When Your Girlfriend Is Dating Someone Else

 Reader:  [girlfriend difficulties, she told me about MMSL, what I've been doing to up the Alpha and there's another guy now yada yada yada...] …The short of it is that I am not sure what to do. This feels very strongly wrong to me and I do not like the time they spend together. I think that this has come to an emotional affair and I want it to stop, but need a way to do this which will be seen as Alpha. I know that being this troubled is fairly beta and telling her I am uncomfortable is the same, but pursuing a beta route is likely to reaffirm her belief that I need more alpha.

Athol:  If she’s given you the link to MMSL, she’s been fully expecting you to give her a clear ultimatum to either (1) End her interaction with this guy completely and finally, or (2) tell her the relationship is over.

It seems like you haven’t done that, so she’s continued to up the ante to either get a response from you, or failing that, to be with a man who’s willing to fight for her.

As a caveat though, if she has had sex with him, you have to end the relationship anyway. You can’t reward her for doing that by turning her into your wife.

Reader:  I agree, I have been wanting to send her the clear ultimatum. I have been trying to seek out other methods in an effort to stick to her stated wish of ‘being able to have the friends she wants to have.” As you can guess you were the last Hail Mary pass before I did just that.

I do not think she has slept with him, she doesn’t like the idea of sex out of marriage. My concern is more over an affair needed the emotional or public displays of alpha and beta that she is not getting from me.

Athol:   “Having the friends she wants to have” is just bullshit. She already told you to your face she was doing this to get a reaction from you… and you kinda reacted by getting a little more Alpha, but you still needed to do the direct action thing and kick him out of the picture.

Even so… is she worth it?

Reader:  I tend to see it a similar way. I know that in a relationship it is unhealthy to limit the friends and activities of the other partner. I think she is using the logic that it should never be allowed in a relationship. My thoughts are that there are some things that are acceptable to limit in a relationship with another person, certainly asking for monogamy is a given.

On the question of is she worth it, yes. She has issues but I love her. Without listing off traits and getting into sex rank I think she can be what I deserve.

Knowing that she is squeamish about sex before marriage I have always tried to support her in her beliefs and ask her to question them. I wont say I never tried to move things along….but it has been a slow process.

Athol:  Yeah but shes dating him.

Reader:  You are right of course.

Thank you for your time and help. The thing keeping me from issuing the ultimatum  has been a want to refrain from something that sounds like one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship that they teach in health classes across the country. What I needed was someone impartial to come to the same conclusion as I did with hormones raging.

Athol:  Wake me when anyone teaching a class like that is getting laid by an attractive woman.

Reader:  True enough, most are in fact bitter middle aged women

Athol:  Alrighty… the takeaway points.

(1)  If she gives you the link to MMSL or one of my books, that’s a pretty big sign you need to be doing something differently, and fairly quickly too. You should probably see it as a 1-2 month warning on “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You”.

(2)  If there’s another guy involved, you have to take direct action to get him out of the picture. No ifs ands or buts. You can’t just run the MAP and hope she comes around, you have to also intervene. The woman will invariably gravitate to the man giving the strongest presented frame. Also you can sucker punch him and make it sound like a fair fight, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.

(3)  Never forget the golden rule: Cheating girlfriends get insta-dumped. Don’t even get angry about it, just be cool and say, “thanks for not letting it drag out” and push all her stuff out into the hall / front porch for her man to come pick up. When he comes to pick up her stuff, be friendly and help him load the truck. It may not feel like it at the time, but the dude is doing you a favor.  I believe Man Law also requires you give him a beer.

(4)  Dude… just let her go. You’re so far into the Blue Pill Betaized dreamworld, that after about a year of running the MAP you’ll be able to find a much better woman. Trust me.

 

Comments

  1. BlackCat says:

    (4) Dude… just let her go. You’re so far into the Blue Pill Betaized dreamworld, that after about a year of running the MAP you’ll be able to find a much better woman. Trust me.

    I cannot agree with this more. Reader is trying to rationalize everything to himself so badly that it was painful to read. Reader, dude, a) you have serious oneitis, and b) she’s just not into you. Let it go.

  2. Did I miss something or did this guy actually say that it was “logical” that she feels she has the RIGHT to date someone else because she should be “allowed to have the friends she wants”?

    Dating =/= Friendship

    It sounds like it’s ultimatum time, and that ultimatum needs to run along the lines of:

    “This is what I expect from you (monogamy, cutting contact with the Other Guy, etc), and if you do not comply to these things, our relationship is over and I will be moving on.”

    To be fair, though, it sounds to me like she really isn’t worth it- she is being both disrespectful and showing you a taste of what’s to come if you ever DID get married. It’s just hard to see that when you’re looking through heart-shaped glasses.

  3. Athol, if you could, I’d appreciate on an update after this guy finds out she’s banging him.

    I love a good red pill story.

  4. Did I get that right? She won’t sleep with him AND he’s supposed to choke on this other relationship? Oh brother. The relationship is so far out of balance before they get into the depths of marriage. I’d say scrap the whole deal. Run the map to the letter and go get yourself someone who you can develop a good relationship with.

  5. BlackCat says:

    Well, there is the consolation that if he does continue the relationship and marries the girl, he’ll probably get at least as much sex then as he is now. wait- what?

  6. She sounds immature and self-centered, and manipulative. “Here, read this and do that so I can have a real man. But I’m not going to wait patiently for the man I say I love to mature into a real man. I’m going to pressure you and undermine your confidence in an all-out effort to make you dance to my tune.” Or maybe she has fallen for the other guy, and giving him MMSL while stringing him along is what she considers “letting him down gently.” (or keeping him as a back-up plan)

    I’m all for sharing MMSL, because it makes “better” happier men, but this gal doesn’t seem concernedabout, let alone committed to, his happiness. She is currently running the entire show. Not an auspicious beginning for a MMSL-type relationship. I can’t imagine what attributes she has that would make up for her “me first” attitude. My gut says “run!”

  7. BlackCat for the win!

  8. @Suz:

    I don’t think she’s being selfish and manipulative. Her boyfriend is not being the Future Captain she wants. Therefore she sent him in this direction which, as Athol says, is a last chance attempt to salvage the relationship.

    Even in a marriage, there is no obligation to wait forever for someone who *might* improve. And they’re not married, which changes things. She’s shit testing him, yeah, but he’s failing this one spectacularly. So spectacularly, in fact, that I suspect that he’s failed many more and she’s sick of it.

  9. Serious question for the guy in this:

    Are you really into your girlfriend, or are you horny and afraid of being alone? This caught my eye:

    “…I think she can be what I deserve.”

    You *think* that she *can be*. Meaning that she’s not what you think you deserve, right now. Are you letting her date another man, because you don’t want to be with her, but you don’t want to either be the bad guy, or fight for her? This way is a win-win, because she gets to be the dumper and she coasts on to someone else.

    I’m with Athol on this one, but I suspect it’s for very different reasons. Let her go. Run the MAP. Actually find a woman you’re crazy about, not a project you *think* could be what you *deserve* (there’s really no such thing in the Dating/Marriage Market as deserving, but whatever) sometime in the future, and get on with your life.

    And stop going to those Health Classes, if you can’t differentiate between “telling her to stop dating other guys” and “being a controlling, abusive dick who wants to isolate his girlfriend so she can never leave”. (Speaking as someone who skipped every single health class, ever. They’re useless at best.)

  10. I’ve found a lot of men stick with one particular girl, despite the girl crapping all over them, because they’re afraid of their inability to pick up other women. That’s what it comes down to. If he genuinely knew that he could walk out of that relationships and into another with an amazing girl, he would have given her the flick already.

  11. Charles says:

    Slightly OT: “Man law requires … you give him a beer”. This is ……. zen. I do hope you will provide more commentary on the maxims of Common Man Law and how it applies in different social jurisdictions, with attention to etiquette in public settings of mixed company in which there are women both single and married interacting with an unmarried man present. For example, if another man’s spouse starts using shaming language on me for what I did or didn’t do with my date; whose social problem is this; his, or mine? Or if a married woman makes a flirtatious comment to the bachelor. ….And that sort of thing. Sorry for going OT but the phrase “man law” is going to stick in my mind all day.

    http://www.officialmanlaws.com/

  12. “I do not think she has slept with him, she doesn’t like the idea of sex out of marriage. My concern is more over an affair needed the emotional or public displays of alpha and beta that she is not getting from me.”

    You sure about that? There are plenty of girls (and guys for that matter) that would say and act one way with their significant other but give sex to someone more Alpha. Especially if he’s aggressive or passionate, she can rationalize that she didn’t mean to do it, they just got carried away.

  13. Highlander says:

    LOL, she’s probably already slept with this other guy, but is looking for a spare tire in case she get’s dumped. This guy needs to Red Pill, kick her to the curb and MAP up before even thinking about another relationship. Sadly though it will probably take getting kicked in B@LLs a few more times before it sinks in.

  14. Isn’t she just doing what MMSL primer advises? Run the map, and be flirty with other guys.

    But if she’s having sex with the other guy, then game over.

    She was, and even directly told him what she was doing and why. He upped the Alpha but didn’t intervene to cut the other man out of the picture.

  15. Over It says:

    @Liz

    I agree completely. If the girl “waited around” for this guy to step up to the Captain’s chair, isn’t she saying something about how she perceives *her* value in the relationship? Like she has no better option?

    At least she gave him MMSL to show him exactly what she needs AND how he can get there. For a guy to be “afraid of being an abusive jerk” is hogwash. You’ll know when you’ve gone too far because the awesome post-MAP sex you were having will change. Duh. Just change your behavior until she’s giving you what you want.

  16. Trimegistus says:

    I can’t get away from the impression that what the girl wants is for Reader to stride into Other Guy’s workplace, deck him with one punch, and tell him to stay away from her or he’ll get worse. She’s trying to stir up some drama.

    I shudder to think what marriage to her would be like.

  17. ar10308 says:

    I’d say run the MAP, win her back, get good at sex with her, then one crisp, sunny day in September, dump her cold without giving a reason.

    Nothing helps you get over your tendency towards Oneitis like just dropping a decent girlfriend for no reason at all.

  18. @Ardee , wrong; the MMSL says for men to utilize the Evo/psych science of preselection. You can google this, preselection has been proven to only work with women. Guys don’t care if other guys think a woman is hot they default to their own eyes.

  19. John Q Galt says:

    Seriously. GTFO NOW!

    It’s easy to dump a girlfriend. Hard to dump a wife especially when there are innocent children involved. How I wish my wife had shown her true colors when it was easy/cheap/painless to kick her ass to the curb.

    Reader sounds young. DO NOT marry unitl you are at least 28. Of course, by that time, you probably will never WANT to get married.

    —-
    Also, I hope Athol’s advice about sucker punching the other dude was a joke. There are no women out there worth the thousands of dollars it will take in attorney fees, not to mention the real possibility of winding up a convicted felon. As yourself what your sex rank will be in the pokey. (If you’re defending her from real threat of rape, it’s different. But those circumstances are, luckily, exceedingly rare if you don’t put yourself in stupid situations. If she tries to put you in those situations, it’s another reason to dump her).

    Sucker Punch: An out of court settlement in New Zealand. Course I’m bloody joking.

  20. RedPillWifey says:

    Can’t agree with Liz more. You can’t assume that you can change her to be what you want her to be. That should not be the foundation of your relationship. Get out now. Run the MAP. Find the person who absolutely IS the person you deserve.

    Honestly, kinda sounds like she’s trying to create drama for drama’s sake.

  21. If your girlfriend is dating someone else she isn’t your girlfriend.

  22. Liz,
    She told him what she needs and she gave him a good source of info. How long did she wait for him to go through a looong process, before she humiliated him by publicly securing her “just in case” option (boyfriend #2)? With no regard for the feelings of the man she claims to love, she has very openly covered all of her bases. She’s good to go, whether he Mans Up for her or not. How is that not selfish or manipulative?

    If he’s not the man she needs, and not becoming that man quickly enough to suit her “Me! Now!” mentality, why is she stringing him along? By seeing another man, she’s not giving him the opportunity to grow, she’s patronizing him by telling him, “If you work hard and excel, you MIGHT be able to lure me away from my other boyfriend, and I’m such a catch that I know you’ll enslave yourself to doing so.”

    I see nothing resembling commitment on her part; I see an entitled princess blatantly trying to change a man, not for his happiness, but so she can have her Prince Charming. Textbook narcissistic female empowerment: “It’s my Malibu Dream House, and Ken can’t come over to play unless he plays by MY rules.”

    Run away, young man! Get your soul out from under the heel of her glass slipper.

  23. Wow.

    Great advice Athol, and A+ in trying to slap him out of his trance via the internet.

    He needs it.

    I feel for this guy, his problem is he’s afraid pushing back too hard will mean he loses her, but ironically if he pushes back on her and she walks she likely isn’t right for him anyway.

    The whole no sex thing, I hope for his sake isn’t a rule she has in place for just him.

    It’s hard to hear, but take it from outsiders (strangers) who don’t know you or her, this is not a healthy relationship, bounce her. She may have given you MMSL, but she has her work to do too.

  24. The OP doesn’t say how long this relationship has been going on or how committed it is (unless it’s in the “yadda yadda yadda” part Athol skipped over at the beginning). If it’s still relatively early / uncommitted, then you could make the argument that she’s allowed to date other people… AS LONG AS YOU ARE TOO. And in that case the power imbalance comes down to her having more options than you do, and the solution is clear: run the MAP, get your confidence together, learn some dating Game, and explore your other options. That can include breaking it off with her or not, but I’d lean toward breaking it off, because none of the above is going to be any easier with her hanging around and trying to undermine you at every turn.

    I have problems with the standard PUA cure for one-itis (“Fuck Ten Other Women”), but at the very least, I’d say you need to DATE ten other women. Let yourself really KNOW that you DO have other options and you don’t have to put up with her crazy. And if you really DON’T have other options, then commit yourself to improving your Game until you do.

    Agree that the OP sounds pretty young, in which case, congratulations, young man. Discovering resources like MMSL and Game while you still have plenty of time to utilize them to full effect puts you WAY ahead of most young men.

  25. The irony is that she probably thought she’d turn him into this Alpha Man she fantasizes about by giving him MMSL, but the author tells him to run away! haha

    So they both think the other person needs some kind of a “makeover”. Yeah, this is not going to work.
    She is a cake eater.

  26. I find it very ODD that someone who is neither married nor having sex gives their boyfriend a book called “Married Man Sex Life.” If they aren’t having sex because she doesn’t want to without marriage, what’s the point of giving him the book? It sounds like she is just trying to be a tease and to make him think she’s serious when she’s not. She’s just using the promise of sex to string him along.

  27. What about the notion of wanting a ring from a guy? Also this is too imply she does not sleep with either ….too old fashioned? Maybe women want to see if a man will propse marriage? I didn’t read all the posts so forgive me if this is out of line. Just a thought…..maybe it doesn’t apply here.

  28. pdwalker says:

    If I were a betting man, I’d say the chances are very good she’s slept with the other fella. After all, do you think he’s sniffing around for her winning personality?

    The OP is suffering a bad case of Oneitis. So much so, you’ve destroyed your chances with this tart. That’s a good thing, as you can see her for what she is now rather than later one after the inevitable divorce and all the other good things that come with it. Run, don’t walk, Run.

    Chalk it up to a learning experience. Learn more game, run more map and be aware of the relationship dynamics with your next relationship so you can head off the problems before they become a problem like this one has.

    Oh, and if you are under 30, don’t get married. Wait until you are older when you’ve managed to get some slight control of your hormones. In the meantime, have another one or two practice relationships.

    Last thing: Relationships are at their best when you are dating. After marriage, it only gets worse* and harder. If this is what you get now when you are dating, what you will get when you are married will be a nightmare. You’re not ready for that.

    Good luck!

    (*assuming of course, you don’t follow MMSL in which case things can stay well)

  29. Steps:

    1. Accept responsibility for your shortcomings, but not for hers. If you were acting like a big beta tampon the whole time dating her, accept your mistakes and chock it down as lesson learned for next time. However, her cheating on you, is not your fault. That’s on her. She could just have easily broke up with you with clean hands and moved on to find her dream guy (which isn’t you, in case you had doubts still).

    You cry foul and say that she was “manipulative”, but not really. She’s just doing what women do. She won’t give up the security she has with you (as long as you let it drag out) until she knows the new guy is a sure thing. A lot of women these days have two men around at all times: The one they are dating/married to and the one they are thinking of leaving for or are keeping in reserve as “just a friend.” It is what it is.

    2. Dump her now, and don’t look back and no re-dos or taking her back unless you enjoy inflicting this kind of stuff on yourself, because as sure as the sun will come up, she’s going to keep doing it to you. You taking her back says loud and clear to her that she can do whatever she likes to you and you’ll keep taking it and taking her back.

    And the answer is NO, in case you were thinking this: you breaking up with her for 6 weeks isn’t going to “teach her a lesson” or make her realize what she’s missing with you. She’s just going to “rebound” and sleep with a few dudes, get pump and dumped and then crawl back to cuddly ‘ole dependable you and lie to you that she wasn’t banging other dudes while your relationship was “on break.” When your relationship is officially “on break” that is the signal she has been waiting for, the sign from above. The permission slip if you will. Lolz.

    3. Adjust your attitude. You are in a dream world thinking she “can be what you deserve.” I guess that’s okay if you think being disrespected, lied to and cheated on is what you deserve. If you have a ‘cuck’ fetish, keep on keeping on as you are. If not, stop torturing yourself with her garbage behavior towards you, dump her. Go find a woman who already is what you deserve, but first set your standards higher. I don’t think you even know what you deserve or your opinion of yourself is too low so you’re not in a good spot to judge right now. Therefore…

    4. Hit the gym snookums. Weight training is just what the doctor ordered. It will make you feel less stressed, more confident and you’ll look better and feel better about yourself. If you feel like quitting at any point ask yourself if you are really doing everything you can to “be what Y-O-U deserve.” Or just ask yourself: “Am I just being a pussy today?”

    5. Don’t date anyone for 6 months. Just hit the gym, make some new guy friends who aren’t candy asses, get some new clothes at the end of 6 months and go back out there and try again.

    (And keep going to the gym – NOTE: I said go to a gym, not work out in your basement. Go to the gym so you have to socialize with other people and other guys. You sound like you need some ‘bro encouragement and reinforcement.)

    6. Print the below out and tape it to your mirror:

    “I give myself permission to date a better class of woman because I give a shit about what happens to me and my personal happiness. ”

    “Before I enter into a serious committed relationship with a woman I will ask myself the following: Is this the quality of woman that I see teaching my future children how to be human beings? If the answer is NO, I will not commit to anything serious.”

    “I will put myself first at all times so that I am in a position of strength to be able to give and receive from others rather than having to beg for scraps from whomever will give them to me.”

    “I accept that I am responsible for determining who I let into my life and how I let them treat me. I will no longer make excuses for other people’s inexcusable behavior”

    “I promise myself that when people treat me poorly I will let them go or show them the door. When they are gone, they will stay gone.”

    Finally,

    I bet that within two weeks of you dumping her she will tell you one of the following just to be hateful and zing you one more time:

    A. She was sleeping with him while dating you.
    B. She slept with him as soon as you broke up. (which really means A. but she was too much of a chump to fess up)

    Good Luck!

  30. I'm a man says:

    I never understand what people mean by statements like this: “I think she can be what I deserve”. Usually in life we get what we don’t deserve and work for what we earn. However, you don’t deserve how she is treating you.

    She is telling you by her actions and words that SHE thinks that SHE deserves better than you! Her next step will be to either dump you and, or cheat on you.

    http://www.laddertheory.com/

  31. People who want commitment from you while they go around acting like you don’t exist are bad news. I’m all for limiting the scope of opposite sex friendships; if your SO isn’t involved in a significant way, forget it. It’s just smart to protect your relationship from interlopers.

    What XLX1 has the ring of truth to it.

  32. After you take her stuff out to the curb, don’t help him load the truck. You could hurt your back.

  33. I want to second what XLX1 and everybody else said. Get the hell out, NOW and don’t look back. I am curious about one thing: Which religion is it that allows her to be a lying, manipulative, cockteasing bitch?

  34. LongLostFriend says:

    Thank her for pointing you to MMSL as you show her the door.

    This is Married Man Sex Life. While there are principles here that absolutely apply to dating relationships, the fact is that this woman (fortunately for you) does not have a ring on her finger; and, consequently, you ultimately owe her nothing.

  35. John Q Galt says:

    “What XLX1 has the STING of truth to it.”

    FIFY….

  36. MILF in Training says:

    Nanasha said:
    “It sounds like it’s ultimatum time, and that ultimatum needs to run along the lines of:
    “This is what I expect from you (monogamy, cutting contact with the Other Guy, etc), and if you do not comply to these things, our relationship is over and I will be moving on.””

    Perhaps Reader would be happier with this rewording:
    I expect us both to be straight with each other and be monogamous as long as our relationship lasts. I don’t have other girlfriends, I expect you to not date other guys. If you keep seeing X, we don’t have a relationship any more.

    In other words, you lay out the relationship rules you have been following and your expectation that she follows them too.

    If she throws a hissy fit and says you are stomping on her rights, you calmly inform her that a) you’ve been following these rules yourself, and b) if she wants to follow different rules, she can do so with somebody else. These rules are important to you and you won’t keep seeing anyone who doesn’t follow them.

    In other words, grow up, get serious, or get out! But in words she just might listen to, and that won’t make you feel like an abusive jerk. Which you definitely are not — the abusive jerk won’t state the rules, he just attacks his woman for not perfectly following them.

  37. “Also you can sucker punch him and make it sound like a fair fight, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.”

    I agree with Trismegestus. The only way to salvage the relationship would be to forcefully go to the Other Man and explain in very calm and reasonable tones that he was too close to your girlfriend, and unless he was willing to put up a fight for her it would be in his best interest to step the fuck off and not see her ever again unless he’d already met his health insurance deductible for the year. Then go home and wait.

    If girlfriend is furious about what you did, calmly look at her and say, “I don’t like it when a dude like that gets too close to my girlfriend. So I handled it. If you have a problem with that, then don’t be my girlfriend anymore. But make up your fucking mind now, and either pack your shit and get out or I don’t want to hear about it anymore ever again.” Use profanity no more than once per sentence, and keep your tone as even, controlled, and cordial as possible. She’ll either do one or the other.

    If girlfriend is confused about why her friend never calls or wants to hang out anymore, comment that that was interesting, and you always heard that he was a little gay, anyway. If she presses the issue, give her something else to think about.

    If girlfriend is inspired with erotic imagination due to the value she perceives she has in your eyes, then she should be staying and screwing. If girlfriend is pissed off over your attempt to control her life, then let her go not screw someone else. But this one sounds marginal, at best.

  38. Senior Beta says:

    Roissy and Rollo could not have said it better re: let her go.

  39. @MILF In Training

    That’s not bad advice of a sort, if he was married to her, but it would be better stated as Ian laid it out in any case. However, since this is just a friend-girl and coupled with the fact that she’s breaking a relationship rule that even the most re-tahded person knows not to do without prior agreement if they wish to stay in a relationship, he should just dump her.

    He sounds young. For his own sake he should learn how to throw a “bad” (bad for him) woman out of his life now, and get himself on track with these things. It will be less painful and expensive for him to learn now than when he marries up the wrong chick and has to learn this lesson later.

    OP:

    Everyone gets the shaft (chuckle) in a relationship at one point or another in their life. Everyone gets screwed over and heart broken at least once. It sucks, but it’s life. Learn the lesson from this experience and move on to bigger and better things. You’ll look back one day and wince and wonder why on Earth you put so much effort into someone/something that was only causing you grief. Then you will feel immensely relieved you didn’t wind up getting her pregnant or marrying her. Oy-vey!

  40. laurence32xk says:

    “When he comes to pick up her stuff, be friendly and help him load the truck. . . . I believe Man Law also requires you give him a beer.”

    What is this Man Law bullshit?

    You don’t invite the guy who’s been stealing/banging your girl into your home and give him a beer. Nor do you do any heavy lifting for him.

    I know that you mean for the reader to display an alpha’s aloof indifference, but that crosses the line to beta supplication. An alpha wouldn’t care about being the guy’s friend, nor would he give a shit if the guy broke his back moving the girl’s stuff. Once she cheats, the girl and her things become the other guy’s problem.

    I say, put the girl’s things out on the porch, lock the door, ignore the calls/texts and pop open a beer for yourself. Your life just got better.

    If you make it easy for all her stuff to be removed, it makes it harder for her to try and come back. Ex-boyfriend + new-boyfriend in the same space is potentially volatile situation, so be casual about it. Treat it like a large trash pickup / garage sale. You don’t actually want anything for it, you just want it taken away.

  41. “I’ve found a lot of men stick with one particular girl, despite the girl crapping all over them, because they’re afraid of their inability to pick up other women. That’s what it comes down to. If he genuinely knew that he could walk out of that relationships and into another with an amazing girl, he would have given her the flick already.

    I have come to the conclusion that about 50% of game is simply some level of confidence that you can get another woman.

  42. Off The Grid says:

    If I was in his shoes, I would just start seeing other women and when she comes around spank her and pressure her into sex. If she won’t comply, just bail and say you have a date with someone else. This would fix most of the problem. If she wants to date others he shouldn’t care, he should just move her to 3rd or 4th on his dating choice list.

  43. HalfBetter says:

    #4 – Just dump her. She’s already engaging in infidelity in your relationship and has the audacity to wave it in your face openly. Your relationship with her really is just one giant Shit Test that you’re failing simply just by staying with her while she continues to engage in this disrespectful behavior.

    Sorry, but once she chose to date another guy, she closed the door on your relationship already. There’s no way to get over or repair that ind of damage over the long term. She’s already shown you she’s not marriage material, no matter how hot she is.

    Dump her, run the MAP, and get yourself a hot girl with INTEGRITY in a year.

  44. He needs to dump her. An ultimatum might work, but she sounds like the type who needs an exhausting amount of alpha, as well as drama, to be “happy” in a relationship. She’s not worth it.

    He can find a much better girl, who needs much less effort on his part.

  45. Random Angeleno says:

    Date other women. Now. Run the MAP while you’re at it.

    Deep six her. Now. She has mostly likely had sex with him already.

    Lose the one-itis. Now. This one doesn’t deserve it. At. All.

  46. Eric Ventura says:

    There is this misguided and inaccurate notion in the PUA community that if you behave in a territorial manner, you are being an insecure “beta” or “AFC”. If you look at the natural world, including our own evolutionary history men who are naturally predominantly ALPHAS are anything but aloof when their female is being poached by another male. If Alphas are anything, we are territorial and extremely comfortable in conflict with other men. I get and agree with the aloofness thing, but i only do that with women. I’ve learned very early on that to do that with other men, especially alphas is way too risky. (I grew up in a rough neigborhood) I don’t get how these PUA’s reached that conclusion; but then again what do you expect from a community of predominately beta men who only mimic alpha behavior. I guess they are bound to miss a few things.

  47. Sounds like a relationship I was in with Karen. (Note: at the time I thought I was beta, but actually acted alpha; but did not sleep with her because I thought she wanted ot wait unitl marriage). I proposed, was told “maybe”, assumed other man, held on hoping thatwouldn’t work out (I was out of state at the time). She threw new guy in my face, I withdrew into shell, trying not to show it hurt. The square dance group we were in went on canoe trip (note she was not the girl in his canoe) and in the cabin afterward she piped up with ” Jim is a better lover than Dale”. However, after that it was clear they had broken up (I assumed the comment was her trying to get him back). She the would go to dinner, tell me she loved me, and when we got to the dances, she would flirt outrageoudly with other men (the wkfe of the caller told me to keep my girlfriend (Ha!) away from her husband. We had fights about her insisting I keep taking her to the dances. (Two strange things, though: 1. He was more jealous of me then the other guys, 2. I overheard him telling a new girl that if she didn’t sleep with him we would dump her like he dumped Karen (I didn’t buy it)). Eventually we broke up ( I was dating someone else all this while) when she gave me the excouse of missing a date (as her dad said we was off with mom and sisters, but good riddance.
    When I took the red pill, a decade and several women later, I talked to several old girlfriends (got very mad), then called her and said I had fallen in love with someone else. She broke down in tears, and said don’t call again. (By the way, thinking back, at least once when she was throwing herself at other men, it wasn’t in our group, and he was not there.
    Just saying, this may be her way of saying “FUCK ME ALREADY”
    (By the way, the other woman I was seeing at the time told me later that was why she said no when I finally proposed to her.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Eric Ventura:  There is this misguided and inaccurate notion in the PUA community that if you behave in a territorial manner, you are being an insecure “beta” or “AFC”. If you look at the natural world, including our own evolutionary history men who are naturally predominantly ALPHAS are anything but aloof when their female is being poached by another male. If Alphas are anything, we are territorial and extremely comfortable in conflict with other men. I get and agree with the aloofness thing, but i only do that with women. I’ve learned very early on that to do that with other men, especially alphas is way too risky. (I grew up in a rough neighborhood) I don’t get how these PUA’s reached that conclusion; but then again what do you expect from a community of predominately beta men who only mimic alpha behavior. I guess they are bound to miss a few things. [...]

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