Elitist Jerks Get Better Women

True story:  Once upon a time I had a serious crush on someone in particular in my circle. Great girl. Not the hottest chick in the room, but with the magical X factor that made you forget all about that after talking with her for few minutes. She was interested in me and she got under my skin. Jennifer not too keen on her though. Awkward.

What killed my interest off though, and by killed off, I mean scales-falling-from-my-eyes “WTF was I thinking” switch thrown in my head, was her written English punctuation. Let me just sidetrack here a second to say that I’m a hypocrite on this issue. Despite being an author, I have some kind of highly focused mental retardation for understanding things like what a noun is, or an adverb. Tell me not to finish a sentence with a preposition and I’ll nod and smile and say I understand… but I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. And yes people have tried. My schooling is littered with English teachers driven to drink and a deep abiding regret for the passing of corporal punishment.


…all that being said, I do know enough to know that sentences need to start with capital letters and the word “I” isn’t written as “i”. I also use periods. And line returns. I got this email from her one day and it simply read as a stream of illiteracy and it was over. Lolcat is fun but not teh sexy. Yous cant haz Atholburger.

I lost all motivation and our friendship just withered away in a fiasco of me trying to half-ass White Knight her during a fairly legit shitty hand her life had just dealt her. Plus to her credit I suspect she didn’t want to do to Jennifer what had just been done to her. In the end nothing happened and we just lost contact. Jennifer happier of course but I’ve always had this really odd sense of rejecting someone for their written English as being extremely petty of me. I did the right thing for the wrong reasons, so I felt like an asshole for doing so. Attraction isn’t controllable.

What makes me suddenly remember all this is my sister’s Facebook image of the day…

Now I know that’s just a Google screen capture, and I really do NOT think my friend was playing STD Pokemon (gotta catch ‘em all) but it made me check up and think about it all again. Seems more and more like a good call to default to being an elitist jerk when it comes to letting women into your life. Have some standards. Make them jump through some hoops to get to you.

I did attend St. Hogwarts so the muggle hating gene might have been activated there. I’d love to claim that my elementary and middle school Christian education bred manners and sexual purity into me, but apparently concepts such as line-of-sight were beyond the faculty’s… faculty. Boys and girls playing tag + can’t see us from the teacher’s lounge = “catch and kiss” games that would make a polyamory convention seem quaintly restrained.

I can probably segue that into a discussion about how females given the opportunity and lack of shaming can be quite happy to experiment with mutliple partners in quick succession. Or open up the “is monogamy natural” debate, but I need to stop here and go check-in on my daughters…

Jennifer:  Lesson learned – Never let your husband do nice things for other women. There are no White Knights, only Horny Knights.  


  1. I’m with you on this one. Atrocious grammar is a deal breaker, like having mental problems, incurable VD or bad hygiene.

    Only my opinion.

  2. This post made me think of a tweet that I saw today (by @iowahawkblog):

    ‘Before abbreviating “you” as “U”, take a few moments to consider whether the saved 2 keystrokes are worth the 40 point drop in perceived IQ. ‘

  3. A lot of people seem to dislike the text message, but it is a wonderful screening tool.

    One text can tell you worlds more than entire conversations.

    ‘Hey. What’s up?’

    “Not much. I was just doing homework. You?”


    “lol nm just doing homwork. wut R U up 2 lol????”

    I somewhat cleverly call this ‘gathering intelligence’.

    That’s an elitist pun for elitist jerks.

  4. I’ve broken off relationships because somebody said “Hey, let me tell you what I seen.”

    Also, if I get a text message with “text speak” in it and you’re not doing it to be funny/ironic, I’m not going to talk to you until you can spell things properly. And that’s just for common acquaintances. Anytime I’ve bent those rules, I’ve regretted it. One of them landed me in the middle of a bar fight. It was over me, granted, but still, not my gig.

  5. Trimegistus says:

    It’s pretty simple, really. Your body doesn’t want stupid kids.

  6. I can certainly sympathise.

    ‘Elitist jerk’ works for me.

    Although, in my case, it’s not merely an attitude.

  7. I’m with you on this one. If someone can’t write in coherent sentences, I just can’t take him seriously and find it unattractive on a deep level. Idiosyncrasies are one thing, but complete lack of skill is another. I think you write well, in spite of the odd grammar foible (we all have them at least occasionally). The point is to communicate clearly, and you do that.

    Oh, and I don’t do text-speak as a rule. I’d rather just continue in a second message if necessary. Actually, come to think of it, no one I text with (not many people, granted, and not much text messaging in general) uses text-speak.

  8. Those google search clips are priceless!!!

    Talk about a picture being worth a thousand words.

    It says it all. Yes, people’s grammar and language use reveal important points about how they think and where they come from.

  9. I’ve had this happen a couple times to me. You have stars in your eyes for a woman. She wears something you don’t like or ate with her fingers. Something minor, but just makes you completely lose attraction. In hindsight, I would think, damn! Maybe I was too picky! But, it’s those little things that add up in an LTR and next thing you are getting a divorce or something…

    I agree that woman should be the icing on your cake of a life. You should have tough standards for letting them in and super tough ones for getting married!!! I wish I had been tougher on my choice of a wife sometimes!

    Oh and please about the monogamy thing! Right before my wife and I went through a bad stretch last year she starts talking about swinging and did a lot of research into it. She showed me websites and books on how it’s really not that bad for a marriage. I said NO the whole time, but it showed me that women can go there just as quickly as men if they want!

    And when they go, they don’t come back… at least not with the guy they were with.

  10. @ alphaguy

    In hindsight, I would think, damn! Maybe I was too picky! But, it’s those little things that add up in an LTR and next thing you are getting a divorce or something…

    This is very true. The little things that annoy you while in the dating stage are magnified at least ten times in marriage. The little things do matter and if it’s a deal breaker for you, it’s a deal breaker for you.

    And how on earth can swinging be good for marriage? The thought of it repulses me. It seems to be a lack of imagination that leads people to that ‘lifestyle’.

    Also, Jennifer’s short addition: “Lesson learned – Never let your husband do nice things for other women. There are no White Knights, only Horny Knights.” Words to live by! Unless it’s helping an old lady or something, then it’s probably OK. Free agent women? Forget it; they’re on their own. Let them find another sucker.

  11. Maybe I’m old-fashioned in that I think it’s important I impress my family and elders with my choice of mate, but that’s a major factor in my putting stock in things like how a woman presents intellectually. Maybe I’m just paranoid about polluting the familial gene pool.

  12. GumbyMan says:

    Hahaha… great post!
    I have never dumped someone for grammar problems. I wonder if I have been dumped for that reason… I do suck at it. However, I did loose interest when a girl I was dating complained to much when we went wilderness camping “Why don’t they pave this path, it would be so much easier” just didn’t cut it! I knew I couldn’t spend my life with her. In retrospect I should have waited longer than to break up when I dropped her off at the end of the weekend (after screwing all weekend) but I was young and foolish… just not foolish enough to stick it out. I also broke up with someone because I couldn’t stand her laugh.
    Some things are just deal breakers!

  13. Milf_in_training says:

    One word: sapiosexual.

    If you don’t know what it means, and can’t be bothered to look it up, you ain’t one. (sic)

    M-I-T (another elitist geek in-joke)

  14. LOL dat sum funny shit

  15. Off The Grid says:

    The one point I would add to the discussion, is that I believe this concept is what keeps a lot of “nerdy”, but intelligent guys out of most of the dating pool. It’s great to have high intellectual standards for the women you choose to date, but being intelligent in itself still isn’t going to get you women. I’ve had friends that are nerdy intellectuals that always complain they can’t find a “smart” women to date. The reason, they are too shy, reserved, and aloof. If you want an intelligent woman, you are still going to act confident and masculine and go after them. If you’re intellectual standards are too high, and you’re not attractive to women on a primal level, then you will end up not dating anyone….

  16. Good lord, the most salient point of this post is Jennifer’s summary. She is soooo much smarter then you, Athol. Grammar be damned, she smelled it coming a mile away.

    Attraction can’t be helped. Indeed.

    Actually at the time she didn’t. She was actually mildly encouraging me to help her. She wouldn’t do the same thing now though. Thus “Lesson learned.”

  17. @Vicomte:

    “Gathering intelligence.” Har har. I’m going to plagiarize that in the near future.

  18. GumbyMan says:

    @ Christy: “Attraction can’t be helped. Indeed.”

    Agreed, I think if the attraction is there then a lot of little things don’t matter. Everyone is different so what might be a turn off for one person, is an endearing quality to someone else!

  19. Random Angeleno says:

    I thought I was the last guy on earth who cared about using correct spelling and grammar in text messages… quite glad to see I’m not.

    I will say texting has taught me to apply brevity to my words.

  20. Jennifer summed it up.
    My husband offered to help a single female employee by looking at some problem with her breaker box at her newly purchased home.
    Um, not just no, but hell no.
    I had no idea what she looked like, or her intentions, but she can get her own damn handyman.

    And what’s wrong with short-hand texting like, “k, luv u, c u in a min.” It really helps to keep it short when I’m texting while driving.
    KIDDING! I don’t. :)

  21. @Athol, gotcha. Glad for you she learned quickly. ;) Hell hath no fury and all.

    Seriously, my husband git thrown into that “help this poor, single woman” thing by a friend. Yeah, no. He stopped it cold, thank god.

    But, yeah, i get your original point. Intelligence matters. And Jennifer is very smart.

  22. Gabrielle says:

    I have been reading your blog for a bit now. I learned some good things here but there was a underlying theme that i didnt like that I couldn’t pin point. Today I realized what it was. You have no respect for your wife. You find it ok to size up a woman and even seemed to have considered if things might get out of hand but you never step back and cut it off. (you can’t use this post of a example of cutting it off because you didnt. You simply stopped liking the other woman because she writes incorrectly.) You seem to leave it to Jennifer to tell you that it is going too far. It almost seems that if Jen was open to swinging or you having a side thing then you would take her up on it; you know, because JEN said it was alright.

    How does one develop a crush if you are married? It is like you are considering what you might get out of a relationship even though you are supposedly devoted to Jen. I don’t know. Something does not seem right here.

    I thank you for the advice you put up.

    This incident goes back about 8-10 years. I am simply honest about my experience and don’t try to spin myself as morally perfect. And I agree, at that time I had less respect for my wife than I could have / should have had. But she never stood up for herself either. We’ve made some adjustments.

  23. I wonder what the result that was photoshopped out said under “how can an individual”

    Also, if there’s a “grammatical” error in my posts, its nothing of the sort. Its a typo that I’m too lazy to go back and fix. Its all fumble fingers. I hit the shift when I typed “I”, it just didn’t coincide. The worst is replying from your phone and the stupid “autocorrect” that will turn your perfectly typed “their” into “they’re” for you ad-nauseum.

  24. RedPillNewb says:

    I prefer to help my wife’s male co-workers (married or single) with their car problems (have done so more than once). Competent alpha for the win!

  25. I read a thing in a more PUA-focused blog talking about how you shouldn’t take too much care to spell things right / use proper grammar in text messages to women, because it makes it look like you’re putting more effort into them than they’re putting into you.

    Fooey on that. I put that much effort into ALL my text messages, because I care about not looking like a retard.

    Of course, I also do all my texting from Google Voice so that I can use a full QWERTY keyboard and not this nonsense where you try to type with your thumbs, or God forbid on a touchscreen. That’s like trying to paint a picture by holding the paintbrush in your mouth. There are people who can do it, but generally it’s because they’re quadriplegic and have no other choice.

    Also I’m an English major. So there’s that.

  26. Although I will say that I’m much less picky about spoken English than written English, since that’s off-the-cuff and not meant to be perfect unless it’s a prepared speech. I won’t dump your ass for pronouncing it “nukular” or talking about what you “seen,” but if you’re writing and have the time to think it through and get it right, I expect you to take full advantage.


  1. […] As an important aside, the events of that post were 8-10 years ago, so what I did then and what Jennifer and I would do now is quite […]

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