Reader: I was hoping you could give me some direction on your 2 week rule. I really like the rule, in that you can nip things in the bud before they become major issues. However, I’m unsure as to how to approach asking about it. (Beta, I know)…
My wife is pregnant, and for the last 13 weeks, she has been systematically taking steps away from me. First it was in the bedroom, then it was stopping approaching me for kisses, then it was no touching at all, then it was general irritability, to now, the last 2 weeks, she hasn’t said I Love You once.
So, my rational male mind is seeing this as a problem… To me, these are steps away from the long term goal of a happy healthy marriage. I am just unsure of how to approach asking her what’s going on… she is extremely against me at the moment, it seems like, and I’m not quite sure how to start the conversation.
I had thought about after work saying something like: “Babe, I’ve got a question for you about some of the communication difficulties we’ve been having lately, if you’re open to talking about it.” Then going from there with: “I understand that you’re not comfortable and don’t feel well. That said, you’ve been taking active steps to avoid me since the beginning… First it was the sex, and we’ve progressed to where you haven’t told me that you love me in 2 weeks. What’s going on?” And then, “From my perspective, our marriage is the most important thing in this house. We have a baby on the way, and it is going to take both of us working together to provide a solid model for how a husband and wife should interact. Is what we’re doing now what you want to model for our child?”
What do you think? Any suggestions?
Athol: Too much flowery language and verbal submission to her in your statements. Try…
“You’re a bitch when you’re pregnant.”
Then leave the house for a few hours. She’ll probably apologize in short order. She knows she’s being a bitch toward you.
Reader: Ha… That does sound a whole lot less Beta, doesn’t it…
Just you saying that makes me realize that not getting affected by her jabs are huge… You see it on TV… people responding to an angry woman with: “Are you finished?” That, or your comment you would so much better than trying to convince her to behave differently.
Thanks again, Athol!
Athol: You’re welcome.
It’s also nice in that it draws attention to the pregnancy for the cause of her behavior. Pregnancy does bring additional stresses to the marriage, but that only explains poor behavior it does not excuse it. It gives her an out to save some face and admit the pregnancy is something adding to her stress.
In general her being pregnant increases her need for Beta support. The further along she is, the more support is needed and you should help her through the pregnancy as best you can. However the standard rules apply, you don’t continue to do nice things for someone treating you badly. That just encourages them.
And circling back to the Two Week Rule, if you start to notice that she’s turning to the dark side, say and do something about it. If you let her get away with stomping all over you for nine months… don’t be surprised if your sweet wife doesn’t return after the pregnancy. Enjoy the Brood-Mother.
Also don’t get sucked in to helping pregnant women repeatedly who aren’t your wife. Obviously deal with any emergency and safety issues like you would anyone else, I’m talking about doing tasks for her convenience. Lifting heavy objects easily is always a Display of High Value, but beyond that, if they don’t have a man of their own that can help them, that’s their problem.