Quest had a bunch of questions in a comment…
Quest: I am still running the MAP and believe it will eventually allow me to get to this homework assignment. By the way, I think your book may save my marriage, so again I want to thank you and Jennifer. Like Average Married Guy I am looking forward to MMSL 2012. Do you know when it will be out?
Please let me throw out a couple of more questions. What advice do you have on marital counselling? Can it help? Also what do you make of the many women enjoying Fifty Shades of Grey?
Athol: Three questions, so lets go one at a time.
Fifty Shades of Grey: This is essentially a romance novel with emphasis on some BDSM erotica as part of the plot. It grew out of being Twilight fan fiction of stories of Edward and Bella, then grew into it’s own trilogy of novels. So essentially it’s hitting the same demographic as Twilight did… horny bored housewives craving the same erotic thrills their college boyfriend gave them before he dumped them and they had to marry normal guys.
Look there’s really no mystery with this. Women like sex. They like kinky twisted rough sex… as long as the guy turns them on. It’s a book about kinky twisted rough sex a girl has with a guy that really turns her on.
I think I’ll get Jennifer a copy and find out how she likes it.
Marriage Counseling: I gotta be honest, I get a ton of email where “marriage counseling” is mentioned in the same breath as “waste of time.” I’m not a wild fan of it. I suspect cats like going to the vet more than men like going to marriage counseling. Nothing like losing the argument at home and then having to rehash it again for $125 an hour.
If you have some kind of serious communication issue where you just don’t know what the other is thinking and feeling, marriage counseling can help. It however won’t make you more attractive to her. If the problem is that she’s just not attracted to you, marriage counseling can be counter-productive in that she can start with vague feelings of lack of attraction, and really explore them more fully so she gets to grips with exactly how unattracted she is to you. My hunch is that most couples are communicating just fine and walk into the marriage counselors office knowing extremely well how the other thinks and feels, they just don’t like how each other thinks and feels. They walk in looking not so much for communication but some kind of resolution. If you’re walking in with her being unattracted to you, it’s not going to be weighed toward resolving in your favor.
That being said, when emotions are really volatile, the expression of thoughts and feelings can do as much damage as good. Sometimes it’s the words spoken in the moments of anger that carry venom greater than intended or justified. Calming things down a little and talking things through with someone can help then.
In short, marriage counseling is talk, which if you actually need help talking, is a good thing and worth it. However talk rarely makes men more attractive to women. So marriage counseling is also good for stalling for time while you get your crap together and run the MAP.
Just say the phrase “Men of action” and “Men of talk” out loud and see how you feel about saying that lol.
The Next Primer: I’m struggling to finish it. It’s been a huge push through to get to this point and two and a half years of double duty of my nursing job and MMSL have worn me down. I’ve got this odd mix of feeling crappy that the book isn’t done, and yet the surreal experience of having actually written two books and doing so well that I’m done with the day job at the end of May.
It’s also become apparent I’m not going to have material to add to it year after year. The 2011 edition is a little too comprehensive as it is. Writing the book is significantly harder than writing the blog and it’s all consuming when I’m seriously writing. Also going over the same material feels like I got held back a grade and have to do it all over again. This time around I’m going to get the book much closer to what I imagined it was going to be and I’m writing to please myself as much as anyone else. When it’s done, it’s done. After that I have a ton of other book ideas to get to do. I’d rather do them than repeat the Primer again and again. So the next edition will be it for the foreseeable future.
So anyway – the 2011 Primer is still a great book. The Second Edition will simply be an improved version of that book. If you need it now, buy it now. When the Second Edition is out, I’ll tell you what’s new and different.
Jennifer: Okay now I need to read Fifty Shades of Grey…