Reader: “When women tell you to Man Up, what they think they are saying to you, is for you to “Be a winner.” But because they feel they have to say that to you, they’ve already decided that you are a loser.”
Yeah, ran into this a little over a month ago, maybe you can tell me how i should have handled it. Was a friends birthday party, and i was there with my at the time FWB. So he pulled out the hardcore Portuguese spirits and started pouring shots. It was nasty stuff. When i pounded it back, i thought i swallowed acid and im sure my face showed it, along with the groan. FWB turns to me and says ‘Really? You should buck up and take it like a man. You don’t hear us complaining when we have to swallow!’ (obvious sex ref)
I had no comeback. I just took the next shot and pounded it back and didn’t even flinch, as nasty as it was. I just looked her dead in the eye and said, ‘That’s how good European girls do it’. But i already knew the shit test was lost. On top of that i took myself to about 1 drink away from throwing up, something i haven’t done since my teens. So i fell into the trap of ‘manning up’ against my better judgement and health risk involved. If anyone knows a good way that should have been handled.. I’m all ears!
Athol: A Friend With Benefits who isn’t acting like a friend, effectively demotes herself to being a rental vagina. So what you should do is say you’re not going to jump through hoops she’s setting, just because she’s being a bitch.
Unfortunately though, she has majorly upped the ante by doing this in public, trying to shame you into doing something you clearly didn’t want to do, so you can’t just have a private word about this. You can’t ask her to step outside to address things, because if you do that, you’re telegraphing to the entire group that you’re too weak to handle her publicly. She just going to smirk and very loudly call you out again, attracting even more attention to it. So whatever you do, needs to happen right then.
Personally I don’t have any interest in being with anyone goading me into doing something like that, so that would in and of itself make me start losing interest in me being with them. I would give them the thanks for playing two second speech and tell them to find their own ride home. Basically if she can’t behave like she’s part of a couple in public, she can’t be part of a couple in public.
I know that sounds drastic, but in a dating situation if she’s pulling public stunts to try and embarrass you, you’re already on the way out of the relationship. So by acting like you’re completely prepared to walk away from her, you beat her to the punch and force her to reassess the situation quickly and maybe her hamster finds you suddenly more attractive. Even then the whole thing is probably just scorched earth anyway as far as this girl is concerned, you just want the story about the incident being that you unflinchingly dumped her rather than you almost tossed your cookies trying to impress her.
And besides, if when she swallows it burns going down like a shot of 100 proof something, she’s really got to stop blowing infected guys.
P.S. Of course it it’s a guy goading you into trying to do something foolishly stupid, you just say “Go right ahead, once you’re injured / dead / jailed / unconscious, I’ll make sure your girlfriend / wife is properly looked after.” Then you smile happily and encourage them to do it.