Reader: [girlfriend difficulties, she told me about MMSL, what I’ve been doing to up the Alpha and there’s another guy now yada yada yada…] …The short of it is that I am not sure what to do. This feels very strongly wrong to me and I do not like the time they spend together. I think that this has come to an emotional affair and I want it to stop, but need a way to do this which will be seen as Alpha. I know that being this troubled is fairly beta and telling her I am uncomfortable is the same, but pursuing a beta route is likely to reaffirm her belief that I need more alpha.
Athol: If she’s given you the link to MMSL, she’s been fully expecting you to give her a clear ultimatum to either (1) End her interaction with this guy completely and finally, or (2) tell her the relationship is over.
It seems like you haven’t done that, so she’s continued to up the ante to either get a response from you, or failing that, to be with a man who’s willing to fight for her.
As a caveat though, if she has had sex with him, you have to end the relationship anyway. You can’t reward her for doing that by turning her into your wife.
Reader: I agree, I have been wanting to send her the clear ultimatum. I have been trying to seek out other methods in an effort to stick to her stated wish of ‘being able to have the friends she wants to have.” As you can guess you were the last Hail Mary pass before I did just that.
I do not think she has slept with him, she doesn’t like the idea of sex out of marriage. My concern is more over an affair needed the emotional or public displays of alpha and beta that she is not getting from me.
Athol: “Having the friends she wants to have” is just bullshit. She already told you to your face she was doing this to get a reaction from you… and you kinda reacted by getting a little more Alpha, but you still needed to do the direct action thing and kick him out of the picture.
Even so… is she worth it?
Reader: I tend to see it a similar way. I know that in a relationship it is unhealthy to limit the friends and activities of the other partner. I think she is using the logic that it should never be allowed in a relationship. My thoughts are that there are some things that are acceptable to limit in a relationship with another person, certainly asking for monogamy is a given.
On the question of is she worth it, yes. She has issues but I love her. Without listing off traits and getting into sex rank I think she can be what I deserve.
Knowing that she is squeamish about sex before marriage I have always tried to support her in her beliefs and ask her to question them. I wont say I never tried to move things along….but it has been a slow process.
Athol: Yeah but shes dating him.
Reader: You are right of course.
Thank you for your time and help. The thing keeping me from issuing the ultimatum has been a want to refrain from something that sounds like one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship that they teach in health classes across the country. What I needed was someone impartial to come to the same conclusion as I did with hormones raging.
Athol: Wake me when anyone teaching a class like that is getting laid by an attractive woman.
Reader: True enough, most are in fact bitter middle aged women
Athol: Alrighty… the takeaway points.
(1) If she gives you the link to MMSL or one of my books, that’s a pretty big sign you need to be doing something differently, and fairly quickly too. You should probably see it as a 1-2 month warning on “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You”.
(2) If there’s another guy involved, you have to take direct action to get him out of the picture. No ifs ands or buts. You can’t just run the MAP and hope she comes around, you have to also intervene. The woman will invariably gravitate to the man giving the strongest presented frame. Also you can sucker punch him and make it sound like a fair fight, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.
(3) Never forget the golden rule: Cheating girlfriends get insta-dumped. Don’t even get angry about it, just be cool and say, “thanks for not letting it drag out” and push all her stuff out into the hall / front porch for her man to come pick up. When he comes to pick up her stuff, be friendly and help him load the truck. It may not feel like it at the time, but the dude is doing you a favor. I believe Man Law also requires you give him a beer.
(4) Dude… just let her go. You’re so far into the Blue Pill Betaized dreamworld, that after about a year of running the MAP you’ll be able to find a much better woman. Trust me.