AnonJohn: What would Red Pill Marriages Vows look/sound like?
I promise to have and to hold you, unless you get too big to hold?
In sickness and health, maybe, but definitely only in richer and not for poorer?
You’re my one and only unless you don’t give it up?
Does anyone have any real suggestions?
Athol: Well being completely Red Pill about this, the vows are meaningless because the actual legal agreement you’re making is whatever the marriage law is in your state. From ye olde achives… Dershowitz and Feinstein and the Legally Binding Threesome.
Jodi always kind of rolls her eyes a little at that. She just says that Connecticut is a No Fault divorce State, and basically anytime either one of us wants out she’ll be happy to tear up the marriage license and start deciding how to divide up half of everything. But we tell her “we made vows though”, she just sips her tea and says it’s all a verbal agreement and inadmissible in a court of law.
“In fact” she says, “you could have said nothing in that little church, or you could have said vows in Latin, Elvis could have been your best man, Joan of Arc the Maid of Honor and Moses could have done the service and it all wouldn’t matter any different.” She paused for effect… “you could have just sung Puff the Magic Dragon to each other for all I care. The marriage license is your consent to the marriage agreement as defined by Connecticut Marriage Law. That’s what your marriage agreement is.”
We look across at Dershowtiz and Feinstein. They look bored.
All that being said, it does kind of make having a get together to celebrate getting married a little awkward if you don’t hold hands and say something all sappy about getting married. Well maybe not sappy, but at least meaningful… marriage is a big committment after all.
So here’s a crack at something to say on your special day…
Do you both agree to have an exclusive, vibrant and engaged sexual relationship together? (We do)
Do you both agree to meet the other’s need for sexual consensuality and safety? (We do)
As each other’s only sexual partner, do you both agree to explore and experiment, seeking to discover and meet each others needs for variety and pleasure? (We do)
Do you both agree to love, support and nurture any children you have together? (We do)
Do you both agree to forgo the right to privacy from each other and allow each other full access to each others personal communications and whereabouts at any and all times? (We do)
Do you both agree to join your finances together, have full access to each others financial information and file your taxes together as a couple? (We do)
Do you both agree to allow to each other full access to medical information and act on any health concerns? (We do)
Do you both agree to commit yourself to maintaining good personal health, fitness and appearance? (We do)
Do you both agree to maintain a home, engage in productive work and be a positive force in each other’s lives? (We do)
Do you both agree to give each other a fair and documented warning of any potential relationship breaking problems? (We do)
Do you [Name] agree to act as the First Officer of the relationship, seeking to support, advise, respect and accept all else that entails? (I do)
Do you [Name] agree to act as the Captain of the relationship, seeking to lead, listen, appreciate and accept all else that entails? (I do)
Do you both love each other? (We do)
Anyway, that’s what I came up with this fine evening.
As off the cuff as this is, the future is going to be very interesting as this sort of thing becomes less and less of a playful concern, and the possibility of private contracts comes more and more into play. The more I wrote the more I wanted to write. It was a minor challenge to not start writing it out as a legal contract lol. I can certainly see that in the future, Marriage 3.0 might be far more of a “check the boxes for what you want to agree to” sort of deal. The legalities signed up for online via the Google Marriage app of something. Short term contracts might be a possibility too.
What I do know is this, though – men and women are still going to want to be in relationships with each other. The question is how that is managed as a society.
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