Challenge Accepted

Alrighty kiddies, buckle up for safety because here’s the gig…

… the U.S. Army has a family enrichment program called Strong Bonds run by the Chaplaincy program. One remarkably brave chaplain loved the Primer so much he’s to date my #1 purchaser of the book and was using it with good results with his unit. So he contacted me in the middle of last year and we talked about putting together a weekend retreat. Let’s just say when an organization of 1.3 million people express interest in your stuff, you express interest in their interest. So I put together a program and we watched it slowly float up the chain of command. We were getting all set to run the pilot session in Germany late last year and then it all stalled out somewhere in the Pentagon over budget approval.

No one said stop trying though.

Anyway, round two and this time all the lights go green and stay green for a pilot program weekend on August 24-26. Jennifer and I will be flying out together and her parents will move in for the weekend and watch the girls. If it all goes well, there’s the possibly of some sort of more regular gig running retreats and/or a couple times a year teaching the basic material to Army Chaplains in South Carolina, so they can go on and use it in their assigned units. It’s also worth noting that the Navy, Air Force and Marines all train Chaplains on what amounts to the same base in South Carolina, so it’s not hard to see how that could spread easily.

It may happen big, it may not happen big. Either way, the weekend is going to be a lot of fun. Here’s what’s on the menu…

Session One: The Real Sexual Biology – For regular MMSL readers, Body Agenda, Rationalization Hamster, Sex Rank, Three Love Systems, Hypergamy and so on. Basically what makes humans tick sexually and why we have so little conscious control of what attracts us. All science, all true, all too vital to not know.

Session Two: Creating Sexual Attraction and Relationship Comfort – the whole Alpha Beta thing for both men and women. A practical how to for keeping your partner in love with you and wanting to be in a relationship with you. Learn what women really want from a man.

Session Three: Captain and First Officer – all about the power dynamics within a marriage. How to harness our natural impulses to create harmony rather than create conflict. How to deal with Fitness Testing as well. How to avoid Oneitis and Orbiting your spouse. How to be a team rather than opponents.

Session Four: Sexual Enjoyment – how to break through our our internal barriers holding us back sexually with our partner. How to get your partner to try new things and be exited about the bedroom. How to explore some of the harder edged stuff safety together.

Session Five: Using Actions as True Communication – How to break free of the Nice Guy traps, how to deal with damaging behavior in your spouse, how to stop complaining about things that need to change and start taking effective action to put things right.

Session Six: Monogamy Rocks! – Why monogamy was invented by men, for men and is a requirement for a stable civilization. From a completely secular perspective why experimenting with non-monogamy is a recipe for disaster for men. How to make your monogamous marriage a winning sexual strategy that maximizes your personal happiness.

All up about 8-9 hours of drinking from the firehose for the lucky dogs attending. After the weekend we’ll see what we have in terms of footage and sound to deicde if it can be packaged and sold, and I’ll be opening it up for speaking more places after that.

Anyway…

I’ve been holed up in the Batcave finishing off writing the workbook for the weekend. It started off as bits and pieces from the Primer, the blog and the early drafts of the Primer revision… and great googly woogly it’s 200 pages long of regular A4 paper size. Really turned into more of a focused reader than a workbook, as there’s just no way I’m going to get to talk about all the content I have ready.

Half of me is all “Holy crap this is real?!?!” and half of me is just so accepting of it because I’ve started to see so much good stuff happening out of MMSL that I’m just expecting of it these days. I’m also 100% excited. I do really like writing the blog and the books, but it’s all just buying a ticket to get to speak. Speaking is a total rush when you do it well. I get flow states when I write every so often, but once speaking to an audience I get them more often than not.

The music thant fits the mood…

I’m just so thankful people are interested and I’ve found my place in this world.

Comments

  1. Are you going to tailor this to the military? It’s a different strategy if you are deployed compared to someone at home all the time. Those guys really need it. One thing I would suggest is to urge these men not to get married so young so quickly. They try to wife up the first woman they like. Tell them the horror stories so that they will understand why its risky.

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/08/15/texas-jury-sees-video-teacher-allegedly-having-sex-with-4-students/

    So the teacher gets gangbanged by 4 of her students and this is what I took away from it:
    “Her husband, Christopher Colleps, a soldier stationed at Louisiana’s Fort Polk, has previously said he will support his wife and that they will remain married.”

  2. Military culture being what it is, I imagine you’ll face a strong front opposing the open and correct celebration of monogamy. But that will be it, a front. There are a lot of men out there who really would like to find and stay with the right girl, even if they say otherwise, and that might especially appeal to any man who wants someone to come home to (and who hopes she hasn’t been sleeping around).

    I would prepare some kind of elevator speech or pamphlet for any soldier that has been cheated on. It’s common, it’s probably too sensitive for the main spiel, and it seems likely that a soldier or two might try to find you privately and ask about how to handle infidelity.

  3. Congratulations. :D I don’t know anyone in the military so I can’t offer any specific advice, but from the stories I hear, Eoin’s advice seems good:

    I would prepare some kind of elevator speech or pamphlet for any soldier that has been cheated on. It’s common, it’s probably too sensitive for the main spiel, and it seems likely that a soldier or two might try to find you privately and ask about how to handle infidelity.

  4. Athol, do you get to use the word “pussy?” That seemed to be a deal-breaker for you in the past (:-).

    Shush :-)

  5. Whoah, congrats. Are there females in this unit? I’m not sure how I would have taken the red pill back in my army days… There would have been a lot of mixed emotions.

    @Jj: Ho. Ly. Shit.

  6. Congratulations! This is big and has truly incredible potential to spread your message and work if they like it and want to use it further.

  7. Kudos to that chaplain, but this is rather surprising. It was my understanding that the military nowadays is too politically correct for such a sensible idea.

  8. Congrats Athol, absolutely incredible!!!

  9. I am both excited for Athol’s opportunity and incensed that my government is spending money on this in the midst of trillion dollar deficits.

    Congrats, and god damn you!

    ;-)

  10. That’s really amazing. You deserve it.

  11. PastorGeek says:

    The military is only as good as the quality of the guys at the sharp end of the pointy stick.

    I’m glad that they’re looking at this.

  12. Redpillalready says:

    @Eric — I’m sure Athol’s program is cheaper than even one soldier’s training, lost because his family life goes to shit and he goes AWOL. It’s like preventative medicine: No one wants to pay for it, but it’s much cheaper than fixing the problem once it becomes life-threatening.

  13. @Redpillalready: I don’t want to turn this into a political argument other than to say I agree with you that it is a good idea for the reason you mentioned, but when you are spending a trillion dollars a year more than you are bringing in, a lot of good ideas have to be put by the wayside.

  14. This is a community in need. The whole time I choked the red pill down I was thinking of how this would have helped and empowered the people in my command with the return home. A family is shredded underneath while pretending happiness when a father and husband returns with even slight PTSD.

    The drinking and lashing out were not symptoms of the “away experiences”, they were from the relationship conflict that arose from the character change in returning with those experiences.

  15. I believe Athol will be presenting to chaplains, who will then go out and teach to military members. He might get cornered a by chaplain with a cheating wife, but this is a very different audience, who sees firsthand the devastation in the ranks of dysfunctional marriages and infidelity. I know my guy would have jumped all over this – all he ever wanted was a loyal wife to be his partner as he moved through his career and deployments. He never wanted to stray, and remained loyal until he came home to his wife and another man in his home, an all too common story. This is a huge blessing for military members if they adopt it. My guy was on a promising track, and it all went to shit after that – they divorced, she took off with their child, and he left the military, destroying his dream and depriving the military of a trained, effective soldier.

    Only hitches I see are making it very clear that alpha and beta are not either/or states – there’s probably a bit less “not enough alpha” within that population. More beta does not equal less alpha, nor is it of lesser importance. And the Star Trek C/FO will be instantly absorbed with less explanation if it compared or even re-phrased as CO/Exec.

    Exciting times Athol! Best of luck!

  16. Trimegistus says:

    Great news, Athol. One suggestion: be VERY sure all your statements about sexual desire, dopamine/oxytocin, hypergamy, etc. are backed up by cites to actual scientific papers. Someone will get into a PC snit about this at some point and you’ll need to be able to haul out your bibliography and say “It’s SCIENCE!”

  17. practicallyperfect says:

    I wish you all the best and hope this helps the military families. As a military brat my parents were the exception to the rule only in that they weren’t divorced but we had other problems. We lived in military housing and most of my friend’s families were an infamous mix of yours, mine and ours (Approx 85%.) Infidelity, alcholism, abuse, long deployments, poor pay and a myriad of other problems big and small effect the lives of a family in the military and usually there is not much help for them. This is one of the reasons I swore never to marry a military man. My prayers are with you, what you do is so needed and important. Thanks Athol and Jennifer.

  18. Another thing I’d keep in mind is that with military personnel, you are dealing with a pretty Alpha group, especially as compared to civilian population. A little more focus on the Beta side of the Alpha/Beta balance might be in order, but just pointing out the need for that balance is a huge eye opener to many.

    It should also be noted that regardless of your Alpha/Beta frame, a successful military marriage during deployment takes a very special kind of woman. The military wives I know who have stuck with their husbands are amazing women, far above the quality and caliber that most civilians marry.

  19. HeSedSheSed says:

    Man…I was so excited when you said this because we are going to a Marriage Retreat (Army) that same weekend. There was the glimmer of hope that it was at Ft Lewis. Dangit. LOL. But keep us posted on how this gig goes….maybe you will pop up at a post near us. :)

  20. HeSedSheSed says:

    @Angeline,

    No, I don’t believe Athol is going to be teaching the Chaplains. He will be presenting his own format. Mark Gungor wrote “Laugh your way to a better marriage”. He will be the one that is conducting our marriage retreat the same weekend but at Ft Lewis. The weekends are “chaplain” led but mostly for the fact that they do all of the event planning and be available for those seeking guidance from a spiritual perspective.

  21. RedPillNewb says:

    I’m not so convinced as the others that this is necessarily a strongly Alpha population with regard to their wives. I know one cop (not a soldier, but whatever) who is very Alpha and take-charge in uniform, but based on what he’s told me, I’m convinced his wife cheated on him in a dumb dopamine haze and he took her back afterwards (no kids, so that wasn’t the reason). At any rate I know for certain that she left for a time for no clear reason, he dated a bit, and then she came back. I tried to get him to read MMSL, but she’s sexing him up hard at the moment so he doesn’t see the need.

    Alpha outside the home, total Omega inside. Kind of like me except I haven’t had the misfortune of a cheating wife. Could be plenty of soldiers in that mold (especially since most soldiers are truck mechanics, not special ops tip-of-the-spear operators).

  22. *standing bloody ovation!*

  23. Congratulations, Athol and well done! It’s great that Jennifer gets to go too!

  24. Removed location information per request.

    Will be teaching couples on a retreat weekend. In the future it may expand to me teaching Chaplains to take it back to their units to run the program. This is simply a pilot weekend. If it works great, that’s great. If it doesn’t, I’ll keep doing my civilian stuff. Either way it’s going to work out for me.

    I think it’s a strong Alpha population but tending to Beta on the homefront. Coupled with wives highly attracted to Alpha. Add in deployment and it’s a tough assignment.

    I believe there’s little middle ground on wife quality in the military. I believe the women I’m going to be speaking to are going to be a self-selecting group of the departement of high quality.

    Thanks for all the support!

  25. HeSedSheSed says:

    @RedPillNewb:

    I think you are very correct. I see lots of men in uniform that are the Alpha at their profession but are completely beta or worse, omega, at home. We know an SF guy that can’t have a beer on the weekend because his wife does not approve. So he may be one BAMF at work…but is definitely that way at home.

  26. Sooo excited for you and Jennifer!!!

  27. Jennifer is probably going to get banged by all them military guys…

  28. WTF Ryan?

  29. One of the biggest problems that HeSedSheSed is describing is the ability for a First Officer to transition command back to the Captain after he has been away for months and months on end. She spends almost a year running the household as she sees fit, then one day her Captain comes back and has to resume command.
    Maybe you could suggest some kind of Change of Command-type ceremony (commonly done whenever the command of a military unit is changing) for that situation. It would re-establish that since he is home again, he is back in command.

    Just a thought on how you could tailor things to better serve your clients.

  30. Military guys are as beta at home as anyone else. There are some careers that are not but hose are very small population. I have found them to be much more naive and far more blue-pill in life after commiting than most. They are guys guys but they are binge daters and not “on the scene” as much as most guys are let alone the horizon broadening university years.

    In the field and when the locks are off is the only time they are dedicatedly alpha. Our democratic societies have built a switch into military men to shut off the threat vibe when with civilized folk. Just look at them in a restaurant when they are behaving.

    I chalk a lot of relationship problems up that I had to deal with as a CO as the guy (not much experience with women in my platoon) being up to fix anything. If there is a problem then he will look for a way he can fix it. It is a can do type of thing but it usually means he doesn’t look at her critically and say “you’re the one that’s got a problem here”. It is often a beta solution that is pursued as well. Most of the family support folks I have known were women that were civilians so they had the same “too much alpha” assumptions.

    Truestory. I one heard a guy say he was afraid of giving his wife’s ass a slap because he didn’t want to be seen as abusive in any possible way. His busy laughed and said “even during sex?” with all seriousness the fellow said “especially then”. I just shrugged and said “I hear that”. If only I knew then what I know now…,

  31. Congratulations Athol. I know this is huge for you and I trust you’ll knock it out of the park.

  32. WOW! Happy for you guys…

  33. practicallyperfect says:

    Rob’s got it. Most recurits are naive, immature boys who are suddenly alone miles from home, with a steady albeit small income tucked in their back pockets along with their dreams and filled with as many romantic notions as any teenage girl. They are blue pill to the max and many of the girls they meet know it. It would be great if this is successful that you could do primers for new recurits bachelors.
    Rob also nailed it about coming home. How do you expect a woman who has done everything on her own for a year or more to suddenly give up control? If she is one of the faithful ones she is an exceptionally strong resourceful woman and what about the returning husband, is he always ready to assume control? It’s very difficult I remember the good feeling that “Daddy’s home” sadly lasted only a few days.

  34. Yes, congrats Athol and very much needed! Funny thing is because we played a bit of WoW and other MMOs, we’ve known a lot of military guys. We’ve also known a lot of them who have had girlfriends or wives leave them. It’s a common problem and hopefully one you can help reverse.

  35. how can i be part of or view this weekend lecture. ? I have holidays on august 24-26

    Thanks

    It’s a closed session unfortunately.

  36. Way to go, Athol! May MMSL proliferate massively.

  37. That’s huge! (that’s what she said :P). I’m glad to be a part of this community of ours. Congrats to you and Jennifer.

  38. Congrats! wishing you much success!

  39. Athol,

    Thank you for doing this. You will need to know that there is an enemy in the military that will oppose you on this front. Family advocacy is a family killer, completely anti male, and absolute screeching harpies. Ask the chaplains. They will tell you. In 2005, I was selected for staff sergeant (SSgt) out of the below zone, which means pretty early career wise. As part of my induction into the SNCO (Staff Non-Commissioned Officer) ranks, we attended an orientation seminar for new SNCO’s. A representative from Family Advocacy addressed us. She told us that rape in the military is a huge problem, so is sexual assault and harassment. You might have read about this, the “epidemic”. This is how she defined rape: consensual sex after one beer, one glass of wine or one shot. Even between husbands and wives. That made every single man in that room a rapist.

    If you get a chance to spread the truth, they will come after you. Be strong.

    Jennifer has raped me hundreds of times then. We’ll see what happens.

  40. JCclimber says:

    My two cents: Almost every single military man I know is significantly beta/blue pill when it comes to relations with the females. Their mindset about women seems to be stuck in the 1950′s. They place women (at least their woman) on a pedestal so high it is amazing that they don’t all get nosebleeds.

    I hope you’re “read up” on Vox’s writings on Christianity and game, as the driving force behind this seems to be the chaplains. You need to be able to clearly explain to the chaplains how Christianity and game are very compatible. In fact, Christian game is very similar in mindset to the Old Testament patriarchal system.

    Yourself and Jennifer need to be prepared to slash cut between 50-100 pages out of your workbook. I find that when I’m creating an instructor course, it is easier to validate each page by asking if any key, vital points would be missed if that page were to be completely cut. The other alternative is to have 50-100 pages in the front, and then group the rest by topic into an Appendix A, B, C etc….

  41. @ JCclimber – it’s a pilot program, so we’re prepared to chop and change and so on.

  42. @Athol – “it’s a pilot program”

    True, but it will be observed very closely, and not just by those attending. Also keep in mind that any printed material will likely be reviewed by others as well, some of whom will be looking for any hook to hang an agenda on. Speak as you please but sanitize your printed material as best you can.

  43. @someguy – it’s a delicate balance. Water it down too much and it’s all pointless and I can’t sell out on my message because I’m too wired to tell the truth. But neither do I get off on offending people for no reason.

    I can edit it hard and if people want to go on the offensive, they can can quote the Primer or the blog anyway.

  44. This is great! Those folks do need help.
    You and Jennifer put your super-suits on and go to the rescue!

  45. I guess this is the surprise you mentioned before the blog change. Congratulations and much luck! :)

  46. Great news!

    Know a few special ops and most are white knights. They are super alpha but so often end up with needy women who are ill-suited to manage alone during deployments (so go looking for ‘help’, who just happens to be a ‘good friend’ of her husband).

  47. Go Athol & Jennifer! Great news, great attitude.

  48. This is important, this needs to happen. As a member of the military I am all to familiar with the growing suicide problem in our military. This year we are on pace to set all time record highs for suicide. At my current station already this month we have had 3. Many of these stem from marital problems that could have been fixed with programs like yours. I have been spreading the good word (where appropriate) and I think this is great. PLEASE look into expanding this program to the other branches when you can. Thank you.

  49. Congratulations, Athol.

    May I offer a brief word of caution?

    The military’s deference to political correctness is. of late, staggering (see, eg Nidal Malik Hasan). Ultimately, your message about sex, men and women, and attraction is not politically correct.

    Be careful. I’d hate to see you become the subject of a Two Minutes Hate.

  50. gardenoflove says:

    I have a close family member (male) that was career military and an officer. We have had numerous discussions about this but he began noticing more problems with infidelity, inappropriate officer behavior and sexual harrassment issues maybe 20 years ago and with the increase of females in the ranks. Anything that can cement fidelity in a marriage and make it successful in every department under very difficult circumstances is a plus. In my area the ministers and military chaplains are trying very hard to bring the divorce rate down and also help families cope with the prolonged and repeated deployments. With women now to enter even submarine service the question of fidelity is uppermost in wives minds also. The infidelity issue,and opportunity for it, unfortunately cuts both ways now. The excuse of being separated and having women at hand in or nearby their units are also a stress for wives and husbands back home. There is the additional problem of sexual harrassment in every branch of the military that extends to officers also, and some of these folk are married. In other words there is a lot of sex going on whether ok with the military or not. This leaves marriages in a precarious position and coming home on leave presents a whole new set of problems. PTSD is prevalent and also physical injuries and these also can contribute to marital problems in and outside the bedroom. It is good to be wanted and sex is great but it cannot cure everything. These problems are huge and very difficult to overcome. The captain and first officer model is one military are familiar with but may have it’s own extreme issues such as who even wants to be in control when on leave or too controlling in order to control their lives that weren’t always in their control.Understand I am not saying captain and first officer are a bad plan but actually settling into that dynamic may become another issue that is not so straight forward and ends up affecting what happens in the bedroom. Tests may be coming at the husband from not only the wife but children after a long deployment. Handling all this after what some of these men have been through (and increasingly,women) may be more than can be settled with the Primer. Just sayin’. Workaholism, alcoholism, infidelity,uncertainty, vivid brutality and a high bar for all the terrific things expected from the military are part and parcel.I have the deepest,deepest respect and appreciation for all branches of the military and have had many current conversations with a West Point grad , a captain and have heard from him some of the things he has had to grapple with on behalf of his men in the marriage dept. after numerous deployments in the last few years. My relative also was in the military since prior to the Gulf War I and saw the full spectrum of change especially as said previously as more women came in and were in close quarters with the men. Sex and problems with sex are a big part of this. Athol wants to help but I wonder if this is too huge a problem to be solved even with a chaplain and the Primer.

  51. A great many of you have significant emotional investment in our military, and for that I am very thankful. Athol’s work cuts to the heart of humanity, whether we developed that way (as Athol believes) or were made that way (as I believe). That is the profound aspect of Athol’s work and why I believe it resonates so much with traditional Christianity. By cutting to the core of our humanity all that other stuff is put into a better perspective and that simplicity is why I worked so hard to hire him. There are a great many concerns that the military has. But address who we are as people and how we are to live in relationship to those around us is so fundamental that it will shape every other attempt at wholeness. To add to what Athol is doing would be to confuse his clarity and dilute the pill he offers to us. His pill works as it is; if it doesn’t fly as it is on a grand scale, it will continue to work on an individual scale, and I am okay with that.

  52. CH – Thanks. Much appreciated.

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  3. [...] writers that the Jezebel and Feministing crowds would love to lynch, yet he was also invited to work the a US Army family strengthening program!  I regret I haven’t followed up more on this project of his; I would certainly like to [...]

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