I can’t remember how it started on the forum, but…
Kathrynthegreat: Ordering my food for me is not treating me like a first officer; it’s treating me like a child who isn’t grown-up enough to order off the big kids’ menu.
The C/FO model will look different for every couple, but I’m pretty submissive in a relationship and I can order my own quesadillas. Jumping from “beta” to “she’ll have the shrimp” is going to get you shot down every time. She won’t respect you; she’ll just wonder when you got that horrible brain injury.
Athol: I mention Kathryn’s statement because it’s a pretty accurate description of doing it wrong. I don’t order for Jennifer, because she’s a big girl and has English as her first language. But do I know what she likes so well I can draw attention to something on the menu at a new place and while she may or may not get it, it’s always in the top two items she ends up choosing between. I always lightly tease her that I know her so well and while she complains that I can do this, she’s kinda pleased about it too.
So here’s the game, you have to learn exactly what she likes when going out to eat. And I really do mean exactly. If you can’t scan a menu of one hundred items and narrow it down to two or three things (three at the most) she’ll order from with 99% likelihood, this isn’t going to work.
Then you start going online and looking up new restaurants, and instead of worrying about price and location so much right away, start start scanning the menus for your wife’s preferred dishes. When you find the perfect dish, that you’re 100% sure she’ll like, make a note of it.
Then on your chosen day, you text her just before lunch – when she’s hungry - a description of the dish and “How does that sound for dinner?” You should get a positive response. To which you reply, “Then I’m taking you out tonight. Dress nice.” Don’t tell her where you’re going, just drive her there.
Once at the restaurant, if she tries to wiggle out of the menu choice… you know, just to test you a little… lightly and playfully decline to let her. “No no, I offered you [menu item] and that’s why we came. This is the dinner. No substitutions. No refunds. No complaints.” Do it all with a big cheesy smile. She’ll likely fold because it’s just a baby test and she really does like what you chose for her.
If needed, or just because you want to, your recovery move is to tell her… “Okay you play the game now. You choose the drinks/desert/coffee for both of us.”
You should be pleasantly surprised at what she orders for you. Odds on you’ll like it because she knows you so well.
Jennifer: He really can pick my food off a menu and get either my first or second choice almost 100% of the time. Of course I can do the same parlor trick he does. Cheeseburger, except for the the select few places he orders a steak. See, I’m a mind reading genius too!