The Male Chastity Low Testosterone Workaround

Cut and paste inspiration from the forum…

Serenity: Like many women on the Forum, I’m here because my husband is low T and low sex drive, complicated by the usual ED and PE issues that low T can cause. This issue has complicated our marriage for the last 5-6 years, with increasing severity until back in May, I finally issued an ultimatum. That (finally!) caught my husband’s attention enough that he was willing to try to work on the problem.   Here’s his e-mail to Athol: (I got his permission to post this.)

Like all the other low T guys on the forum I need some advice. My T levels are very low, on thyroid and supplemental T along with DHEA. Still my sex drive is low, my wife has a high sex rank. I need some advice on how to increase my sex drive? Is there some insight that you can help me with, maybe some techniques that can help until my T levels rise? Once we have sex, it takes me about a week to build up to have it again. This is putting a real strain on our marriage and I am so lucky that she has not found someone else to fulfill her needs. She is awesome and has put up with a lot (or in this case little) for quite sometime. We were having sex 3 times a week but then I was unable and it turned into a week before we did again. I am putting her through a roller coaster of not knowing if we will have sex or not.  My wife writes on the forum and we both read it every night. She introduced it to me and I have to say that I was amazed how many other people are having this issue. We are going through the Primer together.

Here’s Athol’s Response:

Athol:  Two ideas.  (1) Lie side by side and have you finger her to orgasm. While you’re doing that, have her holding your penis and gently stroking it, without worrying about trying to get you off or anything. By the time she comes to orgasm, see how you’re doing in the penis department. That combination of sensation for you, her excitement, and the distraction from you “trying to get hard” is often effective.   (2)  You don’t have to orgasm every time you have sex together. That should help your interest build from session to session rather than bottom out after having an orgasm yourself. Any given night could be more about pleasuring her, than trying to get you off. You might still only come to orgasm once a week or whatever, but she’s going to get more sexual attention and pleasure through the week.   Neither is a perfect solution, but workarounds that might help. I hope it works for you both.

Ya’ll, *Life Changing*.  We’ve been trying this for about 2 weeks now and it is an amazing transformation for us. For the first time in years, I’m in love with my husband.  I forgot how good that feels!!  I don’t feel angry with him all the time. He is actually pursuing me, especially by the 3th or 4th night of us fooling around with no orgasm for him. He can’t keep his hands off me, and I walk through my day smiling.    We’re still experimenting with how many nights before he orgasms to see what’s optimal for us. Another interesting side effect is that in trying not to orgasm, he’s learning to control his ejaculation better. (Before, he was so quick, PIV was over almost before I started enjoying it.) Now he can go for a super long time (with pauses when he gets too close).   The best part is that it has taken all the pressure off him. He doesn’t feel like he *has* to be hard, and funnily enough he’s a lot harder. Most of all, I think he’s finally started enjoying his sexuality again, after years of feeling like a loser. It definitely boosts his ego to have me whimpering and at his mercy night after night.  lol If you try this, I’d love to hear your results.  Thinking maybe we can all share different techniques that work. Athol Kay you rock !!

Athol:  I think the work around is simple enough to not need more explanation. It’s actually a variant on the standard male chastity play without all the extra mind games and nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis. (Newsflash to people with nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis: If your erection hurts inside it, that’s bad. If your erection used to hurt inside it, but doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s really bad. Stop being a dumbass and injuring your penis.)

Anyway… I think it’s potentially going to get him through the psychological re-building confidence stage after having gone to the doctors and actually gotten testosterone supplementation. Best case scenario we hear back in a few months that hubby doesn’t need the workaround… though Serenity seems to be really enjoying it and might not like to stop lol. So attention hubby: If she comes at you with a nasty bit of plastic, don’t let her padlock it to your penis. 

And of course… if you suspect low testosterone in yourself or your husband, the first port of call is labwork with your primary doctor. Also have a peek at Peak Testosterone. It’s a fairly good resource to start with and totally free. I don’t agree with the low-fat / vegetarian stuff though.

All in all though, it’s a big win and basically instantly too. You’re welcome.

 

Comments

  1. He should ask his doctor about trying bupropion (generic Welbutrin). Many people report significant increases in sex drive after taking it. Also weight loss, not drinking, not smoking, and lower-body exercise (squats or deadlifts) all help.

  2. http://www.umaatantra.com/tantra_articles/male_deer_exercise.html

    Doing this every morning will help a lot. Takes me 7 min. Wait two weeks to asses effects.

    Squats and weightlifting. T enhancing foods.

    Massage your testicles gently in a NON sexual way for 5 min a day.

    Horse stance/Ma Bu standing meditation will help.

    Springforestqigong has some exercises for enhancing sex drive I know has helped other people.

    Enough sleep. Lowered stress levels through meditation will also help a lot. Standing is better than sitting for enhancing T. Certain styles may lower T.

    Martial arts enhances T.

    Doing two minutes of the Maori Haka dance boosts T like little else.

  3. Weightlifting.

    Diet:
    2 Whole Eggs before bed.
    3 Brazil nuts before bed and when you wake up.
    1 Cod Liver Oil pill before bed and at wake-up.
    1 Tablespoon of Fortified Butter before bed and at wake-up.
    1 Vitamin D3 pill before bed.

    4 hours before sex:
    20 Almonds and 2 whole eggs.

  4. This feels like asking where the good accidents are so that I can slow down and look at them, but … what is all this about male chastity and nasty bits of plastic that come with padlocks?

  5. I should explain that the Brazil nuts have Selenium with is a crucial ingredient in semen and T production.

    Also, if you can afford it, Grass-Fed Beef will sigificantly boost your T as well.

    The reason for all the cholesterol items is that T is very chemically similar to cholesteral, so the building blocks are similar. AND cholesteral bonds with GHNB (or some acronym like that) which would otherwise bond with T rendering it innert in your bloodstream. A lot of Vegans have high T, but they also have high GHNB which bonds with all that T and renders if completely useless in their bloodstream. Adding some cholesteral will increase your free T.

    If you really want some fun, go get some estrogen inhibitors while your at it. Usually, it is made for female powerlifters, but it will work the same on you too.

  6. Um, yeah – I’m with Charles about not having any idea what plastic contraption on a penis-thing you are talking about. I don’t think I want to know!
    Just found out the hubs has low T. Unfortunately he is also very anemic which explains his low energy, otherwise we would totally do the plan you suggested to Serenity. In fact, I told him about this and he says we will as soon as his iron/blood levels go up. He promised. Great idea, Athol.
    It’s just unfortunate timing that I’ve been training hard, losing weight and looking/feeling the best I have in probably 10 years right when he is fatigued and low T. For better or worse, though! I’m sure it will get better.

  7. Squats…while they are my least favorite exercise has the best benefits when it comes to producing testosterone. Really any weightlifting exercise helps…especially the leg ones, but I didn’t start really feeling it if you will until I started leg squatting regularly.

    Combine it with good nutrition and that will take care of a lot of problems…not just with low T but with almost any other ailment.

  8. Thanks for all the tips here about T production. And yes, Athol, I really am enjoying it. (blushing)
    And Ya’ll, can I just say that I’m glad we’re all anonymous here.

  9. The most surprising part to me is how much my husband is enjoying it. I know we’ve told you before, Athol, but you’re doing such good work here. Our heartfelt thanks.

  10. Not so much for the boosting of T, but for these really deep sex problems I highly recommend reading David Schnarch’s books, especially “Intimacy and Desire”: http://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825305675

    Goes much deeper into sexual dysfunction than MMSL. It helped me get my mojo back after my wife’s EA…

  11. Newly Aloof says:

    @Wudang: I’d usually have read that Male Dear exercise and rolled my eyes at it like I’ve done with other Eastern methods, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t try this Chinese exercise to help me go to sleep and it worked like gangbusters and it’s simple too. Simply lay down on your back at night move your knees together and to one side, away from your stomach, then give your stomach area an up-down massage for a minute. Switch your legs to the stomach side and do it again. After that simply massage from the top of your legs to your knees for about 10 seconds and lay back and notice how you feel. Truly bizarre, but awesome feeling. So, I’ll be trying that Male Deer exercise for sure.

  12. A.B. Dada says:

    My experience with everything that peaktestosterone promotes is the opposite.

    Switching to a high saturated fat diet provably raised my T levels significantly. My sex drive is much, much, much higher than 4 years ago.

    Vegetarian diet killed my sex drive in my late 20. 1 year of it, no sex drive, terrible ED, etc. PT promotes the vegan/vegetarian diet, and I think his science is lacking.

    Best thing for sex stamina? Squats. Twice a week. Heavy weights.

  13. I haven’t seen it mentioned here in these comments. Maybe it’s in the forum. But what are the ages of the players? If he’s over age 45, I seriously suggest getting the lab work done. Low testosterone is a growing problem. While diet and exercise can help, that may not be enough. Testosterone replacement therapy is cheap, easy, and can make a WORLD of difference.

  14. @A.B. Dada,
    That’s because of all the SHBG that bound to the Testosterone in you bloodstream. Without the cholesterol from high-sat meats to bind it up, it will monopolize all the T your body produces.
    Also, if you ate soy during that vegetarian time, you pumped yourself up with way too much estrogen.

  15. After my husband had a result of low T I’ve been doing a bit of research and changing things up. More meat, more free weight lifting (especially the squats), supplements to promote his own T production instead of replacement, and avoiding estrogen producing foods and other items. What I mean by this last part is that there is estrogen like chemicals in plastics, so the storage containers are gone, and we watch soy; thought I was doing a good thing buying mayo with olive oil but found that it also contains soy oil, just about all of them do. We’ve taken a position of just going with as little processed as possible, keeping it as natural as we can. So far the results have been very good.

    When I started doing the research about low T it was because I wanted us to have more and better sex, but the more I read I found information that his low T levels made him more likely to have some pretty serious medical conditions. There’s alot of information out about the medical problems women may face when their hormone levels drop after menopause, but men are also at risk when their hormone levels drop. It no longer became a matter of wanting sex, but wanting my husband to be with me for a long time and be healthy.

  16. “but … what is all this about male chastity and nasty bits of plastic that come with padlocks?”

    There’s enough information there to Google it, but a strong warning: What has been seen, cannot be unseen.

    Yeah I resisted sending people links to that lol.

  17. Remember men, you’re only as useful as your last erection or paycheck. If either one of those malfunctions consider yourself on a 6 month or less timer until bad telationship things start happening.

    It’s not some nefarious and premeditated plot by chicks. It’s just the way it is. Women are much more utilitarian when it comes to the word love. They have to be. Biologically they are driven to be with a resource provider and master boner wielder. It’s in the DNA and the lizard brain.

    Keep it stiff and keep the shiny things and groceries rolling in, or get replaced. The Aristocrats!

    Oh and red meat and weight training are your friends. Soy milk is not.

  18. I should add that if you are above a certain age and eveyone’s options to trade out, down or up are limited the timer is a lot longer. If you’re getting close to retirement or beyond, congrats! You made it to the golden years. You may now ever so slightly let your guard down. Slightly.

    The Lolz.

  19. @ZLX1 I don’t know if you saw this part:
    “This issue has complicated our marriage for the last 5-6 years”. *Years* with my husband not even willing to address it because it hurt his male ego to think there was a problem. Years of me crying because he didn’t want me. Years of laying awake at night wanting intimacy *with my husband*, not with any other guy. Years of wondering what was wrong with me. Treatment was available, we had the insurance to cover it and he would not even *consider* it because of pride. It wasn’t that this was a medical condition beyond his control…he just didn’t care enough to try to fix it.

    So, I have to ask the guys here…How many of you would be willing to go without sex for the rest. of. your. life. because your wife had a medical issue she wasn’t willing to address?

    Before you get all judgmental, ZLX1, tell me if you’ve experienced this situation yourself, and how you dealt with it.

  20. @ZLX1 In all those years, I didn’t cheat, I didn’t divorce. I did what I had to do to fix our marriage. That’s exactly what MMSL is all about. I bought the Primer and I followed it to the letter.

  21. @Serenity – you’re unusually loyal though. Plenty of women would have ditched your husband long before you brought an ultimatum to bear.

  22. Yeah, I know. That guy just gets to me. Silly to let a stranger get you all fired up. lol

  23. @Serenity – SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG, I MUST INTERVENE! :-P

    Besides, shouldn’t you be ringing a little silver bell for service right now? :-D

  24. @Serenity

    Oh snap! We gonna argue on the Interwebz!???

    Nah, not really, because I’m right, but I will press pause on my porn, put down my copy of 50 Shades of Grey and come out of my safe, sexy and warm love cave to address your concerns. Or you could come in and make yourself comfy on this bearskin rug by the fire, have some wine and we could chat. Just talk, I promise…

    You said “So, I have to ask the guys here…How many of you would be willing to go without sex for the rest. of. your. life. because your wife had a medical issue she wasn’t willing to address?”

    My answer is that I wouldn’t be willing to go without sex the.rest.of.my.life. I thought about that for a long time this evening, but in the end I have decided that nope, I would definitely not be willing to go without sex the rest.of.my.life.

    If she has a medical issue that could be treated, and she decides not to treat it, for whatever reason, I would assume that having sex with me is not on her list of important things to do and I would make my decisions about the next steps in my life accordingly after giving her fair warning.

    How long would I be willing to go without sex? Depends. 5-6 years? No way. Is she giving me BJs and hand jobs and other stuff? That extends the timer. Is she totally non-sexual, refuses to be seen about it, make an effort or take an available medication or treatment? The timer is real short because that tells me she’s willfully neglecting me.

    In other words, she’s treating me like shit on purpose, and I’m not going to just sit around and lap it up to see what fun and exciting things she comes up with next. Is that cold? I dunno, is it? Is it colder than her making a deliberate decision (whatever her motivations) to refuse to get treated and sentencing her husband to a sexless prison of a marriage for years or permanently? You know the answer.

    Now about me being all judgmental. Lol, whut?

    In my first comment I said, “It’s not some nefarious and premeditated plot by chicks. It’s just the way it is.”

    I stated my opinion that if you are a dude, and your ding-a-ling habitually malfunctions or you are out of work, you are on a timer to get that squared away. You might not think it’s true but I guarantee (said with a Cajun accent) that the guys here who have any kind of mileage on them know what I’m saying and that there are quite a few women milling about saying an “Mmm-hmm, yep.” under their breath.

    Your personal timer would seem to be at the long end of the scale. No negative judgement there. That’s up to you.

    Where was I? Oh yeah!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Igui65gY5M

    I expect that the younger the couple is, the less history together, the higher the potential SMV of the parties involved (hence the ability to trade out, up or down), the shorter the timer is.

    If the couple in question is 26 and he’s out of work for months and baby ain’t got shoes, the timer is short. The family starts talking, her girlfriends start chattering and nattering away, and pretty soon he’s the biggest loser piece of crap on Earth and she’s outta there because she can do better. [It might be true!]

    If they are 26 and his thang malfunctions or he loses interest and he’s not smashing dat ass, he’s got a very limited time to fix that problem, or really bad relationship things are going to start happening there. Don’t believe me or think I’m wildly off base? Okay.

    Read the second note that I added earlier in this comment thread again. I’ll wait…

    I said that if you are above a certain age, let’s call it 40+something-ish-er, the timer is a lot longer, but it’s still there. If you’ve been together 25 some years, then yeah, the timer should be longer (you would hope so) yet there is still a timer running down a clock in which you as the guy, (or gal if it’s a woman part sex problem) need to fix this the best you can as soon as you can. Ignoring it or pretending that it’s not a problem isn’t going to help things and it’s going to wind up in the same place. No place good, until it’s fixed.

    I present as evidence the 6 year hell you went through with your husband and the resulting pain and anger you still feel to this day over the whole ordeal. Wouldn’t it have been better for both of you if he would have addressed that issue as soon as possible? Yep. Live and learn though. We all do.

    I think that it’s great that you stuck by your man that long when he intentionally did not address a very serious issue that was causing you and the marriage harm and great pain. I do actually think it’s great that you are that loyal, seriously. (not kidding) Loyal, but crazy. (Lolz – now I’m back to kidding.)

    However, lots of women wouldn’t be that loyal and stick around, and certainly not nearly so long as you did, so my opinion still stands that if a guy is having either one of those issues, he needs to fix it sooner rather than later. It’s in his best interests to do so. Same goes for if it’s the woman having a sex problem, though the timer he’s going to give her is probably quite a lot longer than she would ever give him (exceptions like you aside).

    Now, If a woman loses her job, well, I’ve never had a friend call me in tears and say “My wife has been out of work for eight months, I’m thinking of leaving her. My father says I should come back home and I’m pretty sure this cute CPA lady up the street wants a crack at me. I have to think about the kids’ futures after all. Oh ZLX1, I’m so broken up and torn. I don’t know what to do!!!! – sob – sob”

    Nope. They just say “Well shit, looks like I’ll be pulling more overtime, wife lost her job, sucks, gimme another beer.”

    So there’s a feather in your cap Serenity for being so loyal and a knock to the noggin to him for his being a bonehead about addressing the situation in a timely fashion. Frankly, he’s damn lucky that you didn’t leave him or cheat on him and that you were willing to put up with his crap for that long. I think 5-6 years of that is well beyond the call of duty and earns you your marital purple heart.

    Meanwhile, your husband being a stubborn ass about it, ain’t my fault. Be mad at him, not me. Put salt in his coffee tomorrow. Oops. Honest mix up.

    Oh, and I haven’t dealt with the erectile situation yet. My dick works good so far. Don’t blush. When it starts to not work good. I know just what to do. Find a hotter, younger, tighter honey than whatever current one I’m running around with.

    If I happen to be married again when and if that happens, (please no, please no, please no, please don’t let me get married again) then I will continue to eat truck loads of Ribeye steaks, lift weights but take the additional step of adding Viagra to my protein shakes.

    Now get outta my cave. My number one girl is on the way over. (You come back next Thursday at 11:00 PM, we’ll just talk again. No I promise, next time, just talk…tonight was just, I don’t know. You know? The bearskin rug, the fire, the wine, it just happened. Shhh….)

    The Aristocrats!

    Hugz. Honk.

  25. @Athol and @ZLX1 Now ya’ll have me laughing. It was really hard to get to that stupid Ultimatum thing. Lots of weeping and gnashing of teeth. You know, the whole better or worse thing. So, ZLX1, your words just hit the ‘guilt’ button on me.

    Athol, the service has been divine. lol

    btw ZLX1, now that we’re best buddies, will you give yourself a dang name? I hate this whole initial business. Can’t get a sense of who you are. Now that we know each other better after last night on the rug and all…… You’re actually kind of cute when you’re not being so bitter.

  26. @ZLX1 “Remember men, you’re only as useful as your last erection or paycheck. If either one of those malfunctions consider yourself on a 6 month or less timer until bad relationship things start happening.”

    I’ll break the bad down…either she gains 100 pounds or cheats. There isn’t a third direction.

  27. “When I started doing the research about low T it was because I wanted us to have more and better sex, but the more I read I found information that his low T levels made him more likely to have some pretty serious medical conditions. ”

    I took some steps to embrace and up my T because I wanted to enjoy sex more. Then I found out that having more T makes me enjoy life as a man more, in all phases – I’m more decisive, less emotionally variant, less hung up on failure/rejection/disappointment. It’s ballin’.

  28. It’s the old Chris Rock joke where men can’t accept worse sex and women can’t accept a reduction in standard of living.

  29. @Serenity

    I’m like a Sour Patch kid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJlDBmoD3pw

    I don’t see that you should be feeling guilty about anything or for setting out an ultimatum. I understand for better or worse, the importance of taking it seriously, but sometimes you have to splash your partner in the face with a lot of cold water if they aren’t ‘getting it’ on their own.

    For better or worse is a big thing, but to me it’s predicated on your partner making a good faith effort in trying to deliver the ‘better’ to you. If all they keep coming up with is ‘worse’, they need a kick in the ass or a kick to the curb.

    Since your kick in the ass to him did not involve leaving, lying or cheating, you retained your honor and dignity. Hold on now, I’m gonna bust out scripture:

    Behold!

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
    9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

    If I had my druthers, I’d sure prefer to have a partner with your level of dedication and loyalty. Not too sure about your level of crazy yet but that comes with the territory of having a woman around.

    No names. It would spoil the mystery. We’ll just be two strangers who had that night on the bear skin rug…

    (Hugz, Honk)

  30. @SourPatchKid In retrospect, yes should have been done much sooner. It would have been a favor to both of us. It’s just that you start marriage with a certain image of how you’ll do things, and then life happens. Also, you look at your kids’ faces and don’t want to blow up their lives. Reading MMSL has changed the way I look at things.

    I’ve read that Scripture before, but never thought about it in the context of marriage. Maybe it should read, “For if they fall, the one will kick his fellow’s butt and yank him out of the mud kicking and screaming.” lol

    Sorry about the name thing, but really after our night together, I feel like I have certain rights. ut oh, did that sound like an Entitlement Princess? Well, you know AWALT. And yes, I am a unique and special snowflake, why do you ask? And not to be too pushy, but can we talk about the bearskin rug, I think lambskin would really be softer on my sensitive skin, and really the colors in there are a little grim, doncha think? No worries…we’ll work on it. A little color here and there, maybe a few throw pillows……………..

  31. Chastity play saved my marriage. I developed performance and anxiety issues to ED. I could not perform when expected to. My wife could not help feeling that she was not turning me on anymore because she is getting old, as I am. No matter what she read she still felt it was her.

    We stuck our toes into the chastity waters and we both loved it. My wife had her first ever fetish, teasing and denial that made her laugh with enjoyment and gave her a feeling over her sex life that she never felt before. She was always driven to take care of me no matter what but I always made sure that her needs were taken care of too. I am not one of those husband who has an orgasm and then goes to sleep.

    My wife was good at surprising me with an orgasm when I lest expected it. The long period between orgasms, constant edging and teasing along with no expectation of performance, worked like a charm for me. The result has been that my wife is having more and greater intensity orgasms than she had when she was younger. It played well into my ED and lower libido. I used to have a higher libido than my wife but now it is reversed. Along the way we also learned that wearing a chastity device 24/7 maintained a high level of arousal for me that was enjoyable. Sort of the feeling I used to get in anticipation of a date when I was a teen.

    Right now we are going for much longer term chastity because I feel better when I am in chastity than I feel after my orgasm. My wife does not like the way I get after my orgasm so she is fine if I never have one. :) It is amazing how I can go from feeling down and unhappy after an orgasm to perky and happy once I put on my chastity device. Just 2 years ago I would have said chastity is crazy but now it has brought my wife and I joy and our sex life and marriage could never be better. Chastity took a liability and turned it into an asset. While most guys are struggling with chastity after a few days, I do not even consider it chastity until two weeks have passed.

    It’s also well worth having your T levels drawn for general health reasons. -Athol

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  1. [...] in this negative cycle, Athol Kay recommended something to us that really helped. He called it the Low T Work-Around, but it’s also known as ‘edging’. It’s not intended to be a permanent [...]

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