Chimpy: Like Flying Dutchman, I have run the MAP. Duty sex is the norm. It isn’t that she is not conscious. She consciously reverse plans what I do. Its as if she were saying “I will have more sex with you but I want you to know I think its a shit idea, and no matter what you try I am going to go out of my way to NOT enjoy it.” It isn’t lay back and think of England its lay back like a sack of shit and think how to be more negative next time.
Athol: This sounds much worse than duty sex (offering sex but not being wildly turned on; I wish I used the phrase “maintenance sex” now.) and more like hating you with her vagina. The purpose of her doing this isn’t to offer you an enjoyable moment while she gets to feel close to you. The purpose of this is to passive-aggressively make you suffer by punishing you for wanting her.
This is her still trying to maintain control of the relationship via sex. It’s the thing where you obviously want more sex, so she “gives you what you asked for”, but does so in a manner that technically fulfills your request, but violates your intention. This is a Scorched Earth Defense where she removes any chance of you “winning”, by purposely ruining what you seek to win. The intention being to break your will and force you back to your own side of the bed.
Here’s the thing… it’s a really really effective defense because every time you get sex where she hates you with her vagina, you are making a statement that you’re okay with that arrangement. You’re saying you’re so desperate and dependent on her vagina, that you’re willing to agree to what amounts to self-harm to get it. So odds are you’ll approach her for sex less and less. She does after all have you on a behavior plan designed to make you less and less interested in having sex with her.
Imagine if you will that you ask your wife to make you a cup of coffee and she returns with a simply horrible cup of coffee…. every single time. Plus she shows no ability to learn or interest in making you a good cup of coffee ever. After a while you’ll just fold and say fuck this shit, I’ll just make my own coffee and never bother her about coffee again. Pretty soon you’ll be online looking at the pictures of all the different coffees you could have and ordering one of those fancy coffeemakers that makes single cups of coffee just for you.
So cutting to the chase…
If she hates you with her vagina, she hates your guts. I mean really really hates you…
…but you have something she needs badly enough to put herself through the experience of having sex with you once in a while. You know she needs something from you because otherwise she’d just leave. The sex is acknowledgement that it’s something you want from her, in order to stay around and keep giving her the thing she wants from you.
The Scorched Earth Defense creates a double bind. You see, if you have sex with her hating you like this, you lose because you’re displaying desperation and weakness to her. But if you don’t have sex with her, that’s what she wants to happen and you keep giving her what she wants… so you lose that way too. Because she’s putting you in a double bind, she forces your hand toward an equally strong response. If you were playing a game of “Heads she wins, tails you lose” for $20 a coin toss, you’d quickly wise up and stop playing into her frame.
You have to admit to yourself that the entire situation has degraded into something dysfunctional. Admit to yourself that the hate sex is not making things any better. Admit that it all looks pretty much over between you.
If the only thing she is bringing to the table is being a focus of your oneitis, she brings nothing to the relationship. Your romantic attachment is something you are bring to the relationship, not her. On a purely emotional level, you are probably better off having a random hookup, than having sex with someone that hates you. Not that I’m advising to have random hookups, I’m making a point about how bad being sexually hated is. I mean at least a hooker would say “Thanks” and want to do it again sometime.
Once things are this far gone, it’s easier to give birth than raise the dead. Or put more plainly, there are other women out there in the world that crave a man to bond with and sexually yield to. A relationship with one of them may bring you more joy, peace and happiness than anything you can recover with your wife.
So here’s the hope…
Run the MAP, prep for the exit like you have to leave. The power of the takeaway is strong. If you stop being interested in sex with her, stop waiting on her, stop circling forever in her orbit… she loses her leverage to control you. Without the ability to control you, her needs may not be met. Thus the balance of power in the relationship starts swinging quickly from her to you. When that happens, whatever justification she used for hatred may be quickly cast aside in a sea of tears and sorrow for her actions. (On one level that sounds completely cynical and pathetically transparent of her, but that’s what the female Red Pill moment looks like. It’s the moment where she realizes shes ruining everything.)
It might work, it might not. But if nothing else it breaks the cycle of hate and gives you something to do to get your life back into a forward momentum.
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