What To Do When The MAP Starts Making Her Nervous

Reader:  So I’ve been applying the map and it has been working like a charm so far, but I am noticing that where before my wife seemed a little cold, and uncaring, and indifferent towards me, now she is constantly seeking reassurance, asking me to tell her I love her, etc. I assume that this is a good thing but I also feel like I’m walking a fine line when it comes to her feelings of uncertainty of my love for her, how fragile is this situation, do I buck and start going back to more beta or should I stick with the alpha thing?

Athol:  It’s a balancing act. I’d suggest you keep doing what you’re doing on the Alpha front, just add a little more Beta acknowledgment. Mostly you want to avoid the thing where she starts withdrawing from you because she thinks she’s going to get hurt by you dumping her or cheating on her.

The perfect frame is where your wife knows you could replace her fairly easily, but you won’t because she is behaving as you want her to. Regular fun sex, she acts like a grown up, no one is acting out via cheating/abuse, you guys work as a team with you taking the lead. Basically you’re not going to mess up a good relationship or just walk away from it. So as long as she’s a good wife, she should feel safe from being dumped or cheated on.

What’s happened is that it sounds like you’ve moved from Phase One to Phase Three, so the balance of power has swung from her to you. So she’s very nervous now… because in her mind, she can see you progressing to Phase Four, Five, Six and Seven.

So in a sense, she’s waiting for you to drop the Phase Four hammer and make your endgame demands. Which as long as they are the frame I suggested earlier, are going to be good news to her. Your demand is in essence to have a good relationship with her.

You don’t have to have a crazy confrontation conversation, or a big reveal of you running the MAP. You can just draw her attention to it casually. “You seem a little nervous around me lately.” Then your follow up statement to whatever she says is something along the lines of, “I want what I’ve always wanted…  lots of sex with you, a stable relationship where we’re both functional adults, and to have fun together. As long as you want to be part of that, I’m not going anywhere.”

As your little conversation ends, say “Don’t doubt my love.” and playfully spank her on the butt with a faux stern look.

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Comments

  1. Nazhuret says:

    I’m guessing I had the same or higher sex rank all along and was just selling myself short, and downplaying it with the constant nice guy things because it’s happened in less than a month. But now that I am adding Alpha, and showing her i’m confident, and tell her what I want, and what I like it’s working.

  2. HesedShesed says:

    My husband recently came into this same stage as the OP. He has always been the “captain” in our relationship and I have always been the 1st mate. We are just more conscious in our roles now. Just as the OP’ers wife I went through a period of time where I needed a great deal of reassurance. Even though we were both aware of the MAP being run it can still scare the hell out of you when he is able to Phase up much faster than you. I am doing my part to get in shape, look good, expand our sexual relationship but physcially it has just happened much faster for him. We are in a pretty great place right now in our relationship. I won’t lie though that it took sitting down and getting true reassurance that our improvements are for each other and not for some potential side action. When I realized that he was doing this for the good of out relationship and to be the best man for me, it really helped to calm my fears. Now we continue to run the MAP on each other daily.

  3. FlyingDutchman says:

    This is exactly the place where her sex drive thrives. This is where she is happiest. You don’t want to ruin it. Athol’s advice about what your frame should be is spot on. She isn’t going to pre-emtively leave you because you are being Alpha and have her wildly attracted to you. Not unless you are out cheating on her or you aren’t taking good care of her needs.

    Her asking for re-assurance is fine, but you can also fail it as a fitness test if you go to far with it. Best way to handle this is to say in your cocky/funny way, “are you kidding, I’m crazy for you, and be playfully sexual with her”. Remember the purpose of a fitness test is to see if she can pull you from your alpha position. This can be done by appealling to your emotions and getting you to open up emotionally to her.

    You can demonstrate your loyalty to her, and you should if she has been doing the things you want. Do something really nice for her to show her your loyalty. Good captions do this, but from a dominate position, not in any kind of supplicating way.

  4. Ben says:

    I’ve been getting a little of this to. Not asking for reassurance quite so directly, but expressing more feelings of jealousy around other women, just acting a little more insecure in general, that sort of thing.

    Besides what Athol says (good advice which I’ve taken myself), one thing I’ve found helps at this stage is just finding more time to spend together. This does triple-duty: 1.) gives you that many more chances to reinforce your newfound alphaness, especially if it’s an outing that you planned for the both of you, 2.) reassures her that you’re doing all this to build a better relationship with HER, not Beth the hottie in accounting, and 3.) ought to be a pleasant way to spend your time, considering that she’s feeling more attracted to you and happier with your relationship and thus more inclined to be pleasant company.

  5. Ben says:

    asking = acting

    Ugh. Wish I could edit comments that had previously been posted. I’m a typo machine. (-:

    Fixed

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Yes I have seen Game give a short term boost to the marriage and then fall apart. It’s usually boosted because the husband added Alpha, and then falls apart because he doesn’t re-balance it with Beta when she get nervous in the aftermath. Basically the frame you need to assert is covered here. [...]

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