung into action and now the tables are turned. So tell him that he’s won and you admit defeat and he’s hotter than you now… and you’re scared he’s going to cheat or leave you. Tell him you can’t cope with the idea of being dumped or cheated on by him because it will hurt too much. Tell him you are starting to think you have to leave before that happens because you couldn’t cope with the pain. Tell him you absolutely don’t want to go and you’re utterly in love with him. Ask for reassurance. I.e. he’s totally got Alpha down, but you’re looking for a little more Beta from him.

Make sense?

Reader: Wow, thank you for writing back. I did a little more searching around your blog after my emotional distress waned a little. I found a couple of posts that helped. Then after your return email I searched a little more with the information you gave me. Which by the way, does make sense.

I came across a post from last year that really helped (Read, Think, Stay.) A lot more makes sense.

My husband and I have been married for twenty-five years so we must definitely be oxytocin/vasopressin bonded. I understand that.

You discussed Dopamine, and the differences between you and Jennifer and how those differences affected the relationship, mainly the temptation for you to get emotionally involved with another woman. You obviously were able to pinpoint what was needed to rectify the situation and your attraction was once again focused on Jennifer. How did you go about this? How did you figure out what she needed to do to help you?

I’m not saying anything is wrong with us right now, actually things are very good. I want to ensure that they stay good. I want to match my husband, meeting him with everything he needs so that our relationship will continue onthe course it’s on.

Athol:   Sex has always been good and plentiful, but Jennifer has been rather easy for me and our weak point was their wasn’t much of a chase for me. As such, Jennifer is a lot more of a sexual tease with me these days.

I find when I’m starting to mentally wander off from being attracted to her, we play a game of tease and denial where she gives me handjobs, blowjobs, dresses sexier, gets me to bring her to orgasm, ties me up, blindfolds me, sits on my face and wiggle… and even intercourse…. but without letting me come to orgasm several times a day, for several days. It sounds very counter intuitive I know, but it’s an enormous build up of sexual energy and it creates a massive dopamine spike in relation to her. Thus I fall in love with her more. Also the final cumshot is quite spectacular. It’s not an everyday thing, or even every month, but once in a while it’s good. (Check more out on this at my How To Fall Back In Love With Your Wife post.)

Sometimes men just crave some outrageously intense sex. One option is having sex with a new partner. Another option is having your current partner tease you into a frenzy. I’m guessing you’d rather the second option lol.   You might like to own some of your own sexual power with him too. It’s fun. It takes some communication and trust, but ultimately it’s a sexual game played together. Talk first!

Sin or Misery: Birth Control

Before anyone says I hate Catholics simply because I’m atheist… no I don’t. Really I don’t. I have some pretty pointed criticisms of “the church” as an institution, but I’ve known and liked plenty of Catholics in my lifetime. Pre-Jennifer I’ve even dated Catholics, fondled their breasts and found it pleasing. I disagree with what you believe in obviously, but I don’t have a pressing need to turn you to the dark side. I don’t team up with atheist buddies and go knocking door to door asking people if they would be interested in visiting the planetarium.

However…

If you write to me and say you’re a Catholic in a sexless marriage, primarily because your wife is terrified of having more children, that’s when I start experiencing a pain in my right temple that travels behind my right eye and makes it twitch a little. Then I’m going to say something like “Ahhh… have you considered birth control?”

When I suggest birth control, please then don’t explain-to-me-more-slowly-that-you-are-Catholic-and-cannot-use-birth-control-and-need-a-different-answer-that-you-can-actually-use. I know that, I was purposely suggesting that you stop being miserable and start sinning a little. I know, I know, that’s clutch-the-pearls-immoral for me to suggest isn’t it. (I’ll let you into a secret, the devil and I do a session together on Sundays to discuss ways of being more evil. I’m not going to say how much I charge him though.)

Look being completely objective about this, if you have a religiously based cockblock stopping your sex life from being happy, then that’s the cause of the problem. Your options are either to do some fancy bible study to find a way to approve what you want to do sexually, dump that particular aspect of religious belief (which is exactly what 98% of Catholics in America do on the birth control issue), or dump the religion completely. But more religious activity, more church attendance, more prayers, more giving, more pleading to God to make the misery end, isn’t going to solve your sexual problem. More of the cause of the problem isn’t going to be a solution.

Look I want to help, really I do, but I can’t fix this sort of problem. I’m also not going to pretend to you should just trust in God to provide and say you’re well overdue for a little bareback doggystyle either. Because from my point of view, suggesting that would be immoral. I just want everyone to have an enjoyable sex life and married people to enjoy being married. When your choices are either sin or misery, and sinning makes you miserable, you’re miserable either way. Is that not a terrible cruelty to have programmed into you?

 

Stop Trying To Make Her Like You

There’s a very common tendency for people to keep doing what worked at first, and when faced with the reduced positive response to doing what they were doing, to do it harder, faster, stronger and more seriously. This usually does result in a return of positive response, but eventually that dies out too. So it’s a re-doubling of the effort in vain hope for more positive response. At some point though, whatever was a positive in the beginning, turns into a colossal effort to get next to nothing.

So whatever the cause of your sexual problem is, the solution is not to double up on whatever caused the problem. If you’re over-doing the Beta, more Beta is not the answer. If you’re over-doing the Alpha, more Alpha is not the answer. If the problem is you’re getting fat and ugly, eating twice as much food and being lazier is not the answer. If you were climbing all over her trying to get her to like you, the solution is not to try and climb inside her ass and try it from there.

Do something different. Anything different. It will probably work better than you expect.

I’m all about fixing problems and self-improvement and being a better man… “the best version of yourself you can be.”  But sometimes we have this colossal problem that fixates in our mind and cannot ever seem to be addressed. We’ve tried to change it, tweak it, plead with it and struggle with it for what seems like an enternity. And we despair of ever fixing it.

I see this all the time with women trying to lose weight who have tried dozens of programs, methods, diets, plans and routines. And none of it works for very long. Their problem is as much part of their identity as anything. They would be much better off just giving up trying to fix the weight issue, and fixing the multitude of other little problems that are fixable in their life. Be the best version of them without getting to the weight issue just yet. After all the other stuff is caught up, maybe the weight comes off easier. Maybe it comes off by itself once you stop paying focused direct attention to it. A watched pot never boils and all that.

Likewise your wife’s feelings for you can be the same way. Maybe she just isn’t into you very much and you’ve tried everything under the sun to try and change her mind about you… and none of it works for very long. Frankly you’d be much better off just not trying anymore to get her to like you. Go work on everything else and fix that first. Clean out the garage like you’ve been meaning to. Sort out the crap you were going to donate. Finish off that thing you haven’t finished off. Go to school for that course you needed to do but haven’t yet. Maybe while you’re doing all that she starts to think more kindly of you. Maybe she starts to miss you a little. Wonders what you’re up to in the garage for so long and comes looking for you.

Stop trying to make her happy. You can’t make her happy, you can only attract her…

…and you sure can’t get a woman to be attracted to you by climbing all over her and trying to make her happy.

The Whip App

I love the Big Bang Theory…

I’m also having fun with one of the many “Whip Apps” you can find for your phone.

It’s like a Display of High Value just to call out other people on their weakness. Plus it’s hysterical in it’s obnoxiousness. I’m quite looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

A Questionable But Evidence Based Test For Oneitis

Somewhere in a questionably therapeutic setting…

Okay, well we’ve talked about this in circles for a couple weeks now, and it just seems to me that your wife is quite horrible to you, but you have this obsessive romantic love for her and can’t disengage from the toxic pattern of behaviors that you both have. I’ve tried explaining this to you several times in a few different ways, but you always start defending her and getting angry with me… which is of course just a symptom of your irrational romantic feelings for her. Quite objectively speaking, if I treated you like she treats you, you would have stopped coming to see me for these questionable therapy sessions long ago.

In short, I believe you have Oneitis.

Look you can deny it all you like, but there is a practical and evidence based testing procedure for diagnosing Oneitis and I suggest we simply do the test and let the results speak for themselves.

Agreed?

Great.

Okay the first thing you do for the Oneitis test is you get down on your hands and knees and shut your eyes. Yup, hands and kness, eyes shut. No don’t pay any attention to the brick therapy rock I have in my right hand. No no… just relax, if I do this right you won’t really feel a thing.

Ready?

Good.

Whoa! Dude! Dude wake up. There we go big guy. There we go. You took a little tumble there. Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to lean back on your chair? Dizzy? Feel okay? Alrighty I think this is about enough for today’s session. Probably time to head home.

What’s that big guy? You don’t really remember where you live? Hmmm… that’s a bit tricky isn’t it. Oh wait you got your wallet with your drivers license in it right? Well that’s got your address on it and you can use your smartphones GPS thingy to find your way home. So you’ll be fine.

Oy you don’t remember who you live with? Oh no that’s entirely unexpected big guy. Let’s see, well you’ve got a wedding ring on, so obviously you’re married. Hmmm gimme your phone a sec. Hmmm… well you’ve got like nine calls in the phone log over the last two weeks from a “Julie” and some text messages as well. Let’s see… oh.. hmmm.. yeah… okay you’re married to Julie for sure. And…. oh look, there’s a picture of you and some woman and you have your arm around her, so that’s probably Julie. Cute huh. How wonderful for you, she looks like a catch.

So… you feel okay to drive right? Great. Okay well why do we just stop here for today and we can do this same time next week, and you get yourself home to Julie. Bye! Oh! And probably best not to worry her about your memory loss or anything, I’d sure it will all come back soon enough. Just act normal.

ONE WEEK LATER

Hi! So how goes it? Any of your memories coming back yet? Damn that sucks. That’s entirely unexpected.

So how are things going between you and Julie? I guess you’ve only really known her for a week now right? So based on how she’s been treating you for that one week…

…how do you like her?

Very Dangerous Over Short Distances

In theory I’m off work today… so I can write productively.

Youngest has a touch of conjunctivitis so there was a call to the doctor to get a script. Racing to the pharmacy to pick up the script and then the patient teaching portion of the medication regime. So all very much like I was still at work being a nurse to teenagers. Bleh.

I did manage to make a detour into Goodwill as I’m a book hoarder and you never know what you find in there. It’s the books I didn’t know I was looking for that I seem to find there. Back home youngest showed little distress at the loss of a school day and was her usual angelic self and immersed in YouTube and the wonders of Avenged Sevenfold. Frankly avenging sevenfold seems a little excessive to me though, I mean a really thorough avenging should pretty much only need to be done once. Or does it sort of start slow and build up from each of the prior avengings? So say if someone murdered your wife, the first avenging is just pointedly parking them in at the grocery store, the second avenging something like prank calling their house at 3am for a whole week and by the time you’re up to the seventh avenging you’re doing stuff like holding them hostage and making them eat their own small intestine? That would be badass because by the time you’re up to the fifth avenging they’ve got to be seriously freaking out about what’s going to be coming after that. I might do six avengings and then just hold on the seventh… thus leaving them forever in the terror of imaging what the seventh horror would be.

So anyway, like I was saying, I went and got my youngest her eyedrops and some peach iced tea. I got some books from Goodwill. Youngest all happy on the computer and the sun was hitting the carpet in the dining room, so I pushed the chairs back out of the way, got a pillow and pretended to be a one of the cats. I read some of the book, but basically passed out asleep on the floor for about an hour and a half. Middle of the day napping somewhat unusual behavior for me.

I’m hungry and want to be petted. The sun moved and no longer hits the dining room floor. Why am I tormented so?

Didn’t write nuffing. Nuffing all day, and that’s okay.

I’m acutely aware that telling someone to improve half a dozen critical areas of their life, many of which may well take a couple years to complete, is a long exhausting mamoth task. MMSL is a marathon, not a sprint. So you can’t bust a nut and get it all done in a few weeks. You have to keep it all long consistently for your best results.

Added to that, a great deal of being sexy is simply having a lot of energy. The life of the party that all the girls want isn’t usually the guy that’s nursing a beer in the corner mumbling “I really cannot take it anymore. I’m so wasted from X Y and Z.”  You’re meant to be cocky and funny, not cranky and… and … dammit look I can’t think of a word that rhymes with funny so I can say “You’re meant to be cocky and funny, not cranky and [brain-failure]“ because I’m so f-ing tired and I can’t think straight.

So here’s the questions of the day. What gives you energy? What drains your energy?

The more you can do that gives you energy and makes you feel happier, the better off you are. The less you can do that drains your energy and makes you feel depressive, the better off you are. I get that there’s no instant magical fix for these things, you just have to try and make progress on righting them as you go.

Serendipitously the book I was reading was called, “Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow.” From the introduction… bolding mine.

“I write of this so that, at the outset, no one thinks I am suggesting that material rewards immediately flow out of the leap of faith which is to do one’s right livelihood. The reason the books title contains the phrase “The Money Will Follow” is precisely because we must do the work first, invest of ourselves first, seed faithfully in the small, stead, incremental ways of our chosen work first, and then – as a harvest of abundant crops naturally follows the seeding, watering and constant caring process, of seeds – the fruits of our efforts result.”

There is no quick fix if you have major structural problems in your ability to attract women. But you really can apply yourself and make things better over the long term. But it’s hard work some days more than others, and some days you just have to call in sick to yourself and take a nap.

Frantic. That’s the word I was looking for. You’re meant to be cocky and funny, not cranky and frantic. FML.

 

How To Find Your Wife’s Alpha Male Desires

I want you to do an exercise.

I want you to think back and remember every time that you saw your wife react with excitement and positive sexual energy toward you. Especially back in the time you were dating. Write down all those moments, and what you think attracted her to you then.

Also be sure to write any moments or events that your wife says was particularly exciting to her. Things that turned her on.

This part is harder, but important. Remember all those moments when you saw your wife act attracted to another man. Oh I’m not saying she cheated or anything like that, just the times when you know she started showing Indicators of Interest in another guy. She just kept talking to him and laughing at his dumb jokes. She made excuses to see him again. She slapped his arm and smiled at him a whole lot. What was it about that guy in particular that made her vagina tingle? Write them all down.

Now remember all those moments where you experienced jealousy or that soul crunching dread that something didn’t feel right about letting a particular guy anywhere near your wife. What was it about that guy that made you feel small or threatened? What were the female-attracting qualities about him? Pretty much the worse you felt in that moment, the more important that attraction trigger is to your wife.

Once you have all that writtten down, go through the list and sort it into some semblance of order picking out the common patterns of your wife’s interest in men. Once you have that, you have your shopping list of what your wife’s personalized interest in Male Alpha Traits are.

And that’s your list of things to start working on. It’s a kind of an ugly exercise to put yourself through I know. But in your heart you know the truth about what turns her on. The more you improve those particular traits yourself, the more likely she is going to be attracted to you.

Changing Direction Doesn’t Mean You’ve Arrived At Your Destination

Reader:  First let me preface by saying I bought your book, have read it twice, and have since felt a sort of liberation from the tyranny of going against basic instincts.  Congratulations on your success!

I’m hoping you might be able to help me toward my success, as well!  I have been married nearly two years (together for 5) to a wonderful woman.  She’s beautiful, smart, and generally quite nice to be around; however, our marriage in general is not quite where we both want it to be.

We went into a sort of crisis mode where she developed a crush on a guy at work (quite a bit older than she) and started to doubt her feelings for me.  I recognized it as a phase, at first, and then recognized it as a problem with me, in particular (despite her insistence to the contrary).  I found your blog, read your book, and initiated as much of the MAP as I could (going on 3-4 weeks now).  I was skinny and not overweight, but I pushed to become a more strapping version of myself.  By the way, if you don’t have space or cash, sandbags rock.

I also went through a phase where I would come home and do all the housework before she would get home from work every day, with very little response.  I see the lack of response and her so-called “phase” as me being too beta.  Once I took a more proactive approach to our marriage (changing style of dress, offering to go out instead of being asked, etc), we stabilized and started making efforts to ENJOY our time together, sexy or not.  She no longer has a crush on this older gentleman and no longer feels suffocated by our relationship.

In the meantime, I’m feeling ignored, like I put a lot of effort toward this and saw relatively little response.  For example, since I started working out I have been on some decent muscle.  I’m skinny but don’t appear to be a hard-gainer there.  She seems to notice some, but it’s not led to her melting in my hands so far as I can tell.  Game in general also seems to have no effect on her, since things like texting naughty messages like “I just realized the bottom of my tongue is much smoother than the top [thanks], and I’m going to try that on you later.”  It gets a “rofl” reply, which I read as a good sign, so I would just kind of act cocky.

When we get home?  Nothing.  If I try to initiate, she’s usually too tired, which I could buy as either an excuse for no sex or as a genuine concern.  She’s overweight and does not exercise much except at her job which is rather physically-demanding.  She does not seem to respond to game.  In fact, she is in general a rather dominant personality.  How do you suggest one goes about teasing out her inner submissive girl?  I know she enjoys sex, enjoys orgasms, and enjoys us.  I just wish I knew how to engender more attraction.

I think I also have a touch of lingering oneitis.  She gets backrubs and dinners and homemade popcorn while I get to sit there tortured with a hardon.  She’ll ask what I want to do, and I might say “I want to have sex.”  She responds with a groan unless it was already what she wanted.  We are quite touchy-feely with the hugs and short kisses (she shies away from ten-second kisses since saliva to her is somewhat repulsive) and the sitting together and holding, which makes me wonder if I am giving too much of myself for not enough toward my needs.  Do you think it would be a good strategy to withdraw somewhat from those things for a little while in order to tone down the beta somewhat?

I guess in the end she just seems like a slightly different girl than those described in the primer.  I can never quite put my finger on it how that is so, either.  Thanks for reading the ramble!  I hope to hear back from you soon!

Athol: Hiya, if she started fixating on another guy, there’s a pretty good chance her Sex Rank is higher than yours and the other guy is certainly higher than yours. You did a good thing by addressing her attraction quickly though. Many guys in the same situation go limp and just watch the relationship intensify rather than slap it down. Good job.

So anyway, if her Sex Rank is higher than yours, you’re still in Phase One of the MAP, maybe heading into Phase Two. As a rough guide, increasing your Sex Rank if you’re a male takes about a year per point. So right now it’s kind of like you just planted an acorn and a month later are wondering where the big oak tree is.

The good news is you’ve seen positive results. She lost interest in the other guy and is getting on better with you. So things are improving and you are on track for a full turn around. It’s just a slow process is all.

Some fine-tuning…

Oneitis – you still have this because she’s hotter than you. It tends to fade away in Phase Three as other women start presenting themselves to you more frequently.

Asking For Sex – Don’t just ask for sex, say you want to do a particular sex act. “Do you want to have sex?” or “I want sex.” is weaker than, “I want to lick your pussy and fuck you doggystyle.”

Backrubs“Sure, just go in the bedroom, take all your clothes off and lay face down. I’ll be in in a minute to give you a backrub.” [grin]  Don’t give her one unless she complies lol.

She’s Overweight – She’s very likely to suddenly want to address that once you hit Phase Three. You won’t likely need to say anything about it.

Touchy-Feely – Don’t initiate more than than half of these little cuddle moments. She’ll come to you eventually.

 Muscles – this is just a time and effort thing. Keep at it. It’s not where you are in a month that matters, it’s where you are in a year that does.

Keep it up! You’re on the right path.

If you’re new, the intro to the MAP is here.

 

 

Thanks

Returning the link love to those kind enough to trumpet the news I’m going full time with MMSL.

The Red Pill Room – A Married Man’s Courage

“When you are “going your own way” and you have no one but yourself to care about, that sort of thing is easy. When you are going your own way, Captain of your own ship, and you have three crew members who depend on your ability to keep it afloat and on course . . . that’s HARD. That’s a kind of courage a single man without children cannot know.”

Dalrock – Congratulations Athol Kay and MMSL

“As I’ve said before, he is the king of his topic, and his book is the best introduction I’m aware of to the concept of game for traditional men.   While his passion is clearly to help others, along the way he helped his own family as well.”

Gaming My Wife – Athol Quits His Day Job

“Congratulations, Athol. Here’s hoping you save many, many more marriages and make a shitload of money doing it.”

The Badger Hut –  Athol Kay’s Latest Post on Finding Your Passion And Making It Happen

“Satisfaction on the job is worth so much more than money or perks.   And if you hate your job, they could never pay you enough to displace that hatred.   A parallelism of this is: A good job you can leave at the office. A bad job follows you 24/7.”

 Thanks all. Very much appreciated. All good blogs to have in your feedreader.

Boyfriend Kicks Her Out, Asks Her Husband For Place To Crash And Plane Ticket…

An update on Walkaway Wife Is Friendly and Likes Cash… (short summary, she abandoned the marriage to cheat on him and still wants his cash to keep flowing toward her. He moved on and has a new girlfriend, and now wayward wifey wants him back.)

Reader:  What this all boils down to is that I was naive enough to think that we could be friends. But after reading your response and looking back on the last six months, I realized that you are right – she wasn’t my friend. Friendship is reciprocal, and friends respect each other’s need for personal space and boundaries.

Guess what happened two days ago, just after she had gotten back to [my town]? You’re going to be so shocked (sarcasm). Her boyfriend broke up with her (who was providing her with a place to stay and is the only other person in the city she knows besides me), and emailed me demanding a place to stay. Yes, demanding. Not even asking. She sent me an email that said, “I need a couch to stay on until you can fly me out of here. please call me asap.”

I’m done with it. I told her the rules, and I’ve been more than kind trying to help her get back on her feet and live her own life. My sister said I might just be the nicest man in the world. But I’m not going to be a chump and let her get away with trying to take more than she can get just because she thinks she can always manipulate me.

I sent her a very clear email telling her that I’m done being talked to like that and nobody owes her anything. And by very clear, I mean that the text “I do not want to talk to you, and I do not want to see you.” is it’s own paragraph, along with one other ones like “I’m filing the divorce. Do not come here, and do not contact me.”

…It wasn’t very nice.

I then blocked her phone number, blocked her email, and blocked her on Facebook. (Further complaints can be done via the legal system.) Oh, and she doesn’t have access to my building either. If she tries coming to my house the door man will kick her out of the building after nobody is willing to let her inside.

[edited legal discussion out as case is still pending]

Anyway, thanks for your advice. It was a bit of a reality check, and a good push to cut her out completely and get done with all of this. She wasn’t my friend, anyway. Sad, but I needed to hear the truth.

P.S. I wonder how shocked she was reading that email. This is the first time I’ve done something this harsh to her.

Athol: Thats an excellent response to her lol. I bet your new girlfriend LOVED it!  It sounds like a huge step forward. Well done!

Reader: Thanks! I feel proud of myself for finally putting my foot down. As for the gf, let me put it this way – she felt like Princess Fiona after Shrek and Fiona get back from their honeymoon and Donkey is still hanging around bothering them. And I just got rid of Donkey. So yeah, she loved it.

It’s kind of sad though. This all would have gone so much easier for her if she didn’t push me and force me to push back (and slam the door). She was all happy with divorce until she realized that meant she had to lose me (and my help).

Athol: The takeaway point is pretty simple. Bullies of all descriptions don’t stop bullying you until you stop acting like prey. Being nice to a bully is acting like prey. So don’t be nice.