Cut and paste inspiration from the forum…
Serenity: Like many women on the Forum, I’m here because my husband is low T and low sex drive, complicated by the usual ED and PE issues that low T can cause. This issue has complicated our marriage for the last 5-6 years, with increasing severity until back in May, I finally issued an ultimatum. That (finally!) caught my husband’s attention enough that he was willing to try to work on the problem. Here’s his e-mail to Athol: (I got his permission to post this.)
Like all the other low T guys on the forum I need some advice. My T levels are very low, on thyroid and supplemental T along with DHEA. Still my sex drive is low, my wife has a high sex rank. I need some advice on how to increase my sex drive? Is there some insight that you can help me with, maybe some techniques that can help until my T levels rise? Once we have sex, it takes me about a week to build up to have it again. This is putting a real strain on our marriage and I am so lucky that she has not found someone else to fulfill her needs. She is awesome and has put up with a lot (or in this case little) for quite sometime. We were having sex 3 times a week but then I was unable and it turned into a week before we did again. I am putting her through a roller coaster of not knowing if we will have sex or not. My wife writes on the forum and we both read it every night. She introduced it to me and I have to say that I was amazed how many other people are having this issue. We are going through the Primer together.
Here’s Athol’s Response:
Athol: Two ideas. (1) Lie side by side and have you finger her to orgasm. While you’re doing that, have her holding your penis and gently stroking it, without worrying about trying to get you off or anything. By the time she comes to orgasm, see how you’re doing in the penis department. That combination of sensation for you, her excitement, and the distraction from you “trying to get hard” is often effective. (2) You don’t have to orgasm every time you have sex together. That should help your interest build from session to session rather than bottom out after having an orgasm yourself. Any given night could be more about pleasuring her, than trying to get you off. You might still only come to orgasm once a week or whatever, but she’s going to get more sexual attention and pleasure through the week. Neither is a perfect solution, but workarounds that might help. I hope it works for you both.
Ya’ll, *Life Changing*. We’ve been trying this for about 2 weeks now and it is an amazing transformation for us. For the first time in years, I’m in love with my husband. I forgot how good that feels!! I don’t feel angry with him all the time. He is actually pursuing me, especially by the 3th or 4th night of us fooling around with no orgasm for him. He can’t keep his hands off me, and I walk through my day smiling. We’re still experimenting with how many nights before he orgasms to see what’s optimal for us. Another interesting side effect is that in trying not to orgasm, he’s learning to control his ejaculation better. (Before, he was so quick, PIV was over almost before I started enjoying it.) Now he can go for a super long time (with pauses when he gets too close). The best part is that it has taken all the pressure off him. He doesn’t feel like he *has* to be hard, and funnily enough he’s a lot harder. Most of all, I think he’s finally started enjoying his sexuality again, after years of feeling like a loser. It definitely boosts his ego to have me whimpering and at his mercy night after night. lol If you try this, I’d love to hear your results. Thinking maybe we can all share different techniques that work. Athol Kay you rock !!
Athol: I think the work around is simple enough to not need more explanation. It’s actually a variant on the standard male chastity play without all the extra mind games and nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis. (Newsflash to people with nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis: If your erection hurts inside it, that’s bad. If your erection used to hurt inside it, but doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s really bad. Stop being a dumbass and injuring your penis.)
Anyway… I think it’s potentially going to get him through the psychological re-building confidence stage after having gone to the doctors and actually gotten testosterone supplementation. Best case scenario we hear back in a few months that hubby doesn’t need the workaround… though Serenity seems to be really enjoying it and might not like to stop lol. So attention hubby: If she comes at you with a nasty bit of plastic, don’t let her padlock it to your penis.
And of course… if you suspect low testosterone in yourself or your husband, the first port of call is labwork with your primary doctor. Also have a peek at Peak Testosterone. It’s a fairly good resource to start with and totally free. I don’t agree with the low-fat / vegetarian stuff though.
All in all though, it’s a big win and basically instantly too. You’re welcome.