50% of Game is Calling Women On Their Crap

Reader:  I think another great blog posting that I’d love hear your opinion is the old married woman standby….I do it all for the kids.   It is a pretty bulletproof defense for almost anything to a blue piller.  But those who have glimpsed the matrix know there must be a way to destroy or at least work past it.  I mean … I literally got this email from my wife just this afternoon.  She’s overtired and sick because we just go-go-go so I gave her “orders” to quit sabotaging herself.  She wrote that she does it for the kids, so they have things she didn’t.  And she’s willing to push herself through (and bitch and moan constantly along the way) because its for the kids.  Never mind the fact that the kids have to deal with her being overly grumpy.  She just goes to bed at night and our sex life, despite me running the MAP is heading south.

How do you work around “its all for the kids.”

Athol:  Try this response to “it’s all for the kids.”

“Have you heard of the phrase, ‘If mama isn’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

Whatever her response is…

“Well you don’t seem very happy.”

Then immediately leave in the direction of “just out somewhere” and don’t answer the phone for a while.

When you physically leave the house, it’s both to end the conversation and to display a withdrawal of attention. This way she’s left alone with her hamster gnawing on nothing but a taste test of divorce. I’m not saying it’s a pretty tactic, or one you should use constantly, but some women simply don’t get it until they see their husband walking out the door. It is much better to do it as a taste test than let it all pile up into a victimization puke and have a divorcing screaming meltdown.

Later that week…

Reader:  We got into it a bit yesterday.  I stood firm.  When she started crying, I just looked at her and said “don’t whip out the tears here, I don’t buy it.” She kept up with the “for the kids” crap. But I just told her, “me being nice all the time isn’t working, so I might as well just be honest.” I didn’t budge one bit. I took the kids over to my parents for a couple hours. Came back she was much better, even stated “I like a workin man” which was key because she fought me quitting my job 2 years ago and now she’s acknowledging my ability to create income and run my own business. She was nice all night.  Nailed the crap out of her last night. Thumbsup!

Athol:  Sounds like you did great!

Basically if she’s spinning avoidant nonsense, call her on her crap. That’s half the battle right there. If you don’t call women on their crap they perceive you as being weak to them. Which turns them off. Women don’t want to be married to a bully, but they won’t stop saying they want a strong man anytime soon. Be strong.

And from the Captain and First Officer approach. Telling the First Officer to take a break and relax seems like a brain dead easy order to follow doesn’t it. You can actually bump back on this one fairly easily in that she can’t really complain about it to anyone else without looking like she’s losing her grip on reality…

“Oh Mom I can’t stand him anymore, he actually yelled at me just now.”

“Oh no! What did he yell at you about!?”

“He said I was working too hard and needed to take a break. He said I was making everyone else miserable.”

“And then what did he say?”

“Well… just that basically.”

“Ahhh.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well you always did hate being put down for a nap.”

“Okay never mind, I’m calling Cheryl.”

“OMG Cheryl he was yelling at me today, so loud I was scared.”

“Oh no! What about?!”

“He said I was working too hard and needed to take a break. He said I was making everyone else miserable.”

“And then what did he say?”

“Well… just that basically.”

“Ahhh.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You wanna swap husbands? I wish mine offered any kind of help.”

“Okay never mind I’m calling Anna.”

“OMG Anna, he was so angry at me today, over NOTHING. He was so loud, and he banged the counter too.”

“I’m at mom’s with Cheryl. We were just saying how great he looks recently. He sounds really annoyed with you. Is everything okay with you guys?”

“Oh… yeah, we’re fine. I think. No we’re fine.”

(OMG WHERE DID HE GO JUST NOW?!?)

Comments

  1. Grownups don’t offer excuses and grownups don’t buy excuses. Keep it up. Practice on the kids.

  2. “50% of game is calling women on their crap”

    Well, see, that to me means, a man who knows “game” as defined in this blog is a man who is self-aware and self-assured. Who wouldn’t want a man like that. And a woman who gets used to getting called on her crap will in return get in the habit of calling her man on his crap when he faulters on his self-awareness.

    It really is a shame we call it game, it is so much more than that. It’s living with all your senses turned on and your head screwed on straight.

  3. enlightened1 says:

    “It’s living with all your senses turned on and your head screwed on straight.”

    Most concise comment ever…really like.

  4. Shimshon says:

    In my case, walking out the door, or even telling my wife outright that I wanted a divorce was not enough. I literally filed for divorce. I told her I did, and she received a court summons the next day.

    Even then she still had a lingering suspicion that it was a stunt. She got quickly enough that I really meant business. That shook her up even more than I expected. I had to go far beyond mere ultimatums, but in the end, she actually relented.

    That was barely over a month ago. And our relationship is better than it has been in years.

  5. There’s something about knowing he’s not taking crap anymore. I don’t know what it is, but when he gives me a look or says something about it, then something inside me just clicks automatically and it all goes away, just flies out of my head. Then I get the weirdest gooey feelings, and it’s like I just want to jump him right then and there. It’s the darnedest thing sometimes.

  6. Flipper says:

    You know what is really helping me “get” this? We got a puppy and I am with him constantly. Something clicks there about being the Alpha of the pack in training him. She even mentioned “you think you are the big Alpha male or whatever your little website says.” Blue Pill Flipper would have been dumbstruck. Red Pill Flipper just shot back instantly .. “Are you saying you want me to be less of a man? Or just less manly?” Lol. There’s hope yet.

  7. Flipper says:

    Wendy, I agree on the “game” aspect. Game is an illusion of high value. What Athol preaches is becoming the very best man you can be. And then letting her realize it on her own. It isn’t a parlor trick. It isn’t “acting” like you are the best man in the room, it’s simply taking concrete methodical steps to becoming the best man in the room.

    It help me with my work too. I take a lot less shit off contractors and such who tend to have some alpha in them as well. I enjoy using my new paradigm to wrestle that control of that situation from them. For a guy who was a total blue piller, this is entertaining as well.

  8. Flipper says:

    Jacquie, it is biology. Athol covers this in his book. For me, the toughest thing is believing that I will be ok if the bump back blows up in my face. I am at the point where I know “I” will be ok no matter the outcome of the bump back. I have changed the focus of my life from her to me. I am just working on becoming the best me. If that isn’t compatible with her? Guess what, it never was or will be then. I’ll move on. I stopped short of telling her that.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been following Athol’s site for about six months. I am implementing the MAP and working out and being consistent about it. My wife will sort of jump in and out of gear, where she will begin to adjust to me and start excercising, then back off and just resort to “being fat”. Then she’ll jump back on again. That aside, I find I am still having quite a bit of trouble making the Red Pill work as it should. I think maybe I took a purple pill. Maybe I should take an entire bottle of red pills and see where that gets me. (I think I’ve been snuck blue pills in my food my entire life.) The title of this post really is my big issue though. For me it’s a 50/50 battle of identifying the crap and then acting on it.

  10. Flipper says:

    I think the Blue Pill definitely has lingering effects. Identifying what is BS and what is real can be a challenge. One good way to identify it would be to ask yourself “how would she react if we switched roles?” Would she let this go, or call you on it. And continue to put the emphasis of your effort on yourself. You cannot change somebody else, only yourself. If she reacts to that change, great. If she chooses not to react out of a Princess sensibility, shame on her. You will get to a point where it is quite obvious that you are the bigger catch. You have already accepted the fact that your sex rank is controllable if you’ve been on the MAP for 6 months. Continue to push it upwards. At some point she is either going to be attracted to you or you will be so far ahead of her that her bullshit won’t be worth it any more.

  11. Anon, One of the things that keeps me going to the gym with my husband is that he notices the differences. He doesn’t get all gushy about compliments, but he does tell me, “damn woman, look at those muscles” or when we’re in bed he’ll point out something about my body that has changed and go all over it leading to some great sex. Occasionally he’ll tell me that my clothes are getting baggy and tells me he needs to dress his woman and we hit the store where he picks out things he wants to see me wear. It’s enough that when I’m feeling that ‘I really don’t feel like doing this’, I think about what he’s told me and I’m motivated, I get up to the gym, push myself a little harder, just waiting for him to notice something else. When he tells me we’re headed for the gym when he gets home, I’m all about that. I feel so much better about myself, better than I’ve felt ever, and we both enjoy the benefits.

  12. I didn’t really understand if the lady in the story above is working for money for the kids, or doing things around the house for them, but I guess that doesn’t really effect the outcome.
    I SO struggle with this! I’m a SAHM and I try to be perfect at it (house looking like HGTV, homemade baked goods, pressing hubby’s shirts) and often end up like this mom. I GO GO GO until my husband says STOP.
    I resist slightly at first, not because I’m fitness-testing him or anything, but because I’m just in that “mode”.
    I love it when he helps “snap” me out of it!
    When the guy took the kids and left the wife alone, I bet that’s when it really hit her. All the stuff and material surroundings aren’t important. It’s the people in your life that matter. When those kids are grown, the memories of having more video games (or whatever) aren’t going to be what they hold on to. It will be quality time with the fam. Hubby tells me our kiddo won’t remember how great the house looked, just that Mom was always too busy. That’s a big red pill to swallow!

  13. Jacquie – that same thing is what motivates me most for the gym, too! Hubby says things like “those pants look a little baggy. Somebody better go shopping,” or he’ll come up behind me and spank me saying “oooh, buns of steel!” I love that kind of attention! Also the endorphins make me nicer and my PMS is way better.

    Anon – try to give your wife positive reinforcement attention when she goes to the gym. Even if her body hasn’t changed yet, you could tell her how proud you are of her hard work, or just “go girl!” when she’s pushing hard. One of my overweight friends would always say, “I don’t know how you have all that energy to work out. I’m so tired!” until I told her I’m tired too! I just push through it and work out, which leaves me energized by the end of it.

  14. Flipper says:

    One thing I am dealing with is the blue pill hangover though. Not so much in the sense that I’m bothered by it but more in the sense that my years of deferment to her for everything has caused her, over time, to lose some faith in my ability to handle situations. I’m scatterbrained, always have been so I need to work on that point constantly. She doesn’t currently fully trust in my ability to accomplish important tasks. Like last night I was bringing out kid to baseball and she asked if I had the bat and glove. I said, after hesitating to recall whether I’d loaded it up already, “umm..yeah I got it.” She proceeded to walk directly toward my truck to see if that was true, because she didn’t trust me to have them. I stopped her in her tracks saying “why would you do that to me, I said I got it.” She looked at me and then turned around and did something else. …. incidentally, got laid again last night again. :thumbup:

  15. It’s worth noting that (depending on the level of crap you’re dealing with) it might not take that hard a bump back to achieve the desired results.

    Last week as I was telling my lady I was going to bed, I made some silly joke like, “I know you’re disappointed ’cause you wanted sex instead.” She hadn’t been feeling super interested in sex that week, and I was trying to alpha it up a little by showing that it wasn’t bothering me and that I was okay enough with a little dry spell that I could joke about it. We’d been having a really nice day together– nothing super sexual, just laughing and joking and enjoying each other’s company– so it never occurred to me that this one joke would be out-of-place.

    Well, apparently I touched a deeper nerve than I intended, because I woke up and she hadn’t come to bed. Found her sleeping on the couch instead. She said she didn’t come to bed because she was mad about that joke I made last night and didn’t want to sleep next to me. She said it came across as sarcastic and mean-spirited and she didn’t appreciate it.

    Now, the standard AFC move at this point would be to take all the blame and apologize for offending her. Instead, I told her that she should know me better than that, that that wasn’t how I meant it at all, and that it bothered me that we’d had such a nice day together and then I get this total freeze-out because of one dumb joke. That miscommunications happen and that’s okay, but if she’s bothered she needs to talk to me about it instead of shutting me out. Didn’t get mad, didn’t raise my voice, didn’t even walk away, just explained to her calmly what was wrong with her behavior and how I expected her to act in the future.

    Instead of turning into a fight, it turned into a good conversation about the way we communicate, which segued into a discussion of how we communicate in bed that we probably should’ve had a while ago. Later on, she suggests we go out for a little date that night after work: taking the initiative to try to make things better instead of sulking in the corner. Date night went great, and the post-date activities… haven’t been that good in years.

    Obviously a lot of people who find themselves needing to come to a site like this are dealing with much more serious problems and hence require a more drastic response to their S.O.s’ crap, but it’s worth remembering that the bump back has to be proportioned in response to what you’re bumping back against.

  16. Calling girls on just 50% of their crap is a FULL-TIME job lol.

    Talk about a “gamer’s resource”
    A veritable Saudi Oilfield expanse of resources

  17. Another big, fat dose of the red pill packed cleanly into a simple blog post. Athol has done it again.

  18. Calling them out on their crap and not being afraid to stand on that. Too many guys soften their position when she bumps back on you calling them on their crap. Even more guys totally switch positions if she whips out the tears. The reader handled it like a champ.

  19. FlyingDutchman says:

    You want to be in a position of strength to call her out. If you’re not leading out and pulling your weight and behaving like a man then she won’t respect you calling her out. She might even tow the line because you are standing your ground but deep down she might lose some respect for you if you are a loser when it comes to your responsibilities or if you need to add a couple points to your MAP. This will come out in the bedroom. You’ll get the “I’ll let you have sex” sex instead of the “hot sex” where she is into it that you really want.

    It sounds like this guy was coming from a good position. Some guys try and call their wife out while he is operating in some kind of 50% potato chip and xbox mode and his wife is trying to pull all the weight.

  20. Joe Commenter says:

    @Shanna, my wife is the same way. She will in 1 sentence say that she is overworked and frazzled. 5 minutes later she’s asking me if we could get a dog!! As if the dog will somehow not cause her extra work.
    Sometimes you just have to focus on what the top priority is. You really cannot do it all. Nobody can do it all.

    Ask your husband what is more important to him: a little attention and a quickie or pressed shirts. Guess which one he will pick.

  21. Joe Commenter says:

    Almost every woman I know has the “oh I do everything for my kids” martyr syndrome.

  22. Men often pull shit tests, too. In a previous LTR, my ex & I divided chores to him: mow lawn, me–laundry. One day, just to test the limits, me piled his dirty laundry on top of the hamper instead of lifting the lid and dumping it in. So I swept it off to the floor and did the rest of it. He freaked. I told him very calmly that if he really wants to wear any of it the following day, he knows how to operate his own washer & dryer, so have at it.

    Shit test is just pushing spouse to do what they are perfectly capable of doing themselves.

    And I do agree that if a guy is not being responsible or pulling his own weight in the relationship, getting pissed at her isn’t going to have much impact. Are you acting like an additional child? Or are you helping with the workload?

    Using the kids as an excuse is definitely B.S. If she wants to devote all her time & energy to just being a mom instead of being a wife, then she can do that just as easily as a single mom. Maybe she won’t even notice you’re gone…

  23. Urgggg! Important typo in the above post (and no way to delete and re-post). I meant “HE” piled his laundry on top of the hamper.

  24. horseman says:

    .S. If she wants to devote all her time & energy to just being a mom instead of being a wife, then she can do that just as easily as a single mom. Maybe she won’t even notice you’re gone…

    best comeback solution for sahm i ever heard.

  25. enlightened1 says:

    It’s OK Jaz. I was able to extrapolate!! :-)

  26. @Joe Commenter
    “Ask your husband what is more important to him: a little attention and a quickie or pressed shirts. Guess which one he will pick.”
    So true!
    Kinda weird, though….my husband’s name is Joe. And I did bring up a dog recently…
    Honey, is that you? (I haven’t made it known I read and comment on this blog.)
    Am I busted?

  27. Flipper says:

    Jaz71, that’s a really concise way to spell it out. If she wants to be, just a mom, nobody is stopping her. But that isn’t what dear hubby signed up for. Once a man’s oneitis is under control, he can see that pretty plainly. Great comment!

  28. FeralFelis says:

    I had to laugh out loud about the quickie/pressed shirts choice. Men and women are SOOO different

    I worked in an office full of women one Valentine’s Day, and they were all talking about what they were going to do for their husbands. Nice meal, candles, rose petal trails, warm baths, back rubs, etc… It all sounded completely romantic and wonderful but I thought I knew men in general, and my man in particular, better than that.

    When it came my turn to tell what I was going to do, I said, “Ya’ll are DOING what you WANT to be done to YOU. I am going to greet him at the door with nothing on but a red bustier and thong, push him up against the entry wall, unzip him, and drop to my knees and suck him like my life depended on it. THEN we would have dinner and whatever.

    Their jaws dropped! One even said, “That’s disgusting!” I challenged them and said, “Really? Then go home and tell your man about what I said and see what his response is.”

    After that, I was practically giving “how to please your man” classes! It amazes me that women just don’t realize HOW different men and women are.

  29. FeralFelis – them women realised the difference. They dont want to admit it, because what you described is ‘disgusting’ and ‘not ladylike’, and if their men weally woved them, they wouldnt want nasty, beastly things like that.

  30. FeralFelis: I would have responded with “so, he only gets this on Valentine’s Day? My man gets this every week!”

    Ha ha! Actually, I got called a slut at my last office for making a PG-rated, sex positive statement in regards to marital sex.

  31. Ladies – be careful talking about that stuff at WORK. It can really be detrimental to your growth, even if you’re talking about your husband. It’s just not work talk and god forbid someone gets thier panties in a bunch about something you said and goes to HR about it…

  32. Joe Commenter says:

    @ Shanna. Joe Commenter will never reveal your secret :-)

  33. Joe Commenter says:

    @FeralFelis vMay 24, 2012 at 10:14 am
    That right there is how you keep a husband happy. Gold Star to you.

  34. Over the weekend I was relaxing on the couch when my wife turned to me and said, “Will you get me a beer?”

    I laughed out loud and told her to get it herself. She complied. Classic shit test.

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