Trading In My Wife For A Younger Model

Per the official tenets of Game, I’m meant to dump Jennifer and find someone younger and hotter. I should probably do this before she turns forty in about six months to protect my street cred or something. So let’s play the relationship math game and see how things play out.

I’m about to turn forty-two, so let’s say I schedule a large trash pickup and kick Jennifer to the curb. In this fantasy experience Jennifer doesn’t fight back and turn into a jilted demon bitch like Miss Piggy with a Ph.D in Women’s Studies, but simply wilts away into the background weeping and pining for the loss of me. Also in my dream Van Halen never lost David Lee Roth as lead singer, fat free bacon tastes just like real bacon and I have chocolate flavored semen.

Then thanks to a remarkably convenient and poorly explained combination of time travel, teleportation and cloning, when I was fifteen I had started growing a clone of Jennifer in an abandoned warehouse just two blocks from the house I live in now. When I hatch her when I’m forty-two, the clone Jennifer, henceforth called Jennifer is twenty-seven. I realize calling the clone Jennifer… Jennifer is potentially confusing, but that’s intentional. I figure I’m going to yell out the wrong Jennifer’s name at some orgasmic point, but if I do no one will notice I messed up.

So anyway, Jennifer is great. She’s hotter than Jennifer, but I guess a little less useful around the house. Also she needs a bit more in the conversational skills department, but then with chocolate flavored semen that’s really only a passing annoyance. We have a couple kids together and apart from occasionally messing up and talking to Jennifer about something I did with Jennifer, everything goes really great.

Well really great for about fourteen years. See when I’m fifty-four and Jennifer is thirty-nine, the cloning process seems to fall apart and apparently there’s some sort of mental instability in the Jennifer version of Jennifer. Even worse, it turns out thanks to a remarkably suspicious crossing over from an alternate reality, Jennifer had already started a cloning process creating some a-hole called Athol some two years before I had started the cloning process to create Jennifer.

For those of you getting lost, or simply sexually aroused by a recap of science fiction…  Athol would be fifty-four, Jennifer would be thirty-nine and Athol would be forty-two. The kicker being that when Athol was originally cloned, alternate reality Jennifer brought $5000 of Microsoft stock and it’s done extremely well over forty or so years and Athol is loaded like a geek’s cumshot. I try vainly to out game Athol, but it’s just no use. He’s everything I am and everything I’m not.

Pretty soon Jennifer starts telling me she’s just feeling confused about things, never really been sure that she’s loved me. She wants some space to sort out her feelings… and you guys know the tune. All those years of cloning just thrown back in my face like I’m some kind of mad scientist devoid of feelings and logic. So at the age of fifty-four, I suddenly find myself wheeled to the side of the road to get collected in a large trash pickup.

I do of course still remember Jennifer, and look her up on Facebook. We exchange some texts and phone calls about old times and we get together for lunch. I try for a f-close but apparently she has telepathic cats and she’s all “This has been nice, but I need to buy tuna right now.” and that’s about as close as I get.

So yeah…

Maybe I’ll just stick with Jennifer. She’s got conversational skills and doesn’t care that my semen doesn’t taste like chocolate. Plus as a season ending cliff-hanger… apparently we’re both cylons.

Jennifer: That’s right dear, stick with the original model.  She’ll still love you when you’re 54, or 64, or…you get the idea.  And she’ll still want to do you too…

Comments

  1. ROFLMAO!!! Yeah really who wants to be a 50-something year old divorced guy out in the singles scene trying to get laid anyway? Even knowing Single Game it’s just too much damned work!!! Keeping the same old wife and Gaming her is SO much easier…

  2. Yeah people can’t just accept that people can actually work hard in a marriage because they know good deal when they see one. Is like they think marriages have expiration dates or something like milk or aspirin…sad times indeed.
    Thank you for addressing this. People pick any point to test if is your weak point glad to know this one wasn’t either. Keep the good work!

  3. LOL, when my dad was turning 40ish, my mom dyed her hair blonde and he bought a 20 year old corvette. He said he’d done it backwards and gotten a 20 year old sports car and a new blonde. As much as he sunk into that ‘vette, he said it cost him a fraction of what it would have the other way around. I thought it was a good way to look at his supposed “mid-life crisis”: pretty major career change he’d been working on for almost 10 years and a sudden, though anticipated, quadrupling of his income. I hope I deal as well when my time comes, lol.

  4. Christy says:

    As a 40-something wife who gets scared from time to time about being traded in, THANK YOU for writing this. I know my husband feels the same way, but the fear on this side can still be very real.

  5. What has been overlooked here is that the male midlife crisis coincides with his wife’s menopause. Google those symptoms, and it’s easy to see why a 28 year old hottie at the office will look like candy. It’s just nature.

    Athol: See… http://marriedmansexlife.com/2010/08/male-mid-life-crisis-is-a-myth/

  6. Höllenhund says:

    “Per the official tenets of Game, I’m meant to dump Jennifer and find someone younger and hotter. ”

    No. According to the so-called official tenets of Game, you shouldn’t have signed up for Marriage 2.0 in the first place.

  7. alphaguy says:

    That 28 year old hottie may look hot but good luck as a guy in midlife trying to get her in the sack unless he is super in shape and rolling in money and my guess that most of you guys out there are not! Believe me I have those thoughts too but then come to my senses on how much work it would be to get divorced and start over again. Is it really worth it?

  8. Athol makes his nerd roll . . . double zeroes . . . CRITICAL!

    Your logic is impeccable. While the aging male sexual psyche needs stimulation in order to combat the male mid-life crisis, bangin’ the newer models is rarely a good idea. I’m convinced that the mid-40s MLC gives you an additional jolt of testosterone to reward you for staying alive this long and Nature points you at the young-and-pretties to get the most out of your genetic record. And since testosterone makes you stupid . . .

    So, stick with the one you have. You’ve already made the payments, and you can sate your burning need for sexual stimulation and novelty through porn, risky sex, and hokey sex games. Seriously, guys, this will pass in a few years. And if you simply go to your wives and explain, “Honey, it’s like this: I want to bang everything in sight like a Micky Hart show right now, and it’s getting to be a serious problem. Can you help a brother out and let me objectify you with sex for a few months while I work out my issues?” Sure, she might say no . . . but it’s only fair to warn her and attempt to enlist her aid. And tell her you’ll return the favor (plumbing willing) when she hits that surge of pre-menopausal sexual energy.

    And THAT, folks, is the beauty of a well-managed marriage: being able to depend upon each other for mediocre sex, even when you’d rather sleep. I think a lot of marriages would have made it through this critical time if more folks had understood that at a critical point.

  9. Wait…so you got 14 more years of fresh poon until you hang up your sexual spurs at 54? That’s a hell of a lot better than most guys I know.

    Where do I sign?

    In the long run, we’re all dead…

  10. Over It says:

    LOL. Who’s to say that a wife Jennifer’s age with a model Athol’s age isn’t also looking around for a younger version? Is it really just men who look around to see what’s out there? I’ll admit I’ve been doing so with my much younger than Athol husband who’s…”aging (?)”…or “letting himself go”…prematurely. Not because I’m a horrible bitch, but because thinking about how he’ll be when he’s 40 (that’s 10+ years, people!) is scary. I married a guy my age because I didn’t want to be married to some old man, damnit!

  11. Over It says:

    Also, Ian’s comment above. In other words, dance with the guy whose arm you came in on, whether or not he steps on your feet now and again. It’s just bad form not to.

  12. Christy says:

    Ian, as usual, you rock.

  13. Yogic PUA says:

    I see the point and have been thinking along the same lines. Not so much with regards to trading in but with regards to age difference in general. But what if you have everything down really tight. What if you are good looking, have great game and great inner game, have a successfull and highly lucrative career and because you do vigorous yoga five times a week you don`t look 54 at 54 you look 47 and you don`t have a belly and physicaly can`t keep up in the bedroom you have great abs and a great body and more stamina and movability than guys at 30 because of your yoga practice? Would then getting a 26 year old wife when you are 38 be safe?

  14. You are right, but... says:

    My dad left my mom, while she was still much younger than 40, for another woman who was fit, always dressed to the 9′s and was the life of the party. She dumped him very unceremoniously 14 years later, took him to the cleaners in the divorce, and my dad fell so low it broke my heart. Even though he had broken it already so long ago. So yeah, think about that twice.

    “And THAT, folks, is the beauty of a well-managed marriage: being able to depend upon each other for mediocre sex, even when you’d rather sleep. I think a lot of marriages would have made it through this critical time if more folks had understood that at a critical point.”

    What?!?! I thought that was what the whole married game is trying to avoid? I am new to the blog and married 9 years, together sexually 14 years. I was hoping to avoid reaching the mediocre route?

  15. Ian – can you please explain more about the variation of male libido with age and how to ideally manage it from a male perspective? I intend to write something inspired by your comment as it really addresses a couple of key tipping points in marriage. :-) Thanks Candice

  16. This blog no longer displays text properly in my mobile phone. I can’t read it anymore using my phone. CanKt you fix it please so it properly zooms in for mobile web?

  17. (r)Evoluzione says:

    This strategy is spot on…. for Married Men. Hence MMSL. Athol’s doing a great job of speaking to his core audience, married duded who want to maximize & optimize marriage & life in general.

    For us non-married dudes who find ourselves in our 30′s & 40′s, well, we have no choice but to alpha up or omega out. There’s really no middle ground. That means studying and practicing the Venusian arts, e.g. game, learning Charisma, and jumping head-first into this strange dating market. Do your best, identify the most attractive, mentally & emotionally healthy young female, and then, hopefully, wife her up and continue to develop alpha cred. Ideally we’ll be on the early side of 45 by the time this happens, but we must play the hands we’re dealt.

  18. The previous post from Athol for this month says if you’re an single guy, you should stay single unless you meet someone exceptional. Anything less than that risks you winding up on the wrong end of divorce court, the end where you get shafted up the rear by a splintery broomstick (owie!).

    Basically, if you’re single, stay single unless you meet someone you judge is worth the risk of plunging into Marriage 2.0 for.

  19. “I married a guy my age because I didn’t want to be married to some old man, damnit!”

    Yep! Me too. Not for me some old bloke ten plus years older with whom I have nothing in common ..

  20. Perimenopause & menopause are not myths. They begin in a woman’s 40′s and the decline of estrogen cause depression, lack of interest in sex, defated boobs & butt, hair that thins on her head but now sprouts on her lip & chin, weight gain in the stomach, mood swings, etc. So if you add this mess to a boring marriage where the kids are almost grown & gone, the office hottie with the youthful glow and healthy sex drive is the answer. I don’t really buy into the “midlife crisis” thing, but I do understand that it can be a time for a clean break and a new beginning. You MAP even positions men to achieve this if need be. Game can’t fix perimenopause or menopause.

  21. Highlander says:

    Well, if she’s 40 it’s a pretty good chance she’s already thinking about her own options. My wife went off the rails at 45 when peri menopause kicked in, changed so much after about six months not even the kids recognize her anymore. She ran off with some guy she met online, way down on the scale from her, she’s a 7 he’s physically about a 5, fat, geeky, but makes good money ;~) If they hit MLC all bets are off and you might better be at the top of your game because they generally don’t come back, you’ll need a newer model.

    But don’t despair, If you are all “Mapped out” I don’t think you’ll have much problem, even in your 50′s. At 57 ( Xwife is 46) I hit my best rank (about an 8 -9) ever this past couple of months, 6′ 1″ at 180lbs 10% body fat, a lower rent example of the “Most interesting man in the world” from the beer commercials ;~) this was a result of six months in the gym five days a week, yoga, cycling, Latin dance lessons, out and about with the Theater/Art/Wine and cheese crowd. etc. Was up till 2:00 this AM swinging a 28 year old actress about the dance floor, while the younger guys all gawked, she says “OMG, how is it you’re single? your ex must be insane”. She really wants to see me again, but I know with this age difference there’s not much chance of future, but then I don’t plan on ever marrying again, I’ll just hop on my Ducati and ride off into the sunset with a huge grin on my face. Living well is the best revenge.

    Stay thirsty my friends

  22. Jaz, you are right, you can’t fix perimenopause or menopause, saggy tits and butt and all that. But if the wife has done her job well (sexing the man up frequently), she will have earned quite a bit of good will from him when these things hit. And the man will be more inclined to cut her some slack.

    Menopause is not a big deal for every woman either. My wife, mother and mother in law hardly noticed anything.

  23. Actually, I don’t recall seeing any Game sites suggesting that married men dump their wives for a hotter, younger model. (Plenty of suggestions for what to do when your wife files for divorce and wins cash & prizes, sure, but that’s different.) But I’ve seen a few articles saying that, if you want to go that route, just take a mistress and be discreet about it – http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/his-adultery-spices-up-marriage/

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