What Would Jennifer Do?

Following on from yesterday’s post, I’m pretty much assuming there’s a bunch of female readers feeling some combination of nausea and dread. You’re hitting forty and your Sex Rank is really starting to head in the direction of down, while your husband’s is still floating in the direction of up. Any minute now he’s going to dump you, or sneak out for a double scoop of 22-year-old and act like nothing happened.

Okay knock that off ladies, don’t run out and buy a box of tissues and cats just yet. Breathe into the bag for a bit.

Husbands are not that hard to manage. All you have to do is feed them, make sure you basically contribute to the creation of the home and family life, and act like you really enjoy doing things involving their penis. Seriously, that’s about it. It’s really kind of rare that guys walk away from that sort of deal for a 22-year-old that, (1) can’t put a meal on the table without a cell phone, (2) does not understand the difference between a credit card and a debit card because they both say VISA, and (3) apparently only knows one sexual position called “starfish”.

Look we know you’re not 22-years-old. We know. We know. We know and we don’t care as long as we’re getting food, a home and sex. The thing that does you in is when you give up on yourself and just let your appearance slide, like your diet consists of nothing but doughnuts and meth. If 1984 called and wants it’s eyeshadow back, that’s probably something to work on as well. Don’t fall asleep in a tanning booth. Go to the dentist and get that tooth fixed. Are there not three hundred women’s magazines advising this stuff already?

Anyway, just age gracefully and get it on in the sack. You can still do the Starfish position once in a while, but do it because you’re tied down and blindfolded or something awesome.

Having gotten thousands upon thousands of emails from married men over the last few years, I can assure you that their first preference is that their marriage works out. They just want the food, the home and the sex with you. It’s when any or all of that isn’t working out, and they’ve tried to get that for several years, that’s when the big red exit sign on the front door starts lighting up. Then when their first preference isn’t a winning option anymore, that’s when other women start looking really good. When that happens, that’s when they start figuring out who the hottest woman is they can get themselves into. If they have a choice between a 24-year-old and a 42-year-old to start a new long term relationship with, the 24-year-old has the huge advantage. Namely gravity defying breasts and she doesn’t do the thing where she pees a little when she sneezes.

The typical husband getting tray-ed, maid and laid, from a woman aging gracefully, is definitely going to notice young hotties in the general area, but typically isn’t going to blow up his good thing either. Especially if he knows his good thing is going to big time blow up at him for it. Have a backbone about that. Don’t just run up the white flag and cave in because he glanced at some chick with glitter in her cleavage. That just means he has a pulse and a penis, which are good things and completely natural.

So, routing back to the title. What would Jennifer do? Easy. She’d do her husband.

Disclaimer: Jennifer went to bed very early tonight as she has a 5am start tomorrow. Thus she hasn’t proof read this post. Which is how I got away with having her name in the title lol. Also I suspect I’m on my own for dealing with hate mail related to the phrase “tray-ed, maid and laid.” My defense is that I’m obnoxious.



  1. Rachael says:

    “Tray-ed, maid and laid” works when you have serious alpha cred. I wouldn’t suggest a spindly betaised care bear try to pull off that statement . So much of this post made me smile. You are too awesome for words Athol :)

  2. All right on the nose. That is all we want and need. Most of us will try everything at home to fix the situation before looking for the other options. Do you think we really want to lose everything and start over?

    What you need to watch out for is a husband who stops trying. That’s what’s happening with me. If your husband is running the MAP and he’s discussed the issue for months and years and is still seeing little to no progress, he’s going to detach from you and start to give up. If you think things are better because he stopped bothering you and overall seems happier, think again. He’s happier because he’s reclaiming his manhood, is exploring other options that have hope, and no longer has to deal with being rejected by his own wife. At some point it’s going to be too late. Just don’t let it get to that point if you care about him and your marriage.

  3. Big Jay says:

    Naaaailed it.

  4. Thank you for this post. It is very reassuring. I know you’ve said it before, in other words – it just takes a few times to sink in.

  5. Nice post, Athol. Many fellas said as much in yesterday’s comment, but I guess many ladies needed to hear it straight from the Big Cheese. And, kudos to all the lovely ladies out there fighting the slide and keeping it MILF! Yes. Yes. Yes. Put down the Cosmo, stop listening to Carrie Bradshaw and your divorced friends (basically, don’t take relationship advice from fictional characteres and dipshit failures). Lace up your running shoes and roll out your yoga mats, and you’ll be fine. Why? Because, we want you. The ecomony sucks, inflation sucks, work sucks, TV sucks, and that twenty-two year doesn’t know a damn thing about a damn thing, and she hasn’t a thing to offer us beyond the smallest of blips on the snatch-sneeky radar that is the male brain. But you, you know what we like, what we love, you’ve got that smile that has been there for us through all the ups and downs, that laugh we could pick out in crowd, those cute little things and annoying little things that no one else in the world knows you do (which, by the way, we miss when you’re gone). When you’re happy, we’re happy. You’ve got more capitol, more to recommend you than twenty-two twenty-two year olds combined. So, let’s stay happy, healthy, and horny together. Okay? Great! Afterall, that is one of Athol’s main points. Ladies, we love you. If we didn’t, then we wouldn’t be here taking our daily dose of “make it work”. Thus spoke Tank.

  6. Suzette says:

    As a 57 year old woman who likes to think she looks pretty good, I know where I stand in the meet/meat market, and I wouldn’t want to be out there. My husband and I have sex that involves ropes and vibrators, and we also have squabbles and differences. Men are pretty simple, really; they want sex, food, good natured companionship, and a cozy home. Women are more complex, and we sure need our girlfriends for those long conversations with lots of details and inner thoughts. In my age group, women leave marriages more then men. Women come to the conclusion that they would be happier alone as both the alpha and the beta are often gone. Husbands stop bringing flowers, making meals, working out, and fixing stuff around the house.

    So, female readers, remember, men are simple. Keeping them happy is easy. Keeping yourself happy is harder, and that is not really his job. He can only do so much. Just sayin’.

  7. Joe Commenter says:

    @Tank: “twenty-two year doesn’t know a damn thing about a damn thing”
    @Athol: “tray-ed, maid and laid”

    This is great wordsmithing. I am going to borrow these for sure.

  8. Flipper says:

    You hit this one out of the park Athol. Spot on. There is no woman I’d rather get funky with than my wife. Because as cold as the red-pill is, there is an element to it the works in the wife’s favor. All the bullshit that comes along with cheating and divorcing is not something most men want. They want simple good pussy. Simple meaning, no shuttling kids for custody, no training how to use a checking account, no tv dinners, and no checking your phone every two seconds. These are all important things. You actually have a big advantage in that you are his home. Especially as you approach 10+ years of marriage. But you do have competition.

  9. +1. One thing I’ve noticed is that Real Deal alphas (as opposed to PUA fakes) is that they want a stable marriage with a reasonably attractive wife. They are too busy to enjoy reentering the dating market.

  10. Another thing to consider for the ladies is the hooker math on this all. For me personally I run my own business, am losing weight (under 200 for the first time since I’ve known my wife ~15 years), I stay at home with the kids in the summer, I fix our house, do the dishes, do some laundry, vacuum, and I am the best dad I know by a good margin. I spend quality time, not just time with my kids and wife. And all I ask it to be tray-ed, maid, and laid.

    And face it ladies, sex is pretty dang fun it’s a pretty great situation to be in. I don’t like doing any of that stuff above nearly as much as I like sex.

  11. Linanati says:

    Great post.

    Mike M., if you go over to Chauteau Heartiste, he has a dating market value test for men. It’s heavily skewed in favor of PUA’s. I answered all the questions for my husband and got a really low score. There was no way I was posting his score in the comments, because it was complete garbage.

    If a man really doesn’t want commitment and only wants brief hookups, that’s fine. But it doesn’t make a man a beta/wimp/pussy/whatever if he has a girlfriend or wife and doesn’t do one night stands. I think it makes a man more of an “alpha” if he knows what he wants and goes after it, instead of trying to fit what some stranger on the web says he should be like to be “alpha”.

    Anyway, behold my long-winded agreement to your comment. :-)

  12. “But you do have competition.”

    To hell with this.

    It’s a simple matter of logic and human behavior to know that any reasonable human being will abandon a situation that has become very bad. It’s also a simple matter of understanding the relative value of men and women at my age to know that my husband is more likely to find a high-status mate than I am if we were to divorce. What the latter has to do with the former, I don’t understand, and I think this is the point of disconnect between the humanist approach to marriage and the deeply religious approach.

    I love my husband, I need my husband, and I don’t want to be without him. Those are motivating factors. However, the fact that he can get someone younger and hotter if I were to be so foolish as to mistreat him is NOT a motivating factor for a wife who is deeply motivated by her faith. Such a woman endeavors to be a good wife for three reasons: because God created her husband to need certain things from her, and therefore it is her wifely obligation to joyfully provide them; because she respects her husband, and his happiness is very important to her; and, lastly, because she doesn’t wish to be without him. Note that not one of these has anything to do with the existence of younger, more attractive females.

    I appreciate the good advice I’ve gotten in the posts and comments over the year or so I’ve been reading, but this notion of competition is contraindicated for the functioning of genuinely religious marriage. Yesterday’s post upset me a great deal, not because I worry that my husband will cheat or leave, but because of this notion of perpetual competition. I’ve no doubt that it’s effective to remind a woman of her competition if she is not particularly religious and on the verge of making a very foolish mistake, but even then, and as a general principle in marriage, I believe it’s highly destructive for the simple reason that competition is the root of the most powerful vice of all — pride.

  13. Oh ladies, ladies!

    In real life, amongst people you know or have known, do you really see hordes of men dumping their ancient wives of 40 or 50 for flings with twenty-somethings? Apart from the worlds of entertainment and politics? Didn’t think so. Men who don’t feel loved (this covers sex) and appreciated may have affairs, but it won’t necessarily be with a Meagan Fox look-alike; it can be with an older, fatter, less attractive woman who makes him feel good, physically and emotionally.

    (I’d also like to point out that despite the claims of the manosphere, young women in their twenties, on the whole, are not eagerly seeking out middle aged men.)

  14. Magster,
    You have a point about the motivation found in religious faith. However, considering the appalling dearth of truly “religious marriage,s” (as opposed to feminized Churchian ones) if we must depend on them to save the institution of marriage, we are all well and truly screwed.

  15. PocketAces says:


    “Note that not one of these has anything to do with the existence of younger, more attractive females.”

    But still, you are threatened by them. Why is that?

    How are those three items working? Also BTW, “wifely obligation to joyfully provide them” is definitely not sexy, does not sound fun at all. Yuck.

    Finally, I wouldn’t say this has anything to do with Pride. This has to do with FEAR. It’s the classic take-away, and the take-away WORKS. I don’t do this, but I don’t need to. I wouldn’t hesitate to do so if I think I needed to.

  16. @Magster- As a Christian man, I see what you mean. If a Christian woman takes care of herself, cares for a her husband, good and beds him enthusiastically, which married man will ditch that deal? None.

    Usually, a woman will stop or fall off on 2 of those things and then there is a problem.

    MAP says, do your manly duty in the house, get fit, get money and Say it with you chest. if she doesn’t respond, what other reasonable thing is there to demand?

  17. Thanks for the follow-up, Athol.

    After digesting all the comments yesterday and now with this follow-up post, I do feel better.
    My upset wasn’t about my husband cheating or leaving me for someone 1/2 my age, it was my vanity in being told I probably got 2 points knocked off my SMV since I’m 40! Ha!

    I am realistic, though – that if our marriage were to end (over my dead body only!) that my husband would be able to pick from the lower age range of probably 28-40. My choices, based on the stares and smiles I get at the gym, grocery store, or wherever – would likely be older. Husband always jokes that I’m a “white-hair-magnet”. But he says it’s because I look like an old-school movie star. Please don’t tell him it’s because my SMV is lower now. :)

    Your wife is a lucky lady. I enjoy your comments.

  18. Charles says:

    Prudence is one of the big seven virtues, along with justice, temperance, fortitude, faith, hope, and charity. Pointing out the truth about a wife’s appeal to men versus her husband’s appeal to women, in order to get her to be a good wife and to keep her husband, is an appeal to prudence.

    You may want to clarify why you see competition as inherently prideful. Right now, I see that view as an excuse for shirking one’s duties in general, and shirking one’s spousal duties in particular.

  19. horseman says:

    Absolutely right. THE and I mean THE warning sign is when he stops bugging you. Yes we are simple creatures but not stupid. Eventually after the umpteenth warning failed seduction etc we finally hit a wall and say wharever. its easier doing it another way. As said so brilliantly here that is a last resort.
    However onced crossed that line is all but irrevokable.
    We dont do it lightly so we dont go back lightly…except a beta puss.
    Someone here said the opposite of love is not hate its INDIFFERENCE.
    He stops wanting you …its not he doesnt want you necessarily.
    He doesnt want you at the price in bullshit you are putting him through.
    I watched my dad making 300k as a senior VP have a string of affairs on the shrew he married. All twenty hotties. NO.
    All were forty plus muckbuckets but they worshiped him.
    Remember only in the movies does the guy stop with his hand on the doorknob. A real man pushed that far will break the damn thing down.
    There is no cure for indifference only prevention. Once contracted its always fatal. But the vaccine is as so delicately put
    trayed maid laid.
    p.s.just me or is athol getting way better now that hes not working.

  20. Thanks for the reassurance, guys. I’m working hard here in my early 30s, done having kids, to get things back in sexy order. I am in good shape, I get ogled (is that still a word? :) ) around town, and i make the teen checkout boys act all cute and nervous, so I can’t look too much like a “mom” yet…I love having hot sex with my husband, Im a very good cook, and I work hard. (not wanting to make this comment too long, I will refrain from listing my weaknesses. Ha.) So reading yesterday’s post was freaky and depressing. I know my husband is happy right now, but oh,the sick feeling that hit my stomach when I read (and agreed) that I was going to decline in my market value way sooner than he will, making him wish he could trade me in for a new model. I am thrilled and gratified to hear that guys are not more superficial than girls, and that you love us more than the sum of our perky parts. :)
    Just a note, though. As I think back, all the 40-50 males I know who ditched their long sexless marriages remarried very quickly to peer divorcees who were not as attractive as the first, but who were wiser and very enthusiastic lovers. Not 20 somethings. I think a lot of guys try to replace the comraderie AND the sex, and are too tired to chase a 22 year old around. Don’t really know if that is true across the board.
    But anyway, thanks again. :)

  21. “can’t put a meal on the table without a cell phone” THIS THIS THIS! THIS IS EVERYTHING! As I get older, I see girls much younger than me, and yes they are quite attractive, physically. But also, pardon the expression, dumb as a fucking rock. Have they always been this stupid and I never noticed? What the heck?

    I guess I am just turning into a grumpy old man. But the idea of chasing after one of these brainless twit young females is … unsettling … especially compared to the awesomeness of my S.O..

    So yeah. If you lose your youth and gain nothing, sucks to be you. But if you exchange youth for wisdom, experience, talent, and maturity, then I think everything is working out as it should, and you will be attractive until the end of your days, however many they may be.

  22. pdwalker says:


    It might not be true in all situations, but it is true enough.

    As another mail voice, I’ll reiterate to you ladies that it takes a lot of hard work on the woman’s part to force her man away (in general). Men don’t usually want to give up their life partners, even if they do enjoy the sight of some younger, hotter woman.

    If a man has a good balance of alpha and beta, then chances are you won’t want to give him up either. It’s a very simple feedback cycle that benefits both partners.

  23. Senior Beta says:

    So this is what you write now that you can stay and home and Jennifer can’t look over your shoulder? Not too shaby.

  24. This is Jen says:

    am I the only one who doesn’t get “tray-Ed”?

    “tray-ed”… as in you bring him food on a tray.

  25. Linanti, I read that checklist. And it IS slanted to the PUA.

    My point is that if you look at men who have positions of real authority and leadership, they rarely sleep around. They tend to take their Alpha Chips and invest in one top-quality wife. Partly because they have a lot going on at work – a stable home life is valuable.

  26. kryssie says:

    I think it’s helpful to point out that men need beta comfort too. So if the current wife is providing sex with the experience of how to please him (and herself!) in bed, and the kind of loving emotional support you can only get after knowing somebody for decades, then I’m sure that the wife is still a hot deal compared to somebody new who only has an attractive body going for her. That is what the men I know say, and I don’t think they’re lying.

    I would suspect that a 44 year old husband husband who is in love and in lust with his wife is likely to look at her and see the 24 year old he fell in love with. I know that, for myself, if I’m feeling oxytocin/dopamine high, I can look at my husband, and he might not be in his top form, but I only see what’s beautiful in him. (And I know it’s a little different for men and women, but my experience makes me tend to think that men also have selective vision based on their emotional state.)

  27. @kryssie

    That’s correct. We want to feel loved too. The fact that most of us want a lot of sex gets in the way of that sometimes. Sex is HOW we feel loved. We want it to be real and with a real woman that we have history. That’s how most of us work I think. My ideal marriage is with a woman who I have a great relationship with (i.e., great family life, working on common goals, spending time together, discussing, supporting, etc… all the things that go into making a deep and meaningful relationship), but also a woman who can’t wait to get me in bed as often as possible. We want both. We really aren’t that difficult to keep happy. Be the, for lack of a better term, nympho in bed that we fantasize about. We still want everything else in a relationship and want the beta support and family life too.

    Obviously there are some players out there who want just the sex part without a committed relationship, but they have their own issues to deal with. Most men actually want a real relationship. We are still men though and will fantasize about the young hot girls, but it’s just fantasy for most of us and we are happy to leave it there unless we are frustrated and out of options at home.

  28. LOL. So at heart, men are like stupid dogs. They’d rather lay around getting fed and scratched behind the ears by their current wives than having to go outside, hunt down a squirrel or two and find a nice dry place to sleep.

  29. Over It: Are dogs really stupid? Humans wait on them hand and foot, they don’t have to sleep outside in the cold, they get constant attention and affection. If I come back as a well-loved dog in the next life, I surely won’t complain.

  30. Dogs aren’t so bad. Instead of “stupid,” I’d say “loyal.” Think of those stories you hear about lost dogs who’ll trek halfway across the country in search of their owners. Those dogs could probably make cute puppy-dog eyes at the family next door and have a new home full of people to feed them, but they don’t want just ANY people. They want THEIR people.

    You’d have to get seriously abusive or negligent to make a loyal dog want to run away from you. Treat a dog (or a man) right, and they’re yours for life.

  31. HoldingItTogether says:

    “They just want the food, the home and the sex with you.”

    Sigh. Unfortunately, this worked out really well for my lazy husband, but not so much for me. I just could not get turned on by him. We both work, so this “Be my mommy!” grew old fast. We have had separate bedrooms for 2 years now, and the twins are starting their senior year in August. When they leave for college and culinary school, mommy will be moving out, too. I’m saddened by the slow death of my marriage, but I’m as excited about leaving as much as my kids are.

    Guess he’ll have to learn to cook after all.

  32. pdwalker says:
  33. SentWest says:

    I’ve been thinking about this since the last post went up, and I have to say I’m not too worried. Part of that not worried is that I’m running the chick version of the MAP on myself, actually I just told my SO to try to bitch to his coworkers that his girl hits Crossfit 5 days a week and refuses to eat sugar and see if they’d cry a single tear for him.

    Why, after a short burst of sadness, I decided not to worry is that it’s not like any older dude can just go out there and round up a 22 year old fashion model. If you’ve been exposed to any online dating in the last 10 years it’s replete with comb-overed, pot-bellied, unkempt, poor guys over 40 who are only looking for thin/athletic girls in the 18-22 range. Right guys, that will work. Looking around in the real world it’s pretty clear that most men, just like most women, are mostly normal, and will need to keep their game polished just to attract someone from within their own sex rank and age range, not even worrying about that 20 year old perfect 10. I understand that men have an advantage, but I don’t think it is anywhere near insurmountably huge, and I don’t think there are massive numbers of men who are really that obsessed with getting the newest model.

  34. SentWest says:

    “I see girls much younger than me, and yes they are quite attractive, physically. But also, pardon the expression, dumb as a fucking rock.”

    One of the benefits of being ugly when young – I figured I’d never be pretty, so I had to be smart.

  35. Highlander says:

    Much good stuff here, but what it all boils down is men are like faithful old dogs and will put up with just about anything,……… women are like cats………

  36. kryssie says:

    Hmm. It’s a tough choice for men to be either “stupid” or unfaithful. I guess the same goes for women too. Or, perhaps it just boils down to the fact that people want to be happy, so if happy is what they feel they’ll keep doing what they’ve been doing.

  37. @ Kryssie:
    …or smart. I think a lot of guys are not stupid and refuse to be unfaithful, so they run the map on a good pick of a wife (smart, compatible goals, etc.) and she responds as she realizes what he wants and needs, because she isn’t stupid or unfaithful either and he is suddenly meeting HER need for a better alpha/beta mate…

    … and everyone lives MAPpily ever after. :0P

  38. kryssie says:

    @FJ34, my “stupid” was meant to be sarcastic. :) A man who’s a good mate is a smart man. Same for women.

  39. Athol,
    Are you kidding? You still get hate mail? I just don’t get people. If they don’t like it, why do they read? Really? Hate mail for “tray-ed, maid and laid”? I think people need to lighten up!

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