2012 June | Married Man Sex Life

Finally A Blogroll

June 20, 2012 By Athol Kay 18 Comments

I’m finally getting to finishing off some of the unfinished business with the blog switch to WordPress. Yesterday I spent about eight hours editing around the first 200 posts that got their formatting grunched in the switch. Thankless drudgery for the win, I didn’t think anything could make me miss nursing lol.

Today I spent eight hours grinding through my feedreader and moving stuff around and making it more useful. Culled out about a hundred dead blogs into a graveyard folder. What’s listed below is my list of blogs that are still currently active, and in some way shape or form writing about sex and relationships from a Game / conscious / Red Pill viewpoint.

You might like some of them, you might not. Below is the cut/paste from my blogroll page. The blogroll page will be updated and amended at random, though being active and basically on topic is the critera for survival and addition.

As a caution to new readers. Please be aware that doing nothing but reading 50+ blogs a day isn’t making a positive change in and of itself. They are helpful, but you need to stay in action. Also some of these blogs are far darker in tone than MMSL. I’m by no means a Pollyanna, but staying positive is usually more productive than being negative. Stay positive and productive and you’ll get your best results.

*****

Close relatives to MMSL. If you like MMSL you’ll probably like these blogs too. They aren’t MMSL clones but all have a strong Game + Pro-Marriage/LTR bent. A couple of these are “I’m running the MAP” in content as well. So shout encouragement from the sidelines or something.

The Red Pill Room

Average Married Guy Losing Beta For More Sex

Gaming My Wife

Phase Frame

Taking Back The Reins

The MMSL extended family… including black sheep. All these blogs deal with sex and relationships from a Game/conscious perspective. I don’t agree with all that is written, and a some of it isn’t for me, but there’s nuggets of gold all over. Grab a shovel and start digging. Just use your own judgment.

Aleph One Alpha Game Approach Anxiety BbSezMore Life: The Rough Draft Candidly Candice Chateau Heartiste Christian Men’s Defense Network Dalrock Danny From 504 Freedom Twenty Five Game For Omega’s Genuine Approach Good Strong Men Haley’s Halo Hawaiian Libertarian Hidden Leaves Hooking Up Smart I Will Never Say No In 2012 Just Be A Man About It Krauser’s PUA Adventure One Man’s Perspective Picking Up Women With Sleaze Pill Red Condition Yellow Post Masculine Roosh Samplexus Solve My Girl Problems The Alpha Persona The Badger Hut The Left Half The Private Man The Rational Male The Quest For 50 The University of Man Willy Wonka’s Adventures Yohami

Filed Under: Humor and Everything Else, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Two Chicks One Ukulele

June 20, 2012 By Athol Kay 6 Comments

I recently post a post called Relative Sex Rank vs True Sex Rank which basically said younger women are hotter than older ones. I know, shocking huh. I thought about following that post up with something like Oxygen Is Important For Carbon-Based Lifeforms, or Don’t Try And Learn About Gravity Using Really Heavy Objects.

Instead I’ll follow it up with Garfunkel and Oates. Nothing takes the edge off of existential pain like a ukulele.

Jennifer: I love this song!

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Humor and Everything Else

Love, Beer and Chocolate Cake Theory 101

June 19, 2012 By Athol Kay 59 Comments

I got told today from a friend that I’ve successfully managed to destroy love. That once all is said and done, by tearing apart love into it’s hormonal and neurotransmitter bits, it’s all just not the same anymore. He wishes he knew his wife loved him for just him, rather than because he’s running the MAP and doing X, Y and Z. I think there’s an element of truth to all that. It’s a little like I’ve explained how a magic trick works and now you don’t get to enjoy watching the trick anymore. The wonder is gone, the amazement is gone, the delight is gone.

Love is a little bit like eating chocolate cake. Everyone likes to eat chocolate cake and most of you showed up here hoping to get a slice. Instead you find yourself in a research kitchen where we mostly do stuff like tear chocolate cakes apart to see how they’re made. There’s discussion about flour and eggs and milk and how hot the oven has to be. Tips about greasing the pan and how to ice it. Writing about the shelf-life of chocolate cake makes people angry for some reason too. By the time we’re done, you’re all so sick of hearing about how chocolate cake is made, you’re starting to not want to hear or see another chocolate cake in your life.

Just give it a minute. It’s like you’re at the train station complaining it’s not very much like your destination.

Anyway…

…it’s all going to sink in and one day you’re going to just start throwing all the ingredients together. You’ll mix it just right and out it in the oven at the perfect temperature. The timer will ding and out comes this amazingly perfect chocolate cake. When you put it in your mouth, you aren’t going to taste Chocolate Cake Theory 101. All you’re going to taste is the delicious, delicious, chocolate cake. Warm, gooey and sweet. Nom nom nom nom.

The trouble is right now you’re not experiencing the end result of learning all this stuff just yet. You’re not at the end point of running your MAP. Right now it all feels like an abstraction and you’re also not getting all the love and sex and attention you want from her. So when you run your MAP and you find that level of interest you want coming to you, it’s going to feel good. The fact you have to do X, Y and Z to make her pay attention that way, is really no different than you having to turn the oven on to 350, use three eggs and exactly two cups of flour.

What you’re struggling with is moving from an unconscious relationship, to a conscious relationship. In an unconscious relationship “love” is the happy circumstance of two people getting along very well just doing whatever they do naturally when they are in a relationship. However people aren’t static and people change over time, what used to work perfectly well without trying, may not work so well over time. After a while it may even be counter-productive. Your relationship may be failing as “love” flickers out and dies.

That’s why you’re here, to unlearn what you were doing when you were unconsciously doing wrong and to learn what you were unconsciously doing right. It’s a lot of mental effort, but once you learn this stuff, you can consciously do what works in your relationship. There will be a lag between learning it, doing it and finally feeling it. But you will feel it.

It’s an amazing thing to learn all this. As I’ve said before, you are not some disembodied soul that is the “real you” riding around in your body. Your higher-level sapien brain is a late adaptation to work as a tool for your Body Agenda. Your brain and your body are one and the same thing, your body is the real you. Hormones and neurotransmitters carry information back and forth inside your brain like a big meat computer. The information is your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are real world physical objects.

I know that’s a lot to mentally grasp, but consider that psychotropic medication comes in little tiny pills, and those little tiny physical objects when swallowed have the express purpose of changing the way people think and feel. If that doesn’t make your head spin I don’t know what will. Likewise, anyone who has taken a drink of alcohol has experienced the same change in mood and expression as well. You throw alcohol into a carbon based meat computer and it gets a little loose and playful. Add more and it gets mean. Add too much and it tries to eject as much alcohol as it can in a big old mess and then shuts down and reboots in safe mode. Beer is a physical object and is essentially a psychotropic medication in liquid form.

When you drink beer, you can’t choose to not be affected by the alcohol. You can choose not to drink the alcohol in the first place, but once you drink it, it’s in your system and will have an effect on you whether you want it to or not. Likewise, when you get to the end point of your MAP, and you’re finally with someone that loves you, has good sex with you and likes you, you’ll be affected by that whether you want it to or not.

Sigh… watch the Frenchman again people…

… and just enjoy the chocolate cake.

Edit: And apparently chocolate cake was in my head because Helen Fisher said it first. Damnit!

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Sexual Health Issues, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

The Most Interesting Man In The World

June 16, 2012 By Athol Kay 32 Comments

I remember seeing Empire Strikes Back in the movies at age ten and just being blown away by the reveal that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father. I seriously had NO freaking clue it was coming. Of course, know we all know the story and watching Vader kicking Luke’s ass just enough to try and break him, but not kill him, isn’t as powerful anymore.

Buuuuut… 10,000 people are born everyday in America who don’t know that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.

For good or bad, the father-kid relationship is emotionally charged. Do your best to make that a good emotional charge.

99% of the Game stuff that works on wives and everyone else, works just the same with your kids. Yeah sure you have to be Beta and take care of them and provide your basic comforts, but that just makes you boring old chump dad with a wallet. Add some Alpha into your actions and overall behavior. Then you’re the cool dad that does stuff. Your kids love you, but they want to be proud of you too. They want to be able to have a conversation with their friends where they use the line, “Well my dad….” and follow it with something cool about you. Your kids may not always be talking to you in anything greater than one word sentences, but they are always talking about you.

Also if you’re a boy, most of the coolest things in childhood happen immediately after your dad says, “Don’t tell your mother.” One time after dad said that, we had a second-and-a-half of airtime in the car. I shit you not. Though as a caveat I do have to mention you probably shouldn’t go all Dukes of Hazard yourself with your kids in the car in 2012. The damn airbags go off with just the slightest jostle these days. We’re from New Zealand, the national motto is “She’ll be right mate.” Also Dad had thousands of hours of motorsport experience under his belt, the gravel road was fairly empty and if it all went wrong, it was only about a thirty or forty foot drop off onto the rocky shore below covered with several hundred mating bull seals.

(Huh… I just remembered that was in fact my first official driving lesson.)

Filed Under: Uncategorized

What Would Jennifer Do?

June 16, 2012 By Athol Kay 39 Comments

Following on from yesterday’s post, I’m pretty much assuming there’s a bunch of female readers feeling some combination of nausea and dread. You’re hitting forty and your Sex Rank is really starting to head in the direction of down, while your husband’s is still floating in the direction of up. Any minute now he’s going to dump you, or sneak out for a double scoop of 22-year-old and act like nothing happened.

Okay knock that off ladies, don’t run out and buy a box of tissues and cats just yet. Breathe into the bag for a bit.

Husbands are not that hard to manage. All you have to do is feed them, make sure you basically contribute to the creation of the home and family life, and act like you really enjoy doing things involving their penis. Seriously, that’s about it. It’s really kind of rare that guys walk away from that sort of deal for a 22-year-old that, (1) can’t put a meal on the table without a cell phone, (2) does not understand the difference between a credit card and a debit card because they both say VISA, and (3) apparently only knows one sexual position called “starfish”.

Look we know you’re not 22-years-old. We know. We know. We know and we don’t care as long as we’re getting food, a home and sex. The thing that does you in is when you give up on yourself and just let your appearance slide, like your diet consists of nothing but doughnuts and meth. If 1984 called and wants it’s eyeshadow back, that’s probably something to work on as well. Don’t fall asleep in a tanning booth. Go to the dentist and get that tooth fixed. Are there not three hundred women’s magazines advising this stuff already?

Anyway, just age gracefully and get it on in the sack. You can still do the Starfish position once in a while, but do it because you’re tied down and blindfolded or something awesome.

Having gotten thousands upon thousands of emails from married men over the last few years, I can assure you that their first preference is that their marriage works out. They just want the food, the home and the sex with you. It’s when any or all of that isn’t working out, and they’ve tried to get that for several years, that’s when the big red exit sign on the front door starts lighting up. Then when their first preference isn’t a winning option anymore, that’s when other women start looking really good. When that happens, that’s when they start figuring out who the hottest woman is they can get themselves into. If they have a choice between a 24-year-old and a 42-year-old to start a new long term relationship with, the 24-year-old has the huge advantage. Namely gravity defying breasts and she doesn’t do the thing where she pees a little when she sneezes.

The typical husband getting tray-ed, maid and laid, from a woman aging gracefully, is definitely going to notice young hotties in the general area, but typically isn’t going to blow up his good thing either. Especially if he knows his good thing is going to big time blow up at him for it. Have a backbone about that. Don’t just run up the white flag and cave in because he glanced at some chick with glitter in her cleavage. That just means he has a pulse and a penis, which are good things and completely natural.

So, routing back to the title. What would Jennifer do? Easy. She’d do her husband.

Disclaimer: Jennifer went to bed very early tonight as she has a 5am start tomorrow. Thus she hasn’t proof read this post. Which is how I got away with having her name in the title lol. Also I suspect I’m on my own for dealing with hate mail related to the phrase “tray-ed, maid and laid.” My defense is that I’m obnoxious.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives

Relative Sex Rank vs True Sex Rank

June 14, 2012 By Athol Kay 116 Comments

I got asked a question recently that started along the lines of, “If a forty-year-old woman is a 9 and…”

…and let me stop you right there. There are no forty-year-old-women that are Sex Rank 9. Not a one. Nope not even her, or her, or whoever you think of. Just stop trying.

Now I will agree that that relative to other forty-year-old women, there are some women that are clearly vastly more attractive than other forty-year-old women. They look really good for forty. Heck I even know a lady in her early fifties that can still wear a bikini and look good in it. But it’s that they look great for forty. She looks amazing for fifty. It’s all relative Sex Rank and not true Sex Rank.

Confusning the difference between relative Sex Rank and true Sex Rank is something women love to do, because it’s clearly in their interest to do so. But it’s a little like confusing a gold medal from the Special Olympics with one from the actual Olympics. It’s not a level playing field we’re talking about. Yes indeed you may be amazing for a 44-year-old mom, but lets be honest, your 19-year-old daughter just buries you with her hotness. No objective observer is going to be confused over which is hotter.

Deep down of course, everyone knows the truth, younger women are hotter than older women. This is why Demi Moore looked utterly amazing for her age and she still got taken to the curb. Seriously, why was anyone surprised by this? Oh Ashton Kutcher you bad bad bad bad attractive man you.

Look don’t get me wrong, being a MILF is great. It’s vastly better than being an unfuckable, over tanned, wrinkled, used up whore who looks and acts like she’s auditioning for the role of cockblock lady at the DMV. You can have a really good time with a MILF. The’re fun and good in bed and all kinds of good stuff. Jennifer’s a MILF. She’s good in bed and worth talking to before and after sex. She does stuff… you know, like a grown up.

So lets talk about true Sex Rank, which is the only kind that really matters when push comes to shove.

Women in that 20-24 range are just amazingly hot. This is the hottest a women is going to be her whole life. Unsurprisingly, this is when she is most fertile, most likely to cheat and most likely to get a divorce. As she ages further, even if she keeps up a good beauty regime her looks will slowly ebb away. Women can add a ton of Beta skills to compensate and maintain overall relationship value, but this is still just a compensation.

For men, much of their personal attractiveness stems from their power, and young men aren’t powerful save the physical aspect. So a tiny handful of young men get to ride on the sexual wave of physical power, but most young men remain sexually frustrated to at least some degree. However as men age they gain more and more real world power and they probably peak in the 25-29 age range of the composite between raw physical ability, actual power and potential future power. If a man keeps it all together as he ages, and continues to build his powerbase, he can maintain his high Sex Rank even into his fifties commonly.

This is why a forty-year-old man divorcing has a reasonable hope of finding a new woman in the 25-40 age range and a forty-year-old woman divorcing is going to have a reasonable hope of finding a new man in the 40-55 age range. Sex Rank is cruel to young men and older women.

So what does this mean for a man running the MAP on a wife that is holding out on sex?

Very simply put, it’s enormously powerful to have your wife become aware of the fact that a younger woman expressed sexual interest in you. That cuts right through the nonsense of a fantasy Sex Rank and puts the actual Sex Ranks into play in her head. If your wife is walking around thinking that she is still a 9 because she was a 9 twenty years ago, nothing kicks that thought to the curb faster and harder than having a woman 10-20 years younger than her, express interest in you.

Look I know it’s a dark tactic to use, but it works. You can’t fake it otherwise she’ll know and despise you for it, but if it’s real, it works. You don’t need to rub her nose in it, just have her become aware of it and let her hamster do the work for you. She can’t suddenly turn 22 again… but she can turn into a MILF. Which is after all, what 99% of the husbands reading MMSL actually want.

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank

Didn’t Force The Issue. Waited Two Years. Now What?

June 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 48 Comments

Reader: In the 2011 Primer you say that if you are in Phase 3 and have a Sex Rank advantage, and things still aren’t getting better, that you must push to Phase 4 within a few months, or be stuck in a sort of Phase 1. My question is – what should you do if you’ve been in that Phase 3/1 for a very long time?

My wife and I started dating about 12 years ago. We started out with me having probably a half point advantage in Sex Rank. We moved in together about 6 years in, after school and traveling. The rest of the story you’ve probably heard a thousand times. I went beta, sex took a nosedive, and we got into a 2-3 times per month routine while I suffered in silence and eventually just got used to it.

We got engaged a few years ago, and shortly afterwards I went through a few personal events that prompted a period of introspection and evaluation. I read a lot of evolutionary psychology books and began changing my life in ways that mirror your Male Action Plan. Over the year I dropped 30 pounds and got into the best shape of my life, took charge at work and earned a promotion and a raise, quit smoking, learned to cook, etc. I stepped into an alpha role socially and professionally, and started getting lots of unwanted female attention. As far as I could tell, my fiancé noticed none of it. I convinced myself that it was just because of the stress of planning the wedding, etc. and just kept on the same path, hoping for the best.

At this point I’d established a good point and a half Sex Rank advantage and was in what I suppose you might call Phase 3 of your MAP. I know now that my mistake was probably that I didn’t push it into Phase 4, and just continued accepting drip-fed sex and a general lack of interest in me without much complaint.

My question is how does one recover from this? I know that, according to the MAP, I’ve been stuck in that sort of Phase 3 / Phase 1 for just about 2 years. I really have no Sex Rank leverage at all because after accepting things as they are for so long, she’s got no fear of losing me. I’m quite sure that jumping into Phase 4 at this point and saying that I’d consider leaving her if things don’t change will be pretty volcanic. This is fine, but I don’t want to set us up to fail. What’s an MMSL reader to do if all my MAP work has gone to waste and I’m back to square one?

Athol: I’m not sure there is a way to make it undramatic when you push to Phase Four, but I agree if you slam her with Phase Four out of the blue, she’ll react less well than she may otherwise.

My suggestion would be to tell her you’re not happy and why, explicitly not mentioning a threat of divorce, and take it from there. You will very likely get a short spike of sexual attention and then have it revert back to the baseline amount of sex. You can repeat “the talk” a couple times over a couple of months. After that, the topic will be in the air and she’ll have had a proper heads up and react with less shock to the Phase Four proper.

Also while you do this, ensure that you really are acting like Phase Three is in effect. You’re looking good and acting like a guy that can pull other women should be wish to.

Though I do caution you that her lack of response after you self-improved a great deal is not the best indication of overall success with this. She may or may not respond to Phase Four and beyond. Unfortunately you married her when everything was sexually lackluster, so that’s going to be something she brings up as a defense. “Why are you ruining everything now? We aren’t doing anything different than before we got married? Why did you marry me if you were going to blow it all up like this?” and yada yada yada framing you as the bad guy.

She just may not be that into you.

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Women Never Think A Powerful Man Is Creepy

June 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 44 Comments

A friend of mine has spent a year dropping from 275 lbs to 220 lbs. He didn’t announce it to anyone, he just did it. No one said much until he got to 255 lb. Not much really changed until 235 lbs. By 220 lbs though, a lot of things had suddenly started kicking in for the better. The no brainer is that his wife liked it and things are much better in the bedroom.

However he said he was almost more impressed by the reaction of other men responding to him better. Everyone treating him better at work, sales up, yada yada yada.

Once you have muscle tone and basic bulk, you turn into something far more physically dominating… just by standing there. You don’t actually have to push people around or anything, your ass kicking potential is simply self-evident. On a deep primal level, other men assess that and unconsciously submit to you. Remembering of course that unconscious social submission can as simple as being the guy that stands off to one side to let the other guy come through in a crowded room.

If other men defer to you, that makes you the Alpha Male of the Group. Which makes you get all the women of the group hot and bothered to at least some degree.

If not physical power, you have to find some kind of power for yourself. Women never think a powerful man is creepy. The may think he’s sleazy and untrustworthy, but never creepy. That being said, physical power is within the reach of every guy to at least some degree. So why not?

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Everything Was Getting Better, Now She’s Suddenly Talking Divorce

June 9, 2012 By Athol Kay 51 Comments

Reader: The dynamics of my marriage have changed dramatically and your book has been at the heart of it. My MAP has not been perfect and I think I may have over reached a bit but I am finding the “D” talk to be unsettling.

Since running the MAP our sex has gone from 1X monthly to 2-3X/week for the twenty days per month she is not having her period. Those ten days per month have been a challenge as I have trouble sustaining sexy moves and beta activities when I know she is locked up any way. She feels like she has done allot to respond to me and can’t believe how my attitude suffers during the cold period. I am not pissy, but off doing my own thing. She senses it and is not getting what she usually gets from me and it gets immediately ugly.

I have done lots of manning up and she says she does not want to be dominated. She accuses me of wanting to drive us apart so I can go find some attractive 30 something and has referred many times to me dumping her. She is a wonderful, fun woman with a giant heart and I still find the same things attractive in her that brought us together. D was never my plan at all. I have been High Desire my whole life, apparently unwilling to ask for what I want, and that is no longer something I will live with.

Anyway, I am curious if you hear from your readers and have a sense for how often everything blows sky high and ends in D? We had a conversation at 4 am this week where she suggested if I can back off for a year and a half so we can get our youngest daughter off to college and we can go our separate ways then. That’s easy to say but the shit tests have been coming hard and fast since that conversation. She has gained some weight due to stress and my sex rank is solid. She has a new job which I am encouraging but I make three times what she makes.

My wife is a strong lady and been a bucking bronco on all of this. She seems to begrudgingly give me two steps forward before a step back. In MC she admitted that she chose me for different reasons than sexual attraction. I would be a good father, provider, etc… Ouch. The reason I am willing to entertain the idea of D is because that seems like no way to live.

Athol: It sounds like she’s just getting mentally geared up to be dumped, so is going to try and do it on her terms. She’s lost control of the relationship because you’re hotter than her, so she’s trying to gain control of the end of the relationship.

If she chose you because you’re a good father and provider and less sexy…. why would she divorce you if you’re still a good father and provider and more sexy? She’s just running the Hamster out loud about all that as part of the testing. Going from sex once a month to 2-3x a week means she does find you more attractive now than before. So the addition of the Alpha was working as intended. You got better, she knows you got better, the problem is she didn’t and she’s worried you’re about to move on or cheat on her.

Yes I have seen Game give a short term boost to the marriage and then fall apart. It’s usually boosted because the husband added Alpha, and then falls apart because he doesn’t re-balance it with Beta when she get nervous in the aftermath. Basically the frame you need to assert is covered here.

I would also cut the divorce talk off at the knees asap. If you can have an amicable planned divorce, that means you can work as a team during emotionally trying times… which kinda suggests you could actually have an okay marriage. I would have blown up at her verbally “WELL I DON’T WANT A DIVORCE, WHY THE $%^& DO YOU WANT TO DIVORCE ME?” Don’t insult her or call her names, just let her see your rage over the fact that she wants to end the marriage.

What she’s looking for is whether or not you have an emotional bond to her. She’s testing you by threatening to break that bond by raising the issue of divorce, so you’re meant to act like a wounded animal and react like you’re extremely pissed off and hurt. If you have a calm discussion about a potential divorce, you’re telegraphing you aren’t bonded to her. If you telegraph you aren’t bonded to her, she’s going to go all kinds of crazy testing on you because in her heart she knows you’re going to dump her and it’s far easier to leave a relationship mad than sad.

The ideal state to be in is where you as the husband have the upper hand in the relationship where your attractiveness could replace your wife with someone younger / hotter / tighter fairly easily, and she would very much struggle to replace you with a man of your quality… but she is still reassured of the relationship lasting forever (and you being faithful to her) on the combination of her basically being a good attentive wife and the depth of your emotional bonding to her.

Another great thing you can do to provide comfort that she’s not going to be dumped, is make plans for the future. Something like a vacation involving plane flights is ideal. It shows you’re thinking far ahead, with you still being a couple as part of your plans. A week in Europe if you’re American, or in America if you’re European is going to be a damn sight cheaper than a divorce.

But maybe that’s just me. Jennifer isn’t into jewelry, she’s into plane flights. But then again I’m from New Zealand, so I caused all that lol.

Jennifer: Hey no fair! I do like travel and it is your fault!

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Sexy Moves, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Why The Church Wants Men To Be Betaized Care Bears

June 8, 2012 By Athol Kay 58 Comments

***Just to be 100% clear for any new readers. I am an Atheist / ex-Christian. I don’t hate Christians. In this post I am not advocating for a return to marriage or sexual laws that involve large rocks being smashed against skulls. Nor do I think most Christians do either, except perhaps for a few unusually enthusiastic ones who can’t get dates despite the sexual imbalance in the pews in favor of men. Also there’s a world of difference between consensually agreeing to a Captain and First Officer styled relationship and returning to husbands owning wives in a legal sense, yada yada yada. Also don’t do drugs, because drugs are bad, mmmkay.***

Let explain how the Church feminizes husbands. I’m going to paint with a wide brush and speak in very general tones. That way I can offend everyone with my ignorance and wiggle out of being held to a position by saying I couldn’t cover everything in a single blog post.

Back around the time of Jesus, marriage was a very one-sided arrangement in favor of men. Marriage was essentially a theological construct that framed the husband as the one in direct control of the wife to the point of de facto ownership of her. Frequently the “wives obey your husbands” and “slaves obey your masters” instructions run immediately after each other, which should send up a red flag in your head that there’s a whole lot of assumption of the status quo being just peachy happening in the minds of the writers.

Jesus’ command to “not divorce” is only directed at husbands for example, because wives couldn’t divorce their husband, both as a legal and practical matter. Oh they could probably make a dash for it and leave him, but it’s basically going to be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not many lifestyle opportunities existed for such women other than prostitution and being very very hungry. The men owned the property and the children from the marriage.

There’s also something about having your head very publicly smashed open, slowly and clumsily, by an angry mob that puts a damper on women cheating on their husbands. Plus hubby could easily get away with an occasional beating on a disobedient or unproductive wife. Marital rape is also not a crime in this time period in that she was the husband’s property, thus you couldn’t rape your wife for the same reason you couldn’t steal your own horse.

All in all, the entire marital structure of the time is one that utterly frames the husband as dominant and the wife as submissive by default and without concern for the wishes of either party of the marriage. Though one assumes the men didn’t complain overly much. If you think of marriage in New Testament times as being similar to something the Taliban thinks is a good idea about marriage minus the burkas, you’ve about got it right.

In Game parlance, the marriage of those times creates a huge structural Alpha boost for the husband, to the point that Married Game is totally redundant. Cook me dinner, raise my children, clean my house, come over here and take your clothes off. Being Beta isn’t really a concern save bringing in an income.

Thus it is in this context that all the New Testament demands to be a lovey-dovey Care Bear toward your wife need to be taken. Reading between the lines, commands to husbands boil down to “Holy crap you guys are being assholes, would you please try and be a little nicer to your wives.” Or in other words… “Be More Beta!” It’s trying to balance out the Alpha.

Or like I say…. “If the problem is you’re too Beta, add Alpha. If the problem is you’re too Alpha, add Beta.”

So fast forward to now…

Husbands don’t own wives. It’s illegal to assault your wife. Marital rape laws are on the books. Women have the ability to own property and support themselves financially. Wives can also initiate divorce. There’s a notable lack of public stoning for adultery. Or in Game parlance, all the legal and economic structurally created Alpha that husbands used to have, has been stripped away. Zero structural Alpha…

… and all that’s left are the Sunday morning sermons to be more Beta. It’s right there in the bible. Be more Beta. Be totally Beta… and that’s where for a whole lot of Christian men, it all goes terribly wrong. They fold up like wet napkins, their wife takes over and while the marriage is likely stable, it’s not readily confused with being erotic.

All that structural Alpha is gone, gone for good and rightly so. And to be fair, the majority of evangelical Christians who do believe in the husband leading the relationship, don’t have any expectation or desire for things like husbands actually owning the wives either.

What the modern husband has to understand, is that he has to bring his own Alpha to the marriage. There’s no one else that can create the desire for your wife to willingly submit to you… but you. There’s no one else who can make her hot to drop her pants for you… but you. There’s no one else who can make her think you’re the best option she has… but you.

I’m here to help, but I can’t do it for you either.

Welcome to Hardcore gentlemen. You only get one life.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Cheating and Infidelity, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)