Some comments from yesterdays post on the very expensive and dramatic vacation planning…
Holdingallthecards: @Jennifer: I know you work, so don’t you have your own savings account for things like weekend getaways with girlfriends or just your daughters? Time apart is healthy in a marriage (the amount varies per couple), and there is no rule that says every vacation has to be spent with a spouse (especially when they’re the homebody). Besides, if the money comes from your own savings, it’s your budget, too. The only one to say yes or no is you.
Jennifer: From the beginning of our marriage we’ve always had joint finances…I mean even if we had “separate” accounts we’re legally joined in all things financial etc. when it all comes down to it anyway. I personally would see it as divisive to have a “this is mine, this is yours” setup to our finances. We are a team, we make financial decisions as a team, we have team finances.
I prefer to spend our hard earned money on vacations as a family…sure we both like an afternoon to ourselves once in a while (the introvert thing) but I have no interest in going away without Athol. I enjoy spending time with him and our daughters, and it really wouldn’t be any fun obsessively planning a trip that I couldn’t experience with them. And realistically, the one to say yes or no is the budget…if I plan some sort of blow-a-lot-of-money weekend, whether for myself/friends or the family, that’s not responsible of me and I wouldn’t end up having fun.
Athol: We had a three year long distance relationship as our engagement and we’ve had our fill of being apart.
Otherwise if we wanted to play the game where all the money we earn belongs to us as individuals, rather than the marriage, Jennifer would have to learn to pitch a tent, and I’d have some quite lovely trips to the islands.
Well maybe not quite that dramatic lol, but you get the idea.
Beta Tester: The problem I have with vacation is there is virtually NO sex. I have 2 little cock blockers around day and night. If we go camping we have to wait till they are asleep and it is late enough so none of the other campers will hear (I bet they still do). If we go to a hotel or stay with someone, forget it. The kids are in the room or we can’t have sex in a bed that is not our own. That said there has been the rare adventure. Once in a rental minivan outside Disney. Another time on a remote beach in a northern state. Another time we did it on a couch in a basement cause ya can’t use the bed in someone else house.
I do have a question with letting her plan the vacations though. Are you giving up your Captain’s seat to the First Officer? My wife also likes to go on vacations. When I was all beta, she would take the kids and her mother on vacations without me. Since I have been running the MAP, my wife has been running fewer shit tests. This year I made the vacation plans and am making the arrangements. She will still have to do her fair share of the packing, I am just taking my command back. I have limited days off from work. I am making dam sure I get to use them how I want.
Athol: I kinda find outwitting the clockblocks fun lol. It’s actually kind of easy now that they’re older and can be sent on errands together, or can play somewhere unsupervised for a while. Eldest can drive next year, so that’s pretty much an open dunk for getting them out of our hair.
I think you perhaps misunderstand the First Officer role a little. The First Officer is meant to be completely capable of “having the bridge”. Jennifer and I share a great deal of the decision making, but I take a final responsibility for us as a family, and tend to make the final / bigger decisions. She’ll probably come back with a dozen possible options for things to do and we’ll narrow it down to the things that work out the best for everyone. As it turns out, part of our trip is work related for me, and Jennifer and the girls will be out and about a lot doing fun stuff together that I don’t have much interest in anyway.
Also Jennifer is better at finding things to do and good deals than I am, so I just let her do her thing. She is very bright ya know. I don’t micromanage her because she doesn’t need it. If she needed to be micromanaged it would be because she’s stupid and that would drive me crazy. Plus it’s not like you can fix stupid.
RedPillAwakening: I’ve never understood why my wife feels like whatever we do to spend time together doesn’t count unless it somehow drains our bank account. Suggestions I make for activities that don’t cost anything (or don’t cost much) always get shot down, without fail. Sometimes I think if she had to bust her ass to earn the money she might learn to be a lot more careful with it. I finally got us out of credit card debt after many years, but I have had to become a hard-ass just to make ends meet.
Athol: Because for most women it’s about bragging rights and assuring their place in the female pecking order. Look at the great thing my vagina got for me, much better than the thing your vagina got for you. You know why that is? It’s because my vagina is better than your vagina and don’t you forget it. Advantage me…
Women are interested in high income provider mates, and actually landing one means she is a higher Sex Rank female compared to others. Outranking other females provides social benefit for her, but it also requires a conspicuous display of wealth to communicate that effectively. She can’t just say, “Well Harold is awfully well off, but it’s all locked up in investments at the moment.” and have the other women fawn over her because it’s not terribly believable. She can however say, “Harold took me to Paris and we stayed in the Ritz and ate here and here and it was fabulous! Well let me tell you, just as I thought it was finished, he got me this amazing necklace!! He refused to tell me what he paid for it, but I called up the jewelry store he got it in and asked them how much I should insure it for! Anyway then he’s all moody because I didn’t give him a blowjob that day…”
Women want objective proof to display the value of their mate, because their value is based on it in part. It’s the same thing as husbands wanting a hot looking wife to show off to their friends. See that big titty blond on my arm? That’s right… I’m the man.