Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Honked

I stumbled onto Passionate Christian Marriage a few days back and added it to the feed reader. Yesterday’s post was For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs. A collection of things to do and not do with the fondling of the bosom. So in the comments I added..

I gotta be honest, I gently “honk” my wife’s boobs with a big naughty boy grin and it works a treat. You have to actually say the word “honk” though. It’s vitally important to show no fear as you do it and have eye contact as well. Also it’s helpful if you make a lot of money.

The responses…

If I were your wife, you’d get slapped. You might get a warning first.

Call me crazy, but I suspect the “honk” technique ONLY works if you’ve got a lot of money and are not already married to her. After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer. But if you’ve got gobs of money and the girl is a gold-digger, you can get away with anything. Heck, you can violate all the “wrong way” rules above and a greedy floozy will still take it with a grin. I’m just sayin’.

My immediate emotional reaction was this…

Okay really… I can get that you can think a soft honking of a boob is juvenile and that I’m an idiot for suggesting it. Guilty as charged baby, I don’t mind having a turn as the one being spanked. Grrrrowll….

…but really, you would actually physically strike your husband for that?

And WOW, immediately throwing out community-property law as the all purpose I-own-your-balls-now smackdown?!?!?

Now before the hordes fly over to Passionate Christian Marriage to tell her off, I want you all to know that I think she’s sincerely looking to have a fun marriage and this is just where she’s at. We all have our threshold of discomfort. Please don’t fly over there and troll her. Seriously. Just don’t.

But let’s pretend that her husband actually makes the regrettable choice in honking her. I would imagine she probably wouldn’t slap him in real life, but I do imagine she’d be pissed off and react with a strong negative to it. Adding on his knowledge of community-property laws…  how does he feel in the aftermath? I would imagine he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I also would imagine he would endeavour to never offend her about anything sexual again. He’d be a good little boy.

Which begs the question as to how you have a passionate marriage with a “good little boy?”  The answer is simple, you don’t. Nor can you have a passionate marriage if you are a good little girl, you’re just too uptight to let go and enjoy yourself. A lot of the best married sex is absolutely not about manners, or being nice, or being sweet’n'gentle. Good fucking isn’t terrible politically correct either.

If you’ve been raised in church circles, you typically hear about two decades of “NO!” messages about sex, that’s a massive about of behavioral programming. So it should be no surprise whatsoever, that young Christian couples have one or both members emotionally struggling with letting go and turning their married sex life into a “YES!”

The only solution to that is to stop holding back on yourself and each other. You have to be willing to make mistakes and not shame the other for trying. Only about 30% of everything you try sexually as a couple will work, so you have to actively seek out new things and experiences together. See what works and what doesn’t. Maybe hair pulling works, maybe oral sex works, maybe light bondage works, maybe calling each other “dirty words” works… maybe none of that works. But you have to embrace that failure will happen over and over in your sex life together. Otherwise the only thing that works is clean sheets.

What I can say for sure though, is that the best sex possible isn’t about being good girls and boys. It’s about letting go of being a well socialized adult and yielding to the raw primal energy within you. It’s also about laughter and fun and being able to let your hair down with each other and embrace silliness, if only sometimes.

So I leave you with a challenge. I want you to slide up to your husband, and ask him to kiss you for a full ten seconds and then gently honk your breasts with a big naughty boy grin. What’s the worst that could happen?

 

Elitist Jerks Get Better Women

True story:  Once upon a time I had a serious crush on someone in particular in my circle. Great girl. Not the hottest chick in the room, but with the magical X factor that made you forget all about that after talking with her for few minutes. She was interested in me and she got under my skin. Jennifer not too keen on her though. Awkward.

What killed my interest off though, and by killed off, I mean scales-falling-from-my-eyes “WTF was I thinking” switch thrown in my head, was her written English punctuation. Let me just sidetrack here a second to say that I’m a hypocrite on this issue. Despite being an author, I have some kind of highly focused mental retardation for understanding things like what a noun is, or an adverb. Tell me not to finish a sentence with a preposition and I’ll nod and smile and say I understand… but I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. And yes people have tried. My schooling is littered with English teachers driven to drink and a deep abiding regret for the passing of corporal punishment.

Anyway…

…all that being said, I do know enough to know that sentences need to start with capital letters and the word “I” isn’t written as “i”. I also use periods. And line returns. I got this email from her one day and it simply read as a stream of illiteracy and it was over. Lolcat is fun but not teh sexy. Yous cant haz Atholburger.

I lost all motivation and our friendship just withered away in a fiasco of me trying to half-ass White Knight her during a fairly legit shitty hand her life had just dealt her. Plus to her credit I suspect she didn’t want to do to Jennifer what had just been done to her. In the end nothing happened and we just lost contact. Jennifer happier of course but I’ve always had this really odd sense of rejecting someone for their written English as being extremely petty of me. I did the right thing for the wrong reasons, so I felt like an asshole for doing so. Attraction isn’t controllable.

What makes me suddenly remember all this is my sister’s Facebook image of the day…

Now I know that’s just a Google screen capture, and I really do NOT think my friend was playing STD Pokemon (gotta catch ‘em all) but it made me check up and think about it all again. Seems more and more like a good call to default to being an elitist jerk when it comes to letting women into your life. Have some standards. Make them jump through some hoops to get to you.

I did attend St. Hogwarts so the muggle hating gene might have been activated there. I’d love to claim that my elementary and middle school Christian education bred manners and sexual purity into me, but apparently concepts such as line-of-sight were beyond the faculty’s… faculty. Boys and girls playing tag + can’t see us from the teacher’s lounge = “catch and kiss” games that would make a polyamory convention seem quaintly restrained.

I can probably segue that into a discussion about how females given the opportunity and lack of shaming can be quite happy to experiment with mutliple partners in quick succession. Or open up the “is monogamy natural” debate, but I need to stop here and go check-in on my daughters…

Jennifer:  Lesson learned – Never let your husband do nice things for other women. There are no White Knights, only Horny Knights.  

Too Much Information About My Orgasms

**** TMI Warning ****

Times change and so can your sexuality.

In my twenties the rule I gave to Jennifer was, “Touch the penis, make the penis happy.” Meaning that if she started playing with my cock, I 100% expected a progression to orgasm. Didn’t matter how that orgasm came about, but it really had to happen or she’d be trying to sleep next to amped up horny man who wasn’t able to sleep. Beware the Cockzilla.

Plus in my twenties my balls were off limits for touching. I got zero enjoyment from any ball fondling, instead just feeling physically uncomfortable like I was experiencing a 1% strength kick in the nuts.  Ass was fairly off limits too, just weird feeling, so no thanks unless you’re a doctor and I’m in your office for something specifically for ass related.

If Jennifer wanted to just use some lube and lay back while I climbed on top and had a quickie, that was a win. Athol tired. Athol sleep now…

In my thirties, the rule of “Touch the penis, make the penis happy”, remained in full effect. However my balls at some point became quite pleasurable during sex, most particularly from a very gentle tugging away from my body. Likewise having my ass played with started getting quite nice and prostate massages got me some amazing orgasms.

And still if Jennifer just wanted to lay back and let me have some fun for a quickie, two thumbs up from me.

In my forties, my balls have become something that simply have to be played with for me to get my best orgasms. They have also become receptive to slightly rougher play… I’m not talking safety concern BDSM porn rough, but Jennifer riding me reverse cowgirl and actually squeezing my balls… I think she does it gently but I don’t really know because holy crap it feels amazing and I get this deep full groin rush from it. I haven’t asked too many questions.

Ass play though for some reason has fallen away. Still do the prostate thing once in a very great while, but that’s about it. No idea why.

The most interesting thing though, is I have become highly aware of my body and emotional reaction to Jennifer based on how many days I am from last orgasming with her. The further it goes, the higher my sexual tension gets and the more romantically inclined I feel toward her. We really only discovered this by playing some edging games designed around a goal of me not cumming for several days to then cover Jennifer in a serious moneyshot. By the time I’d been bought to the brink of orgasm 2-3 times a day… for five days… I was all but deliriously in love with her. I would look at her like a cat keeping an eye on a mouse. I would become instantly, breathlessly hard from just kissing her. A ten second kiss would have me leaking pre-cum. I kid you not.

Suddenly “Touch the penis, make the penis happy” doesn’t work as a rule. Suddenly Jennifer offering to use lube and let me have a quickie isn’t appealing at all. Instead of it being loving and giving to me, it seems more and more like the dreaded Starfish position. Which really isn’t fair to Jennifer because she does cuddle and hold me and obviously likes it for what it is, she’s just not seeking an orgasm that night. It’s a sort of GFE Starfish lol.

So…

…after nearly eighteen years of marriage, we basically have dispensed with some of the old rules for a month long trial. No more touch the penis rule. No more GFE Starfish. Jennifer can edge me as often as she likes and I have enough control to let her dictate when and where the big booma goes off. I get amped up over a few days and the finale is beyond amazing compared to a day 1 romp. The caveat being that my control does have limits and if it goes on too long Cockzilla pays a visit and he’s short on conversation. And no… no stupid ass chastity devices or other bullshit, I do like splurting cum at Jennifer and she likes that too. It’s more of a timing and pacing thing now. It’s actually so wonderful to feel giddy in love again, I get this compulsion to hold her hand when we walk now.

But to myself in my twenties, what I’m doing now would have been utterly confusing to think about. I guess somehow we got… older.

Jennifer:  I remember the “please touch my balls” talk lol.  And I have to sometimes remind myself that the “touch the penis, make the penis happy” rule doesn’t exist anymore…it’s a mindset shift for me!  These are instances that illustrate the fact that things change over time, but if you don’t talk about them you’ll never know!  Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’d like to try something you’ve never wanted to try before! Plus I kinda like having the powah to summon Cockzilla…  

The End of Game is Love

Reader:  Hello, I like reading your blog and have been for over a year now. I think game is important for women who were not born beautiful. I am a woman and I do my best to be as hot as I can be. Sometimes I have to wonder are men capable of love? All I hear from them online is how they used this girl or this girl. Is love just that, an illusion women create to make life more bearable ? The red pill is bitter.

Is Love real? Or is just a game of who is more powerful?

Athol:  Love is real, men feel just as strongly as women do. By and large the angry men in the Manosphere are angry because the bottom line after the divorce / cheating / family court / drama is that someone they loved, didn’t love them back.

The men deciding to use women typically have some history of being used by women themselves. For the overwhelming majority of men, being a heartless bastard isn’t a default setting. For the overwhelming majority of women being a soulless screechtard isn’t a factory setting either. Life is rough and tumble and we all get hurt at some point. Some of us hold on to it longer than is helpful. Some people take an arrow to the knee and never walk right again.

If you love someone who doesn’t love you, it’s a horrible state to be in, so it makes sense to avoid it. However that same avoidance can create a pattern where you avoid connecting to people who actually do or might genuinely love you. Once you can find someone you love, that also loves you, it’s really nice.

I think you have to see the Manosphere as a cross between an Emergency Room and a Mixed Martial Arts Gym . The emergency room part is where men often arrive via carnage and grief, with the primary goal of stabilizing them and getting them through the next month or two without doing something stupid or highly unproductive. The MMA Gym part is where guy learn the skills of offense and defense, and what to do when the fight goes to the ground. The ER and the MMA Gym aren’t typically places where you give or receive a lot of lovey-dovey feelings.

So yes love is real, but so is power. Trying to love without personal power is a ticket to hell.

When it comes down to it, almost all men come to the point of learning Game, simply for the hope of finding a woman who loves them and wants them. Or keeping the woman they love. So you can question whether or not the end justifies the means, because sometimes the means is rather dark in nature. But the end of Game is love.

Why The Wannabe Other Man Tests You First

Sometimes the comments bear repeating…

Eric Ventura:  There is this misguided and inaccurate notion in the PUA community that if you behave in a territorial manner, you are being an insecure “beta” or “AFC”. If you look at the natural world, including our own evolutionary history men who are naturally predominantly ALPHAS are anything but aloof when their female is being poached by another male. If Alphas are anything, we are territorial and extremely comfortable in conflict with other men. I get and agree with the aloofness thing, but i only do that with women. I’ve learned very early on that to do that with other men, especially alphas is way too risky. (I grew up in a rough neighborhood) I don’t get how these PUA’s reached that conclusion; but then again what do you expect from a community of predominately beta men who only mimic alpha behavior. I guess they are bound to miss a few things.

Athol:  I think it’s an important distinction to make with the whole aloofness toward other men. When someone belittles you, makes a move on your girl or otherwise attempts to take you down a peg doesn’t matter… he’s trying to dominate you. If he does that to you in front of your wife, he’s making a Display of Higher Value at your expense, for the direct purpose of impressing your wife that he’s a better man. If you have a basically non-reactive approach, it’s left to the observer to decide whether or not you’re (1) just too much of a big fish to bother worrying about him, (2) clueless about what’s going on, or (3) a pussy.

Now obviously some dude doing this sort of thing in front of your wife a couple times, isn’t likely to make her ask you to hold her purse while she blows him. But if you allow this pattern of interaction to persist, you’re basically framing him as the Alpha Male and it’s fairly predictable that he’ll slowly start making traction on your wife.

Also of major consideration is that the public negative comments about you, are merely tests of your reaction to see if he’s good to go on trying to escalate things with your wife behind your back. Basically if you’re submissive enough to not bump back on verbal stuff… and you catch him banging your wife..  you’re going to more likely burst into tears rather than physically fight back about it. The capacity for violence by the cheated on husband is a primal response and a serious concern to the other man. Or put another way, if you bang the wife of a U.S. Army Sniper, you need to be aware that courts typically don’t issue 2000 yard restraining orders.

Anyway… my readers are smart… from the forum…

Rob:  I was at a BBQ of a friends house (a real friend). He was filling the pool for the kids and a guy his wife knew from high school was there with his family, among many others. My friends wife (Sue) asked where he (Joe) was. I said out front filling the pool and the old high school fellow (Dave) said “That seems about right, lady business for Joe”. Sue shrugged and went around to find go find him and later they came back tithe BBQ. Over the grilling Dave complained that Joe was supposed to cook like a man and not use his lady techniques in front of everyone. “It embarrasses Sue”. Small laughter and Joe quipped back. Later Joe was cleaning up some empty bottles and cans that had accumulated and Dave said Joe’s tits were a little to small for a good server. Joe joked back about not wanting Daves “tip”. All good natured at the time.

Joe offers to drive a car a few blocks away for some guests as my wife and I help clean up. Dave is bringing in some dishes and notices him gone. As his family is leaving my wife heads out to collect the kids and I leave the room to help. I overhear Dave say “How can he leave that ass unprotected. I must come off as too trust-worthy.” That’s it. Between the posts Athol cites above (The Third Wheel  and The Propinquity Effect) that I had read and a code between real friends that was the end of the line.

I caught him in the driveway and said goodbye and shook his hand. I told him “if you come again be sure I know I will be looking for any reason to kick your ass”. His stunned look and denial of what was really being said were met with “So you worry about just protecting your own ass”. He said he had been friends long enough to joke like that. I told him to go fuck himself.

Joe and I share a lot of history and have been there for each other since before women we’re good to us and us to them. We are friends.

When I told him what happened he shrugged and told me to come along. He drove to Dave’s house and knocked on the door and spoke with Dave for a good five minutes while I sat in the car wondering where a body could be hid at this hour. I don’t know exactly what was said but I am sure it’s enough to keep him wary.

Athol:  Well played by Rob. Also worth noting how Dave immediately backed down from Rob. The verbal put downs are probes to see if he can get away with it, as soon as he gets called on it, by someone that looks willing to partake in non-verbal negotiations, Dave immediately turned all submissive.

Hu-mans are an exciting species aren’t they…