Fifty Shades of Grey

So after my weekend away I crashed all morning and read Fifty Shades of Grey. So my review…

Vanilla Girl with no discernible personality has two Beta orbiters, meets Super-Alpha who struggles with supplying Beta. Vanilla Girl gets wet panties but uncomfortable because of lack of Beta. Vanilla Girl struggles with BDSM desires of Super-Alpha… but cannot resist him like a moth to a very well hung flame. 

Anyway… the damn books have out sold the entire Harry Potter series and appear to be keeping Barnes and Noble from going the way of Borders. So you may as well just kiss the custom leather riding crop and assume the position, because the entire world is going to try and cash in on this one over the next few years.

And… as always, anytime the regular non-book buying public actually buy books, all the regular book buying public say the writing is crappy. Go hamster go.

The takeaway is pretty damn clear… millions of women would apparently love, love, love, love, crave, an Alpha male to put his fingers in their honey pot life and stir it up a bit. Women like a little taste of the metaphorical (or consensual literal) whip once in a while. Learn it, love it, live it.

Also being a billionaire smooths over pretty much everything. Working on it lol.


Back Home

So we’re home after the first MMSL seminar weekend. Overall it went really well, no trouble with flights or accommodations. A mix of attendees who had some prior MMSL knowledge and some with none whatsoever… leading to some shocked looks, uncomfortable chair wiggles and the occasional walk outside for fresh air.

Or as Jennifer put it, “You made Army guys blush!”  I didn’t even say the word “pussy”. A well placed use of “clitoris” being a tactical nuclear strike apparently.

More of a grueling trip plus weekend experience than I expected. Totally didn’t expect Colorado’s elevation to make breathing as hard as it was. Simple walking around seemed more like jogging. Constantly worried about drying out my voice too.

Anyway, good first time out, there may or may not be more with the Army in the future, but overall looks like it’s positive potential for the future. If it works great, if not, I’ll be looking to do more of my own events anyway. It’s certainly great to have gotten one under my belt and gone well. It’s a different format than the writing and books. So reworking some stuff and once I’m happy with it, opening the speaking doors for business. Anyway… so… sleepy. More thoughts some other time.

I See Alpha / Beta Everywhere

Athol:  So I got the TSA patdown today, dude very careful to try and start explaining to a patdown virgin what was about to happen to me. I just cut him off with blunt “I’m a nurse just do it.” and gave him direct eye contact. He looked nervous and unsure of himself after that lol. Anyway, one minute full body massage, surprisingly relaxing. Three testicle jostles. I thought I was at the Men’s Warehouse.

Anyway, zonked from a day of travel, so here’s a reader story…

Reader:  Hi Athol, I’ve read your blog from front to back. Everything on it has struck a nerve.

I started out with a vague feeling that my wife might be cheating (she wasn’t) which lead me to the DeadBedrooms sub-reddit on reddit. Comments in one of the posts there lead me to MMSL. I’m glad I followed it: MMSL and Game are (slowly) turning my marriage around.

Everything has been great in my 15-year marriage except for the sex. After reading your blog I could see every mistake I’ve made in our relationship, and why being nicer to her didn’t make her respond the way I thought it would. Why giving her flowers when she was cranky with me only made her crankier (too much Beta). Why helping more around the house didn’t lead to her feeling more amorous (although she did appreciate it). With just some slight nudges using game (adding more Alpha) our relationship is getting better. Within the first 24 hours my wife had asked me to sit on the sofa next to her to cuddle, sought me out for a kiss, and told me she loves me: things that she almost never does. Every time I think I’m wasting my time following the advice on MMSL, she turns around and responds in a way that you’ve predicted. She’s been much more affectionate in the past month since I started this, and I have high hopes for more improvements in the future.

I’ve been reading everything I could about game and have even begun (secretly) to read my wife’s romance novels. Do yourself a favor: If your wife reads romance novels then read some of them yourself. They’re textbook examples of what women want (it seems so obvious now). If she reads very many, it’s likely you’ll be able to discern the type of man that turns her on.

It might just be confirmation bias, but now that I see the whole Alpha/Beta theory written out, I see it everywhere. When I see someone complaining that their SO doesn’t want them, I now immediately wonder what they’ve done to MAKE their SO want them. If your woman isn’t into you, it’s not their fault, it’s yours: you aren’t attractive enough. Become more attractive! Work on your displays of high value: hit the gym, become more confident, and/or earn more money.

The latest example that I’ve run across of the Alpha/Beta theory was when my teenage daughter had a slumber party recently, and my wife (who is unaware of Game concepts) overheard the girls talking about the boys in their school. What struck me about the conversation that she relayed to me was that the girls were categorizing the boys into two groups: “Hot & Mean” and “Not-hot & Nice.” There couldn’t be a better example of the Alpha/Beta theory, as interpreted by 13 year old girls. My eyes are open. Now I have to figure out how to use this new found knowledge to help my daughter find a boy who is both “Hot & Nice” and proper husband material (eventually, right now I’m happy that she’s sticking with slumber parties).

Thank you for writing the blog! I wish you continued success!

Athol:  Thanks. I think it’s interesting to see how the 13-year-old girls react to what attracts them. At 13 they simply have no awareness of what would make a good long term partner, so they don’t consider Beta Traits in a boy at all. All they react to is the pure Alpha display of the boys. The same sort of thing that attracts girls to boys, attracts women to men. Pay attention to that and add enough Beta to be a viable long term partner and you’re golden.

Sexy Move: Pick Her Dinner Out

I can’t remember how it started on the forum, but…

Kathrynthegreat:  Ordering my food for me is not treating me like a first officer; it’s treating me like a child who isn’t grown-up enough to order off the big kids’ menu.

The C/FO model will look different for every couple, but I’m pretty submissive in a relationship and I can order my own quesadillas.  Jumping from “beta” to “she’ll have the shrimp” is going to get you shot down every time.  She won’t respect you; she’ll just wonder when you got that horrible brain injury.

Athol:  I mention Kathryn’s statement because it’s a pretty accurate description of doing it wrong. I don’t order for Jennifer, because she’s a big girl and has English as her first language. But do I know what she likes so well I can draw attention to something on the menu at a new place and while she may or may not get it, it’s always in the top two items she ends up choosing between. I always lightly tease her that I know her so well and while she complains that I can do this, she’s kinda pleased about it too.

So here’s the game, you have to learn exactly what she likes when going out to eat. And I really do mean exactly. If you can’t scan a menu of one hundred items and narrow it down to two or three things (three at the most) she’ll order from with 99% likelihood, this isn’t going to work.

Then you start going online and looking up new restaurants, and instead of worrying about price and location so much right away, start start scanning the menus for your wife’s preferred dishes. When you find the perfect dish, that you’re 100% sure she’ll like, make a note of it.

Then on your chosen day, you text her just before lunch – when she’s hungry – a description of the dish and “How does that sound for dinner?”  You should get a positive response. To which you reply, “Then I’m taking you out tonight. Dress nice.”  Don’t tell her where you’re going, just drive her there.

Once at the restaurant, if she tries to wiggle out of the menu choice… you know, just to test you a little… lightly and playfully decline to let her. “No no, I offered you [menu item] and that’s why we came. This is the dinner. No substitutions. No refunds. No complaints.”  Do it all with a big cheesy smile. She’ll likely fold because it’s just a baby test and she really does like what you chose for her.

If needed, or just because you want to, your recovery move is to tell her… “Okay you play the game now. You choose the drinks/desert/coffee for both of us.” 

 You should be pleasantly surprised at what she orders for you. Odds on you’ll like it because she knows you so well.

Jennifer: He really can pick my food off a menu and get either my first or second choice almost 100% of the time. Of course I can do the same parlor trick he does. Cheeseburger, except for the the select few places he orders a steak. See, I’m a mind reading genius too!

How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP

This post is going to feel like a sucker punch to some of the guys reading. Please believe me when I say I’m not trying to pin all the blame on you for her leaving or cheating on you. I’m trying to explain the dynamics at work so you can correct them. Yes indeed she did bad things and doesn’t have an excuse for it, but the hard, hard, hard truth is that unless you married a genuine Batshit Crazy woman, you have always been responsible to be the leader of your marriage. Some part of the problem was yours to fix and manage. If you think the Titanic sunk because some bitch put icebergs in the way, you need to take it up with the Captain.

Okay… now that I’ve warmed everybody up to taking this particular dose of the Red Pill rectally, let’s begin…

One of the things Betaized men don’t understand is how they help create the situation where their wife just walks away from the marriage. It’s fairly rare that a wife is just going to wake up one morning and decide she’s going to act like The Joker found the Batcave and blow it all up. It builds and builds and builds and then she makes her move. The bad news for the Betaized husband is that a lot of the effort put into that building, has come from him.

Constant deference and catering to a wife frames her as having a higher Sex Rank than you. It doesn’t matter what she looks like, or what her options truly are outside the relationship, if you bow and scrape and bring mistress pretty things, you’re framing her as being in charge and having a higher Sex Rank than you. Constantly failing Fitness Tests makes her think she has a higher Sex Rank than you. Her cutting sex down to the rate of an IV drip and you sticking around and tolerating it, makes her think she has a higher Sex Rank than you. If she sits at home in a fifthy house trolling Facebook all day while you bring home the bacon and take her on expensive vacations, you’re framing her as having a higher Sex Rank than you. It’s like you’re purposely propelling her to Phase Three of the MAP without her needing to do anything. Just looking at her in a gooey-eyed Oneitis haze lets her know she’s in the drivers seat.

She could objectively be a 6 and you objectively an 8, but if you keep acting like her minion, she thinks she’s the 8 tolerating having made a terrible choice for settling for a 6. Seeing you’ve lifted her up to her own Phase Three of the MAP, she can push to a Phase Four at will. Except that you’re rarely going to get an obvious Phase Four demand moment, because that’s something we do consciously in running the MAP seeking the moral high ground. Oh there may be a tepid demand for something, a “maybe counseling”, a total ending of sex or something, but far more likely she’s just going to quietly slip into Phase Five.

When the lines of communication are broken between you and your wife, you aren’t going to get a message that the lines of communication are broken. That’s what the lines of communication being broken means. When she checks out of the marriage, she doesn’t tell you because she checked out of the marriage. That’s what being checked out of the marriage means. You might think it’s all going great, but that’s probably how a pet cow called “Hamburger” thinks too. Don’t get too excited about seeing Christmas.

Once in Phase Five… she starts checking out of the marriage and getting her ducks in a row for an exit. Again in the actual MAP, I’m advising taking the moral high ground and not getting involved with someone else. Doing that just complicates things needlessly and makes a second problem to address. However in the walkaway wife / dirty MAP, invariably she will get involved with someone else during Phase Five. In fact getting involved with another man likely marks the jump from Phase Three into the limbo of Phase Five.

Then it goes one of two ways.

The first way is that on one perfectly normal Tuesday morning, she just leaves you and someone serves you the divorce paperwork. You’re totally stunned of course. She just walked away for no reason whatsoever. Chances of getting her back – slim to none. And that’s a slim slim.

The other way is that before she does that, you catch her cheating. If you catch her, you have about a three day window to make a fairly complete reversal of fortune where you read her the riot act, stop catering to her, establish clear relationship boundaries and cut off the relationship with the other man. This is of course a huge task to do, and only possible with Sith-like focused anger. I’m not saying be violent, I’m saying if you aren’t acting as “in control but livid”, you’re doing it wrong. And trust me, you’ll have anger to spare. If in doubt, kick her out. You can always change your mind later, and if nothing else, you’re gaining some respect points in her eyes for doing so.

Even then, it’s still a long road back to what your marriage should be, and her actually cheating on you vastly changes things beyond her merely being bored and discontent. It’s pretty much the ultimate Fitness Test topped only by getting pregnant to another guy. I’m always hopeful that a couple can bounce back from an affair, but the odds aren’t wonderful. It’s going to be a major revision of how you live together. I must admit to becoming somewhat less hopeful on this front the longer I’ve written MMSL.

Whether she stays or goes though, getting your crap together and figuring out how to stand taller is always going to be in your best interest. And I know it’s extremely hard to hear that you played a role in setting the scene for her leaving or cheating on you. I’m really not trying to kick you when you’re down, I’m trying to show you what you must change in order to have a hope at correcting things with her… or failing that the next woman in your life.

Not forgetting of course, you can always just say “thanks for playing” and call it a day.