Sexy Move: Pick Her Dinner Out

I can’t remember how it started on the forum, but…

Kathrynthegreat:  Ordering my food for me is not treating me like a first officer; it’s treating me like a child who isn’t grown-up enough to order off the big kids’ menu.

The C/FO model will look different for every couple, but I’m pretty submissive in a relationship and I can order my own quesadillas.  Jumping from “beta” to “she’ll have the shrimp” is going to get you shot down every time.  She won’t respect you; she’ll just wonder when you got that horrible brain injury.

Athol:  I mention Kathryn’s statement because it’s a pretty accurate description of doing it wrong. I don’t order for Jennifer, because she’s a big girl and has English as her first language. But do I know what she likes so well I can draw attention to something on the menu at a new place and while she may or may not get it, it’s always in the top two items she ends up choosing between. I always lightly tease her that I know her so well and while she complains that I can do this, she’s kinda pleased about it too.

So here’s the game, you have to learn exactly what she likes when going out to eat. And I really do mean exactly. If you can’t scan a menu of one hundred items and narrow it down to two or three things (three at the most) she’ll order from with 99% likelihood, this isn’t going to work.

Then you start going online and looking up new restaurants, and instead of worrying about price and location so much right away, start start scanning the menus for your wife’s preferred dishes. When you find the perfect dish, that you’re 100% sure she’ll like, make a note of it.

Then on your chosen day, you text her just before lunch – when she’s hungry – a description of the dish and “How does that sound for dinner?”  You should get a positive response. To which you reply, “Then I’m taking you out tonight. Dress nice.”  Don’t tell her where you’re going, just drive her there.

Once at the restaurant, if she tries to wiggle out of the menu choice… you know, just to test you a little… lightly and playfully decline to let her. “No no, I offered you [menu item] and that’s why we came. This is the dinner. No substitutions. No refunds. No complaints.”  Do it all with a big cheesy smile. She’ll likely fold because it’s just a baby test and she really does like what you chose for her.

If needed, or just because you want to, your recovery move is to tell her… “Okay you play the game now. You choose the drinks/desert/coffee for both of us.” 

 You should be pleasantly surprised at what she orders for you. Odds on you’ll like it because she knows you so well.

Jennifer: He really can pick my food off a menu and get either my first or second choice almost 100% of the time. Of course I can do the same parlor trick he does. Cheeseburger, except for the the select few places he orders a steak. See, I’m a mind reading genius too!


  1. I’ve gotten pretty good mileage out of just asking her what she’s going to order, then ordering THAT for her. Even if the server asks her first I just pipe in “she’ll have the _______, ” and then the impressive part is I know the modifications, and the side choices she’d make, by just observing like Athol says. Its WAY easy to do the drink since we usually order the same thing. I may get extra credit because in the beginning of our relationship I set the bar very low with an “I’m uncomfortable in social situations, I might be slightly autistic”, so she ends up handling a lot of the social banter that I hate like “pleasantries” and returning items to a store. So maybe I’m just being glorified as in “yay retardo!” but it does impress her when I do it.

  2. +1 for asking her what she wants and then ordering for her. I always do this. and it is smooth and silk. when the waiter walks up you just start out with “she’ll have the such and such” and do it with a look that is confident but also gives her a chance to change her mind…


  3. Very good advice, gentlemen. What can she possibly say with any grace whatsoever, except, “Yes, thank you?”

  4. My husband *does* actually order for me, but that’s because I’m a pretty finnicky eater, so he knows what I want and he can ask for all the details I like. For a lot of reasons, servers (especially the women) react to that kind of pickiness far better when it comes from a man.

  5. It would be kind of special to know he was so into you that he already knew what you liked.

  6. Trimegistus says:

    There’s an upscale variant of this technique: arrange the whole dinner in advance, from wines to dessert. It will take a little setting-up, but the restaurant won’t mind (quite the reverse). From your date’s perspective the two of you just show up at the restaurant and your minions magically bring food.

  7. practicallyperfect says:

    My husband and I put a different spin on this. If it is a new place we both look over the menu and I tell him what I want then my husband orders for me, if it is a restaraunt we frequent often he already knows and orders for us. This does two things, first of all its a wonderful teaching tool about true acceptance in society, second it is a form of entertainment for us. We love to watch the reactions of the waitstaff as it is always fun to see how fast they catch on and how well they handle the situation. Ironically we usually get better service but occasionally we get that “women’s study” major from one of the nearby universities by who refuses to acknowledge our marriage dynamic let alone my husband and continues to direct all of her inquires to me. Most importantly it is one of the small outward and visable ways he has of asserting his leadership in our marriage.
    He also takes my coat, holds my chair, stands and helps me stand from my seat when we are ready to leave and assist me with my coat. You should see some of the looks we get when we do this. Don’t miscontrue this as oneitis, these are all small things that mean alot to both of us and helps to keep us focused on each other and our marriage by reminding him of his role and me of mine.

  8. anonymouse says:

    This is actually kinda funny to me…. after I had a baby last year, the hospital offered a “special” dinner to the parents…. nice food, candlelight, the works. Each course had two options, and only one could be picked for each course. Knowing my husband as well as I do, I decided to order for him instead of calling and bugging him, when I knew exactly what he would choose from each category. When he arrived for dinner, he ruffled his feathers a bit at me ordering for him, whined a little that he didn’t get to choose, but when I read off the menu options to him, he admitted it was exactly what he would have chosen ;)

    I thought it was cute the way he ruffled his feathers, but admitted I knew him too well ;) I think he would be able to do the same for me too, and I wouldn’t mind not having to talk to the waiter once in a while ;)

  9. I hate trying to pick from a menu with 300 options, so when 7man just picks a couple of things he thinks I’d like (and he’s not been wrong yet) I appreciate it. I think he’s better at the pleasantries than I am anyway so it’s nice for me to not have to do that. I’d almost rather just cook something than have to sit in a restaurant making a decision. It’s just about making the evening pleasant and easy, plus it’s just fun submission-lite.

    Another thing, especially in American restaurants, is that the portions are huge so it’s possible to just share an entrée or order this and that and treat it like Tapas. Plenty of food and less expense means more money left for another time.

  10. FlyingDutchman says:

    I order for my SO often, but I have no problem when she wants to mix this up. There are some things that just aren’t worth getting into any hangups over and this is one of them for me. I don’t feel like I’m less of a captain if she just orders herself. But she does seem to generally like it when I order for her.

    We normally discuss what were having before the waitress takes the order. Half the time I help her decide anyway, because she will say should I get this or this? And if she asks me that I say “you should have the salmon” rather than “oh I don’t care, whatever”. She normally agrees and then I order up for both of us. I actually don’t care what she has, but she likes it when I’m decisive so I just act decisively.

    If the waitress, asks follow up questions like “how do you want the stake”, or “what side do you want” I normally know what she wants and just answer, but if I”m not sure then I just turn to her and have her answer for herself. Its a mutual thing that we do, not me being a control freak.

    I have had some strange looks from waitresses who seem mildly offended at this, but I just smile and keep control and as you would guess, the waitress is normally flirting with me before the meal is over much to her surprise, since part of her thinks I’m an asshole for ordering for my SO.

  11. Eric Ventura says:

    I order for my dates and have made suggestions, but I haven’t gone as far as actually picking something out for them. I’m waiting for marriage before I try something like that.

  12. MILF_in_Training says:

    I prefer for the man (or host in a large group) to order for everyone at the table, after checking what everyone wants. Sure I can order for myself, but I like the courtesy of having one person place the entire order.

    And I would LOVE for my man to know my preferences well enough to choose for me! Trimegistus’ strategy would cause me to give an extra special thank you when we got home.

  13. This sounds like a lot of fun! I’m feeling sorry for myself and wishing I were on this date instead of cooking in my hot southern kitchen! Ah, well.
    I have some pretty severe food allergies, so I can only eat safely at a handful of restaurants. My husband does the ordering due to familiarity, but also because we noticed my “this-and-that on the side” was better accepted coming from him. Yes, some of the female waitstaff have seemed “wierded out” that my husband did all the ordering. One girl looked at our hands to see if we were married or just on a date. :)

  14. This is almost a must in my relationship. My wife (like many) can never pick what she wants for dinner and takes an eternity to order even at fast food restaurants. This takes the onus off and employs an incredibly sexy move of knowing her better than she knows herself.

  15. This would annoy me very much. If I go to a restaurant I like to be able to look at the menu and choose for myself. Knowing what I was going to eat in advance would take all the fun out of it for me. I like to comply with my husband’s wishes as far as is possible, but I’m damned if I’m going to let him tell me what to eat.

  16. This would be nice occasionally, I think, especially if we’re out with the munchkins. Within minutes of sitting down and ordering drinks, there’s a dirty diaper or somebody has to go use the bathroom, which I take care of. This is, of course, when the waitress comes. When we’re with his side of the family, they order for themselves and have the waitress come back for me; there have been times when they’ve forgotten and I’ve gone without. This is despite the fact that I always research the menu before we go anywhere and have told him what I want if the waitress comes when I’m not there. My son is getting to where he can and will order for me (if he remembers, he’s 8). My family, on the other hand, ask before I have to run off with the munchkins, take them for me or just order me whatever my dad got since I’ll probably like it.

    It’s nice to be with people who know you that well and care enough to see that you get fed. This is seriously starting to become a *thing* for me.

  17. If we’re at a new place, I’ll do the ask and order. Been there before, I just show here where to sit and tell her what she’s getting. If she wants something else, she’ll say so, and that’s fine. Just roll with it, outcome independently. The point is to Lead, not to always be right or to be obeyed unquestionably. She doesn’t speak to the wait staff, thats my job.

    For me the setup from home is more important though. After we both get home, I’ll say “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” or I’ll put my hat on and say “You ready?”. Don’t tell her where. If she asks where we’re going say “You’re going with me.” If she needs to be dressed appropriately, tell her. She’s along for your company. That should be your frame.

    Remember, if a feminist would hate it -do it.

  18. LovelyLauren says:

    H, I do not think just telling your wife to go would be a good thing, at least for me. That’s really dependent on her personality. Also, I like to dress nicely if we’re going out. I need to know whether I can wear my pretty shoes that I can walk in or my pretty shoes that are nice for sitting at a table and daintily crossing my ankles.

    My husband has done the “Come on, let’s go” without telling me where we’re going beforehand and I was not buying it at all. I am a planner, not a spontaneous kind of gal, which is totally fine, but I do not think it’s a good universal approach. Some preparatory hints would probably have me going along with it, but just going in blind is not my idea of a good time.

  19. If she balks, leave without her and have a good time on your own. You’ll get a better response the next time you invite her to share your company.

  20. Paul A'Barge says:

    Often, my wife will ask me to order for her. Obviously, she loves the alpha man she is married to.

    My point is I don’t believe a word of what Kathrynthegreat says. Either that or there are some women who are not suitable for a decent relationship with an Alpha man. Or she dates beta men who have just discovered game and enjoys torturing them.

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