Before anyone says I hate Catholics simply because I’m atheist… no I don’t. Really I don’t. I have some pretty pointed criticisms of “the church” as an institution, but I’ve known and liked plenty of Catholics in my lifetime. Pre-Jennifer I’ve even dated Catholics, fondled their breasts and found it pleasing. I disagree with what you believe in obviously, but I don’t have a pressing need to turn you to the dark side. I don’t team up with atheist buddies and go knocking door to door asking people if they would be interested in visiting the planetarium.
If you write to me and say you’re a Catholic in a sexless marriage, primarily because your wife is terrified of having more children, that’s when I start experiencing a pain in my right temple that travels behind my right eye and makes it twitch a little. Then I’m going to say something like “Ahhh… have you considered birth control?”
When I suggest birth control, please then don’t explain-to-me-more-slowly-that-you-are-Catholic-and-cannot-use-birth-control-and-need-a-different-answer-that-you-can-actually-use. I know that, I was purposely suggesting that you stop being miserable and start sinning a little. I know, I know, that’s clutch-the-pearls-immoral for me to suggest isn’t it. (I’ll let you into a secret, the devil and I do a session together on Sundays to discuss ways of being more evil. I’m not going to say how much I charge him though.)
Look being completely objective about this, if you have a religiously based cockblock stopping your sex life from being happy, then that’s the cause of the problem. Your options are either to do some fancy bible study to find a way to approve what you want to do sexually, dump that particular aspect of religious belief (which is exactly what 98% of Catholics in America do on the birth control issue), or dump the religion completely. But more religious activity, more church attendance, more prayers, more giving, more pleading to God to make the misery end, isn’t going to solve your sexual problem. More of the cause of the problem isn’t going to be a solution.
Look I want to help, really I do, but I can’t fix this sort of problem. I’m also not going to pretend to you should just trust in God to provide and say you’re well overdue for a little bareback doggystyle either. Because from my point of view, suggesting that would be immoral. I just want everyone to have an enjoyable sex life and married people to enjoy being married. When your choices are either sin or misery, and sinning makes you miserable, you’re miserable either way. Is that not a terrible cruelty to have programmed into you?