Married Man Sex Life
How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.
Become the type of guy your wife would have an affair with.
I LOL’d when I read this. A couple of years ago when I first got into the game, I knew instinctively that a direct, extroverted kind of approach to things wasn’t going to fit my personality.
So I formulated a style around the exact idea of “how do you connect discreetly with a woman, slipping under the radar as if you were initiating an affair?”
I didn’t hit on married women or anything, but I cultivated a calm but intense demeanor that sought to tap into the “ooh, this is intriguing” response.
Is anyone else thinking about this song:
I’ve said that to my husband from time to time- “Let’s have an affair with one another and do something naughty and escape from our mundane day to day lives.”
We always do something amazingly fun.
+1. Be the type of dude that if she ever dated anyone else, she’d be trading down.
P.s. Roleplays always get the chicks going.
“Become the type of guy your wife would have an affair with” . That was my thought at first and I began unconscionably doing the MAP until I saw the guy my wife left for. In my case “becoming that guy” would mean I’d have to become obsessed with money, gain 75lbs of lard and become addicted to video games….I’ll think I’ll pass. The truth is a lot of times the man or woman they leave you for is a trade down in many ways, providing only a small portion of what their needs are, but one that the woman feels needs attention. A lot of times it makes no sense at all to us, ” The Guy” just being anyone who is not “You”
Could you write more about that, Badger? The “calm but intense demeanor”? The extroverted approach does not fit me also.
…and if you don’t know what type of guy that is, you’re screwed!
All good points. Indeed, one of my “go to” pieces of advice for couples in the doldrums is to start a clandestine affair with each other. Do everything you’d do if you were really having an affair, use disguises, sneak away from work, but with each other. Then see how long it takes for the rumor about one or both of you having an affair to come back to you from your concerned friends.
You get all the fun of having an affair, without all of the legal bills and self-loathing.
Side note: I’m going to conclude that today’s laconic post is due far more to Athol’s masterful insight into the male/female LTR dynamic and desire to see the responses in comment than to his distraction with video games or “other stuff” he should be doing instead of writing. To think otherwise would be ungentlemanly, I’d think.
“Be the type of guy your wife would have an affair with.”
That is the MAP in a single sentence, isn’t it?
I’m with Aleph: It’s exactly how I summarized the MAP in my mind.
Good advice. Harsh, but good.
Badger – I would love to see more on your “calm but intense demeanor” as well since I am in NO WAY extroverted. I saw a post from Obsidian about Soresu game, which seems to be pretty similar to this concept I think, and I’m VERY interested in figuring out how to cultivate this style.
And I know, the Star Wars tie in makes me a geek. So be it.
I think back to my college/high school days.
Who were the girl who dumped me? Yeah, I remember them. Don’t be that guy.
Who were the girls that wouldn’t leave me alone. Yeah, I definitely remember them. Be THAT guy.
@Highlander Instead of actually running quests on World of Warcraft, he was likely cybersexing your wife for 1-2 hours a day for months on end. That’s why she’d come to bed all hot and bothered and jump you. Surely it seems obvious in retrospect that someone else was getting her all worked up. It’s just the standard affair script.
If you want her back, start seducing her the way he did via messaging. She probably isn’t all that excited about the reality of fatboy cock.
@ Ted D-
Look at you, moving away from green to a black T and cool black shades!
You go, with your bad boy self!!!
In Re: “Calm But Intense Demeanor”:
In looking for good role models of how to master this (and it is an acquirable skill), I found an unexpected one in the second-rate TV drama Las Vegas, from a few years ago, in the character of Ed Deline.
Deline was an ex-CIA spook who “went legit” by marrying well and becoming the head of a Las Vegas casino. Part James Bond, part Mafioso, Ed was all Red Pill in his demeanor and delivery. The role is played by the extraordinarily talented James Caan, but some of the mannerisms and phrasings Ed uses can be easily incorporated into your own presentation. Ed is a real Patriarch, and he handles his business old school — but the advice he gives his youthful employees, and how he handles adversity, are delightfully Red Pill. Catch a couple of re-runs of the first or second season and watch. Oh, and it’s a Las Vegas casino, so there are boobs everywhere.
“@Highlander Instead of actually running quests on World of Warcraft, he was likely cybersexing your wife for 1-2 hours a day for months on end. That’s why she’d come to bed all hot and bothered and jump you. Surely it seems obvious in retrospect that someone else was getting her all worked up. It’s just the standard affair script.” If you want her back, start seducing her the way he did via messaging. She probably isn’t all that excited about the reality of fatboy cock.”
Hi Athol, I agree. In retrospect I can see that’s what was probably going on. My daughter (20) did mention a similar thing to your texting idea, but it involved me getting into her guild under an assumed name and worming my way in from there, but that ship has sailed. I don’t think I could get over how it all went down and maintain any self respect even if she did come back under the most repentant conditions. That said I’d love to throw a leg over her with my improved Highlander 3.0 body, have at it and send her on her way with something to think about when she’s fondling his man boobs ;~)
My MAP started out a bit along those lines before I found out about the OM, thinking I could get her back with massive changes. I did a 180 and hit things on all fronts having the thought that because we live in a small city my changes are reported back to her pretty quickly. While everyone else was amazed at what I’ve been doing, it seemed to have no effect on her that I’m aware of. But as most of us can recount doing the MAP, other women are quick to notice, and some considerably younger than my STBX. All I need to do now is work on the income end of things, running this house and looking after the kids on my own leaves me broke most of the time.
Go Highlander!! That’s the idea!
One thought on the money thing… can you frame it as you are choosing to spend your hard-earned cash on ensuring your children have stability and launch their own lives well? It’s a temporary situation, and if she values family the way you do, it *could* be a DHV and stqbility-builder.
And, of course, having a plan for transforming your finances shows you have he situation mastered.
Just don’t let money (or lack of) hold you back. You have a lot going for you, and it sounds like you’re running the MAP…
Christy, I probably should write up the DAP ( Divorced Action Plan) for separated and divorced men, maybe hook up with Athol on it. I’ve tried to hit things on all levels, physical, mental and spiritual for a balance. I’m probably the only guy over 45 in my gym with Abs ;~)
+1 for running the DAP
Challenging but rewarding. Interesting how the dissatisfaction about having to move can turn to appreciation for the new circumstance pretty quickly if all goes well. I’m luckier than many, however, I suspect, especially financially.
@Highlander DAP sounds good, but I wouldn’t tie it in with separation. I’ve been “separated” for over a year now and we are doing quite well now that we have more space. Of course MAP plays a big part in that, but it underscores that separation means figuring things out, not necessarily a sure path to divorce.
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Brian C. Rideout
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