Men: We’re Not Actually Bad, We’re Just Drawn That Way

So the recent drama is that a man on a Virgin Australia flight was asked to move his seat away from two unaccompanied minors. Angry outburst from the general public ensues and rightly so. It’s completely prejudicial. I mean if you’re going to move men away from children for fear of molestation, you may as well move them away from the women too. We might get all rapey in Aisle 23 or something. Specially after you liquor us up and give us over priced and defective headsets. My suggestion would be all the men sitting at the front of the plane and all the women and children at the back of the plane. I realize that’s a controversial approach, but feel I have to throw it out before feminists beat us to the punch and suggest men should travel in cages in the cargo hold for everyone’s safety.

We men are monsters after all.

Anyway, it’s all been pretty much blogged, tweeted and Facebooked to death, so I’ll leave that as all having been said. But I would like to add one thing…

…having unattended children that aren’t mine around me, is somewhat stressful. It’s not because I’m not good with kids, because I am. It’s not because I don’t like kids, because I do. It’s simply because there is always a risk of misunderstanding or prejudice that something inappropriate happened between you. There is always the risk that your entire life gets picked over by an army of experts who make their living from deciding grey areas aren’t white enough so they must err on the side of caution and declare them black. There’s always a risk you lose everything that really matters.

As a result, I simply never allow myself to be with a child that is not mine, without also the presence of one of my children. I really like my daughters’ friends too, they’re a great bunch of girls and I would protect all of them if need be, but there’s just a line that I won’t cross. No physical contact, no isolation, no confusion, always a witness. I am always at least somewhat “on duty” around them in the back of my mind.

My point of saying all that is this, if I’m on a plane and you plonk unaccompanied minors next to me, I’d very much prefer to be moved. I mean seriously, get those frakking things away from me. I don’t need the lady sitting behind me, thinking she might have thought something could have happened and start yelling out we have a 23-19…

So much of the humor of Monsters Inc was the paradox between the monsters having jobs of scaring the kids, but the reality was that the kids also scared the crap out of the monsters. We watched the movie as a family probably 30-40 times when the girls were small, it’s a great movie and I don’t need to watch it again to remember it well enough to mentally review it from a Game / Men’s Rights perspective.

It’s pretty easy to do. Just remember Jessica Rabbits immortal line, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” and watch the movie again, thinking of the monsters not as monsters…  but as men just drawn that way.

So anyway, right after that scene in the movie, Boo’s (little girl) door goes through the shredder. With her door gone, there’s no way Sully (big blue monster) can never see her again. He loses her forever as the system decides a shade of grey is in fact black. In the words of the CDA lady. “That’s how it has to be.”

Correction. That’s the way it is, but it’s not the way it has to be.

Conditioned Resistance to Sexual Enjoyment in Marriage

Imagine yourself being subjected to sitting in a room and watching several hundred hours of TV programming that eating chocolate ice cream was wrong. Plus you’re given a mild electric shock every time you looked at the chocolate ice cream they put on a table next to you. After being led out of the room and told the experiment is over, how much would you be able to enjoy eating chocolate ice cream? Even if we told you that chocolate ice cream was great and perfectly fine for you to eat now? Even if we handed you a bowl of chocolate ice cream and said go for it.

I’m imagining that you aren’t going to be able to suddenly grab a spoon and chow into the ice cream like nothing happened. I’m imagining you’re going to hold that bowl of ice cream with an inner conflict between desire and anxiety raging inside you. You know it’s fine to eat it… but you just can’t.

So…

Assuming you were raised in religious circles and took their instruction seriously, you’ve very likely heard several thousand, maybe tens of thousands of messages to resist sexual temptation in one form or another. This teaching is well intentioned, and individual pieces of instruction are perfectly fine, but the sheer volume of the messages are overwhelming and have an effect.

There are some positive messages about sexual enjoyment, but the ratio of “NO!” messages to “YES!” messages are in about a 90% / 10% ratio. The overwhelming message is a default “NO!”

Even messages that are intended to be positive, say… “God designed sex for marriage and it’s a wonderful experience together with your spouse and all part of his plan for us…” still is received as a message to resist their sexuality to an unmarried person. So the married people get to have a rocking good time, but you young man… you need to just hold it… no no no, we didn’t mean literally hold it… we meant don’t touch, do or think anything about sex… for about another decade.

See how that positive sexual message to some is a negative sexual message to others?

So, after hearing tens of thousands of messages to resist sexual temptation in one form or another, you tend to become conditioned to resist enjoying sex. So even when sex becomes allowed by actually getting married, it’s hard for some people to let go and enjoy it fully. It’s like your Rationalization Hamster got brainwashed and instead of trying to find you sneaky ways of getting it on, it’s your own personal inner cockblock.

It’s this sort of programming that makes bizarre stuff happen from an evolutionary-psych perspective. Sometimes a man can game a woman over a few weeks and make better and better traction on her. Then when she decides she wants to have sex with him, she sets the scene for seduction and invites him over. There’s a little wine, a change into something more comfortable, privacy, a bed and that unmistakable look that says she’s available to him…

…and he says goodnight and leaves.

It’s not a moral decision that happened here. He’s actually incapable of having sex with her, the same way a little dog can’t run past the end of the driveway because of the invisible electric fence.

It’s the same sort of thing a wife can have with her husband, where he’s asked her over and over for her to give him a blowjob, the first of their three year marriage, but she can’t. She loves him, she’s attracted to him, she knows he’s getting deeply resentful about it, she wants to want to give him a blowjob… she just can’t. It’s dirty, it’s wrong, it’s sinful, it’s anxiety inducing. There’s the invisible fence in her mind stopping her. That’s why she always has a headache these days…

All your sexual pleasure and motivation is based in the Limbic System, aka your Body Agenda. It’s your Body Agenda that wants to get laid and played with. Your Neo-Cortex is your rational critical thinking center and doing it’s darndest to override the Body Agenda. Sexual enjoyment isn’t based on rational thought, it’s based on feelings, pleasure and emotionally letting go. So if you want to overcome your inner blockages to enjoying sex, there’s really only one way of doing so. You have to stop thinking about it and just start exploring your sexuality and defying your invisible fences. You need to break the rules.

Now some important caveats…

All that old time religious instruction isn’t all completely wrong. There are some serious pitfalls out there sexually and once done, it’s a case of what has been seen can’t be unseen. So my basic advice…

(1)  Limit all sexual exploration to you and your partner.

(2)  Small steps rather than trying to make big jumps. You’ve got your whole marriage ahead of you to explore things with each other.

(3)  Understand that only 30% of what you try is going to work for you both. You’ll fail more than you succeed. Just laugh about it.

(4)  Understand that fantasy is different from reality. Things you may never want to happen in reality may turn you on as a fantasy.

(5)  What happens in your bedroom is your business and no one else’s to worry about.

(6)  Don’t go from the ass to the vagina. Just… don’t.

(7)  Small amounts of alcohol are helpful once in a while when you try something new.

(8) Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.

(9) Be open to doing things your partner wants to try that you have no interest in. Sometimes them really liking something is a turn on for you, and you end up liking it too.

(10) Understand that not everything is going to “work” the very first time you do it. Sometimes you need to try it a couple times to really get a feel for it.

It’s really a case of unlearning the “I’m not allowed because I’m single” conditioning, and learning the “I’m married now and this is what I’m allowed to do” conditioning. And yes, having some invisible fences in your mind isn’t a bad thing for married people to have. In fact you want some in each other. You want your wife to automatically react badly to some guy she vaguely knows sending her a picture of his dick via Facebook. You want your husband to feel uncomfortable when someone slips him a phone number. Fences are great, it’s just a case of where you want those fences erected. Keeps the bad stuff out and you can relax and play inside to your hearts content. You just don’t want to be all cooped up in a tiny area.

Also quite obviously not every religious person is uptight about sex with their partner, but some are, and this post is for them.

Challenge Accepted

Alrighty kiddies, buckle up for safety because here’s the gig…

… the U.S. Army has a family enrichment program called Strong Bonds run by the Chaplaincy program. One remarkably brave chaplain loved the Primer so much he’s to date my #1 purchaser of the book and was using it with good results with his unit. So he contacted me in the middle of last year and we talked about putting together a weekend retreat. Let’s just say when an organization of 1.3 million people express interest in your stuff, you express interest in their interest. So I put together a program and we watched it slowly float up the chain of command. We were getting all set to run the pilot session in Germany late last year and then it all stalled out somewhere in the Pentagon over budget approval.

No one said stop trying though.

Anyway, round two and this time all the lights go green and stay green for a pilot program weekend on August 24-26. Jennifer and I will be flying out together and her parents will move in for the weekend and watch the girls. If it all goes well, there’s the possibly of some sort of more regular gig running retreats and/or a couple times a year teaching the basic material to Army Chaplains in South Carolina, so they can go on and use it in their assigned units. It’s also worth noting that the Navy, Air Force and Marines all train Chaplains on what amounts to the same base in South Carolina, so it’s not hard to see how that could spread easily.

It may happen big, it may not happen big. Either way, the weekend is going to be a lot of fun. Here’s what’s on the menu…

Session One: The Real Sexual Biology – For regular MMSL readers, Body Agenda, Rationalization Hamster, Sex Rank, Three Love Systems, Hypergamy and so on. Basically what makes humans tick sexually and why we have so little conscious control of what attracts us. All science, all true, all too vital to not know.

Session Two: Creating Sexual Attraction and Relationship Comfort – the whole Alpha Beta thing for both men and women. A practical how to for keeping your partner in love with you and wanting to be in a relationship with you. Learn what women really want from a man.

Session Three: Captain and First Officer – all about the power dynamics within a marriage. How to harness our natural impulses to create harmony rather than create conflict. How to deal with Fitness Testing as well. How to avoid Oneitis and Orbiting your spouse. How to be a team rather than opponents.

Session Four: Sexual Enjoyment – how to break through our our internal barriers holding us back sexually with our partner. How to get your partner to try new things and be exited about the bedroom. How to explore some of the harder edged stuff safety together.

Session Five: Using Actions as True Communication – How to break free of the Nice Guy traps, how to deal with damaging behavior in your spouse, how to stop complaining about things that need to change and start taking effective action to put things right.

Session Six: Monogamy Rocks! – Why monogamy was invented by men, for men and is a requirement for a stable civilization. From a completely secular perspective why experimenting with non-monogamy is a recipe for disaster for men. How to make your monogamous marriage a winning sexual strategy that maximizes your personal happiness.

All up about 8-9 hours of drinking from the firehose for the lucky dogs attending. After the weekend we’ll see what we have in terms of footage and sound to deicde if it can be packaged and sold, and I’ll be opening it up for speaking more places after that.

Anyway…

I’ve been holed up in the Batcave finishing off writing the workbook for the weekend. It started off as bits and pieces from the Primer, the blog and the early drafts of the Primer revision… and great googly woogly it’s 200 pages long of regular A4 paper size. Really turned into more of a focused reader than a workbook, as there’s just no way I’m going to get to talk about all the content I have ready.

Half of me is all “Holy crap this is real?!?!” and half of me is just so accepting of it because I’ve started to see so much good stuff happening out of MMSL that I’m just expecting of it these days. I’m also 100% excited. I do really like writing the blog and the books, but it’s all just buying a ticket to get to speak. Speaking is a total rush when you do it well. I get flow states when I write every so often, but once speaking to an audience I get them more often than not.

The music thant fits the mood…

I’m just so thankful people are interested and I’ve found my place in this world.

Don’t Forget Where You Put Your Supersuit

We may not have powers, but we all have personal power. Don’t forget where you put it.

The use of tissues is typically an ineffective tactic.

Some days ain’t nobody going to save you but you.

What Exactly Is A Red Pill Woman?

GMAC asked in passing on Facebook today… “So what is a Red Pill Woman?” in response to someone I didn’t know describing herself as a “Red Pill Woman.” I have to say it’s a great question, I’ve written a lot about Girl Game and Sexy Wives for a long time now, but never actually thought to define what the idealized Red Pill woman is like.

Anyway… let’s have a crack at it.

(1)  Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2)  Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3)  Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4)  Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5)  Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6)  Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7)  Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8)  Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9)  Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10)  Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11)  Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12)  Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13)  Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14)  Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15)  Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16)  With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17)  Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18)  Has a sense of humor.

(19)  Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20)  Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.

 

As I write that, 90% of it seems to fairly directly apply to men as well as women. And for what it’s worth, these women really do exist. Maybe not in vast numbers, but neither do they ride on unicorns or speak elvish. There’s quite a few on the forum.

 

Trinity: My name’s Trinity.

Neo: *The* Trinity? Who cracked the IRS d-base?

Trinity: That was a long time ago.

Neo: Jesus…

Trinity: What?

Neo: I just thought… you were a guy.

Trinity: Most guys do

 

When He Already Has Kids

Asked yesterday in the comments to When Princess Fiona Comes With a Mess of Little Donkeys

J:  Athol/whoever wants to answer: what are your thoughts on women getting involved with men who have children from a previous relationship?

Ke:  What’s the situation where the opposite is true? The guy is divorced and has partial custody of young children from his previous marriage? Should a woman not get involved with him?

Athol:  This is fairly simple. It’s just math. The figure I’ve heard is that is costs something like $200,000 to raise a kid over their lifetime.

Consider how many children the man could reasonably support on his income. Then take away from that number the number of children he already has. Whatever is left, is the number of children he can reasonably have with you.

So say you get involved with a guy that has enough income to reasonably support three children, if you marry him, you end up having three children. But if he has an ex-wife and two children with her, and you’re the second wife, he’ll only have one child with you. Either way, he’ll only end up with three children.

Of course you can fight tooth and nail to get him over-committed to having more children than he can reasonably support, but he isn’t really going to want them and you’re going to have trouble paying the bills. This of course creates a massive charge of erotic sexual tension between you desperate for release… lol just kidding.

Plus you’re likely likely going to watch him hand over cash via child support and/or alimony to a woman who has sexually rejected him. Which is a fairly difficult structural situation for a guy to maintain his attractiveness in. Obviously it’s all mandated by the courts and he has to do it, but the end result is that he’s funneling money outside the marriage constantly. It would probably be cheaper if he just had a bit of a moderate gambling problem or something. Even if he had a $500 a month strip-club bill it would be less annoying than a $1000 a month child support bill. At least that way he’d have attractive women showing him attention as a preselection effect and it would be cheaper.

It’s also worth noting that women going through, or planning a divorce, do occasionally quite purposely seek to damage the ability of the husband to provide for and father more children. The vasectomy demand shortly followed by divorce paperwork isn’t super common, but does happen. I have email from one reader who got the paperwork when he came back from the urologist office, and a second reader who had sex one time only before being given his walking papers. From an evo-psych perspective this makes sense in that as much as possible, the ex-wife wants her ex-husbands resources to continuously flow to her and not risk being diverted to a new woman. Sometimes it’s just revenge.

So anyway… if you don’t want kids yourself, a guy broke from paying for the children he already has won’t bug you much to have more children. Yay no stretchmarks!

And obviously if the kids are all grown and so on, this is all less of an issue. Provided that the little darlings are moved out of the house and have proper lives of their own. You don’t want to end up doing the laundry for his 25-year-old son. Or being a sudden step-grandma / child care service for his returning 22-year-old daughter so she can finish her under water basket weaving degree.

 

 

When Princess Fiona Comes With a Mess of Little Donkeys

Reader:  Hi Athol,  I wrote to you before when I was in the final stages of my marriage. You gave me some good advice and it was appreciated.

It’s become clear that my major problem (other than the fact that I married a woman who seems to have BPD) was structural: I was poor, relatively (ESL teacher) and she was looking for more security. Since having gotten a better paying job in IT, my ex has shown interest again showing me that, as bitter a truth as it can be to accept, it was, in a way, my fault. I can’t blame my ex-wife for needing security, especially understanding what I do now about the “Red Pill” reality of a woman’s mind.

So, anyway, that wasn’t my point in writing. I wanted to see if you’d care to discuss something on your blog. It’s been a major breakthrough for me, having been raised as a step-child and having just divorced a woman with children. It seems that women secretly despise men that take care of children that aren’t theirs. On one level, they love and appreciate it but on another, deeper level, they seem to look at the step-father as a kind of volunteer cuckold of sorts. This can even push women who are unaware of themselves to encourage their new husbands to be especially strict or even abusive of their step-children in extreme situations. Maybe Alpha males of the sub-Saharan past would do the same as Lions (kill the young from previous males)? I wonder what your advice would be to men interested in marrying women with children from previous marriages. It seems to be a bad idea to me, from my experience. The woman will always look at those kids and remember her ex-husband and look at her new husband as a chump for taking care of children that aren’t his. Even though the Blue Pill entertainment industry has always portrayed guys that rescue the divorced woman and her child as heroes, it seems like women only think that way in the movies.

Athol:  Okay let me just shout this out at the start of the post…  in the case of infertility, adoption and artificial in insemination et al are completely different issues of “raising someone else’s child”. I’m not talking about that issue here, I’ll get to it soon I think because it’s a huge issue for many couples.

Anyway…

The ugly truth is much as you have guessed it to be. When a woman already has children and has either divorced or never married the father, she has a serious need for help with the time and effort in raising the children. Even if she’s doing fairly well from child support and alimony payments, she’s not going to have the same total household income as before the divorce, so she needs addition of income to raise her children. Thus what she needs is a dependable Beta provider and not someone who is going to rock the boat with Alpha demands for more of her attention and submission. Basically she’s had all the Alpha she can handle and now she needs you to man up about being a wallet and a babysitter.

After marrying into a solo mother’s family, men often find they have been the target of a rather well planned headhunting expedition. They’ve been wined and dined. Fabulous home cooked meals. All the kids on their best behavior. Her friends all swooping in and helping whisk the children away to their house to allow privacy and passion. Her extremely agreeable and eager to please… everything is just so wonderful… you’re actually starting to bond with the kids a little… she’s a good woman, the kids are great… let’s get married…

…wedding bells. Well not really, a simple ceremony with more of her friends than yours in attendance…

…and the honeymoon is over. Now there’s beer and Chinese takeout. The kids make it very clear that you aren’t their father. There seems to be more of her friends dropping off kids at her house than the other way around. Sex drops off fairly quickly (because you aren’t getting along with the children and that just stresses her out)  Also having moved into her house, it’s become apparent that it really is her house… not our house, her house. It’s not so much that she makes the rules, more that no one gives a crap about what you say anyway. Also apparently there’s some outstanding tax bills and it would make sense if everyone got one cell phone plan under your name.

Well that’s the horror story scenario anyway. Probably does not happen to every guy that marries into a ready made family, but certainly happens enough that the horror story is a readily reported pattern.

I think you have it right that there is a level of contempt for men that raise other men’s children. Whether she was your wife and got pregnant to another guy, or she got pregnant to another guy and became your wife, it all amounts to you spending vital resources on a child that isn’t yours. Which is pretty much the dumbest thing possible to do as far as male genes are concerned. Everyone’s Body Agenda thinks you’re a total idiot and frankly worse off than a guy that just masturbates. If all you do is jerk off, you don’t pass your genes off into the next generation, but at least you aren’t paying through the nose for the privilege.

Also watch for the frequent request to legally adopt her children. That’s just her exit strategy to divorce you and still get your money, without having to go through the mental effort of having to endlessly spurn you sexually. Depending on which state you’re in, you may not even have to legally marry her to get caught up in a child support mess because you have been “acting like a father to the children.” The little darlings did bond to you so quickly after all.

As you can probably figure out now, if you had your whole Alpha/Beta/Physical package together from the start, you would never have felt the need to have gotten involved with her so seriously in the first place. If you’re a hotter guy and a better catch, instead of the single girl without kids flaking on you and the solo mom being the best you could get, the single girl turns into your fiance and the solo mom acts is her bridesmaid and drinks a little too much at the reception. Sex Rank is a true marketplace and cares not for Hollywood endings.

So personally, I would think extremely seriously about getting involved with anyone marrying for the second time, especially if they have children, oh and if you’re just a wallet, they always try and get pregnant asap to trap you in further. The exception to this being if we’re talking about two middle aged people with grown children, that’s a bit of a different situation. In that case the woman is looking for a more Alpha partner to have fun with and a proper relationship. You’re not going to get caught up in child support hell if see has a 25-year-old son and a 23-year-old daughter. But they sure as hell shouldn’t be living at home still. Kids gotta be self-supporting, or no dice on the getting involved front. Or put another way… Princess Fiona shouldn’t come with a collection of Donkeys.

Fitness and Whatnot

Anyway about a week and a bit into finally properly eating and exercising. Basically returning to the Supreme 90 Day DVDs and eating Paleo. Or at least what I think Paleo is lol. the Mark Sisson books have arrived but I haven’t had the time to read them as yet. All I’ve had to eat for about the last week is meat, fruit, vegetables and protein shakes. I don’t have crazy weight loss to report, but I feel a lot better for it. On and some peanuts too. Can I eat the nuts or not? Not sure, I’m not planning to find out until I finish the big ol’ can though.

The most interesting thing that’s happened was on Sunday morning, I had egg, cheese and bacon on my old standard multi-grain bread in my one grain cheat to date. Anyway, the sandwich was fine, except for one glaring problem… it tasted sweet. This is meant to be a savory protein sandwich. Savory. Why the hell is my bread sweet???  Check bag for ingredients… hot damn… the second one listed is sugar. What’s up with that?

I’ve stopped putting sugar in my coffee and didn’t really notice any difference. Oh and someone on the forum suggested Lecithin as a supplement for harderfasterstronger and experimenting with that.  Anyway… “that’s a lot of cum” saith Jennifer. Though who knows what caused it all exactly.

Jennifer and I are having a fun week with each other. It’s been cuddly.

The Red Pill Does Not Involve Cupcakes

In the comments of yesterday’s post...

OpenYourMind said “Taking the red pill for me has turned a marriage that was coming to a slow death into a vibrant and thriving marriage. At the same time, I hate the idea of the red pill in many ways, it has made it harder for me to respect my wife. I sometimes hate it that I have to be more Alpha, more this, more that, to keep her attracted to me, but the results speak for themselves.”

Angeline - And she has to – push away the cupcake, even though cupcakes are *delicious*! to keep her figure near or at something you like to look at. She needs to be open to sex at any given time, even though her default mode is not as sexual, or even “off”. She has to futz with long hair for an extra 30 minutes a day, she has to wear sexy clothes and heels. She has to get over the idea that you should love her *as she is*, sweatpants, short hair, cupcakes and all, and constantly work to keep your interest and passion up, more this, more that, to keep you attracted to her. She has to swallow the disrespect that she’s not valued as much, regardless of what her friends tell her are her stellar personal qualities – based on how her ass looks or whether she gives good BJ’s. Perhaps she feels less respect for him that wearing a thong is more interesting to him than the brilliant thing she did at work. The Red Pill does not taste like wine and chocolates for women, either.

The fact is, we all have to keep working at it to be interesting to our partner. This was old news in our grandparents’ day. Somewhere along the 60?s and 70?s people got the idea that because of how amazing and unique and enlightened we all were, we could throw out eons of experience and biology and pretend that good intentions were enough. That we could just coast into old age, once we got married.

Athol:  One of the things Jennifer has been doing is growing her bangs out toward having properly long hair. She’s in that awkward phase of her bangs being baaaaaannnnggggs that make her look too poor for a haircut, and yet not quite long enough to really do anything much with other than pin them back with multiple hair clips. Early on I playfully but regretfully teased her that it was the “Polygamous Compound Look” and got a proper look of disgust in return. (I did apologize!)

Anyway, she still has the baaaaaaannnnnggggs and it’s been weeks and it’s going to be months more until her hair is where she wants it to be. The longer it’s gone on the more I’ve come to appreciate what she’s doing. It’s a real pain in the ass to her, but she’s doing it to please and attract me. I’m sure that once it’s all long and wonderful I’ll be attracted to her more because I can’t help myself with the long hair +1 bonus, but I think I’ll always remember she did that for me too.

And before anyone gets the wrong idea. I didn’t ask her to do this. She just knows what attracts me. So it’s one of those Red Pill Girl Game moves and she’s doing it for her as much as for me.

Of course if you want to really be Red Pill / MMSL / MAP about it… if she doesn’t get what she wants out of a relationship with me… the long hair just sets her up better to attract my replacement. Be careful what you wish for and all that.

Redemption Is An Action

Reader:  I have been reading your blog for a bit now. I learned some good things here but there was a underlying theme that I didn’t like that I couldn’t pin point. Today I realized what it was. You have no respect for your wife. You find it okay to size up a woman and even seemed to have considered if things might get out of hand but you never step back and cut it off. (you can’t use this post of a example of cutting it off because you didn’t. You simply stopped liking the other woman because she writes incorrectly.) You seem to leave it to Jennifer to tell you that it is going too far. It almost seems that if Jen was open to swinging or you having a side thing then you would take her up on it; you know, because JEN said it was alright.

How does one develop a crush if you are married? It is like you are considering what you might get out of a relationship even though you are supposedly devoted to Jen. I don’t know. Something does not seem right here.

I thank you for the advice you put up.

Athol:  As an important aside, the events of that post were 8-10 years ago, so what I did then and what Jennifer and I would do now is quite different.

Amongst other things, MMSL is my effort at all purpose redemption.

I’ve not been a good guy. I’m a regular guy that’s done some questionable things and would probably have done some even more questionable things if I had a greater skill with women at the time of opportunity. I got into learning about Game not to save my marriage, but to explore cheating on my wife. But I also read over everything and part of my research into infidelity revealed the true horror of being cheated on. Jennifer is a good woman and in the end I didn’t have the heart to do that to her. I do love her. But I’d still done some less than stellar things over the years. For me the worst part of taking the Red Pill was realizing that I was in fact not the good guy I thought I was, that I had trampled on Jennifer and she was in love with me the whole time I was starting to check out on her. I was ashamed of myself.

Jennifer and I had experimented with softswing very briefly in the first few years of our marriage. I was very interested in it and Jennifer just didn’t like the reality of it, so we stopped. One of the things about opening up your marriage is once you open it up, pandora’s box doesn’t close easily… if at all. It took me about 10-12 years to come to peace with not swinging. If Jennifer gave me the green light now to have someone on the side, it would only be because she no longer loved me.

I developed a crush on someone, because she had cleavage and admired me. That’s about it. I always thought people that said “it just happened and I didn’t mean it to go this far” were full of crap. Then it just happened to me… but it’s the how far it goes part that determines how full of crap you are.

Through all of our ups and downs though, we’ve always had a steady sexual connection. The thing about us being sexual with each other everyday barring illness or injury is 100% true. I think it’s made all the difference for us. We’ve also been able to see how we both have played a role in our greatest mistakes together. We’ve been angry with each other, but never taken it to insults and names. One of the things we’re discovered for us at least, is that honesty and openness is the best way to banish all the little thoughts of doing misdeeds in the shadows. Jennifer for her part has become tougher and stronger and stands up for herself far better now.

We’ve adjusted and are still learning and adjusting.

Jennifer: Nobody is perfect, and if I accept that about people in general I have to accept that about my husband too.  Now he is using his powers for good. 

Anakin, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic, narrow view of the Jedi. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the Force.   -Palpatine