I stumbled onto Passionate Christian Marriage a few days back and added it to the feed reader. Yesterday’s post was For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs. A collection of things to do and not do with the fondling of the bosom. So in the comments I added..
I gotta be honest, I gently “honk” my wife’s boobs with a big naughty boy grin and it works a treat. You have to actually say the word “honk” though. It’s vitally important to show no fear as you do it and have eye contact as well. Also it’s helpful if you make a lot of money.
If I were your wife, you’d get slapped. You might get a warning first.
Call me crazy, but I suspect the “honk” technique ONLY works if you’ve got a lot of money and are not already married to her. After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer. But if you’ve got gobs of money and the girl is a gold-digger, you can get away with anything. Heck, you can violate all the “wrong way” rules above and a greedy floozy will still take it with a grin. I’m just sayin’.
My immediate emotional reaction was this…
Okay really… I can get that you can think a soft honking of a boob is juvenile and that I’m an idiot for suggesting it. Guilty as charged baby, I don’t mind having a turn as the one being spanked. Grrrrowll….
…but really, you would actually physically strike your husband for that?
And WOW, immediately throwing out community-property law as the all purpose I-own-your-balls-now smackdown?!?!?
Now before the hordes fly over to Passionate Christian Marriage to tell her off, I want you all to know that I think she’s sincerely looking to have a fun marriage and this is just where she’s at. We all have our threshold of discomfort. Please don’t fly over there and troll her. Seriously. Just don’t.
But let’s pretend that her husband actually makes the regrettable choice in honking her. I would imagine she probably wouldn’t slap him in real life, but I do imagine she’d be pissed off and react with a strong negative to it. Adding on his knowledge of community-property laws… how does he feel in the aftermath? I would imagine he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I also would imagine he would endeavour to never offend her about anything sexual again. He’d be a good little boy.
Which begs the question as to how you have a passionate marriage with a “good little boy?” The answer is simple, you don’t. Nor can you have a passionate marriage if you are a good little girl, you’re just too uptight to let go and enjoy yourself. A lot of the best married sex is absolutely not about manners, or being nice, or being sweet’n'gentle. Good fucking isn’t terrible politically correct either.
If you’ve been raised in church circles, you typically hear about two decades of “NO!” messages about sex, that’s a massive about of behavioral programming. So it should be no surprise whatsoever, that young Christian couples have one or both members emotionally struggling with letting go and turning their married sex life into a “YES!”
The only solution to that is to stop holding back on yourself and each other. You have to be willing to make mistakes and not shame the other for trying. Only about 30% of everything you try sexually as a couple will work, so you have to actively seek out new things and experiences together. See what works and what doesn’t. Maybe hair pulling works, maybe oral sex works, maybe light bondage works, maybe calling each other “dirty words” works… maybe none of that works. But you have to embrace that failure will happen over and over in your sex life together. Otherwise the only thing that works is clean sheets.
What I can say for sure though, is that the best sex possible isn’t about being good girls and boys. It’s about letting go of being a well socialized adult and yielding to the raw primal energy within you. It’s also about laughter and fun and being able to let your hair down with each other and embrace silliness, if only sometimes.
So I leave you with a challenge. I want you to slide up to your husband, and ask him to kiss you for a full ten seconds and then gently honk your breasts with a big naughty boy grin. What’s the worst that could happen?