Still Running The MAP

I’ve been at a marriage conference in Baltimore all week. It’s been… yeah… it’s been interesting I guess. I knew going in that I would be getting a lot of Blue Pill goodies, but at least it was going to be top shelf Blue Pill. This was a group of extremely well intentioned, smart people and I did like them, but it was agonizing how close they would come to really getting the Red Pill stuff… and then suddenly like a rubber band was around their waist, get snapped back cartoon-style to the fluffy pink pillows.

I did toss out a few Red Pill responses to questions during seminars… “musical chairs while everyone is naked” went down like a lead balloon. I think they might have called security if I had said “cock carousel” lol.

I think the one stand out point though was the elephant in the room of never once was it discussed… not even in passing… not by a single presenter… what makes a woman attracted to a man and makes her want to strip her panties off for him.

Meanwhile…

… I had a total of five different people email/facebook/forum message me the exact same message…. dude you have to put the stuff about “if you do nothing else, get into the weights room” right at the front of the book.”

Round of applause for your bad selves readers… you’re more on point about what makes a marriage work than the experts.

Anyway, I wasn’t really expecting to learn much new apart from a Beta skills refresher course, my goal was to case the joint for next year and see how a couple dozen programs roll out their stuff and look at their material. It also gets my attention when one of the presenters had received $10,000,000 federal funding to teach relationship skills in workplace settings. Though I suspect if I got federal funding, they’ll want me to stop using words like “pussy”… and I don’t think I could go on without pussy.

Okay, okay… you bring the money in the wheelbarrow, and I’ll compromise and call it “soft kitty.”

The truth is I’ve been struggling enormously with focus since about… February. Everything just caught up to me and I’ve felt worn out and empty. I injured my right elbow a few months back and that’s only just coming right now. But I’ve kind of enjoyed the perfect excuse not to exercise because Diablo 3 came out and that’s been fun for a while, but wearing out now thanks to endless disconnects. All this just as I stop nursing and go MMSL full-time. I’ve been so tired that even though I wrote two books in just over a year, I’ve struggled with feeling like a failure as revising the Primer slips away from my inner timetable deadlines. But the worse I feel, the worse my writing gets… so forcing it is problematic.

Anyway… it’s been really good to be in a room of several hundred pro-marriage professionals and yet still get this sensation of being the black sheep in the family. I have dreams about bending them all to my frame, or at least enough of them to make a serious difference, but the reality is all my smarts won’t matter a damn unless I have a six-pack abs and muscles to sell my message. The messenger is the message. I’ve always had oodles of cuddly Beta Traits, I think the last three years of my life have gotten the Alpha Traits in place, so the next thing is to really work on the physical. I’m starting to come to the conclusion that I’ve been somewhat off the mark talking about having an Alpha+Beta balance, it’s really Alpha+Beta+Physique.

Oh… Jennifer and the girls came with me. We did Washington DC and the National Mall on the weekend and then while I was in conference they did stuff all over Baltimore Inner Harbor area. We finished off the trip with Medieval Times which is essentially like watching wrestling but with horses and a chicken dinner. I have to say our Red Knight was particularly handsome and the Kay daughters were visibly disappointed when the Yellow-and-Red Knight proved to be representing the VIP seating and Red-the-handsome took a dive was slain in a MIGHTY BATTLE. Girls liking watching boys fighting… lmao who knew?!

Jennifer is growing out her fringe (Jennifer: For those non-Kiwi’s in the audience, that’s my bangs) to get the full long hair deal. She’s in that horrible phase of just looking like she’s too poor to afford a haircut. It will look good in a few more months though. For now she’s got it pinned back in a style I’ve decided to call “The Polygamous Commune Look”.

I guess I need to tie all this up into a point…

The point is that while I have fans, friends and followers, for which I am truly grateful, I’m still running my own MAP myself. I’m still trying to get better. It’s hard work but it’s slowly paying off and when you reach a major milestone it might not feel as awesome as you think it might. Being over tired makes us all cowards and cranky. It’s okay to take some time off, but you can’t quit entirely. When you look back you do feel good about the milestones. Hopefully as you get your crap together, she follows along too. If you get stalled out, just work on a different area of the MAP.

And always try and be the guy representing the VIP seating.

 

Comments

  1. Love your work, love the book. I can honestly say this stuff has brought a lot less conflict and a lot more happiness in my marriage, so a belated thank you.

    I’ve been reading this site since March of last year and I always wondered how much struggle you had in keeping all of this up. Let me just say that, like many Alphas with vulnerability game, this post paradoxically gives you the most credibility.

  2. pdwalker says:

    You raise a point that twigged something with me and now that you’ve mentioned it, I’d like to talk about it a bit more.

    Your first primer is… blunt. Harshly and Brutally so.

    While that doesn’t bother me, I believe that such bluntness will actually hurt you in your attempts to reach a larger audience. People will be offended. People will turn off from the message because their delicate sensibilities have gotten a smack upside the head.

    Maybe if you could change the message to have a bit more finesse, it might work for you rather than the, dare I say, “crude” message works against you. Look how much huff there was about using the tame words “dominant” and “submissive”.

    My opinion only.

  3. Over It says:

    @pdwalker: I agree. Athol, you do sometimes come across heavy-handed. Remember that song about “a spoonful of sugar” when you’re taking your medicine? For what it’s worth, “pussy” is a tad vulgar (and that’s coming from a woman who uses it plenty in *sexual* situations).

    @JENNIFER: Have you made any changes in response to Athol’s MAP? The working out is obvious, but has it made you look at your career differently now that he’s re-engineering his? Are the longer bangs part of an overall move to dress better? I guess what I’m asking is “What’s the female response when man goes after his dream and starts getting it?” (You know, besides the sex).

  4. Highlander says:

    I know what you mean, just seeing the blockage in the relationship field regarding peri-menopause’s effect on long term marriages gives one pause about how to get the message out in a way that does not seem “Blunt”. I should be bringing out my own blog on surviving Peri for separated and divorced men before the fall and expect the “Mother of all battles” over that from all sides…

    I find it funny though people should expect you to be the message by being all buff, six pack abs and arms like Arnold. It’s true one should “Be the Cahnge”, but all one has to do is look around at the so called experts and writers in the relationship/self help media to find authors who are in poor physical condition with multiple affairs and marriages behind them or no LTR’s at all ……all speaking smack. Funnier still, about the only place I see slim trim, well dressed people “walking the walk” is in the much attacked Manosphere.

    I’m walking the Walk as best I can, and I have to agree getting to the gym is the very first thing a man has to do when beginning the MAP, especially if you marriage is going south or has in my case gone. Using it just to burn off the stress alone is a life saver for most of us early on, the feel good endorphins and being able to sleep because your physically exhausted a much needed side benefit.

  5. MrBurgundy says:

    Hmm. I like the bluntness. Sugar coating seems so blue pill.

    That said, I’ve just read a *fantastic* sword and sorcery novel which has got a load of 1 star reviews on Amazon because folks who (by their own admission) normally like the genre thought the rape and torture scenes were too much. So what do I know?

  6. crazyvan498 says:

    I purpose that stress may be getting to you Athol. You have undergone a huge change in your life by quitting nursing. I think the blog has not been as good since you quit nursing. After a personal experience of my own with anxiety and panic attacks, I know that the subconscious mind is very powerful and can influence you despite what you think you know consciously. You have undergone a major change in your life and it is not easy for the mind to transition. Personally, I underwent hypnosis with my therapist and started going to yoga class. (which is a double plus due to the yoga pants the young ladies like to wear) . The mind is a powerful thing and our emotions are not in our complete control.

    Oh I know it’s stress, no mystery there. Been walking the high-wire for a while.

  7. Do men prefer fringeless women?

    Bangs aren’t hot. True story.

  8. I like the bluntness as well. It’s refreshing not to have everything sugar-coated. My husband is not going to say anything but pussy, so it doesn’t bother me at all to read that. Of course I’m known in real life for my honesty, or tactlessness, you could say. Lol
    Keep on keeping on, Athol. I was wondering last night when the next book would be out. Thanks for the update.

  9. Be blunt. You speak the language of honest men, that’s why we trust you.

  10. whatmeworry says:

    ” People will turn off from the message because their delicate sensibilities have gotten a smack upside the head.”
    Smells like a shit test. Athol’s not a smack, it’s a tap. Roissy or Roosh would be a smack (or brickbat more likely) to the head to these fools. LOL at the thought of one of them at a circlejerk like Athol is describing here.

    Do not compromise. Ever. There’s enough watered down, PC, blue-pill shit out there.

    And $10M????? Mother of all that is holy, what an immense waste of newspeak, government waste horseshit.

  11. Stay blunt. It’s exactly what I needed to hear when I read it. Painful, sure, but completely honest.

    Speaking of the MAP, I just overheard a conversation at work where 30 late-30ish women were complaining about their husbands. Everything they said about their men made me shake my head and think, “These dudes need to run the MAP…”

  12. Changed Man says:

    I agree with the folks on keeping it blunt. MMSL and the Primer is targeted to guys who need a baseball bat upside the head… I know I did and I’m now well on the path to becoming a better man because of it. Continue to keep it real, this is your shtick and and it works.

  13. This was a good thing for me to read right now. My money is yours as soon as the 2012 Primer is out (no pressure) but your statement about feeling unfocused and behind since February is almost exactly where I am with the business I’m trying to get off the ground. I have to stop dwelling on the setbacks and my attachment to less worthy uses of my time and just gotta do it.

    It’s good that you’re seeing how the blue pill stuff works. It’s not all bad – got me from a sexless marriage to an “okay” sex marriage. But I’ve also been working on my shape and have covered major ground there. Going from soft teddy bear to having some definition does wonders to female attention. Since the physical improvement is often the long poll in the process, it makes good sense to get it started upfront.

    As far as tone, I’m not sure what to say. Your writing is great but some of your more promotional language is going to turn people away (as it almost did me) because it comes off as snake oil salesman-like. I don’t have a better recommendation, though, because it speaks to results and does it with confidence. It just has that side effect of putting peoples’ B.S. shields up and looks all wrong to someone steeped in blue pill thought, who is the guy who really needs it. It’s an interesting dilemma, and walking that balance is going to be one of the keys of your business success.

  14. Athol, I wouldn’t expect mainstream gurus and academic soft-science types to embrace terms like “cock carousel,” but was there any acknowledgement of the walkaway wife phenomenon? Any discussion of marriage today should begin with the easily verifiable fact that WOMEN are unilaterally destroying perfectly good marriages and families in droves.

  15. Remain blunt! Please!

  16. Funny this came up in the comment section…

    Why do you think those wives who found their husbands on the forum blow a casket and feel like they were being “tricked into sex?”

    It’s because of the bluntness. Call it too blue pill, call it too pussyish, call it whatever you want, but if Athol wants to have mainstream success, I think toning it down will be an absolute must.

    The message is fantastic and more than worthwhile, but the delivery will be very key as I am sure the bluntness of it may turn some off.

    Blunt around here is cool though.

  17. Makes me wonder if there might not be some value in an “MMSL For Beginners” and an “Advanced MMSL.” I know that in my case, I was turned off by a lot of the bluntness at first, not so much in the language but in the harshness of the tactics and the cold, clinical way it dissects people. But the basic, common-sense stuff (like, yo, get your fat ass to the gym, ya dumb fatty, and maybe don’t be such a pushover all the time) made so much sense that I couldn’t ignore it, and I wasn’t getting that advice from any of the Blue Pill places, so I figured I’d do that stuff and worry about the rest later.

    When I saw that basic stuff starting to work, not just a little but far more than I would ever have anticipated, I was much more willing to go back to the stuff I initially had problems with and give it more of a benefit of the doubt.

    Obviously guys who are coming here directly from the Manosphere and are already comfortable with Red Pill concepts and just need to understand how to apply them to a marriage or LTR aren’t going to need that easing-in period, but if you’re looking to convert the Blue Pill masses, it might be worth thinking about what the best entry point for that audience is.

  18. Hey, just a wife here to tell you that your Captain/First Mate metaphor has changed my view of marriage, drastically. My husband is a military officer, he’s a very calm, level-headed sort of guy, and he’s a good leader. Being married to him for a few months, but dating him for several years, he’s informally taken the helm of our marriage as a leader. It works because he’s good at it…he’s a good leader, he’s thoughtful, he considers my needs, he makes good choices, and he is willing to carry the responsibilities of leadership. He’s in Hawaii right now, but I just e-mailed him a link to your blog post on the subject, and also had a long conversation with a younger woman in my office on the same subject.

    Thank you. You have no idea how helpful this has been to me, and how much it helps after growing up in fundamentalist circles where women are treated like second class citizens. The word submit makes my guts clench up in knots. But, I love the idea of (in our case), a commander/XO relationship. It just works, without feeling demeaning or making me feel a loss of respect for myself.

  19. I'm a man says:

    I read Athol’s book for the powerful message and the use of language was an important key to that message. I think for the most part he is trying to wake male readers from his beta state. Using softer language and a less direct writing style would just be an extra helping of beta. 50 Shades of crap seems to be flying off the shelves and the only criticism I’ve read is that its poorly written and there is much better out there. Seems women are very cool with the content. If at the end of the day people say Athol’s language is horrendous but continue buying his books, he’s won. Besides its part of his alpha swagger! …Perhaps this will change over time as he hones his message but i don’t think he is doing it to only be crude.

  20. cynical optimist says:

    You get my vote for a more advanced MMSL book, for those of us still intent on going down the marriage and having kids route. On the physical side all you need is squats, deadlifts and olympic benchpress keep the diet relatively good and the beer to a medium level and your set add in an all in one supplement and one year of hard training and its tight t-shirts and guns on show. Please o please keep it as blunt aas possible its the only way the pill wont be regurgiated… Like the blog man.

  21. I think your message can (and should) remain blunt, your discussions about sex should be frank, open, and as graphic as necessary to make your point, and your sense of humor provides a great underscore for your message, even when it gets a little twisted… I don’t think those things will limit your audience, in fact those things are key to building your audience. But using specific words that many people consider vulgar will needlessly turn people away. It doesn’t bother me in the least when you use the word pussy or cock, but it would drive my wife away from your site if she ever came here (and she’s not religious or preachy, she just steers away casual and public vulgarity). I think that is true of a lot of your potential audience.

    However, I’d also note that you use those words sparringly, so it’s not like it is a huge issue. But something to consider, sure.

  22. Stay Blunt! I’m female, conservative, married and Christian. Do you know what a relief it was to finally see things stated clearly?

    As for sexual terms, okay you’re pretty graphic, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s a nice reminder that I’m not at the gyne’s office. Also, my husband (who also reads here) has started using some of the same words, and to be honest, it’s……. effective. lol

  23. Another one for blunt. Hell, blunter.

    And it looks like the Manosphere is going to need its own conference soon. I made the suggestion, someone else organize and run the thing. Maybe you can get Maxim to sponsor it.

    It’s on the to-do list.

  24. Dreadpiratkevin says:

    I have to agree with Eric- There’s blunt and then there’s crude. I think you can be one without the other, and it might be a good idea to develop a different set of terminology for certain audiences without backing off of the directness. It would be a way to expand the market for your ideas, or at least remove a potential barrier for getting your ideas out to a wider audience. It’s all about the marketing.

    I admire your integrity in wanting to walk the talk, not just cash the check. Rare these days it seems. I’m not overly familiar with the marriage counseling industry, but it seems that at least some of them have a ‘do as I say not as I do’ mentality.

  25. I’m also female, pretty conservative, married and Christian and I agree that it was a relief to read things just the way they are. This is real life, and it was time for us to wake up and live it like it was. So this is another vote to stay blunt and as soon as the next Primer comes out we’ll be ordering also.

  26. blunt is good! it’s hard to hear at times, but i think you do a great job of delivering it with “love”…So many other places are focused on placeing blame and creating a divide between the sexes, i think this is one place were people come together in support of what WORKS, evne if it stings a bit…

  27. I think the one stand out point though was the elephant in the room of never once was it discussed… not even in passing… not by a single presenter… what makes a woman attracted to a man and makes her want to strip her panties off for him

    Cos none of what makes the answers to that question is stuff that people will talk about. Like my wife with the ladies don’t talk about it shit. Same old same old. Nice people dont talk about stuff like that so surprise surprise nothing gets done or gets better.

  28. MILF in Training says:

    Athol, is your target audience men, women, or relationship “experts”? Each group needs a different approach to be able to absorb your info.

    For the married men, and many wives, blunt is best. We all know why …

    Some wives need a different approach, kind of like Oprah Winfrey. Still fairly blunt, but not vulgar. I’ll admit I was a bit put off with your language at first, but I’m not your target audience, the married men are — and I can deal with the fact that you’re writing for them.

    For the so-called experts … imagine them as giant feminist beta hamsters. Any info you expect them to digest has to be worded very, very carefully. If you can make any part of the MMAP sound like a feminist rant, they’ll lap it up. [Hmm … men are cavemen at heart, they’re biologically programmed to act X, and will respond Y instinctively?]

    If you want to appeal to the experts, you need to paint that Red Pill blue.

  29. MissusP says:

    Blunt please. Rather than appeal to the experts and repackage their message, tell your own truth, in your own way. A lot of your message is the boy version of The Rules that was so popular a number of years back, but I think the strength of your Primer is in emphasizing personal responsibility; confronting the realities of the sexual marketplace; and using concrete, specific steps toward improving your marketability. If you’re trying to appeal to the so-called experts, use the statistics about divorce, happiness in marriage, etc. Or leave it the way it is… but would love to see more about female MAP in the next version.

  30. Athol has to stay blunt to cut past the hamster. Softening it is just feeding men and womens hamsters.

    NB: I got a fringe cut in a few months ago. The hairdresser said I looked 10yrs younger. (How old did I look?? I do think I looked a bit younger with it.) My husband said he prefered me with no fringe – so it’s on it’s way out. I just wear my hair softer around my face now, than before.
    I did read somewhere that women with no fringe look sexier to men. Perhaps fringes do make a woman look younger, yet they lose sex appeal? Fringes might appear more jouvenile to men?

    Your fringe is short hair. Thus less sexy. Plus you can’t flip it…

  31. The idea of ‘not being where you want to’ is pretty interesting. Do you think there ever an appropriate time to stop improving, overall and in a particular facet of life? I think this dissatisfaction can be approached positively (self-confidence, action) or negatively (self-deprecation, inaction.) How do you think self-worth and feelings of dissatisfaction are connected?

    In essence, do you think there IS an end to the MAP? (I don’t)

  32. Two more thoughts on further reflection:

    1.) Agree, agree, a thousand times agree that you can’t bang the “get thee to the gym!” drum hard enough. For some guys it’s the majority of what they need to do, and for damn near EVERY guy it’s at least Step 1. Also, it’s so common-sense that it’s hard for people’s hamsters to rationalize against it, which helps everything that comes after go down smoother. And it’s a relatively simple, practical, straightforward measure that they can start taking right away, which is appealing.

    2.) In the 2011 Primer, you seem to start from the assumption that the reader is already on board with the idea that his need for more sex is perfectly valid and he just needs help figuring out how to effectively get it. This may seem self-evident to a lot of us around here, but there’s a certain subset of Nice Guys who have had the message that their high sex drive is some sort of defect drummed into their heads for so long that they actually believe it and feel ashamed of it and think they have to go about the job of getting more sex furtively, lest someone find out what the filthy hedonists are REALLY after.

    It might be useful to take a little more space in the introduction to explain to husbands that they are perfect normal and healthy for wanting lots of sex, and explain to wives that sex is one of the biggest and most powerful ways that their husbands experience love and affection. In the case of the husbands, at least, this should help cut past the hamster because it’s exactly what they WANT to hear, they just never let themselves believe it. And in the case of wives, it may help because it puts something they may be resistant to (because their current husbands pre-MAP, flabby, over-Beta, and unattractive) in terms of something they can understand.

    In my case, MMSL was a slight case of putting the cart before the horse: it helped, but it wasn’t until I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and started coming to terms with the fact that my needs are valid and I deny them at my own peril (and the peril of those I share my life with) that I really turned the corner. Addressing that early on (and perhaps referencing NMMNG as a supplemental resource) could help guys like me.

  33. Hey Atol – how bout a book geared TOWARD women?

    I’m adding it into the Primer revision.

  34. FeralFelis says:

    MCM said, “Speaking of the MAP, I just overheard a conversation at work where 30 late-30ish women were complaining about their husbands. Everything they said about their men made me shake my head and think, “These dudes need to run the MAP…””

    LOL!
    I am semi-active on a few online dating sites, and for some reason my profile attracts Blue-Pill Married Guys (even though I clearly state I will not get involved with someone in a relationship). As they whine and moan about “not getting enough”, I give them a link to your site and tell them to buy the book!!

    Having come to the conclusion that the biggest reason I have trouble keeping a very long term relationship is the fact that I am more Alpha/Captain than most men and eventually they come to resent the imbalance in the relationship (or even my frequent initiating of sex!), I will no longer get involved with someone who isn’t either already Alpha in nature, or who doesn’t want to grow into it by into swallowing the red pill and running the MAP.

    The blunt vocabulary was a bit of a turn-off at first, but that’s only because I’m a bit of a wordsmith and I thought, “surely this man can find other words!” (I know…don’t call me Shirley! LOL!) But then I realized those words have power behind them, and they were enough to slap awake someone who has been sleeping a very long time.

    @ pdwalker: Props to you for bringing up the vocabulary topic for discussion!!!

  35. Only women and total beta males will come here and get offended from the bluntness and vulgar words. Athol doesn’t need my validation but keep saying it the way you want.

  36. Going to the gym is exactly it. The more masculine and dominant a man is, the more women he’ll attract. This image says it all. Which guys appears more dominant and masculine? http://ryanseacrest.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/KStewartRPattinsonRSanders_600-400-07-25-12.jpg

  37. rycamor says:

    It doesn’t even have to be the gym. Basic high-intensity calisthenics will do 90% of the job. If the average middle-aged guy just spent 10 minutes a day working up a serious sweat, he would be better off than all those skinny vegetarians slogging 2 hours a day on a treadmill. Pushups, pull-ups, sit-ups and squats: Pick one a day and do 6-8 sets to failure. Intensity is the key. Once a week sprint-run a mile or so. And get some sun! There’s no better way to get vitamin D. Girls, same applies to you.

  38. Thanks all. I actually suspect as I work to change my physical image, I can soften my language slightly.

    I rather be hated by some, than boring to all.

  39. Version3.0 says:

    @MILF had it exactly right when she mentioned different messages for different target groups. There may be no way to make the blog “one size fits all” (Forum may be different…) but books could be customized. Oh joy, more work for Athol…

    2011 Primer was perfectly pitched for me, post-NMMNG, even to the point of vulgaring up my language in the bedroom. But my STBX reacted badly to the C/FO idea.

  40. pdwalker says:

    A clarification,

    I was using the word “blunt” instead of the more correct word “vulgarity”. “Blunt” as in “straight upside the head with a large cluebat and a large gong” is perfectly acceptable. The other commenters made that apparent.

    Ian has suggested a great idea that is worth further exploring.

    Great comments all.

  41. Version3.0 says:

    On a slightly different note, I’m nominating the Gaslight Anthem cover of Petty’s “You got lucky” as the official song of MMSL.

    Purists may feel free to invoke Tom’s version, but either will do.

    “You put a hand on my cheek
    And then you turn your eyes away
    If you don’t feel complete
    If I don’t take you all of the way go
    Yeah go, but remember good love
    Is hard to find”

  42. I'm a man says:

    buhahaha @Ryan i was thinking the same thing. 41 yr old alpha male with a supermodel wife out games young buck movie star. Someone has a little too much alpha and no doubt the marriage is now suffering.

  43. I love these kind of posts where you report what you’ve been up to and how you view things. Keeping it real.

    I’m going to go against most people here and say YES, I think you should dial down the language. Not necessarily the bluntness, but the language. It’s a matter of marketing.
    Look at the top 10 money making movies of all time. Even the top 20. You will not find a single rated R movie in them. If you want wheelbarrows full of money, you need a RADIO EDIT version. How many men have you heard say they would like to introduce this to their teen son? I’ve noticed a lot. It will only open doors.

    I think it was Bill Cosby that said “People who use foul language are compensating for a small vocabulary,”
    While I don’t necessarily think this is true, apparently many do.
    (I personally was not offended and continued to read the book and seek out the blog.) You are an excellent writer and I know you could get your point across just as well with PG-13 language.

    I do believe BEN has a lot of valid points regarding many men thinking they don’t even deserve to have their needs met. Not sure it needs to be it’s own book, maybe just a chapter?

    And from the former cosmetologist in me:
    All you women – GROW the bangs! But get layers. No all-one-length Marsha Brady look, please.

  44. I have to agree with the others about the language. I love your blog and your bluntness, and my husband would, too. But with the bad words, I can’t show it to him. He’ll read a bad word, tell me I’m reading trash, and then tell me not to read it anymore. I really want him to read it, though! He needs a little help, as wonderful as he is.

  45. I don’t think you should soften up the language Athol. All the people saying so nevertheless are quick to say they’re not offended, and are still here reading, still bought the book, and still rave about it. Most who were truly offended are gone, and you won’t hear from them.

  46. Random Angeleno says:

    Grow out the bangs. Use hair clips if you have to but grow them out. Longer is better. Shoulder length is good.

  47. @The MacNut:

    “Most who were truly offended are gone, and you won’t hear from them.”

    True enough, but the thing is, those offended peoples’ money spends just as good as yours or mine. We might prefer the more, shall we say, “direct” language, but would we have left if it weren’t there? Actually, maybe some people would, but would AS MANY people have left over language that wasn’t harsh enough versus over language that’s too harsh?

    There may be no “one size fits all” solution, but from a business perspective as well as a perspective of helping people, it makes sense for Athol to want to hit the largest audience possible.

  48. LovelyLauren says:

    I don’t mind directness, but I am often put off by the vulgarity here. It doesn’t appeal to me in any sense (not that it’s meant to, I’m not the target audience, I get that) or act as any kind of persuasive mechanism. It’s just kind of obscene.

    RE: bangs. There are a lot of different styles that all fall under the “bangs” category. I wear mine swept to the side, similar to a look Anne Hathaway was wearing a few years ago and my husband likes them. They can really soften a woman’s face and features (and hide flaws) but straight-across-the-forehead usually makes you look like you’re five.

  49. I thought my bangs looked nice… they’re kind of an off-to-the-side look. Now I’m second guessing that and I have no idea what to do with my hair?!??? I look terrible without some sort of bangs!

    Re: the stuff about guys going to the gym; You wouldn’t BELIEVE how many of my female friends bitch that their boyfriend/husband spends “too much time” at the gym. I’m always astonished by this. I think its time to start calling them out on it.

  50. holdingallthecards says:

    @Women with Bangs: Botox, ladies, not bangs.

    @Jennifer: Were you just up for a change, or did Athol start pointing out hotties sans bangs? Or is this about turning 40…..?

  51. I had NO idea such strong opinions existed about fringe/bangs. Very enlightening. Thanks for the clarification. Glad I haven’t gotten some despite pressure from hairdresser (which is a gay man and that may be a clue).

  52. kryssie says:

    @Jennifer, try longhaircommunity.com. Really helpful.

  53. Myfriends were stoked about Diablo III. 3 Weeks in they’d already quit. That whole messing with the mmo and moving the goalposts every day. Especially to get people the spend money on virtual goods in the auction house. My axiom: its the internet, keep it cheap and fun or someone else will. And when it coes to mmo, never let the big spenders buy an undefeatable advantage.

  54. @Ryan:
    “Only women and total beta males will come here and get offended from the bluntness and vulgar words.”

    I agree with you, except “women and total beta males” are 90+% of the marketshare for marriage strengthening resources. If Athol wants to reach the masses, he needs to craft a pitch that is not offensive to the masses. People love MMSL once they engage it deeply, but when you are offended by something you tend not to engage it at all. -I’m no expert, but I work in marketing/sales and my wife is a marriage counselor.

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