Fifty Shades of Grey

So after my weekend away I crashed all morning and read Fifty Shades of Grey. So my review…

Vanilla Girl with no discernible personality has two Beta orbiters, meets Super-Alpha who struggles with supplying Beta. Vanilla Girl gets wet panties but uncomfortable because of lack of Beta. Vanilla Girl struggles with BDSM desires of Super-Alpha… but cannot resist him like a moth to a very well hung flame. 

Anyway… the damn books have out sold the entire Harry Potter series and appear to be keeping Barnes and Noble from going the way of Borders. So you may as well just kiss the custom leather riding crop and assume the position, because the entire world is going to try and cash in on this one over the next few years.

And… as always, anytime the regular non-book buying public actually buy books, all the regular book buying public say the writing is crappy. Go hamster go.

The takeaway is pretty damn clear… millions of women would apparently love, love, love, love, crave, an Alpha male to put his fingers in their honey pot life and stir it up a bit. Women like a little taste of the metaphorical (or consensual literal) whip once in a while. Learn it, love it, live it.

Also being a billionaire smooths over pretty much everything. Working on it lol.



  1. Oh be fair… Saying the writing is crappy isn’t the hamster talking, that writing was horrible. She uses the phrase “holy crap” about a hundred times, and if I ever see someone’s “inner goddess” as a plot device in a book ever again, I may throw a book burning party. (It gets progressively worse over the three books)

    That’s not to say they weren’t hot, but it can be hot and still be shit writing!

    I think the explosion of them amongst moms is pretty telling, and interesting. A woman just wants someone to spank the hell out of her every now and then, she just doesn’t know it. ;)

    P.S. If you want well written BDSM, check out Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty trilogy. Rawr.

  2. And Balls says:
  3. greenlander says:

    I read it too. I agree on all counts: the writing was terrible. This ain’t Dostoevsky or Twain!. But it’s a great glimpse into female psychology, and I recommend that any guy who wants to understand women better read it.

  4. Highlander says:

    It just goes to show that a great many women really don’t know what they want because they are driven by emotion above all else. Emotion junkies who once they get their fix, become unsatisfied with the old high and need a new one. Social mores and shaming have been the only thing keeping it in place. Mark my words, now that the hamsters have been allowed to run free it’s going to get much worse. I think the pendulum has finally swung …..

  5. I use it as a slut tell. I used to think seeing “Twilight Mom” bumper stickers on cars in the church parking lot were funny but 50 Shades of Grey is awesome. When I see a woman mention it as her most recent read in her dating profile she goes on my must contact list. Especially if she’s a recent divorcee.

    Context is everything though. Sometimes a woman will mention it and make a negative comment about it. I’m going to use the law Hamster Relativity and predict that the ones who say “icky!” when commenting on it are going to actually be the most likely to have daddy issues and want to be spanked while wearing a ball gag. The Lolz!

  6. From PUA perspective it looks like obligatory read (I will mention it on every d2 I have from now on).
    Chicks dreaming about dominant alpha BSDM guy with big dick and billions. Next few years will be even harder for gameless AFC.
    The relationship world got worse again :-D

  7. I just got assigned to write a post at the porn palace I work at entitled “A Dude’s Guide To 50 Shades: What Does It Mean?”. I’ll probably repost it at my blog as well.

    The writing in 50 Shades is appalling. Truly. I’ve done better in college, six drinks drunk. It made me want to go out and slap the closest freshman English Composition instructor.

    But it may be the most important book to come out in years, sexually speaking. It lays bare the feminine sexual psyche in a truly telling way. And what’s more telling is its popularity. You cannot see sales numbers that high and not scream “Social Trend!” and still call yourself a marketer. I mean, thanks to that book there is a for-real nationwide shortage of hand-blown glass Ben Wa balls. People are suffering.

    If nothing else, it completely validates the Red Pill and Athol’s work. Well done. Let’s hope he can ride this gravy train to the point where he can buy the Playboy Mansion and set Jennifer up in style. Me, I plan on riding it too. Mwahahahaha.

    Even my mother-in-law, the sainted and highly respected social diva that she is, read it. Her only comment: “It was awful. Burned my fingers. I should be getting the second book this week.”

  8. My wife said the writing was horrible when i made mention of the series being mommy porn. Well, she read all three even though the writing was “horrible”. When i said,” you didnt like the writing but you read all three books, there must be something to it”, she replied its a love story she like. I answered back “in other words mommy porn” and she denied that. I laughed out loud. Run hamster, run.

  9. @ ffp20: “love story” is hamstereese for “mommy porn”. All romance books do this. 50 Shades just did it with silver neckties and Ben Wa balls and explicit action, but the plot doesn’t deviate from the standard romance plot in the slightest.

    So next time your wife rags on you for watching porn, tell her it’s a “love story” . . . with lube.

    (you’ve probably seen this but it’s great!)

    Really, ladies? This is laughable. No doubt a large number just want to remain current with pop culture; I wouldn’t read too much into it, but we can expect the manosphere to encourage clueless frat boys of all ages to give woman “want they really want.” At this point, the book probably has begun selling to men so they can “get a handle on women.” Oh my.

    I haven’t read this and don’t plan on it; but then I haven’t read EPL, watched SATC; or ever read a “romance” novel. Guess I better turn in my woman card.

  11. @Ian

    “It’s a love story” ROFL. That’s genius!

    On a more serious note. (sorta) Had a discussion with a friend about his woman woes. I said, “You ever see the guy pictured on the front of women’s romance novels?” “Yeah?”, he says. “You think that guy is buying flowers, apologizing all the time, being supportive of her goals and calling to make sure she gets home okay?” He thinks for a minute, “No.” “Be that guy.” He gets this look on his face like he’s either thinking really hard or has to poop.

    Welcome to reality buddy, where all pretensions of “My wife would never!…” go right out the window. The Lolz.

  12. Haven’t read it, but heard lots of water cooler talk about it. It seems to have reached that critical mass where people who normally wouldn’t be caught reading “that sort of thing” in public now feel comfortable because they’re “just seeing what all the fuss is about.”

    What’s funny is about half the people I talk to say, “Oh my God, it’s so EXTREME!” and the other half say, “Whatever, it’s just Bondage Lite for Dummies.”

    I think I like the idea of it that I’ve built up in my head from hearing people talk about it better than I’d like actually reading it myself. (-:

  13. Fred Flange says:

    Showing my age here but I was reminded of the old paperback warhorse “Naked Came the Stranger”, a fabulous soft-porn hoax book written by committee (a bunch of Long Island newspapermen). Originally they trotted out an actress to play the “writer” on interviews but the hoax was deliberately revealed fairly quickly. Its editor/chief writer said he kept rejecting draft chapters from the other writers because they were too good. Knowing the thing was an elaborate gag made it a fun read.

  14. My wife tore through the books. I saw the opportunity to amp the alpha. Have nailed her a lot since.

  15. LMAO @ Ironwood.

  16. Jack Schitz says:

    This book goes over old material. Its always the same cycle:

    -Someone writes something “new”, “scandalous” and “intriguing”, ….,
    -It eventually becomes passe,
    -We forget,
    -Someone writes something “new”, “scandalous” and “intriguing”, ….,

    For your viewing pleasure from the 1980s (FYI written by Tom Petty, but ooh so much better from Maria Mckee’s mouth):


  17. The writing is horrible (Logic talking)

    Yet women buy and read it (emotions talking)

    Never take what a woman says for face value…look at what women do.

  18. Here is the exact quote my ex wife put on her Facebook wall about 50 Shades of Grey “I just finished reading the 50 shades trilogy last night and I liked it! Would recommend to others with an open mind who can tolerate all the sex scenes…”
    Now I know why we were having sex once a year for the last few years before the divorce….

  19. I thought that reading this kind of stuff makes your expectations too high and less attracted to your spouse. Not going to read it, did you know porn makes men unable to get it up eventually in the regular bedroom. I think this erotica stuff does the same thing for women. Why risk it?

  20. My biggest problem with the 50 Shades phenomenon isn’t the atrocious writing or the one dimensional characters, it’s the way the that BDSM world is portrayed. I haven’t read it, but read some reviews and it’s pretty clear that the author portrays anyone who is a Dom as having severe relationship issues (i.e. abuse) while the sub has pretty clear daddy issues. Furthermore, anyone responsible wouldn’t get into a D/s relationship with someone who was a virgin. You have to know your limits if you’re going to play rough with each other and someone with no experience at all has no idea what their limits are. It’s pretty clear that the author didn’t do any research at all.

    There is a lot of better erotica out there that’s sexier and doesn’t portray anyone who participates in BDSM as somehow damaged. Unfortunately, the series is so popular I’m afraid that this is what people with think it’s really like.

  21. Seriously who cares if the writing was bad. Every married guy I know got more sex and kinkier sex the entire time their wives read the book!

  22. Milf_in_Training says:

    I’m with Julia up above … no interest in romance novels, never read Twilight, don’t plan to read this. In fact, when I first heard about it, I confused it with Jasper Fforde’s wonderful _Shades of Grey_ science fiction.

    If you want to read a hard core BDSM novel, I suggest The Story of O. A friend loaned it to me in college, and it was well written and much more accurate.

  23. OpenYourMind says:

    I would like to hear Athol and others weigh in on @Sis comment. Can erotic fiction lower your wife’s attraction to you? I definitely know marriages that have crumbled as a result of the husband’s porn addiction. Is there a similar risk with erotic fiction for women?

    I personally don’t look at porn and my wife doesn’t read romance novels. If I got my wife into things like 50 Shades and other similar books, would I potentially be hurting our relationship over time, in an attempt to spice things up in the short term?

  24. @Sis and OpenYourMind: I don’t think that’s necessarily true. If anything, reading them made me want to go jump my husband. :P But he’s pretty good at the dominant thing…

  25. Considering Sis actually writes a sexuality related blog, her fears of reading other sexuality based writing is ironic at best.

    Confusing serious porn overuse with moderate porn use is like confusing a social drinker with an alcoholic.

    The generally accepted thought is that women who read romance novels have better sex lives than those that don’t

    Jennifer reads a ton of them. Just sayin’.

  26. I’m not allowed to read it, but would appreciate some second-hand lessons on how to do this stuff. Very analytical, non-erotic, and boring in style of course. :)

  27. @Sis lol I’m your online dominant, and I’m ordering you to read it. Enough of your disrespect :-)

  28. The generally accepted thought is that women who read romance novels have better sex lives than those that don’t

    FINALLY! Some validation for our abused kind. :D Even though I’m a Twihard and read Romance Novels I only read Pink Vanilla ones with no explicit sex when I want explicit sex I watch heterosexual porn. For some reason seeing people I know and like having sex gives me a voyeuristic feeling while porn actors are mostly having sex I know nothing about them except that they are horny so I can enjoy the sex better. I’m weird like that.
    So no I won’t read 50 shades of grey for that and because “A college student with no email account!!! that is not possible” Suspension of disbelief really can’t get into that, YMMV.

  29. What I liked about 50 Shades of Grey isn’t the writing (because it really is horrible and the main character has the depth and complexity of a kiddie pool) but that it helped me open up to my husband more about things I wanted to try in the bedroom. I’d told him before that I liked when he was more aggressive in bed (pre-50 Shades & pre-MMSL)… Pin my hands above my head, grab my hair, bite my lip, be rough, it’s ok! But he didn’t seem to get it then because it still didn’t happen. After I began reading it, I think he realized that I was completely serious in what I was willing to try. He definitely didn’t mind the spike in my libido while I was reading it and he actually even went out and bought some add-ons as a surprise that have proven to be quite fun.

  30. I think romance novels can hurt a marriage. I know they hurt mine! I used to read them and then compare my dh to the hero. I knew, logically, that he couldn’t measure up to the hero because the hero was fake. But I still subconciously did it. And then it led to discontentment. At first the sex was better, but then I ended up feeling resentful of him and everything was worse. It’s better for me to avoid them.

  31. I read the first one and thought it was boring. The hero and heroine are very dull people, I really didn’t care what happened to them. Also it annoyed me that it was implied that the man was only into BDSM because he had been abused when young, and it’s something he needs to be ‘cured’ of.

    The book suffers from the fact that the hero’s name is Grey, this recalls to me Mr Grey in the film Secretary, where the hero and heroine were genuinely interesting people and I really cared what happened to them.

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