Men: We’re Not Actually Bad, We’re Just Drawn That Way

So the recent drama is that a man on a Virgin Australia flight was asked to move his seat away from two unaccompanied minors. Angry outburst from the general public ensues and rightly so. It’s completely prejudicial. I mean if you’re going to move men away from children for fear of molestation, you may as well move them away from the women too. We might get all rapey in Aisle 23 or something. Specially after you liquor us up and give us over priced and defective headsets. My suggestion would be all the men sitting at the front of the plane and all the women and children at the back of the plane. I realize that’s a controversial approach, but feel I have to throw it out before feminists beat us to the punch and suggest men should travel in cages in the cargo hold for everyone’s safety.

We men are monsters after all.

Anyway, it’s all been pretty much blogged, tweeted and Facebooked to death, so I’ll leave that as all having been said. But I would like to add one thing…

…having unattended children that aren’t mine around me, is somewhat stressful. It’s not because I’m not good with kids, because I am. It’s not because I don’t like kids, because I do. It’s simply because there is always a risk of misunderstanding or prejudice that something inappropriate happened between you. There is always the risk that your entire life gets picked over by an army of experts who make their living from deciding grey areas aren’t white enough so they must err on the side of caution and declare them black. There’s always a risk you lose everything that really matters.

As a result, I simply never allow myself to be with a child that is not mine, without also the presence of one of my children. I really like my daughters’ friends too, they’re a great bunch of girls and I would protect all of them if need be, but there’s just a line that I won’t cross. No physical contact, no isolation, no confusion, always a witness. I am always at least somewhat “on duty” around them in the back of my mind.

My point of saying all that is this, if I’m on a plane and you plonk unaccompanied minors next to me, I’d very much prefer to be moved. I mean seriously, get those frakking things away from me. I don’t need the lady sitting behind me, thinking she might have thought something could have happened and start yelling out we have a 23-19…

So much of the humor of Monsters Inc was the paradox between the monsters having jobs of scaring the kids, but the reality was that the kids also scared the crap out of the monsters. We watched the movie as a family probably 30-40 times when the girls were small, it’s a great movie and I don’t need to watch it again to remember it well enough to mentally review it from a Game / Men’s Rights perspective.

It’s pretty easy to do. Just remember Jessica Rabbits immortal line, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” and watch the movie again, thinking of the monsters not as monsters…  but as men just drawn that way.

So anyway, right after that scene in the movie, Boo’s (little girl) door goes through the shredder. With her door gone, there’s no way Sully (big blue monster) can never see her again. He loses her forever as the system decides a shade of grey is in fact black. In the words of the CDA lady. “That’s how it has to be.”

Correction. That’s the way it is, but it’s not the way it has to be.

Conditioned Resistance to Sexual Enjoyment in Marriage

Imagine yourself being subjected to sitting in a room and watching several hundred hours of TV programming that eating chocolate ice cream was wrong. Plus you’re given a mild electric shock every time you looked at the chocolate ice cream they put on a table next to you. After being led out of the room and told the experiment is over, how much would you be able to enjoy eating chocolate ice cream? Even if we told you that chocolate ice cream was great and perfectly fine for you to eat now? Even if we handed you a bowl of chocolate ice cream and said go for it.

I’m imagining that you aren’t going to be able to suddenly grab a spoon and chow into the ice cream like nothing happened. I’m imagining you’re going to hold that bowl of ice cream with an inner conflict between desire and anxiety raging inside you. You know it’s fine to eat it… but you just can’t.


Assuming you were raised in religious circles and took their instruction seriously, you’ve very likely heard several thousand, maybe tens of thousands of messages to resist sexual temptation in one form or another. This teaching is well intentioned, and individual pieces of instruction are perfectly fine, but the sheer volume of the messages are overwhelming and have an effect.

There are some positive messages about sexual enjoyment, but the ratio of “NO!” messages to “YES!” messages are in about a 90% / 10% ratio. The overwhelming message is a default “NO!”

Even messages that are intended to be positive, say… “God designed sex for marriage and it’s a wonderful experience together with your spouse and all part of his plan for us…” still is received as a message to resist their sexuality to an unmarried person. So the married people get to have a rocking good time, but you young man… you need to just hold it… no no no, we didn’t mean literally hold it… we meant don’t touch, do or think anything about sex… for about another decade.

See how that positive sexual message to some is a negative sexual message to others?

So, after hearing tens of thousands of messages to resist sexual temptation in one form or another, you tend to become conditioned to resist enjoying sex. So even when sex becomes allowed by actually getting married, it’s hard for some people to let go and enjoy it fully. It’s like your Rationalization Hamster got brainwashed and instead of trying to find you sneaky ways of getting it on, it’s your own personal inner cockblock.

It’s this sort of programming that makes bizarre stuff happen from an evolutionary-psych perspective. Sometimes a man can game a woman over a few weeks and make better and better traction on her. Then when she decides she wants to have sex with him, she sets the scene for seduction and invites him over. There’s a little wine, a change into something more comfortable, privacy, a bed and that unmistakable look that says she’s available to him…

…and he says goodnight and leaves.

It’s not a moral decision that happened here. He’s actually incapable of having sex with her, the same way a little dog can’t run past the end of the driveway because of the invisible electric fence.

It’s the same sort of thing a wife can have with her husband, where he’s asked her over and over for her to give him a blowjob, the first of their three year marriage, but she can’t. She loves him, she’s attracted to him, she knows he’s getting deeply resentful about it, she wants to want to give him a blowjob… she just can’t. It’s dirty, it’s wrong, it’s sinful, it’s anxiety inducing. There’s the invisible fence in her mind stopping her. That’s why she always has a headache these days…

All your sexual pleasure and motivation is based in the Limbic System, aka your Body Agenda. It’s your Body Agenda that wants to get laid and played with. Your Neo-Cortex is your rational critical thinking center and doing it’s darndest to override the Body Agenda. Sexual enjoyment isn’t based on rational thought, it’s based on feelings, pleasure and emotionally letting go. So if you want to overcome your inner blockages to enjoying sex, there’s really only one way of doing so. You have to stop thinking about it and just start exploring your sexuality and defying your invisible fences. You need to break the rules.

Now some important caveats…

All that old time religious instruction isn’t all completely wrong. There are some serious pitfalls out there sexually and once done, it’s a case of what has been seen can’t be unseen. So my basic advice…

(1)  Limit all sexual exploration to you and your partner.

(2)  Small steps rather than trying to make big jumps. You’ve got your whole marriage ahead of you to explore things with each other.

(3)  Understand that only 30% of what you try is going to work for you both. You’ll fail more than you succeed. Just laugh about it.

(4)  Understand that fantasy is different from reality. Things you may never want to happen in reality may turn you on as a fantasy.

(5)  What happens in your bedroom is your business and no one else’s to worry about.

(6)  Don’t go from the ass to the vagina. Just… don’t.

(7)  Small amounts of alcohol are helpful once in a while when you try something new.

(8) Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.

(9) Be open to doing things your partner wants to try that you have no interest in. Sometimes them really liking something is a turn on for you, and you end up liking it too.

(10) Understand that not everything is going to “work” the very first time you do it. Sometimes you need to try it a couple times to really get a feel for it.

It’s really a case of unlearning the “I’m not allowed because I’m single” conditioning, and learning the “I’m married now and this is what I’m allowed to do” conditioning. And yes, having some invisible fences in your mind isn’t a bad thing for married people to have. In fact you want some in each other. You want your wife to automatically react badly to some guy she vaguely knows sending her a picture of his dick via Facebook. You want your husband to feel uncomfortable when someone slips him a phone number. Fences are great, it’s just a case of where you want those fences erected. Keeps the bad stuff out and you can relax and play inside to your hearts content. You just don’t want to be all cooped up in a tiny area.

Also quite obviously not every religious person is uptight about sex with their partner, but some are, and this post is for them.

Challenge Accepted

Alrighty kiddies, buckle up for safety because here’s the gig…

… the U.S. Army has a family enrichment program called Strong Bonds run by the Chaplaincy program. One remarkably brave chaplain loved the Primer so much he’s to date my #1 purchaser of the book and was using it with good results with his unit. So he contacted me in the middle of last year and we talked about putting together a weekend retreat. Let’s just say when an organization of 1.3 million people express interest in your stuff, you express interest in their interest. So I put together a program and we watched it slowly float up the chain of command. We were getting all set to run the pilot session in Germany late last year and then it all stalled out somewhere in the Pentagon over budget approval.

No one said stop trying though.

Anyway, round two and this time all the lights go green and stay green for a pilot program weekend on August 24-26. Jennifer and I will be flying out together and her parents will move in for the weekend and watch the girls. If it all goes well, there’s the possibly of some sort of more regular gig running retreats and/or a couple times a year teaching the basic material to Army Chaplains in South Carolina, so they can go on and use it in their assigned units. It’s also worth noting that the Navy, Air Force and Marines all train Chaplains on what amounts to the same base in South Carolina, so it’s not hard to see how that could spread easily.

It may happen big, it may not happen big. Either way, the weekend is going to be a lot of fun. Here’s what’s on the menu…

Session One: The Real Sexual Biology – For regular MMSL readers, Body Agenda, Rationalization Hamster, Sex Rank, Three Love Systems, Hypergamy and so on. Basically what makes humans tick sexually and why we have so little conscious control of what attracts us. All science, all true, all too vital to not know.

Session Two: Creating Sexual Attraction and Relationship Comfort – the whole Alpha Beta thing for both men and women. A practical how to for keeping your partner in love with you and wanting to be in a relationship with you. Learn what women really want from a man.

Session Three: Captain and First Officer – all about the power dynamics within a marriage. How to harness our natural impulses to create harmony rather than create conflict. How to deal with Fitness Testing as well. How to avoid Oneitis and Orbiting your spouse. How to be a team rather than opponents.

Session Four: Sexual Enjoyment – how to break through our our internal barriers holding us back sexually with our partner. How to get your partner to try new things and be exited about the bedroom. How to explore some of the harder edged stuff safety together.

Session Five: Using Actions as True Communication – How to break free of the Nice Guy traps, how to deal with damaging behavior in your spouse, how to stop complaining about things that need to change and start taking effective action to put things right.

Session Six: Monogamy Rocks! – Why monogamy was invented by men, for men and is a requirement for a stable civilization. From a completely secular perspective why experimenting with non-monogamy is a recipe for disaster for men. How to make your monogamous marriage a winning sexual strategy that maximizes your personal happiness.

All up about 8-9 hours of drinking from the firehose for the lucky dogs attending. After the weekend we’ll see what we have in terms of footage and sound to deicde if it can be packaged and sold, and I’ll be opening it up for speaking more places after that.


I’ve been holed up in the Batcave finishing off writing the workbook for the weekend. It started off as bits and pieces from the Primer, the blog and the early drafts of the Primer revision… and great googly woogly it’s 200 pages long of regular A4 paper size. Really turned into more of a focused reader than a workbook, as there’s just no way I’m going to get to talk about all the content I have ready.

Half of me is all “Holy crap this is real?!?!” and half of me is just so accepting of it because I’ve started to see so much good stuff happening out of MMSL that I’m just expecting of it these days. I’m also 100% excited. I do really like writing the blog and the books, but it’s all just buying a ticket to get to speak. Speaking is a total rush when you do it well. I get flow states when I write every so often, but once speaking to an audience I get them more often than not.

The music thant fits the mood…

I’m just so thankful people are interested and I’ve found my place in this world.

What Exactly Is A Red Pill Woman?

GMAC asked in passing on Facebook today… “So what is a Red Pill Woman?” in response to someone I didn’t know describing herself as a “Red Pill Woman.” I have to say it’s a great question, I’ve written a lot about Girl Game and Sexy Wives for a long time now, but never actually thought to define what the idealized Red Pill woman is like.

Anyway… let’s have a crack at it.

(1)  Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2)  Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3)  Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4)  Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5)  Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6)  Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7)  Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8)  Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9)  Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10)  Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11)  Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12)  Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13)  Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14)  Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15)  Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16)  With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17)  Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18)  Has a sense of humor.

(19)  Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20)  Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.


As I write that, 90% of it seems to fairly directly apply to men as well as women. And for what it’s worth, these women really do exist. Maybe not in vast numbers, but neither do they ride on unicorns or speak elvish. There’s quite a few on the forum.


Trinity: My name’s Trinity.

Neo: *The* Trinity? Who cracked the IRS d-base?

Trinity: That was a long time ago.

Neo: Jesus…

Trinity: What?

Neo: I just thought… you were a guy.

Trinity: Most guys do