I’m averaging about one email every four or five days along the lines of “Should I marry my girlfriend?” It’s semi-spooky that random strangers write me emails asking my advice on such a major decision and only give me a two to three hundred word snapshot of their girlfriend to make a judgment on her wife worthiness.
Sometimes the girlfriend is clearly a train wreck and the relationship is a less enjoyable experience than accidentally hitting a deer. At least no one blames you for a four-legged-bastard leaping out of the dark right in front of your car. I mean seriously why do deer do that? Do deer have fraternity hazing rituals? Truth or Dare with cocaine? Sudden diarrhea? Anyway, those guys I just tell to get the hell outta Dodge before it all goes down.
The others though aren’t so easy. These guys seem to have a fairly good relationship with the girl except for… a vague sense that they should email me and ask my opinion. My hunch is that these guys are self-selecting and have
women’s intuition, God is telling them, sixth sense, quiet discomfort that progressing the relationship to the next level is a bad idea.
So here’s the rule…
If you’re a guy, your default setting when it comes to getting married is… to not get married. Not to anyone. That’s the rule.
However the exception to the rule, is the exceptional girl.
If she’s not exceptional, don’t make an exception. That’s what exceptional means.
If you sense a disturbance in The Force about your relationship, and you can’t put your finger on it, I suggest you look at two things. (1) Is it that you simply aren’t that much into her to want a life time contract with her? Or (2) you have already noticed her doing something that is a deal-breaker in some way, but you haven’t addressed it because the rest of the relationship is “so good.”
And she doesn’t have to be the perfect girl, because she doesn’t exist outside of romance novels and lingerie catalogs. Some positive combination of looks, likeability, lust and loyalty is rare enough these days. Or at least she should be smart enough to cover her weaknesses with pie.