I’ve always had a thing for Helen Hunt. I’ll defend that by saying she’s looks a little like Jennifer except hampered by being too tall. Jennifer actually has a pair of six inch heels that require a spotter and it’s actually mildly disturbing to see her so tall. So I usually bend her over something and provide “balance support.”
Oh, Helen Hunt. Okay so I have a mild thing for Helen Hunt and I’m watching Twister on TV as a rerun and I cannot place why she looks so shitty in that movie. I’m wondering what is wrong with me when I remember her looking so good. I mean this was a big summer movie. Suddenly I get it… her teeth look terrible. After I notice it, I can’t stop noticing it.
I didn’t get the memo when teeth whitening became a Hollywood requirement, but Twister was filmed in 1996 and apparently before the rule came into effect. Nowadays of course, every media person and Paris Hilton’s purse dog has whitened teeth. So that’s what is officially attractive as far as teeth are concerned. If you want the evolutionary psych explanation, white teeth are an indicator of youth and good nutrition, stained teeth are an indicator of old age and bad nutrition.
The good news is that there’s a bunch of over the counter stuff you can try and for less than $50 you can make some decent improvements in the way you look. It’s probably one of the easier moves to do to boost your overall attractiveness as you run the MAP. It’s also a good signal to your spouse that you are actually taking action toward looking more attractive as well. Going to the gym and working out is perhaps just you on a health kick. You going to the gym and whitening your teeth is unquestionably you trying to look better. That has a little more oomph in getting the wife’s hamster up to speed that you’re up to something.
Of course if you have any kind of dental issue, broken teeth, crooked teeth, missing teeth, yada yada yada, you really should just get to the dentist and have the work done as soon as you can afford it / insurance covers it. Your smile is a vital attractiveness marker. It’s really hard to feel perky and fun when you don’t want to open your mouth in case people see your medieval chompers.
Oh yeah and for the love of James. T. Kirk, please brush, floss and do whatever it is you need to do to get any breath odor under control. Buy some damn mints or something. Coffee breath has a range of six feet you close talking bastard.