Why Jennifer Is No Longer A World of Warcraft Widow

From the forum…

Forlorn:  I just wanted to say that in my experience playing social online games like World of Warcraft can be seen as a big Display of Low Value (DLV).  Not good for the Alpha at all.

Athol:  I don’t think the games themselves are a DLV. In fact I’m exceptionally skilled at some of them and it impressed my wife that I can play at the very top tier level of play in World of Warcraft if I want to. And I do mean very top tier as in being in a top 100 guild. It’s impressive it its own way. You’re “winning” at something.

The downside comes from the sheer volume of time invested, detracting from you doing anything else to maintain your Sex Rank and Alpha Beta. You’re basically an addict at that level and that ain’t attractive. The “entry fee” into top tier raiding is about a 40 hour a week commitment, plus another 20 or so hours of actual raiding. It’s just extreme.

At my best/worst I had 103 “days played” on a single character in the first year Warcraft was out. So around 2500 hours of play time… on just my main character. Probably another 10-15 days played on my alts.

That’s what nerfs your Sex Rank and is a DLV. There’s simply no time for anything else.

Switching World of Warcraft for MMSL was in some ways swapping one addiction for another, but this is a productive activity and has paid off in real world money instead of fools gold.

Ichabod:  Hahah just wait till Mists of Pandaria comes out, we’ll lose @Athol_Kay for at least a few weeks for guild firsts…

Athol:  Alright, run the preview movie… (it’s good!)

Okay I’m a little misty-eyed for the old days…

The thing about playing an MMORPG is that you’re not just playing a game, you’re playing a game with a group of people who become your friends. After a certain point, those friendships become more important than the game. Some guilds even move from game to game as a fairly intact unit. At one point I played with a group in World of Warcraft who had crossed over from Everquest for example.

Friendships are important and precious things. One of the most wonderful things about playing World of Warcraft was a sense that I’d finally found my people. There’s were over 12,000 people on my server and there were about 100 servers. On release day… 11/23/04 there were so many people playing that we had to spawn camp Level 1 wolves trying to get a kill lol. I just had this epiphany where I new that we’d reaching a social tipping point somehow and the geeks had won.

That last month of 2004 and all the way through 2005 was our Woodstock. I don’t ever think Vanilla WoW will ever be topped in gaming. Sure more people play it now, but it’s not the same as it was.

I had my own guild in WoW and myself and a couple other key players carried the guild. I spent far to much of my own time helping my friends level up and it took forever to reach Level 60 on my mage. Then once they reached 60, all those weak players I carried were weak 60s that always needed help. As such, my kindness created a weak guild that never progressed anywhere.

After a while the good group got tired of the slow people and they all moved up to a mid-range raid guild. After about two weeks I went with them, just had to, too tired of carrying losers and my better friends were in the new guild. All was good for a few months and then that guild imploded when the guildmasters girlfriend deleted the guild bank and /gkicked everyone in a rage. After the mess we reformed and we started rebuilding with many of my inner core from my old guild running the show. My friends. The guys I met one afternoon in Loch Modan. My best gaming friends ever.

Then I did a bad thing.

In secret I contacted the #1 guild on the server and ended up auditioning against four other mages for a raid spot. Three were bearable, one was excellent. Halfway into a Molten Core run the mage officer messaged me…

“How are you keeping up with us on damage? You shouldn’t be able to do that with your gear.”

“The warlocks curse of shadow creates a negative resistance to arcane. It ups your damage a lot with arcane missiles.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Try it.”

About five minutes after that, I got invited to the top guild on the server. I just had to dump nearly a years worth of friendships to get in. So I did, I wanted my epics and I wanted them now. I was greedy.

Now being in the #1 guild is a vastly different experience than anything else you can do in the game. When every single player is essentially over-geared and wickedly skilled, the game basically becomes broken in your favor with the exception of the raid encounters you’re learning.  Tanks holding aggro is never a problem and the damage dealers can just can blow every cooldown. Bosses melt in front of you.

Geek speaking for a second…(Jennifer: No dear, this post is ALL geek speak…)   A typical raid night would be Onxyia to get the buff before clearing MC in about 60-75 minutes before heading to BWL for the actual “serious raid”. Plus trash clears (bosses all killed) of MC in about 45 minutes for Fire Resistance mats before BWL three times a week. You were expected to come totally equipped and ready for raiding with Flasks of Power etc, no spending limit to repairs and zero gear weaknesses that could be addressed outside of raiding. If that meant you had to run Dire Maul fifty times to finally get a book drop for a +10 fire resistance blue… you ran Dire Maul fifty times. All in all it was about a 30-40 hour a week commitment just to be ready to raid.  Jennifer: Lol I can’t proofread any of that…I don’t know what it says…English please??

Raiding on the bleeding edge of content is different too. Raids would stop for ten minutes every so often on new bosses so key guys could program a new warning mod. Plus we’d see the stealth nerfs to encounters from one week to the next. Blizzard does not tell you everything lol. After I was gone, the guild would eventually split for the lesser raids and do two MC and BWL runs selling ride-a-long spots selling drops to people without guilds to fund the Naxx runs. Naxx was a consumable shithole.

I say “after I was gone”, because when Jennifer got her bad mammogram, I stopped playing for 5-6 weeks to take care of her. False alarm, no cancer, but a horrible biopsy experience she took a long time to recover from. When I came back to play, I was guildless. There simply is no weakness in the #1 guild allowable. Girls were allowed, but they couldn’t flirt or smile their way out of crappy healing lol.

So anyway…

In the end, I ended up screwing myself out of my best online friends for time in the Big Show. After walking out on them I wasn’t really welcome back in the old guild. It never was quite the same playing after having been in the top guild either. Everything so slow, people making stupid mistakes, raids starting late and so on and so on. I could still do impressive stuff, like tanking LBRS on a mage, but that was fun only so many times.

Plus there was just something about feeling like Jennifer was possibly going to die of cancer that pulled my focus out of the game and back to reality. I never really put in the same amount of time after that. I still played, but not like I did. Then Burning Crusade came out and in an instant all my hard won raid gear was all but worthless. All that effort for nothing. It was all so pointless.

So I deleted my mage. By then, around 3000 hours of play. Gone. I quit.

The old joke is that “Quitting World of Warcraft is easy. I’ve done it five times.”

A few months later I rolled a Paladin on the Horde side. It took some adjusting, but eventually I turned into an outstanding healer. My dad started playing to, so some of that was just to play with him and chat. He was a truly awful player but I never told him lol. Like baby sitting a toddler more than anything. Ran a bunch of characters to 80 in Lich King, but standing in Naxx for 10 man was emotionally empty and I never wanted to go back. Dad said Cataclysm looked interesting and fun, but he wasn’t sure if he’d make it until it came out. He didn’t.  I’d love to say that there was some final awesome message between us via in game mail, but there wasn’t. Just “player not found”.

I didn’t play Cataclysm for a long time. Rerolled a mage, leveled up to 85 and it was kinda fun, but I could tell where the gear check was starting to kick in and called it a day. Did a priest and a shammy too.

So anyway, the Mists of Pandaria expansion for WoW… I guess I’m interested in an abstract sense, but I think that time of my life is over.

Honestly it kinda feels like MMSL is “my guild” now, especially since the forum started. I’ve learned that friendships and people matter, even if it’s “just online.” I don’t carry the weak to the top, but I do tell them how to be strong and the quickest route there. Some make it, some don’t. If people drop out of sight for a while with a real life issue, I just welcome them back when they return. Even if they ignored my advice the first time around. I know that it really hurts a guild when the main tank leaves or quits for no reason, so I’m still here and not going anywhere. As odd as it may sound, World of Warcraft was a wonderful training for what I’m doing now. Somehow along the way, a geeky fantasy addicted introvert finally figured it out…

….fight for home and family. Preserve balance and bring harmony.

Jennifer:  I should have kicked his ass about his play time lol. He would have stopped or cut back if I asked him to or even said anything about it. Lesson learned for me too. He really did just drop the game when I got sick. I can see how it all helps him now though…and he and oldest daughter can bond over WoW stuff, with her gloating that mom has no clue what they are talking about.  The depth of my true understanding of the game can be summed up in two words…”Ooooh!  Pretty!!”

Men and Women Can’t Be Friends

Being completely honest, I can’t ever remember having a female friend that I didn’t want to have sex with. Not one. Ladies if the guy is hanging with you, he wants to bend you over something and take up a couple minutes of your time. This is because you can bet that if there was some other woman he was more attracted to than you, he’d be hanging around her and not you. Guys simply aren’t interested in women they don’t want to have sex with. Short attention span and all that.

Women however, if they don’t feel the sexual impulse for the guy orbiting them, still value them as potential chumps and back-up plans. They’re a sort of insurance strategy. You never know when you’re going to need a tire changed or someone else to buy you a cup of coffee. Or maybe lift a heavy object or something.

Importantly…. women pretty much know when a guy likes them and is orbiting them. So if you’re orbiting someone, she knows and you revealing your feelings for her isn’t going to be a surprise. She’ll act surprised of course, but she isn’t. Then comes the carefully crafted speech about how you’re gonna make someone a great boyfriend/husband, but not her and she values your friendship so much she doesn’t want to change something that works so well for her.

So if you’re a single guy and you are with a girl you particularly like, you have to immediately make a move on her to start the relationship heading toward the boyfriend/husband track and not the friend / tire changer / wallet / emotional pit crew / chump track. I’m not saying you have to try and get to second base inside of twenty minutes of meeting her, just at least try and close for a number or a date, touch her arm, tease her or something. Anything other than respectful acquiescence and standing around smothered in your emotional bubble wrap.

If you get a positive reaction, cool. If you get no reaction, you’re probably stuck in a holding pattern and won’t be called in to land. Just don’t stick around and waste too much time with her, find someone else you find attractive and make a move on her.

Now if you’re a married guy, if your wife has a male friend she hangs out with, that’s the top of her back-up guy list. There’s probably another guy you aren’t even aware of, but that guy is gonna be her first port of call should things fall apart with you. He totally wants to do her. You know that because he’s a guy and if he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t be hanging around her, he’d be hanging around someone else he wanted to bang. Ladies, pussy is always more interesting to a guy that isn’t getting enough, than whatever shared activity you think he’s so into, he wants to do it with you.

Likewise if they are ever alone together. I mean really alone alone. That means he’s passing her Isolation Anxiety defenses. He doesn’t make her feel creeped out. Which means she’s interested in him on a sexual level. Which is of course why wives go ballistic when their husband is ever alone alone with another woman, because they know she’s into him and what the tune really is.

Some videos to illustrate.

And if you want the harsher version… Chris Rock brings the pain. (Some language, cover your ears Sis.)

The New Life, Wife and Masculine Style

Athol:  One of the things I’m clear about with MMSL is that if you run the MAP, there’s not a 100% chance your wife will respond positively to your efforts. All I say is that if you pull yourself together, someone will respond to you. Which is why Phase Seven is called “Your new life… and maybe new wife.”

So here’s Tanner Guzy, one of my blog friends from a few years back, who went all the way to Phase Seven and lived to tell the tale…

Athol:  What brought you to seek MMSL?

Tanner:  My foray into the Manosphere was probably fairly typical. I’ve read GQ and Esquire for a while and happened to see a link on Esquire’s page to the Art of Manliness. I devoured that site when I first found it and was pretty active in the comments and the forum. One day there was a comment by some kid that really struck home for me. I don’t know what he said or even who the (now defunct) blogger was but I followed his profile to his own site. From there I found Hawaiian Libertarian and the whole Manosphere opened up to me. Being married and a Mormon I could see the truth in a lot of what guys like Roissy and Roosh talked about but I wanted a better understanding of how it could apply to me. Dave from HL was married and had some good posts and thankfully he also linked to MMSL. It was nice to see a site that had already done the legwork of converting Game into a marriage-friendly concept.

Athol:  How did MMSL help with your first wife?

Tanner:  It would be a lie to say that MMSL, Game, and the MAP didn’t help with my first wife. However, there was more of an impact on me than there was on my marriage. I was able to start improving myself and implementing small things; setting better boundaries, not falling for every fitness test, and keeping a better frame. However, where it really helped was in letting me realize that the success or failure of my marriage wasn’t entirely my responsibility. I grew up in a culture that emphasizes the responsibility of manhood and the man in the marriage. Unfortunately, the culture of Mormons (especially in Utah) is about equidistant behind the rest of Christianity as the rest of Christianity is with the rest of Western Society. Basically, it’s still a doctrinally patriarchal church, but the culture is seeking more and more ways to rationalize those uncomfortable truths. This put me in a pickle because it meant that divorce was always the wrong answer. Now I know that’s not the case and there are even times when God will allow divorce in order to allow parties to move on and prepare better environments for their future children.

Athol:  So having come to the point of divorce, what did you do?

Tanner:  Making the decision to file for divorce was incredibly difficult. What’s difficult about it now is telling it in a way that doesn’t sound cold or calculated. There was one night about four months before I actually committed to file where my wife and I had some sort of petty argument. I left to go to a friend’s house and when I came back she was gone. She sent me a text message informing me that she’d be at her parents’ until further notice. It ended up being a full week without any contact. The sad thing was about two days in I had gotten home from work and was sitting on the couch with my dog. I realized that the house was cleaner than it had been for months because I was cleaning it myself, my dog was more relaxed than he’d been since we got him, and I was more comfortable and happy than I’d been at any point in our four-year relationship. I hated that feeling. I didn’t want to be happier with my wife gone. I wanted to be happy with her. I wanted to be relaxed with her and feel like my home was a safe haven from the battle ground that is the outside world. But it wasn’t. That week was when I really started considering divorce as an option and decided I’d put it on the table.

I spent countless hours fasting and praying trying to make the right decision. We saw a counselor and I kept implementing more of what I learned from reading the MAP and other sites. I started looking deeper into the doctrines of the Church and what its official, not cultural, position on marriage was. Every day it seemed like I came to a different conclusion until finally I realized that all my wife’s attempts to improve things were really just a token effort. She never really accepted responsibility for her part in our failed relationship and continued to expect me to be the one to make all the real sacrifices to make it work. Eventually we both realized (me before filing and her long after) that for years we had only been married and working on our marriage, it had nothing to do with each other. The final thing that made the decision for me was the thought of bringing children into that family. I was willing to accept responsibility for the decision I had made to marry, but I wasn’t willing to subject my children and her children to that just because we were too proud or too scared to split up before they arrived. So, after four long, miserable months I decided to file and end things.

Athol:  What’s different about your new marriage?

Tanner:  The differences between my first and second marriage are night and day. I’m the king of my castle and my wife actually gets treated better than any woman I’ve ever been with, even in my bluest of blue-pill days. The big difference is that I’m good to her and she’s good to me out of a sense of love and mutual respect. It’s very similar to what you and Jennifer have. With my first wife, any expression of love or affection was like paying taxes – I did it because I knew there’d be hell to pay if I didn’t. But now, it’s like donating to charity, I give up something of myself because I want to.

On top of how differently I treat my wife, I also expect that same treatment from her. I’m quick to compliment and I’m quick to correct if I need to. The great thing is how much my wife loves and appreciates me for it. She looks up to me and respects my opinion. She also knows that I listen to her and her opinion even when I make a decision that is counter to her. She trusts me because I expect that trust, not because I’m supplicating and asking her how I can earn it. She loves me because I’m actually attractive to her. While we may talk about what does or doesn’t work in the bedroom, we don’t have to talk about what I can do to get her going or why she just can’t feel sexy when the dishes aren’t done and other things like that. Having a marriage that’s based in proper gender roles makes things easier and happier for the both of us. It’s not one of us being happy at the expense of the other.

Athol:  Tell me about Masculine Style.

Tanner:  Masculine Style is a blog I started almost a year ago to help red-pill men learn how to dress better. There are dozens of men’s style blogs and magazines out there but they’re all tough to read because of the way they write and appeal to men. One thing that can be hard about taking the red pill is learning to still read and accept the opinions of those who haven’t. When it comes to things like sentence structure, content choice, and reasons to dress well, it’s difficult to read a lot of other sites. Dressing better is also one of the easiest and most neglected aspects of the MAP (you’ve even admitted to this yourself). However, the reason it’s so difficult is because the decline in societal masculinity has also effected a major decline in men’s conscious concern for their appearance. It’s something that the Baby Boomers and younger generations feel like they can’t vocalize any real concern for and so many of us grew up without dads or other mentors teaching us the fundamentals of dressing better.

What started as just a blog has turned into a consulting business. My wife and I just had our first child and she wanted to stay home. So I needed to figure out a way to earn some extra income. On top of that, I wanted to be able to transition into doing something I love. I was more than just a little bit envious when I found out you were to the point where you could do MMSL full time.

So now I’m offering different consultations for men. They can be as basic as telling you what colors and patterns will look best on you based on your build and complexion, or as complex as helping someone with a budget of 12 grand choose every article of clothing that will work in two different climates. Whatever help a man needs and whatever unique situation he’s in, I can help him dress better and increase his sex rank as a result.

Athol:  And for the record, I’m not getting paid anything by Tanner, just giving him a wee push for his new project… and quietly grooming my style minion in case there’s ever a reality show or something. Ya never know lol. (And no nothing is in the works.)

Also, Tanner took the high road in talking about his ex-wife. This wasn’t a walkaway husband for no reason and lets leave it at that. If the best revenge is living well, I think he’s got a good handle on it.

Oh and a pic of the happy couple. She’s three weeks post-partum in the picture, so play nice kiddies.  (Jennifer: Ummm…if I’d looked that happy and fit three weeks post partum, I would have thrown myself a party lol)

Wheat is Evil. (Wheat. What?)

So anyway, life had been crazy getting ready for the Army seminar thing and I hardly exercised at all the last month, with the exception of walking twice a day. Deadline crunching just consumes me like you wouldn’t believe. But overall I’ve stuck fairly well to the Paleo diet with the exception of travel. Oh and the odd handful of corn chips… and for some reason I had to have Black Raspberry ice cream and got through a half gallon of that somewhere along the way.

So anyway… about five weeks, mostly just walking as exercise, adhering fairly well to Paleo eating.

Nine pound weight loss. All fat, no muscle loss.

So…

I’ll try not to become a True Believer(TM) on ya’ll, but it really seems to be working for me.

Anyway, short video on the evils of wheat. I believe you get a 30 second ad I can’t remove before the video.

Kids are finally back in school, so I’ll get back to the exercise more properly soon enough. Finally have the house to myself during the day and can figure out a routine.

/sigh of contentment

Jennifer: Yeah, I was not convinced about the Paleo thing at first…but the whole no processed food thing just makes sense.  Just being aware of what I eat (almost said what I put in my mouth…nudge nudge wink wink) makes a difference…more veggies, fruits and meat, less processed junk.  I mean really, if it’s so processed they had to add vitamins and minerals back into the food, that’s a bad sign, right?

Proof Good Wives Are Out There (And How To Test For One)

Sometimes even I get surprised. I was expecting that I was going to get a at least some negative to guarded reaction to buying Jennifer pots and pans (of her choice) for her birthday in yesterday’s post.

Instead this is the reaction I got in the comments, and believe me, I’m not even cherry picking a handful of good ones, this is about 75% of all the comments. Just listen to the women talking here. I’m so tired of being told I found Jennifer riding around on a unicorn. These are fairly standard female MMSL readers and I’m proud of all of them. Perhaps a really cool kitchen item is an acid test you should throw the way of a prospective bride before you sign on the dotted line. Looking back, I’m pretty sure Jennifer would have loved a cool household item from the start.

Kort:  My parents gave me my grandmother’s pots and pans, that still have the warranty on them, for a housewarming gift. And let me know that, as soon as the next piece in the set comes out, they’ll get that for me, too. They are closely guarded and much beloved. I bought myself the expensive vacuum for my 30th. I’d earned it.

Seriously, I love practical gifts. If my hubby got me the non-stick pans I’ve been eyeing for Christmas, it’d be a major step in the right direction. It would show that, after 10+ years, he knows me. Yeah, I’m betting I get the bath and body works gift set that I’m allergic to and a sweater.

Yep, totally jealous of Jennifer. And to all the haters: there is nothing wrong with getting a good set of pots and pans for a major birthday!

Julia:  We’ve usually gone the practical route also; foot massager, kitchen ware, woodworking tools, etc. How much can you really do with a piece of jewelry? At least you still put in the effort to do the gift exchange thing; we’ve slacked off the past few years.

Mike 43:  For one of my wife’s birthday, I bought an expensive mixer. I mean, 300 dollar range. She’d been pining over it for months, so I got it for her.   I let slip that I bought it at work, and the ladies were horrified. But now that I think of it, it may have been of my surety that should would regard it as a great gift, or that she did.   They all asked how she liked it, I just grinned.

Anacaona:  Oh I love kitchen tools! Totally good presents in my book

Shanna:  @Mike43  I totally want one of those mixers! Lucky. (said in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice)  Anyone who would be horrified at that or the pans Jennifer got couldn’t be my friend.  OH and I just got a scale for my bday, too! It tells me bodyfat, muscle, BMI. I love it.  Actually if someone buys you a scale that must mean you’re NOT fat. Because if you WERE fat and they bought you a scale, that’s just rude, right?   Love the ceramic pans! I mean- who wants to die of Dupont Teflon poisoning?

Lindy:  Hubby got me a nice set of stainless steel pots and pans the Xmas before we got married (we don’t do non-stick b/c we’re dirty hippies). I loved it!

Jessie:  Happy Birthday! I always want practical presents, too. I think I’m the only girl in America that would cry if I got jewelry. But I do a happy dance over appliances, knives, etc. And my favorite present ever was my all-clad pots and pans.

Bleeping Slooty:  The best holiday gift I ever got was a Kitchenaid mixer. I hope this Christmas I finally get that sexy Dyson vacuum cleaner. (I have an internet nerd crush on the Dyson vacuum guy.)

Jacquie:  Twenty years ago I was read the riot act by a woman we’d just met and struck up a conversation with in the mall. I mentioned that we were there shopping for a stainless steel colander I’d asked for as a gift from my husband. She tried to make me feel pretty rotten for wanting something practical instead of jewelry or flowers and such, in front of my husband; and went on and on about how if her man got her something practical like that she’d make him wear it. We both remembered that incident recently in our red pill awakening and just had to chuckle. Glad to be here and know we’re not the only ones who think like this.

Wendy:  I wasn’t jealous until I read that they are ceramic. Score! Happy Birthday Jennifer

HeSedSheSed:  Ha. I got a Dyson Vacuum for Valentine’s Day….and I LOVED IT!

Anonymouse:  At least I’m not alone in my desire for housewares as gifts Happy birthday Jennifer!

Stingray:   This is awesome. My husband bought a new carpet cleaner from a neighbor once that he decided he didn’t want after he brought it home. We just bought it from him since he was just going to take it back. My husband told him it was going to be my Valentine’s day present (which we don’t celebrate) and this guy nearly choked to death. “You’re giving it to her for what?!?!?!?!” It was hysterical. And it was a wonderful present.

Practical presents like this are wonderful, especially if they are something you would never spend the money on otherwise or buy ones that are as high quality. It is such a nice surprise to open the box and see something in there you have really wanted around the house, that you have been doing without because it’s not really necessary, but would be oh-so-useful. Those are my very favorite gifts.

Julie:  Great birthday gift in my mind! Ya know what my husband got me for my last birthday? A lovely apron and new dish towels!!!! He got them because that is what I asked for! They were from Williams-Sonoma and not cheap. I love kitchen items for gifts because I LOVE to cook and bake for my man and my kids. I don’t care what anyone else thinks-fabulous gifts for me! I actually don’t want jewelry as with two little boys I am constantly cleaning up messes, changing dirty diapers, wiping up spills, being puked on, etc. Not practical for this stage in my life.

RedPillNewb:  My wife can’t stand frivolous things like flowers or jewelry. I get great mileage out of intentionally outraging other women with stories of my gifts (or lack of gifts). I can’t understand why they think they should be outraged on behalf of a woman they hardly know if that woman doesn’t get something they would want.

RedPillWifey: Nothing wrong with practical. Happy birthday Jennifer!

Jennifer:  Thanks for all the birthday wishes! And yes I would have loved a cool house present from the start…although Athol was the cook at the start of our marriage so I wouldn’t have known what to do with an expensive mixer or something lol…

 

 

 

Why I Bought My Wife Pots And Pans For Her 40th Birthday

Jennifer’s birthday is about here and she’s about to turn 40, forty, FOUR-TEE. So obviously I have to get her some awesome gift in celebration of her stellar achievement of breathing in and out for so long.

Well….

I got her some nice new pots and pans.

Now before half my female readers rage-quit on me, let me explain…

Jennifer has adopted my birthday present protocol that I’ve been running with for the last couple of years. You see three years ago I asked for a toaster. Not just any toaster, but a fairly nice toaster that we wouldn’t otherwise have purchased. I love my toaster. It’s great. Two years ago I asked for and got a really nice laundry hamper. Last birthday I got an amazingly squishy magic foam bathmat and I love it. The cat finds it disturbing to walk on for some reason and acts like it’s a spike filled fire pit, which isn’t all that funny until you watch it try and jump over it from the floor to the bath and fail badly. If Jennifer would let me I’d get the cat drunk and when it fell asleep I’d gently lay it on the bathmat just to watch it freak out as it woke up.

Anyway… we buy functional and beautiful items that we wouldn’t otherwise have.

So when I say Jennifer wanted a really good non-stick fry-pan, she really wanted a good non-stick fry-pan.

Jump in the car and off to Bed Bath and Beyond together. Looking looking looking and she finds what she wants and it’s not even crazy expensive plus we have a coupon. Whereupon I hunt around a little further and discover for twice the price, the same pan comes in a box of ten non-stick pots and pans of awesome. Admittedly four of those items are lids, so we’re really only talking about six pots and pans of awesome, but x2 price for x6 stuff is great. Into the cart with you. Jennifer complained it’s a little much, but I overruled her with my Male Dominance(TM). It’s after all a surprise and how would she know what she was getting anyway. Crap I left my wallet at home… honey…

Oh relax, it’s a joint checking account.

Anyway, we check out and start chatting back and forth about how when I write a post about it, someone is going to be mortified that I actually had the nerve to buy pots and pans of awesome for my wife’s fortieth birthday present. I’m expecting angry email about it even though I’ve just written a post explaining how we’ve started doing presents for each other. I mean I got a toaster for my fortieth birthday and her pots and pans of awesome cost three times my toaster. But you can bet some clam is going to read “POTS AND PANS THE A$$HOLE!!” fifty words into the post and just stop reading to go poleaxe her chump husband for not keeping the litterbox freshly scooped.

Besides, it’s not the pots and pans that should piss the women off. I also got her a bathroom scale.

Jennifer:  OMG LMAO…he laughed waaaaayyy too much while writing this so I knew it was going to be good!  Hey, I just cooked a fabulous omelette on my ceramic non-stick pans of loveliness…and he used a coupon…sigh…

 

 

Favorite MMSL Rules and Wisdom

Over the years I’ve written an massive amount of content, some of which have been “rules” of various sorts. I’m considering putting together a “short and sweet” rule book. Might make a nice Christmas gift sort of thing.

So, just wondering what everyone’s favorite rules / most critical MMSL nuggets of wisdom are.

And damned if I can think of a title lol. Help!

Young Guy Game vs Old Guy Game

As you get older, you change. In some ways for the better, in some ways for the worse. Typically it’s a physical decline vs. a mental and resources gain.

I actually look back at myself in an odd sort of awe. How did I not know I was as good looking as I was? Oh I wasn’t like crazy hot guy, but certainly far better than I thought I was. How was I not simply asking girls out frequently? Holy crap that would have been so easy to have gotten not just a few more dates, but a ton of dates and all that could have come with that. Once you learn Game you’re always going to look back into the past and realize how often you missed an opportunity with a girl. Maybe not just any girl either… you totally messed up with the girl. The one you really wanted.

You realize you could’ve. You realize you should’ve.

But that’s all gone and here you are now. Older. Slower. It’s not as easy as it was. Everything comes with extra little price in pain or energy compared to how it was twenty years ago. What you have though, is a lot more experience, skill and stuff piled up. Young guys have potential for future power, that’s what attracts women to them, older guys are judged on whether or not they actually achieved power. Whether or not that’s personal power, social power, physical power, financial power or whatever power doesn’t matter. It’s potential power vs actual power. That’s why as an older guy writing about Game I’ve increasingly started talking about structural attraction issues, rather than how to order drinks in the bar so girls think you’re the hot catch of the evening.

Older guys don’t have any time to create the impression of power, we actually have to have it. That’s why younger guys can turn their dating life around as fast as it takes to hit the gym for a couple months and buy some proper clothes, and older guys can have a 1-2 year program of development ahead of them. Got to fix the structural stuff. I have readers who have made deeply serious goals like doubling their income inside two years, or getting an advanced degree in their forties, or losing 100 pounds. Big heavy projects that just have to get done for the success they want. Not to mention stalled marriages and kids to consider.

The good news is that actual power, is more attractive than the potential for power, because not all potential is reached. That’s why a woman in her twenties can find a guy in his forties attractive. But he’ll always have some degree of actual power and have kept his physical decline under good control.

The fantasy match up is young you vs. you now.

So let’s say me at age 24 facing off against me at age 42 for Jennifer at age 22. Imagining that we’re both meeting Jennifer for the first time at those ages. How would it play out?

Well I think some of the early play would have gone to #24. Better looking, funny, smart and I would have made a move on her… a very respectful move though. #24 would have asked her out on dates, though to be honest, some quite modest dates in a crappy car for transportation. He’d try and get her back to his itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie apartment… and prove what a nice respectful guy he was. He’d make some real progress, but minus all that nutty long distance stuff creating an Alpha illusion, I just don’t know how fast things would have gone.

#42 though would have a whole different level of play. At first he wouldn’t even be interested in Jennifer… too young to be bothered with, but ultimately she’s going to start showing her positive values and she is kinda cute. So #42 makes a move… he calls her up and tells her he’s taking her out to dinner, doesn’t say it’s a date or ask for one, just say’s he’s taking her out… and she just complies. Then it’s a proper car to a proper restaurant, hand on her lower back guiding her into her seat. It’s that same funny, smart guy, but with some greater range and some wisdom. #42 lays his hand down on the table palm up and she puts her hand in his as they talk and the wine bottle gets emptier and emptier.

The transition is back to #42’s place… an actual house, not an amazingly amazing house, but definitely a house with a backyard, near a brand new K-8 school and extra rooms for imagined children. His move is somewhat more assertive on her. A slow but firm pull into him and deep passionate kissing and an escalation to a hand on her breast. Once it gets to trying to remove pieces of clothing though, she tenses up. “I would like you to stay.” Stay. The most perfect word to use. It implies sex, but doesn’t explicitly state it. “But if you aren’t ready yet, we can take you home and continue this another night.” #42 gets up to go to the bathroom, “I’ll be right back.” Time for her to think, to not feel pressured to stay, time to change her mind. Five minutes later he’s back and she still asks to go home, “Good for you.” says #42. As he drops her off he says, “I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want, but when you want it, I’ll make sure you like it.”

The next morning #42 texts her, “I know what you did when I dropped you off last night.” “Oh? What’s that?” “You masturbated thinking about what would have happened if you stayed the night with me.” “OMG how did you know?” “LOL your secrets are safe with me.” “You”re a bad, bad man.” “You’re welcome.  :-)

About this time #24 and #42 discover the other is interested in Jennifer. There’s not a fist fight or anything stupid, just an awkward meeting where #42 stares #24 down and into stepping out of the way as they pass in the hall.

Time passes. #24 ups the ante with flowers, poetry and a few too many calls and texts about his interest in her. #42 texts her, “Wanna go to DisneyWorld this weekend?” “That’s in Florida, I can’t afford that.” “I’ve got enough frequent flyer miles for two tickets.” “Let me think.” “You know you wanna.” “Um… rooms?” “Room.” “This is kinda quick” “I know what I like.” “What happens after that?” “That’s up to you.”

Three hours of radio silence later…

“I’m still thinking.”

“Tickets are booked, I’m going to go have fun either way. Flight is 650pm on Friday.”

#24 asks her out again for a Saturday date. Sunday? Friday? “What are you doing all weekend?” “I might be going on a short vacation trip with a friend.” “It’s him isn’t it.”

After that comes a line of intense questioning along the lines of what-exactly-are-you-thinking and what-has-this-guy-really-offered-you. But there’s this genuine tone of concern in there, not just about what he’s going to be losing if she goes, but that she’s truly understanding what she’s getting into and whether she’s going to be okay. It’s actually quite touching. He really cares. He’s protective.

“So what are you offering then?”

Could’ve, should’ve….

“Marriage.”  One word. The big one. Spoken with clarity and conviction. An amazing weekend and possibly more, or the whole package of potential?

So who wins?

Jennifer: LOL you’re an ass making me do this! For the record I’ve NEVER dated two people at once. This is a question I’ve never thought about. In reality, 22-year-old me would have been far too intimidated by 42-year-old you, just on principle. Both “guys” have their advantages, but you’re right that the 42-year-old shows what he’s capable of more than the 24-year-old, just by virtue of life experience and accumulated working years leading to more “stuff”. And really, when you’re 22, 42 seems ancient lol.

Athol:  Somehow I feel rejected lol.

 Jennifer: Well that depends on whether or not you take me to Disney :-)

Athol: LMAO

Jennifer:  /faux-pouts