High Desire Wife Adds Girl Game… Gets Desired

Had a long email from a reader, but this section of her Girl Game success and approach is worth the read…

Reader:  Now, my story of my Girl Game success. (I’m just talking about this week, as I realize this will be an ongoing process!)

Back story: Unlike some of your readers, I wouldn’t call us desperate or on the brink of divorce. More like, vaguely dissatisfied. Hubby and I have been together since we were teenagers with one child. Mostly happy, but easily falling into the “roommate” scenario for stretches at a time. ( I’m high stimulation and desire lots of affection. Basically, I’m the lightning and he’s the earth in our relationship.) Over the past 20 years our sex life has been inconsistent. Starts and spurts – about once a week, rarely ranging up to 3, but no more.  We’re both fit and look decent, so that wasn’t an issue. He is very Alpha at his job being a high-level executive, so I know he has it in him. He’s just very intellectual and constantly reads at home to relax. I have a hard time getting his attention. In protest I would frequently complain, possibly cry (real tears of feeling rejected) and whine until he would step it up. It wouldn’t last and we’d be back to the *maybe* one Saturday-night-Tango after a short burst of improvement.  I got tired of instigating a majority of the time. I was starting to get resentful.

I found your book while perusing Amazon for marriage/sex life books. Although I don’t necessarily agree with your evolutionary standpoint (I believe in Intelligent Design), the end result is the same –  that women are pre-wired to happily submit to an Alpha male with a good backup of Beta for the babies/family.

So after reading your book and the MAP plan, I perused your blog and happily found the section for Sexy Wives and Girl Game! I realized I had responsibilities to charge things up and not put it all on him.  I wasn’t doing all I could. I have had better results in a 2 weeks of female-action-plan than I have with 20 years of crying and complaining! Based on a lot of ideas from your blog/book, this what I did:

1)  Started going to the gym. I’m not fat, but there’s always room for improvement to firm up. Although it’s too soon for physical results, the fact that I was out of the house and doing something for myself seemed to make him happy. He told me he was proud of me and impressed. Probably didn’t hurt that he knows there’s mostly men at my gym.

2)  Smiled at him whenever he entered the room. Not a big cheesy smile, just subtle. With eye contact. Good response to this – more affection and kissing than normal!

3)  Dressed better. My usual uniform of comfy athletic wear was replaced with good-fitting jeans and girly tops. Also fixed hair (no lazy ponytail) and wore makeup and jewelry EVERY day. Wore something pretty to bed as opposed to my usual T-shirt. Not talking a g-string or peek-a-boo bra or anything, just a silky chemise-gown. I think this helped remind him “Hey, there’s a woman getting in your bed!”.

4)  I flirted with him in text. He messaged me asking what I was doing. I was trying on clothing at a store and told him “I’m naked in the dressing room at _____”, to which he responded “Can I see?” He was only joking, and I’ve never done anything like this before, but I went ahead and texted him a topless picture. He really liked it.

5)  When he asked me about bills and other household decisions we usually make together, I deferred to him on most of them. (He is extremely financially trustworthy and really needs no help from me, anyway.) I just said, “I don’t really feel one way or the other about that, so I defer to you. You always make the right decision.” Good response to this.

6)  I gave him special “oral attention” the week of my period. Usually we don’t do anything intimate that week. He enjoyed it greatly and said so many times. He also kept asking me every day after that “When are you going to be off your period?”. He never asks that!

So after a week and a half of doing this, and a few other things like the 10-second kiss, he instigated in a very Alpha way and I’m a happy wife! I realize I am responsible for our sex life, too – and my job is to keep him interested.

Thanks for paying attention to the ladies who want to up their “game”. There’s not many resources out there for us

Athol:  There’s really not much to add to this one apart from noting that she appears to have all the structural attraction issues under control. Based on her Gmail photo, she’s quite good looking and she writes well so she’s smart too. There’s no major relationship conflict to work through. She was looking on Amazon.com to find a solution to of her being the higher desire partner… and not in a bar somewhere. In short she’s Wife Material (TM) So as soon as she added a little Game she got very quick results.

Also if he liked the blowjob during your period… next time have him cum on your breasts… if he doesn’t done that yet, he’ll have a very strong reaction to it lol.


  1. pdwalker says:


  2. I’ve been thinking about girl game recently, and there’s a problem. Your basic sweet beta-ized husband already charmingly thinks he’s lucky to have his woman, and if she’s got higher desire anyway, then he’s getting all the sex he wants presumably. So if she ups the sexy, he’s just going to think he’s _even luckier_ and certainly not see it as a reason to change what he’s doing.

  3. Two matters which may be pertinent for couples in mid life – Firstly, doing something to shake the equilibrium could lead to the other person being willing to divert from the normal pattern and maybe even acting on desires they have been secretly harbouring. In one’s 40s both men and women become dissatisfied and would like to enhance their sex-life and life in general but may not dare to upset the equilbirum of the relationship. Secondly, learning which of his buttons to press (figuratively speaking) can lead to suprising results. So silky nighwear make act as a sensual clue/trigger. Working out might trigger something also. Men are very reactive to appreciation, respect and trust, so sincerely showing that can have some tangible results.

    jkim – a wife improving herself is likely to lead to a husband feeling insecure as other men take notice. He may also unconsciously follow her lead. More sex may result from triggers being.. well triggered! Awesome often remarks he did not expect to have sex! I know what triggers his desire, so its often just a matter of patience to get what I want. A lot of what attracts his interest is related to my self-improvement efforts – I doubt I would have as much success in seduction if he did not know how hard I work to maintain / build my health, life success and attractiveness.

    The great thing about improving oneself, is that its no regrets and win-win. Fitness, health and excellent presentation are a reward in themselves.

    :-) C

  4. Wow – terrific ideas and advice!

  5. Shannon says:

    I’m the one who wrote the email.

    Candice: well said.

    JKLM: Yes, my husband tells me he’s lucky and I believe he was getting all the sex he THOUGHT he wanted. My goal was to make him think about sex more, feel attraction for me, and act on it. So I stopped my usual instigating, did my best to up my attraction with the steps above and waited.
    Immediately after we tucked our kiddo into bed the other night, he stuck his hand out to me and said “Come with me,” in a commanding tone, and led me to the bedroom. YES! This is exactly what I wanted!

    Before, I had been crying, nagging, etc for him to sit in the Captains chair. Meanwhile, I think I was hogging it. So I got out of the Captain’s chair, sat in my own chair and just tried to make his chair look as appealing as possible. Then he came and took his place. :)

  6. The Outsider says:

    It’s a valid point that your average beta guy may not respond the way you hope to girl game. The trick, it seems to me, is to get him to understand what you want without whining, nagging, bitching or any of that other stuff that makes him shut down. He’s got his role to play just as you do, but it would be a strange coincidence if you both realized it at the same time, wouldn’t it.

    The writer has the right idea when she forces him to make decisions by deferring to him. Maybe he’s not ready to seize control just yet, but if you refuse to accept it yourself he’s more likely to.

    This guy is lucky to have such a self-aware wife. Keep it up.

  7. A book by Bob Berkowitz called “He’s Just Not Up For It Anymore” (2008) also lays out the top 10 reasons men are turned off permanently, which can be googled for more articles. Number one reason: men are angry at their wives for being overly critisizing and controlling.

  8. My wife is a SAHM
    I think partly the reason is suggested in the article,and partly because she is very low self esteem.I have tried gaming her but I only seem to keep it up for a few weeks and then I revert back to my old ways.
    I have increased my self confidence by working on myself by reading NMMNG and your book,plus hitting the weights and starting martial arts. ( I seriously feel like banging another woman) as my wife has not much interest in sex and is not into me at all,it feels more like I am a provider

  9. “So I got out of the Captain’s chair, sat in my own chair and just tried to make his chair look as appealing as possible. “

    You go, girl! Good for you.

    Cool little vignette.

  10. Well done to the OP.
    Several months ago I was in a similar situation – I got very nervous my husband was losing interest in me. I received some excellent advice from a wise lady friend …she told me to “pull up my bra straps and get my girl on”. In other words: Girl Game. I did, and the benefit to our relationship was immediate. My Girl Game also includes things like: cooking his favourite meals more often, actively backing up everything he tells the kids, taking him a cold drink half way through mowing the lawn, fetching him beer/drinks in the evening etc. Basically showing my appreciation through my actions – not just saying thankyou. He has always been in the captains chair, I just wasn’t being the best first mate I could be. (I found this blog while looking for ideas to spice up our sex life)

  11. @David: Good article. In short, they’re spoiled, lazy teenagers: “I wanna do what I wanna do and I want you to pay for everything.”

    My own mother has a BA in a valuable field and pulled this stunt on my dad. She stayed home and read books all day, while the kids did the chores that she delegated. I lost so much respect for her. In my 10 year old emerging rebel self, I vowed that I would never be her.

  12. I think our problem is I have the resentment of only me earning and we struggle for cash and she prob has resentment for relying on me.(hostile dependency).
    I see her at home running up heating bills etc I she puts the heating on instead of a jumper.
    I know she does do a lot around the house and running the kids around,but there is still the resentment gaming works for a while but sex declines again

  13. gardenoflove says:

    If you are worried or upset that your SAHW or SAHM is not using her time wisely there are some Captain Alpha and also some Beta things that can be done. Beta guy sets a time to talk with wife about which responsibilities are important to each of them at this time and who should be responsible for them and when. She should be told ahead of time that they are going to talk about this and he can bring dinner home that night or take her out.
    Alpha guy looks to holding her accountable for that and more.
    I am a very hardworking and organized SAHW and mother. Even so I think it is important to make your husband aware of what your planned daily life is like. It is equally important to let him know why things might not run as planned (illness, child needs, appointments, repairmen and so on). Unfortunately, even with understood roles and responsibilities most women don’t have straight line schedules but ones with quite a few interruptions even from husbands needing something taken care of at the last minute or a listening ear if his day his difficult.
    I have seen women who were bad at the homemaking job for several reasons : laziness, depression, marital or child problems swamping them, lack of training in the skills needed, gender responsibility confusion.

  14. Amazing how far a blow job once in awhile and acting more feminine will go.

    Men are fairly easy to please when it comes down to it.

  15. @Gardenoflove: David’s article addresses SAHM’s that have just sent their youngest off to school full time. The lid is already off the can on that one: there is nothing to do all day while the kids are being babysat by the school. Any mom worth anything will teach her kids to do their own maintenance, like doing their own laundry, making their own breakfast and packing a lunch (and how to clean up the kitchen counter afterwards), along with the basics of picking up toys, making their beds, and cleaning their rooms. Extras like mowing the lawn and cleaning common areas can be done for an allowance, that just like the real world, doesn’t get paid unless the task is finished. Basically, the older the children, the less work it should be for mom & dad.

    Put it this way: many family court judges are women who also have children they’ve raised. If you want to try to tell her that you simply must stay home and collect child support while your kids are all in school, you will be scoffed at and told to get a full time job. If she can raise her kids and send them all of to college while working a demanding career, don’t even try to suggest to her that you can’t.

    Also, Moms who wait on their kids like they’re royalty are just plain idiots, because eventually they will leave home and have to fend for themselves (and not piss off their roommates at what slobs their mother “raised”).

    I have dated guys who were obviously catered to by their mommies. They were biding time to find a girlfriend who thought she’d score points with him by cooking, doing his laundry and cleaning his apartment (Maybe he’ll appreciate me soooooo much that he’ll marry me!). I’ve just thought “Lazy Pig” and walked. Ditto if they spend the night at my place, shower, and leave the wet towel on the floor or on my bed. I date men, not boys.

  16. anonymous 3 says:

    @Jaz71: Included in letting her husband know what is happening at home is a basic outline of what she and he have decided to do with child training including chores and other activities that require self discipline and time away from play. Right now there are over 2 million (and possibly more) women homeschooling their children. Their work and responsibility naturally increases as does their pleasure in being with their children at such an important time. Here we can see a wife and mother in the home organized,working hard ,guiding ,teaching and expanding the role of being at home to being more than a cleaner of the home. The home then can be a place of simple beauty,economy, peace , availability to her husband’s needs .
    If you had questioned women of even the recent past as to what they did all day at home it would not be an answer of leisure and even their leisure,so called, would have been crafts for the home or caring and reaching out to others. There are still,quietly, many of us out there adding value to the lives of our husbands,our children,others and ourselves.
    It is less likely we will even end up before a family court judge because our husbands are happy with the way things are being run on the home front. Athol is also quite right about other important things that contribute additionally to a couples happiness that cannot be satisfied with a comfortable and homey atmosphere and it behooves a woman to pay attention to those things. It does help though to provide that clean,comfortable,homey atmosphere and it can require a lot of stay at home effort. Just as some women have not been prepared with helpful skills,some men have not. There are gentle ways to encourage husbands to be more careful in helping at home.

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