Become the type of guy your wife would have an affair with.
Reader: [girlfriend difficulties, she told me about MMSL, what I’ve been doing to up the Alpha and there’s another guy now yada yada yada…] …The short of it is that I am not sure what to do. This feels very strongly wrong to me and I do not like the time they spend together. I think that this has come to an emotional affair and I want it to stop, but need a way to do this which will be seen as Alpha. I know that being this troubled is fairly beta and telling her I am uncomfortable is the same, but pursuing a beta route is likely to reaffirm her belief that I need more alpha.
Athol: If she’s given you the link to MMSL, she’s been fully expecting you to give her a clear ultimatum to either (1) End her interaction with this guy completely and finally, or (2) tell her the relationship is over.
It seems like you haven’t done that, so she’s continued to up the ante to either get a response from you, or failing that, to be with a man who’s willing to fight for her.
As a caveat though, if she has had sex with him, you have to end the relationship anyway. You can’t reward her for doing that by turning her into your wife.
Reader: I agree, I have been wanting to send her the clear ultimatum. I have been trying to seek out other methods in an effort to stick to her stated wish of ‘being able to have the friends she wants to have.” As you can guess you were the last Hail Mary pass before I did just that.
I do not think she has slept with him, she doesn’t like the idea of sex out of marriage. My concern is more over an affair needed the emotional or public displays of alpha and beta that she is not getting from me.
Athol: “Having the friends she wants to have” is just bullshit. She already told you to your face she was doing this to get a reaction from you… and you kinda reacted by getting a little more Alpha, but you still needed to do the direct action thing and kick him out of the picture.
Even so… is she worth it?
Reader: I tend to see it a similar way. I know that in a relationship it is unhealthy to limit the friends and activities of the other partner. I think she is using the logic that it should never be allowed in a relationship. My thoughts are that there are some things that are acceptable to limit in a relationship with another person, certainly asking for monogamy is a given.
On the question of is she worth it, yes. She has issues but I love her. Without listing off traits and getting into sex rank I think she can be what I deserve.
Knowing that she is squeamish about sex before marriage I have always tried to support her in her beliefs and ask her to question them. I wont say I never tried to move things along….but it has been a slow process.
Athol: Yeah but shes dating him.
Reader: You are right of course.
Thank you for your time and help. The thing keeping me from issuing the ultimatum has been a want to refrain from something that sounds like one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship that they teach in health classes across the country. What I needed was someone impartial to come to the same conclusion as I did with hormones raging.
Athol: Wake me when anyone teaching a class like that is getting laid by an attractive woman.
Reader: True enough, most are in fact bitter middle aged women
Athol: Alrighty… the takeaway points.
(1) If she gives you the link to MMSL or one of my books, that’s a pretty big sign you need to be doing something differently, and fairly quickly too. You should probably see it as a 1-2 month warning on “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You”.
(2) If there’s another guy involved, you have to take direct action to get him out of the picture. No ifs ands or buts. You can’t just run the MAP and hope she comes around, you have to also intervene. The woman will invariably gravitate to the man giving the strongest presented frame. Also you can sucker punch him and make it sound like a fair fight, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.
(3) Never forget the golden rule: Cheating girlfriends get insta-dumped. Don’t even get angry about it, just be cool and say, “thanks for not letting it drag out” and push all her stuff out into the hall / front porch for her man to come pick up. When he comes to pick up her stuff, be friendly and help him load the truck. It may not feel like it at the time, but the dude is doing you a favor. I believe Man Law also requires you give him a beer.
(4) Dude… just let her go. You’re so far into the Blue Pill Betaized dreamworld, that after about a year of running the MAP you’ll be able to find a much better woman. Trust me.
One of the things I’ve learning from multi-player gaming is just how hard it is to create a stable system that’s balanced for everyone involved. The rule makers can make a change for good and unintended consequences can sneak in as millions of cunning players can seek the loop holes and exploits. Today the Warriors stride the battlefield as unstoppable killing machines, tomorrow the game is patched and melee gets a damage mitigation effect reduced and the Warriors aren’t quite so spectacular. But Mages get a global cooldown removed on a minor spell. Two weeks later good Warriors are a free kill to bad Mages. Tweak this, adjust that. It’s a never ending battle of balance. Working as intended apparently.
We do the same thing to marriage law.
Once upon a time the rules were pretty clear. You got caught nailing someones little girl, you got a free tuxedo and a ride to church. That was the rule. Sex was meant to happen in marriage, a marriage license was a license to have sex with someone. A license means “being allowed to do something”. Thus sexuality was channeled into marriage. The very words “husband” and “wife” were loaded with sexual subtext. My own mother said vows of “to love, honor and obey” to my father back in 1964. No seriously, the vows used to include obey in them. In BDSM terminology that’s signing up for a 24/7 power exchange D/s relationship. That’s extremely kinky by even today’s standards. People who have the first name of “Mistress” and wear nothing but leather and latex would at least suggest a safeword for something like that. Plus the dungeon is just one room in the basement, not the whole house.
I mean that sort of thing is really really out there.
But the game got patched by the powers that be… and any adult can have sex with immunity with any other adult. As a result, a marriage license isn’t a license to have sex anymore, it’s simply one lifestyle category among many as far as the law is concerned. Sex is no longer channeled into marriage, it flows out everywhere like a tsunami wrecking everything in its path and leaving behind ruined earth that won’t grow anything of value for a generation.
I think one of the sad things about the state of modern marriage is that the very words “husband” and “wife” have been stripped of eroticism. Marriage has been defrauded of sexuality.
When I first thought up the terms Captain and First Officer, I thought I was making a clever metaphor to explain things. But as the last two years have passed, more and more I’ve come to be impressed not so much with the metaphor, but how the terms have taken on a life of their own and become erotic. I think the moment of really talking with Jennifer about Captain and First Officer and asking her to come long for my ride… and having her say yes… was a more intimate and touching moment than asking her to marry me. Asking her to marry me was planned well in advance and I knew 100% she would say yes, it was fairly casual when I asked in the end.
But asking her to be First Officer… oy… and to expect her to publicly say that I was this and she is that… nerve-wracking. When I asked her, I didn’t know what would happen. When she said yes, I felt honored and awed by her trust. Maybe I’m just older and know better what I’m getting into, but asking a woman to be your First Officer seems a more profound request than asking her to be your wife. You’re asking for her to have a higher standard for herself and for her to have a higher trust… in you.
Run the experiment for yourself if you like. Try and tell someone publicly that you’re the Captain and she’s the First Officer and see how it gets a reaction well beyond that of saying husband and wife. Some people get mad and we just say “it’s not your marriage” and ignore them. But I’ve also seen women experience sudden enlightenment about their longing and talk engagingly about it. Others just struggle internally with an inner conflict of their surprised interest and confused self-doubt… omg I’m turned on, how could I like that? Why do I like that? Saying you’re the Captain of your marriage is a much stronger word than saying you’re someone’s husband.
Or put it this way, would you get on a cruise ship if you found out the guy running the bridge had an official title of “Husband?” And if you did get on board, would you have counted the lifeboats before you set sail?
Anyway, there’s not much question that marriage needs to be patched and rebalanced, and I’m not a huge fan of the prior patch either. But I don’t think it needs to be abandoned either. Besides… really good mods that gain a fanbase, have a funny way of making it into the full game. (wink)
We went to Washington DC for the weekend and did the whole ooh-ah walk of the National Mall. Mucho walking up and down and I quite enjoyed the Smithsonian stuff. I very much liked the Human origins section of the Museum of Natural History. I mean it’s one thing to read about evolution and mentally agree with it, and it’s another to see a whole wall of obviously not-quite-human skulls. It’s amazing to me that the idea of planting crops is only around 9000 years old and there’s a whole display on brain development. When I talk about The Time Before Writing I’m obviously being somewhat flippant and over-generalizing to make a point, but I have to say that standing in the middle of a great swathe of historical artifacts and sweeping history leading up to us, I felt a profound sense of reverence and connection.
My one giggle being the little tap dance about why the Neanderthals disappeared so quickly just as homo sapiens suddenly spread everywhere. Yeah you know what, maybe no one does know why they all disappeared… well I’m not saying we’re all related to a cohort of blood thirsty maniacs, I’m just saying imagine a village of Peter Griffins pretending to be Vikings squaring off against the Yale archery club. That’s all. We’ll just lay out the options and let the children decide for themselves.
Anyway I now have the perfect explanation for how the Rationalization Hamster gets to fool us so easily. Loosely speaking, there are three parts to the big meat computer that is the human brain…
Reptilian = Hardware: The oldest part of the brain controls everything your body does automatically. Breathing, food seeking, making urine, flight or fight etc etc. You have no control over this part of the brain at all. I mean seriously, try and control your pancreas secreting insulin by thinking about it. Exactly… you have zero control over this stuff.
Mammalian = Operating System: This part of the brain controls basically everything about us that isn’t already covered by the reptilian part of the part. There’s a huge element of social interaction and mating in here. This is where Body Agenda is located. It really likes boobs, ass, pussy and cumshots. It doesn’t know that porn involves bad actors, that shit is totally real.
Neo-Cortex = Software: This is the part of the brain that does all the cool stuff like inventing string theory and the triangle offense in basketball. It invented power chords and figured out that blue liquid is the socially appropriate color to represent menstrual fluid in tampon commercials. It writes the script for the Big Bang Theory and finds reasons for women to not have sex with men they don’t like. It created the marketing for Britney Spears and the Ruy Lopez chess opening. It thinks World of Warcraft is the pinnacle of human achievement second only to landing on the moon. It decided Twilight is art and wrote Harry Potter.
The software doesn’t run the operating system. The operating system allows the software to be run. Thus Body Agenda is always on, always running not so much as in the background, but as the foundation for all the software that is running. The Rationalization Hamster is just a program run from the registry that you can’t shut off without administrator privileges.
You’re never quite as in control of yourself as you think you are. You have a major influence to be sure, but not perfect control. And if you drink enough, you’ll pass out and piss yourself… just like any other mammal would. We share 98.8% of the same DNA as a chimpanzee, so half of Game is just asking yourself, “What would a sexually successful chimp do?” Then doing that.
It pretty much involves acting like a boss… but also making it look like you’re not acting like a chimp.
I’ve been at a marriage conference in Baltimore all week. It’s been… yeah… it’s been interesting I guess. I knew going in that I would be getting a lot of Blue Pill goodies, but at least it was going to be top shelf Blue Pill. This was a group of extremely well intentioned, smart people and I did like them, but it was agonizing how close they would come to really getting the Red Pill stuff… and then suddenly like a rubber band was around their waist, get snapped back cartoon-style to the fluffy pink pillows.
I did toss out a few Red Pill responses to questions during seminars… “musical chairs while everyone is naked” went down like a lead balloon. I think they might have called security if I had said “cock carousel” lol.
I think the one stand out point though was the elephant in the room of never once was it discussed… not even in passing… not by a single presenter… what makes a woman attracted to a man and makes her want to strip her panties off for him.
… I had a total of five different people email/facebook/forum message me the exact same message…. dude you have to put the stuff about “if you do nothing else, get into the weights room” right at the front of the book.”
Round of applause for your bad selves readers… you’re more on point about what makes a marriage work than the experts.
Anyway, I wasn’t really expecting to learn much new apart from a Beta skills refresher course, my goal was to case the joint for next year and see how a couple dozen programs roll out their stuff and look at their material. It also gets my attention when one of the presenters had received $10,000,000 federal funding to teach relationship skills in workplace settings. Though I suspect if I got federal funding, they’ll want me to stop using words like “pussy”… and I don’t think I could go on without pussy.
Okay, okay… you bring the money in the wheelbarrow, and I’ll compromise and call it “soft kitty.”
The truth is I’ve been struggling enormously with focus since about… February. Everything just caught up to me and I’ve felt worn out and empty. I injured my right elbow a few months back and that’s only just coming right now. But I’ve kind of enjoyed the perfect excuse not to exercise because Diablo 3 came out and that’s been fun for a while, but wearing out now thanks to endless disconnects. All this just as I stop nursing and go MMSL full-time. I’ve been so tired that even though I wrote two books in just over a year, I’ve struggled with feeling like a failure as revising the Primer slips away from my inner timetable deadlines. But the worse I feel, the worse my writing gets… so forcing it is problematic.
Anyway… it’s been really good to be in a room of several hundred pro-marriage professionals and yet still get this sensation of being the black sheep in the family. I have dreams about bending them all to my frame, or at least enough of them to make a serious difference, but the reality is all my smarts won’t matter a damn unless I have a six-pack abs and muscles to sell my message. The messenger is the message. I’ve always had oodles of cuddly Beta Traits, I think the last three years of my life have gotten the Alpha Traits in place, so the next thing is to really work on the physical. I’m starting to come to the conclusion that I’ve been somewhat off the mark talking about having an Alpha+Beta balance, it’s really Alpha+Beta+Physique.
Oh… Jennifer and the girls came with me. We did Washington DC and the National Mall on the weekend and then while I was in conference they did stuff all over Baltimore Inner Harbor area. We finished off the trip with Medieval Times which is essentially like watching wrestling but with horses and a chicken dinner. I have to say our Red Knight was particularly handsome and the Kay daughters were visibly disappointed when the Yellow-and-Red Knight proved to be representing the VIP seating and Red-the-handsome
took a dive was slain in a MIGHTY BATTLE. Girls liking watching boys fighting… lmao who knew?!
Jennifer is growing out her fringe (Jennifer: For those non-Kiwi’s in the audience, that’s my bangs) to get the full long hair deal. She’s in that horrible phase of just looking like she’s too poor to afford a haircut. It will look good in a few more months though. For now she’s got it pinned back in a style I’ve decided to call “The Polygamous Commune Look”.
I guess I need to tie all this up into a point…
The point is that while I have fans, friends and followers, for which I am truly grateful, I’m still running my own MAP myself. I’m still trying to get better. It’s hard work but it’s slowly paying off and when you reach a major milestone it might not feel as awesome as you think it might. Being over tired makes us all cowards and cranky. It’s okay to take some time off, but you can’t quit entirely. When you look back you do feel good about the milestones. Hopefully as you get your crap together, she follows along too. If you get stalled out, just work on a different area of the MAP.
And always try and be the guy representing the VIP seating.
One of the most annoying misunderstandings people can have about MMSL is that I’m encouraging people to run gung ho to an ultimatum of “Pussy or GTFO”.
Well yes indeed I am saying to work toward a relationship where you get your needs meet, or don’t stay in it. Which if your need is sex, can indeed be summed down to “Pussy or GTFO”. But it’s in no way a snap judgment call. If anything I’m encouraging a very slow trickling run up to the ultimatum putting anything and everything in place to attracted the wife’s sexual interest before the fork in the road. Far more frequently than not, the ultimatum is never even reached as she finds her interest in him revving up and her vagina comes out of cold storage.
But ultimately… there may need to be an ultimatum. It’s the final thing you try… that’s what ultimate means.
And it fucking sucks.
Please go read Phase Four at LTRistry
No really. No read it. I’ll wait.
As you can see he’s basically issuing an ultimatum and it’s tearing his heart out. It’s one of those to good to leave, too bad to stay things. My hunch is that it’s over and even if she tries to comply… she doesn’t really want to. You shouldn’t have to issue an ultimatum to someone to get them to have a child with you. They’re meant to look up at you doe-faced and glassy-eyed as you fuck them into motherhood. At least for the first couple of tries anyway.
It’s hard to watch it all playing out too. MMSL is wicked good fun when one of my boys breaks into the endzone and does the touchdown dance, but once in a while you see them get crunched in a heavy tackle and it’s not nearly as fun. You just hope they get up.
Also have a read of Badger with Don’t Let Temporary Discomforts Hold You Back From Making Tough Decisions
Athol: Most fights in marriage aren’t really about anything other than establishing / maintaining who is in charge.
Pegala: Hey Athol, this feels like a very significant observation – could you expand on it in a blog post some time please?
Athol: It all comes back to the thing of social dominance and submission. Bearing in mind that dominance and submission are woven into the fabric of everyday life in a very subtle way. Things as simple as who goes through a doorway first rely on subtle social cues of who the dominant person is. Dominance and submission isn’t all whips and chains and people wearing ball gags.
There is always in any social group, even a group of just two people, a leader of the group. Thus in any marriage, there is always someone more in charge than the other – typically it’s going to be the one that has a higher Sex Rank than the other. A major reason I advise running the MAP to increase your Sex Rank is to become the more dominant person in the marriage, and thus take more control over it and get more of your needs and/or demands meet by your partner.
However in most marriages, who is the dominant partner and who is the submissive partner isn’t set in stone. One may be more dominant than the other in a certain area and vice versa in other areas. Where the balance of power is finely balanced however, it’s very natural to expend greater effort in debate for no other reason than to establish and/or maintain your dominance over your partner. So senseless little fights “about nothing”, aren’t actually about nothing… they are about keeping your dominant frame in place.
If you yield the ground repeatedly over “fights about nothing”, you establish that your partner is in fact the dominant partner. After all, they get their way all the time. So when something more important comes long to debate, you’re at a disadvantage because you’re the submissive partner by default. Sometimes the dominant partner even drums up fights about nothing for the submissive partner to defer to, just to keep their dominance acknowledged. This is in no small part related to Fitness Testing… please jump through this hoop for me… which only frames you are the guy who jumps through her hoops.
So fights about nothing, are always fights about something.
A major plus to the Captain and First Officer model is that it side steps needing all these fights about nothing to maintain the dominant partners dominance. Once one partner is acknowledged as the Captain by the words and actions of the First Officer… the Captain doesn’t have to bully the First Officer into staying in the submissive role. The Captain can actually allow a lot more leeway with ensuring the First Officer is well taken care of, because it won’t undercut his dominant frame for the bigger decisions.
The Captain can also more easily listen to the First Officer bringing up concerns, because they aren’t going to be viewed as potential attempts to Fitness Test him or otherwise vie for dominance. The Captain can more easily let his guard down with his First Officer. Likewise the First Officer doesn’t have to drum up drama to gain attention and to be heard. It’s just less effort and stress all around. Having a clear Captain can also resolve all the longstanding fights about nothing too. He can establish basic behavior minimums and direct the First Officer to take an action that ends a stalemate.
The irony of the Captain and First Officer model is that it actually gives women the Blue Pill stated desires of a “nice guy who really listens, pays attention to you and helps out”, but does so by way of acknowledging his dominance over her. Welcome to Red Pill paradox. Mostly though, Jennifer and I can’t stand the idea of going through married life together feeling like we’re both “lawyering up” over endless little bits of nothing. Just give me the gavel and let me bang this stuff out.
Jennifer: You know, we argue so infrequently that I hadn’t actually ever thought about what effect those “fights about nothing” can have. It’s so true.
Cutting and pasting to create the question. “Typical Male” is a forum member.
Typical Male: I am sometimes surprised at how much anger I carry from all that rejection during dating. Even now, you try chatting up a normal looking woman in the supermarket and she gives you the blow-off. Bam there’s another one. When I read articles now about females getting older and that they cannot find quality men to marry. I just wanna scream. I know I shouldn’t care. I know i gotta just get over it. But it’s still there.
Perhaps this post was inspired by the feeling that it sucks beyond belief to be rejected by 5 females just to get a date with 1. This post makes It feels good to know that Karma is alive and well. That those girls that would not give me the time of day in high school are now fat ugly cows and I am so glad that things did not work out between them and me. And now *I* would never give *them* the time of day. Most every man I know carries some level of bitterness of these countless rejections. Knowing that men become more eligible as the age and women less eligible is satisfying. It’s like watching another car doing 100 MPH pass you by on the highway and then you passing them as they get pulled over for speeding by the state police.
Females do not carry this bitterness because they don’t have to do any asking out for dates. Females don’t get rejected in that way. What makes it more galling is that I have always been a good-quality, high earning potential (actualized now), standup man. Women ignored me and could not have cared less about those qualities. It was only after I learned asshole game, became selfish and arrogant, that I got female attention. Go figure.
I’m happily married for 25 years so this is all water under the bridge to some extent. But it leaves a mark.
Do you have any pent up rage like this?
Athol: I think I have been very fortunate to have learned the Red Pill in a very user-friendly manner. Yes indeed I’ve been shat on in dating situations in the early days quite firmly. I’ve been lost and confused as to why different girls just weren’t interested in me. Three years of long distance waiting for Jennifer can be just as easily seen as the most pathetic desperation and oneitis, as it can be seen as a wonderfully romantic story of love and commitment.
I also got very lucky with Jennifer being the way she is, she was a genuinely sweet, caring and undamaged girl, from a good family, virgin, smart, active, in shape and all the rest. I was also lucky in that I quite unwittingly did some amazingly Alpha things with Jennifer that I’d never done with anyone else. I think we match up genetically very well and we both just activated on the other and that was that. I was different with Jennifer than I had been with prior girlfriends. A decent part of me learning the Red Pill was realizing I had a good thing and tried to reverse engineer what that was.
But I’ve not had that crushing divorce experience. I’ve not been cheated on. Our two girls are mine. The sex is good. Jennifer holds up her end of the marriage. So I’ve not been down the razorblade studded slide that some men have had to experience.
That being said, I’m quite familiar with pent up rage. I was taken advantage of in my job fairly badly for quite some time. As I’ve said a few times on the blog, me running my own MAP was very much along the lines of making MMSL my exit strategy from my employer. I did Phase One, Two, Three… and then had my supervisor try and give me a ranting Phase Four ultimatum (Literally… “you will X and like it, or get out”)… to which I calmly advanced into Phase Five… and Six and here I am in Seven. Watching your female supervisor have a hysterical fit at you like you were dumping her is a bizarre experience. I didn’t so much quit my job as divorce them lol. So I didn’t really get angry, angry over all that. I just ran a long term plan and executed it. They had literally forced me into having to find more income, wouldn’t let me work overtime, so I had to “look outside the marriage” so to speak. In the end I simply wasn’t going to stay and be screwed over. I mentally checked out of the situation years ago, I kinda feel sorry for them, but even that’s fading into blanket disinterest.
The one thing that I have struggled with rage over though is my departure from Christianity. And no I’m not getting into why I left the faith, beyond making it clear that I did so for nothing more than no longer believing. I’m a truth and honesty guy. Nor is being an atheist a source of being angry, it’s the ex-Christian bit that does that.
After having spent age 16 to 25 being extremely committed to faith and plotting a career of full-time Christian ministry, I left the faith with what amounted to a fairly well ruined educational plan in terms of earning an income. I had to return to school to get a nursing ticket. Also being someone with a very high sex drive, my entire justification for jumping through the virginity-until-marriage hoop was my belief in Christianity. Once that was gone, I felt I’d lost a great deal of opportunity for enjoyment and my religion had destroyed my sex life. I could also look back at my best prior girlfriend and release that when she had green-lit me having sex with her, I did the good Christian thing and declined… and she tore me apart by Fitness Test after Fitness Test after that. If I had dropped my pants and nailed her, who knows what would have happened. Maybe good, maybe bad. But I know now why I lost her.
So whether or not you agree with my belief or lack of belief doesn’t matter. All I know is I couldn’t set foot in a church for about a decade without this seething coming to a slow boil inside of me. All those wasted years. All that nonsense crammed down my throat. My stolen sex life. Some of the things I had done in the name of belief I’m not proud of either.
But I don’t feel that rage now. I think I feel more of a sense of the pangs of memory of distant times. There were plenty of good times along the way and I went along with them at the time. I was young then.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is understanding.
Assuming they aren’t sociopaths, once you start to really understand why someone “did something horrible to you”, often you can discover misguided attempts to do the right thing. Or more commonly, just going about the business of trying to get their own needs met.
My girlfriend wasn’t a Fitness Testing bitch… she was just a hot girl trying to figure out if I was the one for her. I wasn’t. The church people I ran with weren’t out to ruin my career path and cheat me out of a sex life… they are in fact a bunch of quite nice people who earnestly and genuinely believed they were doing the right thing. We don’t agree on some stuff, but I do quite miss some of my old friends. My old nursing job is stuck with a never-ending task of every year trying to do more, with less. It’s the economy more than anything. There was some anger on their side because I was getting out of there and leaving them behind.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is acceptance.
Also a lot of the worst things that have happened to me, have come with a silver lining. A little gift of something that somehow plays a role in what is happening now. For example my real estate career attempt… I really tried… turned into a dismal failure. I quit my nursing job way too soon and crashed and burned. When I left to do MMSL, I took my time until I had a proper income already happening. I also wrote a real estate blog for about 18-20 months that got some decent attention and if nothing else proved I could write. When I started MMSL I knew what I was doing with the blog and it made a big difference. Not bad for a guy who had a high school English grade of 55%.
My stolen youthful sex life… has in no small part helped with my marriage to Jennifer. It’s a fine line between fucking monogamy and fucking monogamy! some days, but Jennifer is my greatest joy. Our three year long distance trauma makes us appreciate being together just a little more somehow. It’s given us a magical story to tell as well.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is getting into action and giving.
Look I’ll admit it. I actually feel deeply spiritual some days now. That’s come from finally turning my life around from being a more passive victim of my fate and only sucking in information, and changing to someone actively trying to give something back. When someone comes to me a mess and leaves with a plan and hope… and it works… it’s an amazing feeling. I think 90% of my own gaming of Jennifer is now is just showing her reader email.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is hope.
Your anger is a message to your conscious self that something is wrong. Figure out what the problem is and set about fixing it. Things can get better, or at the very least you can try to make them better and know you tried. Anger wants to do something about what ever is wrong. If you have anger without the hope of solution and you do not try, the anger has no place to go but cycle around inside you turning into a dark rage. Rage can be expressed, but only grows stronger for the expression.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is apologizing.
Because if only in part, sometimes it really was your fault.
There’s a Red Pill for women just as there’s one for men. Some clips of Joan Rivers from the archives in 1967 and 1974 talking about declining Sexual Marketplace value and what men really want in a wife. It’s quite tame by today’s standards, but the self-depricating humor is only mostly convincing that she isn’t also experiencing a subtle pang of bitter rage.
The rules of the Sexual Marketplace haven’t changed. The players might be exploring a number of new and different strategies, to see if they can somehow gain an advantage, but it’s still the same old song and dance. Men are attracted to youthful beauty. End of story. Don’t waste the pretty.
…and something more modern. About 2004 I think. Interesting that a couple of the 1967 and 1974 jokes make it into the 2004 set because they still work. The rules didn’t change.