I frequently get email questioning whether a married sex life that was never all that frequent, can be turned into a great sex life.
The short answer is no, and maybe.
The long answer leading to the “no” is that when you get married, the period of time immediately after the wedding is the high water mark of her interest in you. By which I mean that the tides of her interest in you can come and go over the years, but the honeymoon period is as high as her attraction to you gets.
So if she’s really not interested in having a lot of sex with you during the honeymoon, she’s really not interested in having sex with you on a permanent basis. Unless of course you can point to something really obvious like she spent half the time on the cruise ship throwing up because of some questionable clams. Otherwise, she’s just wasn’t interested in marrying you for the purposes of getting all up and personal with your cock.
This is not to be confused with her having sexual skill. Not meaning to make Jennifer feel bad here, but she was fairly terrible in bed for the start of our marriage. I mean put-a-strobe-light-on-to-make-it-look-like-she’s-moving bad, but she was attracted to me and interested in having sex. So over our 12 day honeymoon we did it 19 times and never really backed off from a very frequent pace. She was interested in me and just put in a ton of playtime. It’s like she started off as a Level 1 priest with a single crappy heal and now she’s at the level cap and a very ah… versatile healer. She can keep her tank up as long as she likes and we run our dailies together. She’s my HoTwife.
Conversely you can marry a woman with a lot of sexual experience and skill, but it will be a long bleak sex life should she not actually be interested in sex with you all that much. Her interest in you is paramount, not how amazing her blowjobs are. Blowjobs can be taught. Jennifer has periodically made me orgasm so hard I’ve pulled muscles in my neck, so not bad at all for strobe-light girl from the honeymoon. Frankly if you can’t take an inexperienced girl who is attracted to you and make her like sex, the problem is your sexual skills.
So… If you’re having sex once a week during the honeymoon period, that’s as good as it gets.
The long answer leading to a “maybe” is a sex life that was fine before the marriage, which starts to rapidly decline after the marriage for no clear reason. In other words say you were 4-5 times a week before the wedding and it stayed pretty good after the wedding for a while, but by the one year mark it’s heading toward once every other week. Again, unless you can point to a clear reason this is happening, like say she got pregnant / seriously ill / deployment / major life stress event, then the reason she is losing interest in sex with you… is that she is losing interest in sex with you.
Often women can get so excited by the entire process of getting married, that it distracts them from their inner feelings of not really wanting to be married to you in particular. This is the sort of thing where a woman marries you because you’re a “good catch”, or she’s a solo mom and wants help with the kids and… well… your money. There are all these perfectly rational reasons to marry you, but not a passionate reason to marry you. So they hamster themselves into hoping that once they are actually married to you, it all will figure itself out and they’ll feel differently. Except they don’t.
What’s happened is that the process of getting married has supplied enough dopamine to excite them and that covers the gaps in your Alpha Traits. But realistically they’ve married you for your Beta Traits. Once the wedding buzz wears off, the sex declines. The sooner you can realize what is happening the better your chances are at getting things back on track. You must immediately up your Alpha goodies and balance them with your Beta ones. The longer it goes without fixing though, the deeper the low sex rut gets. Don’t waste time thinking about fixing things, just get into action asap.
Jennifer: I made Athol change the title from “Jennifer is a HoTwife.” I get the joke, but my father would have a heart attack!