Cutting and pasting to create the question. “Typical Male” is a forum member.
Typical Male: I am sometimes surprised at how much anger I carry from all that rejection during dating. Even now, you try chatting up a normal looking woman in the supermarket and she gives you the blow-off. Bam there’s another one. When I read articles now about females getting older and that they cannot find quality men to marry. I just wanna scream. I know I shouldn’t care. I know i gotta just get over it. But it’s still there.
Perhaps this post was inspired by the feeling that it sucks beyond belief to be rejected by 5 females just to get a date with 1. This post makes It feels good to know that Karma is alive and well. That those girls that would not give me the time of day in high school are now fat ugly cows and I am so glad that things did not work out between them and me. And now *I* would never give *them* the time of day. Most every man I know carries some level of bitterness of these countless rejections. Knowing that men become more eligible as the age and women less eligible is satisfying. It’s like watching another car doing 100 MPH pass you by on the highway and then you passing them as they get pulled over for speeding by the state police.
Females do not carry this bitterness because they don’t have to do any asking out for dates. Females don’t get rejected in that way. What makes it more galling is that I have always been a good-quality, high earning potential (actualized now), standup man. Women ignored me and could not have cared less about those qualities. It was only after I learned asshole game, became selfish and arrogant, that I got female attention. Go figure.
I’m happily married for 25 years so this is all water under the bridge to some extent. But it leaves a mark.
Do you have any pent up rage like this?
Athol: I think I have been very fortunate to have learned the Red Pill in a very user-friendly manner. Yes indeed I’ve been shat on in dating situations in the early days quite firmly. I’ve been lost and confused as to why different girls just weren’t interested in me. Three years of long distance waiting for Jennifer can be just as easily seen as the most pathetic desperation and oneitis, as it can be seen as a wonderfully romantic story of love and commitment.
I also got very lucky with Jennifer being the way she is, she was a genuinely sweet, caring and undamaged girl, from a good family, virgin, smart, active, in shape and all the rest. I was also lucky in that I quite unwittingly did some amazingly Alpha things with Jennifer that I’d never done with anyone else. I think we match up genetically very well and we both just activated on the other and that was that. I was different with Jennifer than I had been with prior girlfriends. A decent part of me learning the Red Pill was realizing I had a good thing and tried to reverse engineer what that was.
But I’ve not had that crushing divorce experience. I’ve not been cheated on. Our two girls are mine. The sex is good. Jennifer holds up her end of the marriage. So I’ve not been down the razorblade studded slide that some men have had to experience.
That being said, I’m quite familiar with pent up rage. I was taken advantage of in my job fairly badly for quite some time. As I’ve said a few times on the blog, me running my own MAP was very much along the lines of making MMSL my exit strategy from my employer. I did Phase One, Two, Three… and then had my supervisor try and give me a ranting Phase Four ultimatum (Literally… “you will X and like it, or get out”)… to which I calmly advanced into Phase Five… and Six and here I am in Seven. Watching your female supervisor have a hysterical fit at you like you were dumping her is a bizarre experience. I didn’t so much quit my job as divorce them lol. So I didn’t really get angry, angry over all that. I just ran a long term plan and executed it. They had literally forced me into having to find more income, wouldn’t let me work overtime, so I had to “look outside the marriage” so to speak. In the end I simply wasn’t going to stay and be screwed over. I mentally checked out of the situation years ago, I kinda feel sorry for them, but even that’s fading into blanket disinterest.
The one thing that I have struggled with rage over though is my departure from Christianity. And no I’m not getting into why I left the faith, beyond making it clear that I did so for nothing more than no longer believing. I’m a truth and honesty guy. Nor is being an atheist a source of being angry, it’s the ex-Christian bit that does that.
After having spent age 16 to 25 being extremely committed to faith and plotting a career of full-time Christian ministry, I left the faith with what amounted to a fairly well ruined educational plan in terms of earning an income. I had to return to school to get a nursing ticket. Also being someone with a very high sex drive, my entire justification for jumping through the virginity-until-marriage hoop was my belief in Christianity. Once that was gone, I felt I’d lost a great deal of opportunity for enjoyment and my religion had destroyed my sex life. I could also look back at my best prior girlfriend and release that when she had green-lit me having sex with her, I did the good Christian thing and declined… and she tore me apart by Fitness Test after Fitness Test after that. If I had dropped my pants and nailed her, who knows what would have happened. Maybe good, maybe bad. But I know now why I lost her.
So whether or not you agree with my belief or lack of belief doesn’t matter. All I know is I couldn’t set foot in a church for about a decade without this seething coming to a slow boil inside of me. All those wasted years. All that nonsense crammed down my throat. My stolen sex life. Some of the things I had done in the name of belief I’m not proud of either.
But I don’t feel that rage now. I think I feel more of a sense of the pangs of memory of distant times. There were plenty of good times along the way and I went along with them at the time. I was young then.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is understanding.
Assuming they aren’t sociopaths, once you start to really understand why someone “did something horrible to you”, often you can discover misguided attempts to do the right thing. Or more commonly, just going about the business of trying to get their own needs met.
My girlfriend wasn’t a Fitness Testing bitch… she was just a hot girl trying to figure out if I was the one for her. I wasn’t. The church people I ran with weren’t out to ruin my career path and cheat me out of a sex life… they are in fact a bunch of quite nice people who earnestly and genuinely believed they were doing the right thing. We don’t agree on some stuff, but I do quite miss some of my old friends. My old nursing job is stuck with a never-ending task of every year trying to do more, with less. It’s the economy more than anything. There was some anger on their side because I was getting out of there and leaving them behind.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is acceptance.
Also a lot of the worst things that have happened to me, have come with a silver lining. A little gift of something that somehow plays a role in what is happening now. For example my real estate career attempt… I really tried… turned into a dismal failure. I quit my nursing job way too soon and crashed and burned. When I left to do MMSL, I took my time until I had a proper income already happening. I also wrote a real estate blog for about 18-20 months that got some decent attention and if nothing else proved I could write. When I started MMSL I knew what I was doing with the blog and it made a big difference. Not bad for a guy who had a high school English grade of 55%.
My stolen youthful sex life… has in no small part helped with my marriage to Jennifer. It’s a fine line between fucking monogamy and fucking monogamy! some days, but Jennifer is my greatest joy. Our three year long distance trauma makes us appreciate being together just a little more somehow. It’s given us a magical story to tell as well.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is getting into action and giving.
Look I’ll admit it. I actually feel deeply spiritual some days now. That’s come from finally turning my life around from being a more passive victim of my fate and only sucking in information, and changing to someone actively trying to give something back. When someone comes to me a mess and leaves with a plan and hope… and it works… it’s an amazing feeling. I think 90% of my own gaming of Jennifer is now is just showing her reader email.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is hope.
Your anger is a message to your conscious self that something is wrong. Figure out what the problem is and set about fixing it. Things can get better, or at the very least you can try to make them better and know you tried. Anger wants to do something about what ever is wrong. If you have anger without the hope of solution and you do not try, the anger has no place to go but cycle around inside you turning into a dark rage. Rage can be expressed, but only grows stronger for the expression.
What I have found to be the cure for anger, is apologizing.
Because if only in part, sometimes it really was your fault.