I Told You So

Reader:  Hi Athol

I am implementing what I have been reading in your book The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 and perusing yours and various other blogs; Red Pill Room et al.

My wife has noticed the changes and is stepping up her game as well. All in all I would say that our sex life together has been the best we’ve had in 25+ years.

The concept really hit home for me Sunday evening when she and I were at the supermarket getting some items. From the time we got to the parking lot to the time we checked out I was completely in charge of the entire situation. I was in full Alpha mode.

We left the market and moved the SUV over to the fuel island. I got out to pump the fuel. As I did, I noticed in my peripheral vision someone walking behind me. I surmised that it was the attendant, probably checking the trash cans or something. About thirty seconds later I heard a female voice say, “Hellooo,” in a kind of upward lilt. I turned around, still pumping fuel, and it was in fact the attendant, but she wasn’t checking anything, she was just standing there. Her hands in her pockets, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and then she starts this conversation with me about the weather, her trip to Moscow, just general small talk. I listened, gave short answers, not rude but not really engaging her in the subject matter. As my SUV has a large fuel tank, we were there almost ten minutes until the tank filled. Since I pay at the pump, I didn’t need to see her to pay, so I got my receipt, capped the tank and was ready to leave. However, the attendant was still talking to me. I had to break it off, again not rude or anything.

Mind you, my wife was in the vehicle the whole time and witnessed the entire exchange. When I got back in, she had the most shocked expression. She then said something to the effect, “Athol said THIS would happen!” My wife was particularly flabbergasted at how the woman tilted her head and giggled during the conversation.

This has never happened before.

The woman was probably ten or so years younger than me.

Did I imagine this? My wife assures me I did not. I am not looking for outside attention.

Athol:  Great story!

Welcome to the sweet spot of your wife knowing that she’s completely replaceable sexually, but that you aren’t looking to replace her. It’s the height of the Alpha Beta balancing act.

Also it’s great that your wife is consciously aware of all this too. It makes it so much easier to have a proper friendship together along with the sex. Use your powers for good.


  1. Big pimpin’.

    Learning to see your value is big. I was having coffee last year with a female friend (married, totally platonic) and after a woman bicycled by the patio we were on and turned her head to us, my friend turned to me and said “that woman totally eye-fu**ed you!!” Since then I’ve become a lot better at seeing and noticing interest in the field.

    I would bet that a lot of guys, before MMSL/game/some kind of initial training on recognizing female interest, don’t really have a good idea of their value at all. When you put that ability to read together with actually upping your sex rank a la the MAP, it gives a man a real splash in the face. Diggity.

  2. pdwalker says:

    The difference it makes is amazing. The ease with which one could use their new super powers to do bad things is frighteningly simple.

  3. I agree with pdwalker. Giving off an aura of natural ease and confidence is definitely attractive (for either gender) but not controllable. The test for most men is being able to say “no” when coworkers instictively gravitate towards their new happiness.

    To ward off temptation, it’s my suggestion that men keep a photo of their wife on the desk. And bring her up in conversations whenever possible, as a reminder to themselves.

    Great success story, Athol.

  4. mmaier2112 says:

    I’ve had a number of moments where I realized after the fact that the female in question was interested but I was oblivious and too late.

    I’m not so sure I wouldn’t repeat that these moments, but I sure hope not.

  5. FeralFelis says:

    PD-and therein lies the concern so many wives have expressed about their newly improved, alpha-ized husbands. When one has been shut out for a while, is perhaps feeling resentment, is potentially oblivious to interest which may be occurring and then suddenly the blinders come off, I have seen very few husbands be able to resist a bite from the “dessert cart” going by (in my youth, I WAS the dessert cart, on occasion). How sad it is that at the exact moment it could all come together as MAPped out, one wrong choice (OK, on either side) can bring it crashing to a halt.

  6. Flipper says:

    Its also a self fulfilling prophecy. I’ve noticed a similar pattern. I had a girl I went back to school with who was probably 10 years younger. Not hot but not bad either. So I run into her when she’s working the paint counter at the hardware store. I start talking about building a playhouse for my daughters. Very innocent. Bam – out of the blue she says “better hope they don’t have sex in there when they are older.” I just laughed and flirted bit after that. But Blue Pill Flipper wouldn’t have even acknowledged that. Would have gone right past me.

    Now yesterday was interesting for me. I am a house flipper and sold a house to a single mom on land contract. Last month I stopped over for my payment and she was wearing a bathrobe. She comes to the door with her daughter. She hands me a check and we talk about the house a little bit. Then she subtly shifts the edges of the bathrobe to frame her tits. Nice cans too and just sticking right out there now. I didn’t really flirt at all and left but it definitely had me feeling good.

    Fast forward to yesterday – next month payment is due and I stop by at about 11:30 – kids all in school. Mommy wearing a tight sweatshirt and looking good. She invites me in to look at the place. Invites me further in to see the kitchen. I knew I wasn’t looking for trouble but she’s telegraphing like crazy. I’m thinking “I’ve seen this movie” lol. Now, I wouldn’t ever cheat but seeing the opportunity right in your face is a definite confidence boost that carries over into my marriage. I think next month I should probably just have her mail me a check….lol.

    I don’t really think this was “the test” as Athol puts it but it is unfolding that way if I allow it. Which I won’t.

  7. mjfrog says:

    The husband is running the MAP to attract his wife, right? He is not likely to take a bite, at least not for a good long while. Too much invested to chuck it on a whim. But then he’s expecting the wife to have a more active response than just to “express concern.” Marriage after the MAP is a fickle mistress.

  8. Over It says:


    You already let *something* happen since you wandered through her house without any real reason. Be careful that you don’t get pulled into a tenant suing for sexual harassment. True story; I know a guy it happened to. Never know when she’s just playing you for free rent.

  9. I act a little mad when another female gives my husband attention, but secretly I kind of like it.
    I believe he’s faithful, so no worries there – and it validates me that I have a good catch. Shh, don’t tell him. :)

  10. Agree with all you guys. I’m jsut two weeks into the MAP and now that I’m paying attention the results are obvious, especially at work. I’ve always been in good shape but now I’ve upped my game in the wardrobe category, teeth, hygeine and *especially* the confidence category. This shit works. I can point to three attractive female coworkers who have been seeking me out. One has been frequently stopping by asking me to go to lunch, another sends me non-work related and slightly-flirty IMs all the time and the third IMed me yesterday to see which building I was in so she could “come sit by me.”

    This is after just two weeks. What do I do? Politely turn down lunch to the one, IM back with a few I-could-care-less-about-your-IMs to the second, and tell the third one sorry but I’m in the other building. Then tell all three of them the plans I’ve made for the weekend with my wife and family. Let them know the lady at home is #1.

    I’ve gone home from work feeling great every day.

  11. FeralFelis says:

    @Flipper-if you set foot in that place by yourself again, you are INSANE!!
    If she feels scorned or rebuffed, you have no recourse if she alleges you assaulted her in some way. And for the fact that she probably already feels you were receptive to her advances, she WILL most likely feel rebuffed. DANGER, Will Robinson!!

    @MCM-Not “THEN tell all three of them…”. FIRST tell all three of them!!

    “What do I do?” You KNOW what you should do. Don’t act so damned available!! IMHO, you’re bragging just a teensy bit, you’re enjoying the attention, and the minute you noticed this was happening you should have put the photo of the wife and kids front and center on your desk, stop making prolonged eye contact with the women who were flirting, and taken the flirtation (yes, that’s what it was and you know it) down a notch. IF you are really concerned, that is. It sounds to me like you are getting quite the boost from this.

    Fidelity can be a very slippery slope, and the grey (not black and white) road to EAs and PAs is paved with dozens of tiny little decisions where the process could have been stopped.

  12. AnonyHere says:

    “stop making prolonged eye contact with the women who were flirting, and taken the flirtation (yes, that’s what it was and you know it) down a notch. ”

    Yes. this is important. Does a wife never get outside attention ? I am a wife, and I get some attention sometimes. I don’t indulge it. I don’t hold eye contact, I don’t give sassy replies to openers. Maybe different people have different levels of temptation they can manage, but I think that being conservative is the safest bet. I hate this part about MMSL. Who wants to live in fear of some random situation destroying the marriage. If the outsider is interested and motivated enough, and everyone is of the mindset of practicing their alpha stuff, dude, that intersection is volatile.

  13. FlyingDutchman says:

    There is nothing wrong with being confident and friendly with other women and having them show interest in you. It only crosses the line when you pursue it beyond just friendly conversation. The way I do this is I have the same friendly interactions with grandma’s and less attractive women right along with the hotty who shows interest. I’m not looking to pursue anything and I am completely loyal to my wife, but at the same time, the last thing a guy should do is stop talking in a fun and confident manner to other women. Even my wife admits this. Women want a guy that is wanted by other women. Its a fundamental pillar of attraction for women. Her man is the prize if she is into him sexually.

  14. The fact that the wife in the OP witnessed the exchange is good because she will definitely be more attracted to him and she’ll be keeping a closer eye on him.

    I agree with the warnings posted because things could spiral out of control before one even realizes what’s happening. I believe that communication and transparency between husband and wife is absolutely critical to ensure things like the examples mentioned do not hit that “slippery slope”.

  15. Wow, I have to say I’m a bit shocked at some of the expectations here. Stop the EYE CONTACT with women you work with?! seriously?! Is this making people uneasy because it’s men doing it? Every woman out there knows that she can pull interest any time she wants it from the men around her – at work, in the grocery store, hell if i want sex, i just have to ENTER a bar and I’m pretty much guaranteed to get laid if I’m willing! that doesn’t mean people are contstatly engaging in affairs because of a little playful banter with strangers or coworkers; just cause it’s an option doesnt mean that you’re DOING anything about it…

    As to the bragging comment – OF COURSE he’s bragging! He feels GOOD! having people interested in you DOES feel good. It feels powerful. And you know what else feels good – when your significant other KNOWS that you have other offers. When they hold you a little tighter cause they know you have other options. Or in another situation, when your spouse TELLS you that you’re ntohing special and you start to realize that you ARE. It does feel good. And it CAN get out of hand if you let it, so just make sure you’re working on making your MARRIAGE what you want, not just opening up your options…

  16. FeralFelis says:

    @ Jane: not making contact, making *prolonged* eye contact.

    Every gay guy (I know…there are none here…) can tell the nanosecond difference between looking at someone and LOOKING at someone; one acknowledges, one displays interest. I’m guessing the women here can tell the difference, too. And the guys who are working the plan, who notice the difference in how women are acting towards them..they’re figuring it out as they go!

  17. I’m kind of surprised the OPs wife stayed in the car and didn’t do anything. I would have been out of the car and making my presence known to the attendant after a few minutes. My husband is a great guy, but I don’t see anything bad about l

  18. Sheesh. Getting used to my new tablet and brushed the wrong section of the screen. As I was saying, I think there is nothing bad about letting him know that I am perfectly aware he has other options and that I do not intend to let any of those other options think I don’t care if they are flirting with him.

  19. Thanks jane. Yes, this has given my confidence a much needed boost!!

    And regarding the eye contact…lol…two of these exchanges happened over IM, so there was no eye contact at all! One of them wasn’t even in the same building with me! But I agree that I shouldn’t let it go to my head. The real issue is the marriage and that’s what I’m working to fix, not to set up other options. Thanks gang – I wish I would have found this blog/book 8 years ago when I was first married!

  20. Jacquie says:

    I was content to just read through the posts and not say anything, but with Gwen’s comment I now feel I need to jump in. I am the OP’s wife.
    First I need to say that I was in shock, to be truthful. I wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was what I thought it was, but it was.
    Secondly, the passenger door doesn’t currently work from the inside and I was kind of trapped, unless I jumped across the driver’s seat tumbling out that door and maybe looking a bit foolish.
    No, I just played it cool, and it payed off. It was me he came home with, and I got first hand experience of just how confident he felt after the encounter.

  21. Jacquie – glad you chimed in. Your redition just makes the story SOOO much more enjoyable…lol about the door not working…smooth…

  22. And THIS is the reason I read your book but haven’t asked my hubby read them.
    I would had gone out of the car (by the opposite door I wouldn’t care to look dumb) with my best “Bitch,What is your problem” face hold my husband hand and not let go till she get the massage with my face or my fist: her choice.
    I’m a menace to myself and others, my hubby is very sexy the way he is and any woman that can’t see it is just stupid. Stupidity, keeps me out of jail. ;)

  23. Sorry, Jacquie, didn’t mean to sound like I was criticizing. I was just curious and kind of wondering if my reaction was off base. Glad to know I’m not the only one who responds that way!

  24. From my ( a woman’s) perspective, idealy, as the men with this new found confidence experience more interest from other women they will realise that the initial self-acknowledgement of her interest is all the ego boost you need. You don’t actually need to engage in or reciprocate the flirting. She has shown her interest, you are ‘aware’ of it – ego boost accomplished. Your next step is not to flirt back and give her ideas, it’s to nip it in the bud so she understands you KNOW you are high value (smirk), but she doesn’t have a chance, too bad for her. I think your aim should be to take her attraction and change it into admiration – admiration that you are such high value (this includes high morals) that you are out of her league. If you have a bunch of women following you (a married man) around actually thinking they have a chance, you are showing a lack of integrity. They should respect you and admire you , but know your morals (obviously) exceed theirs. Raise yourself above her level a little. If a woman is hitting on a known married man, it’s flattering to him on one hand, BUT it’s a reflection of her low morals, and actually an insult to the man that she thinks his morals are that low too. In fact – is it a fitness test? Is she testing your morals? If you return the flirting and essentially lead her on, I think you fail. She gets an ego boost that she ‘got you’, but you lose value because she knows you are not as morally admirable as a true high value man is. You put yourself in her league….you should be ABOVE her league and consequently out of her reach.
    That’s the way I see it anyway, as a wife. I would be deeply hurt if my husband flirted with other women and to me it would lower his value. I expect him to be aware, yet ignore their interest. High value means the whole package, including good character.

  25. Whooooo-weeee! A lot of insecurity from wives, here! I can’t imagine that going raging-bitch on an unsuspecting stranger is going to accomplish anything other than prove to your husband that he has married a lunatic woman capable of thoroughly embarrassing him on impulse. One can only imagine what impression she would leave with his boss if she did this to a coworker.

    Cheating is easy. If he wants to flirt, he will. Only he’ll make sure that he spends less and less time with his wife in public to avoid one of her episodes, since she’s not to be trusted to behave in a classy manner.

  26. Why bother? It’s a lot of long hard effort for something that may not even pay off. Ten years ago I was in the best shape of my life (in my mid-30’s), and I was even sort of aware of little bit more interest being paid me by women. But nothing ever happened. You married people are fortunate.

    And yes, at work you (guys) should stay far, far away from anything more than a split second of eye contact with women. And business only conversations.

  27. What happens Jaz? Afraid “all the married men that want you because you are oh so hot” make their wives teach you a thing or two about respecting other’s people’s relationships, since you obviously can’t have a marriage that works?
    I’m sure husbands worry a ton more about a wife that prefers her job and her money to them that making sure anyone knows they are not taking their husband for granted.

  28. Ana, I have no worries at all. And I don’t apologize for being and looking the way I do.

    If more wives would up their value, they wouldn’t be paranoid about being traded up.

  29. Jaz
    You come here telling how many married men find you “oh so hot and sexy” so of course you side with the “wannabe home-wrecker”. Makes perfect sense.

  30. @FlyingDutchman RE: the grandmas

    Was at the store this weekend and I had a book of coupons. I was only going to use two so I gave the book to the little old lady in front of us in line and told her she could have them, hey, maybe you save a dollar or two. She smiled and thanked me, bagged her groceries and then came back to thank me again. Small gesture but the wife noticed and liked :)

  31. MCM – i totally dig that when when my hubby does that kinda stuff!! It makes me SOOOO PROUD “yup, that’s my husband right there” also, helping short people reach things, helping to carry heavy things, doing yard work for the elderly couple next door….One of the very first things that attracted me to him…

  32. From a woman’s perspective, a guy wearing a ring can be attractive and fun to talk to, but part of his attractiveness is the strength of character behind the nice face and muscles. Ladies, isn’t it true that a very attractive guy who is married loses some of that attractiveness when it looks like they are desperate for female attention? I think we instinctively wonder what we’d find out if we got to know them better, why they don’t have a great marriage, etc. Part of a strong man’s attractiveness is the aloof, half smile, I-love-my-wife detachment in his eyes. Think of that bathrobe flash and the intense flirting/pursuit of those home-wreckers as their own sort of fitness test. If you fail, you are just another cute chump in a long line of weak men who have fallen to their charms. If you pass, they might be disappointed, but they will continue to admire you and be jealous of your wife. Strong, detached, and loyal–think of the military image, a soldier being bribed to serve the other side. What does the hero always do? And that will always make a woman’s heart go pitter-pat. :)

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