Faith of the Heart

Tomorrow is my last day of work in my day job. For those that have been following the story much of my own personal application of the MAP has been turning MMSL into a viable income and leveraging that to leave my day job. It’s taken two and a half years to get to this point. I’m leaving on my own terms and having given plenty of notice and trained a replacement. I could have just left two months ago and watched it all pancake down behind me, but I have a few dozen staff people that I felt responsible for and wanted to ensure they were okay. I feel like I took the high road and there has been a lot of cheering me on as I prepare to leave.

Running the MAP is not easy, is not always quick and is not always a direct line of being better every day. It’s about what you can achieve as an end point. There have been several days when I have just wanted pack it all in and not write MMSL ever again. There have even been a tiny number of days where Jennifer and I have not done very well with each other as well. I’ve also had a handful of haters as well.

So if you’re struggling to run the MAP for whatever your goals are, and you feel like you want to throw in the towel… don’t. That’s very likely the sign that you are making actual progress toward your goal. Hearing a mixture of cheers and boos is also a pretty good sign you are making progress as well. Don’t fall back to where you were unless you can’t do anything about it.

***

Reader:  How do you feel?

Athol: I’m feeling very strange right now. I’m tired from 2.5 years of pushing, but also suddenly the book is selling better and better and I need to do very little to manage that.  All along I had been thinking “full time MMSL”, but it actually feels emotionally like I’m retiring. If I sleep until noon for example the books still sell. It’s totally bizarre. Like I fell of a cliff and discovered I can fly.

Many projects to do though, so I won’t be bored!

Reader: Awesome. Any idea what your typical work day is going to look like since the book is basically selling itself?

Athol:  Well most of my work day is going to look like a dude sitting at the computer… which makes for a dull blog post. More writing the blog, more writing books, prepping speaking engagement material, forming a business and yada yada yada.

Let’s talk about my personal life instead…

In many ways I’ve been living a life totally out of balance. I haven’t exercised very much at all for months on end. Been eating like crap as well, so all that needs to be focused on more. Probably working toward 1.5-2 hours of exercise of some description a day to recover things.

Jennifer has done a lot more of the housework stuff than I have the last few years. I kinda miss it a little. I really don’t mind cleaning and cooking. So I get to take some of that back from her. I’m planning one of the bigger housework chores a day as a writing break just cycling through the whole house.

Reading. I’ve barely read anything new for the last two years. I’ve got around 30-40 books piled on my dresser to get through as a starting point. I’ve been meaning to get around to the Paleo reading for over a year for example. I typically read 60-70 books a year and don’t know if I’ve read more than 20 since starting MMSL.

I’ve also to a fair extent dropped out of keeping up with the other blogs. There’s just been no time to keep up and comment. Much of the early marketing and presence building I did with MMSL was reading and commenting everywhere. It’s something I’ve always planned on returning to once done with nursing.

Daddy duty. The girls will be 15 and 13 for summer, and largely run themselves, but it’s going to be fun to be back home with them during the summer. The last two summers Jennifer has had to run ragged back and forth from work to home and eat through her time off and play taxi driver. She’s very very relieved this year she doesn’t have to.

There’s some broken items around the house as well. I’m going to give serious thought about fixing them, and then probably play Star Trek Online instead.

Walkies and talkies with Jennifer. We finally have more time to just hang out together. We like walking together and now we’ll have lots more time for breakfasts or lunches together.

There’s a vacation happening in there somewhere as well. We still have to count the beans and see how far we can go. Usually once we find a place to go Jennifer takes over as her OTPD makes everything go smooth. (Obsessive Trip Planning Disorder)    We want to go to Dallas to have a look around and see if we like it there as a possible relocation in summer 2017 after youngest is done with high school.

All in all, I’ve been a low Alpha high Beta husband for most of our marriage. The last few years I’ve been a very high Alpha and life support only Beta husband (while Jennifer has to carry the load of what I’m not doing).  Now I’m going to try and find a more relaxed balance of Alpha and Beta. So as I pick up some of the Beta slack, Jennifer gets to give some of it up… which frees her up to have more time doing her Alpha thing and have more fun too.

I’m very grateful for Jennifer’s support and none of this would have been possible without her. I’m also very grateful for the support of all my readers who have bought the books and sold more of them through word-of-mouth. I realize some of this comes off as “look at me I’m freaking awesome!”… and… well I did work really hard… but also it’s improbable that I am experiencing such success so soon. I know I’ve had a lot of help and it’s greatly appreciated.

Tell mother I feel fine.

 

 Jennifer: I’m really enjoying 2012 as our year of transition.  I’m very proud of Athol and MMSL…it’s his full time job now which is still somewhat surreal.  It’s a dream for both of us to be able to work together and spend more time together (we like each other….funny how that works out!) so I’m looking forward to what is coming!

Comments

  1. rycamor says:

    Mad props, Athol. Your book and blog (and Jennifer’s comments) have been extremely refreshing after my jaded take on our modern world. Really, it is my suspicion that this whole Game thing (and especially a more mature approach to it like yours) is going to be as big a marker for change in society as feminism itself was. Maybe more. Something’s coming. I hope it is good. I almost see as a dark and a light side to The Force.

    The paleo thing works! I am a year into this experiment in taking the most minimal steps–cutting out most processed food (bread, pasta, granola bars,cereals), and reigning in sugar intake severely, focusing on meats, fresh or frozen vegetables, and good fats like egg yolks, coconut oil, olive oil, cheese, butter, and meat fats. The result: feeling like my health has been completely rebooted. Hardly a sick day, hardly a stomach ache, less than 1/10th the headaches I used to have, loss of that tiresome middle-age spare tire. And the feeling of wanting to exercise every day instead of dreading it.

    In fact I find paleo to be a good parallel to Game. The more we deny our true nature, the more we interfere with our own well-being. Research the modern food industry just a little, and you realize we have been subject to a century-long experiment at turning non-food (often industrial waste, no less) into food, starting with Crisco. Profits: stunning. Health: abysmal. And in similarly we have been subject to a century-long experiment at trying to turn women into men and men into women, or neuter us in the process. Profits for certain parties have been obscene (government bureaucrats, Hollywood, lawyers), while the cost in human happiness has been immeasurable. Time to re-examine the past century or so and separate the bad from the good.

    All the best, mate. And have a great vacation.

  2. rycamor says:

    I meant to say at the end of the first paragraph “Let’s hope the light side wins.”

  3. Way to go Athol! Keep up the good fight! Concerning the exercise, I would recommend you get this book, it’s great. Here’s the link http://www.marklauren.com/ It’s titled “You are your own gym”. It’s a great read and it works. I just started back to exercising and it definitely works! It only takes 20 – 30 minutes a day.

  4. Over It says:

    Don’t worry Athol…I have the feeling that once you get the speaking engagement stuff going, you won’t feel “retired” for very long :)

    P.S. Dallas? CRAZY hot down there. As in 120 degrees in the summer (no joke, I’ve been there for it). But you’re from NZ…isn’t it super warm down under too?

  5. That’s a great update! I know the MMSL message is getting spread like a grass roots movement. If you check out NMMNG or TAM forums it comes up very frequently, other bloggers give you cred as the pseudo-guru of married guy “game”. Keep spreading the message, you’re helping countless marriages and probably only hear a fraction of the benefits that are going on behind closed doors.

  6. Athol,, strong work and congratulations! I won’t bore you with the long story as you’ve heard it so often. You basically saved my marriage and now I’m nailing my wife like a 2×4 ! As an aside, she has never learned what guy foreplay was until yesterday and I had to share. We took a night in the city for dinner, big concert, and hotel sex. Next morning we were chatting about the day, travel, etc. she mentioned that I usually “poked her” in the morning and she really missed it that day (morning wood). I told her guy foreplay was grabbing my stick and saying “Baby come f**k me” she laughed, and said that she had heard that but never believed it. So she proceeded to grab ahold. Now in the old days there would have been a beta submission fight. Instead the new me grabbed her, threw her halfway across the bed, and went caveman on her! THANK YOU for saving my marriage and bringing back my hot wife ! She also texted me bath boobies last week :-D

  7. Flipper says:

    @Athol, good for you man.
    @rycamor – great post. Paleo should be the standard Red Pill diet for sure. I see the very same parellels.

  8. Congrats, Athol. Anytime you can leave a job without security escorting you out of the building has to be counted as a minor victory.

    Re: Dallas: Screw Dallas. Come to RTP, NC. (Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill Greater Triangle Metropolitan Area)

    Advantages: Not as hot as Texas, not as “Metro” as Texas, closer to other fonts of civilization, lowest in-state tuition for post-secondary education in a state university east of the Mississippi (and there are some excellent schools upon which to use that), beach is two hours away, mountains are four hours away, DC Metro area is 5 hours away, high standard of living, low cost of living, low unemployment, relatively well-educated population, solid home values (and you can buy about twice as much home as you can in Metro Dallas), state-of-the-art shopping complex, Southern charm without Texas bravado, CUTE BOYS (had to throw that in for yer girls), real barbecue, blues music, huge local commitment to the arts, the Silicon Valley of biomedical research, part of the Boston-to-Atlanta-Metropolitan Corridor, outlet malls, cheap cigarettes, beautiful beaches, colorful politics, enchanting history (Blackbeard and Daniel Boone? Lost Colony and the Wright Brothers? Fuck Dallas) and, of course, most importantly, it’s not Texas.

    Disadvantages: disturbingly close to South Carolina.

    Of course, you may have other priorities, but I strongly urge you to consider central NC as an investment in your family’s future.

    And seriously dude . . . major props on going pro. It’s a scary, scary thing, but once you get used to it, and it’s actually paying the bills . . . well, expect your testicles to grow three sizes before you’re settled.

  9. I’ve said it before, but I am going to say it again…

    Much respect for anyone who has a dream or who has a goal for their life and they go out and get it.

    That’s what it is all about.

    And much respect to Jennifer too for the support I am sure she has provided to help you get to where you want to be.

    I imagine you have many new goals you want to reach, so I hope 2012 is the start of you reaching those goals.

    Best.

    PB

  10. FeralFelis says:

    I live in Dallas.

    @Over it: 120 was the heat INDEX last summer. The actual temperature was only 114. And it wasn’t even a dry heat! :O

    I grew up and still have family here, but am in COMPLETE agreement with Ian. I appreciate the fact that he emphasized the good points of RTP rather than running down Dallas, but he is right. Dallas has a good strong economy but the thing I’ve never liked is the “fake”ness of so many of the people I meet. I would encourage you to check out that part of the country as well as our fair county.

  11. Congrats!

  12. Congratulations Athol….I’ve emailed you before but the MAP has completely changed my attitude towards marriage and life in general – for the better! In just 6 weeks of running the MAP, sex has increased by a factor of 4 and has become much more enjoyable for both of us. Keep doing what you do, you are touching people and improving lives more than you know.

    @ rycamor – Great post!

  13. Congratulations on moving toward your dream! You are lucky (smart?) to have picked such a supportive partner as Jennifer!

    Hoping one of your projects is a book aimed at young 20-something men so they can start out knowing what some of you learned the hard way. Plus a system so moms can anonymously send a copy to their adult children, because it’s really hard to take this kind of advice from your mom! But I want him to know this info, there is so much heartbreak that could be avoided with it!

  14. Jane2: I second both your ideas. A way to anonymously send a copy of the book is especially brilliant. There’s a couple of young men here in our small office who are newlywed, and I feel the book should come with the marriage license. However, it wouldn’t be appropriate for a copy to come from me, but now if an anonymous donor were to provide a paid e-book, that’s a different story….

  15. Changed Man says:

    Athol,
    As a guy whose marriage was pulled back from the brink by your book and personal advise, I will forever be in your debt. Your continued success and this happy transition into the next phase of your and Jennifer’s ‘adventure’ is well deserved. All the best, My Man!

  16. Not to toot my own horn, because I’m so naturally self-affacing, but I did write a blog post a few weeks back you might find useful — or not. Just a suggestion:

    http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/dude-got-minute.html

  17. “Really, it is my suspicion that this whole Game thing (and especially a more mature approach to it like yours) is going to be as big a marker for change in society as feminism itself was. Maybe more. Something’s coming. I hope it is good. I almost see as a dark and a light side to The Force.”

    I agree. There are some blogs of even single guys like Yohami and the rawness that are really treating game in a more mature, non-women hating way. And those guys used to be old school players. Even they are growing up. That’s great. There definitely needs to be a counter balance to the mainstream American brand of feminism.

    Jaz71: no one likes being bossed around, that’s true. Think about it even from a professional level: the best executives and managers are never those who boss others around in a condescending way, but rather the most effective ones are the leaders who are masters of team work. But you do need 1 leader, and a good leader knows when to listen to his team and heed their arguments if those arguments are well made and supported. That’s how I am looking at it anyways. So far, and I’am only about 1 month in, I can defintely see my man is responding extremely well to being put in a leadership position.

  18. Forgot to say: congrats to Athol and Jennifer! I hope you all enjoy an awesome Summer!

  19. Jane2 – I bought the PDF version of the Primer and sent it to my 23-year-old son as an e-mail attachment with just a brief note – “You may find this of interest. I don’t agree with everything it says, but it has some very sound advice related to male/female relationships and marriage.” You’re right, it is difficult for a mom to bring this sort of thing up directly to a young-adult son, so I thought that the e-mail approach would be a somewhat indirect way of getting the information to him.

  20. Re Jaz71: maybe only YOU thought the marriage/freinship/sex life was perfect. My wife said the same thing as you and totally ignored years of my concerns. To her the marraige was perfect, and to her thats all that mattered. What i thought was not relevant. However, I’m finishing seven months of the MAP, and the change was dramatic. Was it easy? No. Did she like what i was reading when she snooped and found the book? No. But it worked for me.

  21. PocketAces says:

    Athol:
    Congratz!

    Dallas is awesome. Plus, the airport will get you **nearly anywhere with no transfers**. As someone who traveled for business often, the benefits of that can’t be understated. Yeah, it’s the land of the 30 thousand dollar millionaire, but that’s their problem. Other people’s credit card debt never bothered me much. Fantastic food, nightlife, everything you would expect in a big city. Summers suck, but that’s what AC is for. The upside is that you will never shovel snow ever again. If it snows (which it does once every few years) and sticks, you just don’t go out, the city is shut down.

    Jaz71: I think the book implies that there’s self improvement to be had, both on the leadership (alpha) side and the support (beta) side. If DH makes poor decisions and exhibits a lack of due diligence, why would the wife follow a bad lead? No where in the book does Athol tell a husband what he needs to improve upon. Improving yourself hurts like a @#$%^&* and it’s not easy. Having the judgement and self-honesty to know and admit what you need to improve upon may be even harder. Submitting to a leader requires trust and faith, both of which must be earned. It doesn’t sound like your ex earned either.

    I could very much see MMSL being misused by a slacker who wants more sex. II imagine it would be very easy to come down from the mountain like Moses with the MMSL Primer and start bossing one’s wife around. I could also see things becoming too “meta” with both parties analyzing things too much. With my wife not knowing about MMSL, I’m free to experiment, fail and correct. it would get too weird if we both knew.

  22. Big Jay says:

    Second the commentor who suggested Raleigh Durham area. I’ve lived both places. A secular guy like yourself will like Raleigh better than Dallas. Not a joke.

  23. The other problem with Dallas is it’s 1+ days drive from everything else.

  24. @ Jaz71
    “Submission” is a negative word,”

    Only by those who see it as negative.

    Every relationship is going to have a dominant/leadership/captain role and a submissive/subordinant/first officer role. There cannot be two in charge. Even those who claim egalitarian relationships are not purely so, since whenever there is a difference of opinion there is going to be one who defers/yields to the will of the other; that is submission.
    Anyone who is not self employed submits to their boss, and even the self employed must defer to the laws of the government regarding business practices.

    Anyone who feels so threatened to fill the first officer role may have to examine their own insecurity and trust issues. The trust issues toward the one they married, if you don’t trust your spouse why did you choose to marry them? And insecurity issues in the fact that you don’t have control.

    I didn’t need to get pushed into a submissive role. I read parts of the MMSL book and this blog and it makes sense that the one who holds responsibility would be the one who has the final say in decisions. It doesn’t make me second class to defer to my husbands leadership, in fact as my husband applies MAP we experienced a deeper friendship/marriage/sex life. I worked with him willingly, not threatened by his increased confidence to lead, provide and protect and found the benefits to be enormous.

    I’m proud to be submissive. My husband acts nothing close to smug or superior and shows me an immense amount of respect. I am his greatest resource and he treats me with high value. It’s only those who make submission something distasteful that have the most problem with it.

  25. Godspeed Athol, not that you need it ;)

  26. @ Athol

    Congrats on reaching this goal. All the hard work paid off for you and Jennifer for certain, but also for many others such as my husband and myself. We are so thankful for your work and words and how much it has impacted our marriage. Life is so different for us, such as I never would have thought attainable. You just helped put it all in perspective. Understandable. It all makes sense now and just clicks for us. Thanks.

  27. Joe Commenter says:

    Jaz: Why so angry? I am puzzled by your comment. My experience with many friends who have been on the losing end of the”I love you but I am not in love with you” speech has been that those men are doing the best they possibly can, yet cannot for the life of them understand why the more they do for their women, the worse it seems to make the situation generally and the sex life particularly.

    These are intelligent successful men in the work and social world. Far from being the disorganized ego maniacal mean spirited idiots that you are portraying. They are just missing this one piece of the puzzle. The captain part.

    No quality woman would or should stand with the kind of man you are describing. That kind of man should not be married in the first place. Shame on any woman who would marry them. You are doing AThol a disservice by lumping his clientele in with what you are describing.

  28. Jaz71 has lost commenting priviledges.

    My thanks to those with encouraging comments on this exciting day.

  29. Charles says:

    Good for you, Athol. This is your day.

  30. enlightened1 says:

    I’m so happy for you and Jennifer tonight. What a watershed moment in time for the Kay family. I’ll say it again….Sometimes people get what they deserve! :-)

  31. FeralFelis says:

    I am hoping you and Jennifer are celebrating in the BEST way possible!!!

  32. Congrats again, Athol. I hope your blog becomes known everywhere as the place for great marital sex advice.

    Oh, and glad you cleaned up those comments. Blech.

  33. Congratulations Athol and Jennifer! What a fantastic day for you both! Well done!

  34. pdwalker says:

    Really, really fantastic news.

    I honestly hope the financial payoff becomes everything you need it to be. The amount of good the both of you have done can be easily seen from the comments. If that doesn’t build up a huge amount of good karma, then nothing would.

    What you’ve done for me personally can never be repaid, but I will look forward to purchasing your books and sending them off to those friends of mine who can use it.

  35. Congrats, very happy for you, and thankful to not have to read those irritating comments from the woman who seems very bitter.

  36. This must be a very exciting day for you! I congratulate and applaud you, and thank you for the great information that has helped me learn and understand so many things. Your adventure with the blog and books has also inspired me to begin working on a project that I have wanted to pursue for a long time. Thanks.

  37. RE: Sending the book anonymously.

    Boy, do I have a friend who needs this book. But he is friends with my wife too, and she does know about the MAP. Giving him the book risks blowing my cover yet not giving him the book risks him coming apart at the seams. Perhaps I need to take him out for a series of beer and “tell” him the book.

  38. Joe Commenter says:

    Athol, if this is Jaz’s only offense, you should let her back in. I usually find her posts to be well done and insightful. Everyone has a bad day and let’s an animal post out of the cage once in a while.

    Oh wait. It just dawned on me…. is Jaz the poster talking about you being Jennifer’s oppressor?

  39. Angeline says:

    I also would like to send the book anonymously to my married son. Not only is her family one of those “if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” types, they are uber-religous, and I’m afraid I’m going to totallly lose him to the FemChurch. My never-married brother and I had a long discussion about MMSL and the concepts, he’s got a gut-understanding of them, but I’ll be sinding it to him as a guide (for him I don’t have to be anonymous). He desperately wants his best friend to see the light – all the worst aspects that men have described here. I’ve already lost one brother who was inconveniently in the way of a mercenary nutbag woman – which got papered over as suicide (except to the police, it is still an open case to them). The stakes are even higher than just more sex and happy marriage – mens’ lives and freedom are actually at stake. that this is painted as oppression really shows how skewed things are in the US. The very best of luck and happiness to you both in this new stage of your lives.

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