The Awkward Post About How Penis Size Matters

Look I hate to be a downer, but penis size actually matters. Every study comes back saying that most women don’t really worry about the size of the guys penis, unless he’s like way too big, or way to small. Every article on penis size ends with a serious but kind statement to the effect of “Guys it’s all in your head. So relax.”

Well as much as I’m a social science guy, I think it’s all Blue Pill prattle. Let’s have a wee peek at Wikipedia.

Human penis size is the measured length and width of the human penis. The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times since there is natural minor variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement. When compared to other primates, including large primates such as the gorilla, the human penis is largest, both in absolute terms and in relative size to the rest of the body. Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length. Flaccid penis length is a poor estimate of erect length. Most of human penis growth happens between infancy and the age of five, and between about one year after the onset of puberty and, at latest, approximately 17 years of age.[1]

So while the studies all say “size matters not”, we’re all walking around with what amounts to a big cock compared to our primate cousins. That unusually large human penis is the result of sexual selection. Meaning in plain English, human females kept choosing human males with above average penis size, and after that went on long enough, we all ended up… proportionately… slightly better hung than horses. (But not quite as good as an African Bull Elephant.)

So I have to think women all, shall we say, “soften the truth” to the pasty nerdy guy holding a clipboard in his slightly shaking hands as he asks an actual girl how much penis size matters.


Penises come in four types to women, and where the lines on actual inches are varies from woman to woman, so it’s all relative.

(1)  Way too small. There’s just nothing you can do about this one. If she’s really into you and as soon as she sees your penis the entire relationship changes direction toward you being dumped, you’re too small for her. No matter what she says was the issue, it’s cock size that was the issue.

(2) Way too big. Oh it may look majestic and powerful, but if she’s basically in pain from sex, she won’t like it very much. Being very long can smack something internally and she’s going to worry about being not merely “a good kind of sore”, but actually injured from sex. Plus there’s no such thing as a quickee, there’s take-a-lot-of-time-and-lubrication-and-take-it-slow-ow-ow-ow-I-said-slow. Some women also need to feel the guys balls slapping against them too, so if those are a couple inches clear because he can’t go balls deep, it’s not as fun for her.

(3)  Just right. Some lucky couples have a perfect match up. He’s right on her maximum limit of what she can take without heading into too big world. He can pound rough and it doesn’t hurt, or slow and sweet and it still feels good. If this is you, you have a good thing going and can probably have an easy time of gaming your wife. I guessing around 5% of couples fall in this group.

(4)  How Much Money Do You Make? The truth is, about 90% of all guys fall into this group. Your penis is within operational parameters, it’s not way too small, or way too big, but neither is it just right. What you do however is compensate by making money, running game, having a proper house, not taking her shit for no reason, and generally doing everything else I’ve been talking about on the blog. As long as you’re doing all that consistently, you’re probably going to be just fine, that’s what women mean when they say size doesn’t matter… they assume the penis is attached to a great guy who isn’t way too small or way too big. They aren’t going to dump you to put themselves back on the market for some other guy who probably has the same dick size as you anyway.

I gotta be honest though, the closer you are to the small end of (4), the more effort you need to put into keeping your crap together. All things being equal, if two guys lose their job and end up sitting at home playing too much Halo, when they should be looking for work, the guy with the four inch dick is skating on a lot thinner ice than the guy with the six inch dick. That’s all I’m saying, ya’ll know its true, it’s just ugly to say it out loud.

If you’re on the smaller side, it is an utterly terrible idea to introduce swinging, hotwife, or polyamory into the relationship. If she gets a “Just Right” match up, you’re in a world of trouble faster than you can blink. Likewise when getting involved with high partner count women, you have to assume that somewhere back in the past is a Mr. Just Right, and if that guy Facebooks her out of the blue, you’re going to have a harder time of time pulling it back from the brink.

If you are particularly small, don’t give up. Just like male genitals come in all sizes, so do female ones. Keep looking and even advertise it quietly but confidently. For a small percentage of women it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. A woman who is very small in the triangle with an above average hung husband isn’t going to be a happy camper.

There’s also a fairly significant positive boost to marital happiness, self reported sexual enjoyment and reduced divorce chances from marrying a virgin (or at least a virgin when you met her) woman. I gotta wonder how much of that is directly related to an “ignorance is bliss” effect, where lack of experience means wives married to a husband with a type (4), believe that it’s in fact a type (3) penis.

Also something to consider is that almost all penis size “studies” ask for volunteers to allow themselves to be measured. So the results can be thrown off by a bunch of self-selecting bigger than average guys volunteering to drop their jeans to be measured by some female grad student with a flippy ponytail. So as far as I can tell there’s no clear understanding as to what exactly is average anyway. If you’re worried about how big you are, try getting a side on view in the bathroom mirror of your wife blowing you...

…it may surprise you.


  1. So, after having kids, d’ya think a 2-ish penis can become more 3-ish?

    That’s possible. I would expect some changes internally, but not usually major ones from childbirth.

  2. Days of Broken Arrows says:

    Nice writing, but you left out a big part of all this, which is length vs. girth. A really long penis that’s thin is usually not preferable for women whereas an average penis with some wideness is. I’m sure your readers will get why this is without me having to get into female physiology.

  3. Athol,

    Great points. Given your description, I’m wondering whether this idea can fall into your Alpha/Beta distinction. Specifically, the length/girth of a penis can be considered as one sign of male dominance, value, and power (Alpha). However, a man also has to use whatever he has well, to actually give a wife pleasure and care for her sexual needs too (Beta). That is why a guy with a “too small” penis may be dismissed because he isn’t “sexy” to a woman (not Alpha enough). However, even Mr. Right size will be eventually dismissed, if he cannot satisfy (bad technique, prematurely ejaculates, no foreplay or after-play, etc.). Sure, he will have an easier time stimulating his woman with a “perfect size” penis for her – but he still has to use it right for her pleasure (a Beta trait)

    As you say in other aspects of a relationship, the trick here too might be the right mix of Alpha/Beta. If a man’s penis is too small for a woman to find him dominant and sexy, there are many “accommodations” that can be made for more Alpha sex. Some sexual positions leave a man in control more and allow for deeper thrusting too. Just “taking her” and pinning her down passionately can do the trick. Also, power dynamics can be changed by introducing various aspects of BDSM into the interaction. Handcuffs. Tie her up. Spank her. Etc. All can put a little Alpha into the sex, no matter what a guy is packing. All the ladies are reading 50 Shades anyway…

    Conversely, Alpha moves and size cannot be relied on alone for female satisfaction. Sure, it helps a great deal. But, it is a male myth to just assume that pumping away with a huge (or even perfect size) penis is absolutely going to get the job done. Again, it may turn a woman on to see a well-endowed man, but if he only takes 2 thrusts with it and climaxes, her perceptions of him are reduced. So, “Beta” sex traits and skills are important too. No matter what the size, guys need to find ways to sexually satisfy. Learning a bit of ejaculation control can be beneficial. Finding the right “rhythm” in the right positions for your woman is key too. Also, things like kissing, touching, foreplay, oral sex, and massage are great skills as well. That way, whether you are too big, too small, or even get sick and have ED issues, you can still satisfy your partner. Either way, that orgasmic oxytocin rush is a must-have. Just make sure you cuddle afterwards too (Beta), so you get that oxytocin associated with you!

    In short, the blue pill sex wisdom has some truth (the Beta side), but not the whole truth (which makes it insidious). It is BOTH the size of the tool AND how you use it. Alpha and Beta balance once again…

  4. hi Athol,
    I think you should correct one thing in this post. You said “That unusually large human penis is the result of sexual selection. Meaning in plain English, human females kept choosing human males with above average penis size,….”
    sexual selection in this context does not literally mean that women selected men for some sexual purpose but rather that some reproductive benefit was achieved by having a larger penis size. Not being an expert on such things, I would imagine it is related to more efficient delivery of sperm to egg, or getting your sperm further along in comparison to some other man’s, etc.. So it could well be that women have never cared about this (i.e., they never intentionally “selected” anything), but men with bigger tools were better at transfering their genetic material. Not that I believe women don’t care, just that the selection producing larger penis sizes is completely independent (plausibly) of women selecting sex partners.

    Whatever is good for making and raising babies is sexy, so if bigger dicks were better baby makers, women found them sexier.

  5. Mandatory link to the most definitive survey conducted on the subject:

    All self-measured and self-selecting though. So data is questionable.

  6. I don’t take too much of what my wife says seriously, but regarding this subject, she says girth matters far more than length. As long as it’s long enough (which still may fall short of “just right”), more girth means more pleasure.

  7. There’s a lot of wisdom here. Kudos to Athol for taking on a supremely touchy subject (among men at least) and saying something that needs to be said, and understood.

    I’m one of the lucky guys who has been blessed with a “just right” wang – big in length and thickness but not painfully huge. I also have a lot of stamina and control over my orgasms, which matters too.

    I’m under no illusions, I am well aware that women bond a ton based on sex, and if you’ve got that “dream cock” and can go for hours, women will put up with an epic amount of shit from you in other areas. They always have with me. If you’re her first “dream cock”, especially if you give her her first multiple-wave and/or squirting orgasms, you’ll have to move away or enter the witness protection program to get rid of her.

    I’m a good looking guy and I’m witty and charming and successful, but the dick, plus how I use it, makes it. I get away with being basically a self-centered asshole 90% of the time thanks to it. I cannot tell you how many women, many of them other men’s wives or girlfriends, I’ve ruined with what I’ve got. I should probably feel worse about this than I usually do.

    Size matters. It’s not everything, it’s never the only thing, but I am very glad I have plenty of cock.

    Nice post, Athol!

  8. “I don’t take too much of what my wife says seriously…”


  9. Also I’d add that too long sucks for BOTH partners. You WANT to go balls-deep but stupid cervix stops you short, so how can you “pound her”, all you do is pound cervix and get told to stop. As a ventured guess, I’d say long guys should shoot for bigger woment (taller women, not wider) and smaller guys should shoot for asian and very petite women. Yes I know this guess is very unscientific.

  10. If you’re on the smaller side, it is an utterly terrible idea to introduce swinging, hotwife, or polyamory into the relationship.

    I’m kinda thinking that introducing swinging, hotwife or plyamory into the relationship is a terrible idea regardless of the size, shape, or political affiliation of your Johnson.

    As far as sexual selection for size, human females generally have more choice in how often they have sex, as opposed to our simian cousins. So if getting pounded by a big cock is more pleasurable, women will have sex more often with bigger guys, therefor getting pregnant more often by bigger guys.

    Oh I think introducing it into your marriage is a bad idea no matter what. But if you’re small… it’s utterly terrible.

  11. Consider that when women buy a dildo/vibrating insertive sex toy they are going to choose exactly the size and shape that gets them off the best, without regard to anyone elses feelings. If you pay attention to this, you will learn something.
    Second, imagine what a woman is giving away when she outright praises your cock when she first sees it. She is saying you are blessed compared to the significantly large sample size she has already seen and felt. Most women are concerned about maintaining a “I am not really a slut” frame at moments like that and intuit that they best off keeping their happy feelings unstated.

  12. Consider that when women buy a dildo/vibrating insertive sex toy they are going to choose exactly the size and shape that gets them off the best, without regard to anyone elses feelings. If you pay attention to this, you will learn something.
    Second, imagine what a woman is giving away when she outright praises your cock when she first sees it. She is saying you are blessed compared to the significantly large sample size she has already seen and felt. Most women are concerned about maintaining a “I am not really a slut” frame at moments like that and intuit that they best off keeping their happy feelings unstated.

  13. Milf_in_training says:

    Another reason for humans being beter hung than apes was mentioned in Jared Diamond’s book, Why Sex is Fun. He suggests that a large penis is a Display of High Value, and the bigger the cock, the more intimidating a man will be to other men. So the bigger man will scare the smaller away and get more women, more sex, and more babies.

    Makes sense to me, though I prefer Just Right.

  14. I had a girlfriend who could tell the extra length when I had been a few days withou coming, even though she had Multiple Sclerosis. Unforunately, the MS prevented her coming, even with an hours pounding. However, wince she wanted it daily, she didn’t get the extra length too often.

  15. @JR
    “I’m a good looking guy and I’m witty and charming and successful, but the dick, plus how I use it, makes it.”

    Hubris; it isn’t just for breakfast anymore!

  16. Newly Aloof says:

    Yes, size matters, so the next logical post should be: Size Matters, Here’s How You Can Increase Yours. My ex told me mine was the perfect size; she always squeezed and played with it like it was her favorite toy, yet I’ve always been fascinated with the stretching/pumping shit I’ve seen but doubt it actually works. Shit if I’m going to try something that would damage me.

  17. Average penis size varies by race (largest to smallest: black, white, asian) — and, one would assume, so do the size of lady parts. Something to keep in mind.

  18. Passing Stranger says:

    I snicker when I read stories in which the guy is hugely endowed, because the writer obviously didn’t realize what a problem it can be. I’m large (not “huge”), and yes, girls are impressed when they first see the package; but if the girl is in pain before you’ve got it halfway in, that’s not a fun night.

  19. Athol — do you want to way in on the Show-er vs. Grow-er issue?

    When fully erect I’m pretty much a 3. When I’m soft – I’m below a 1.

    Not an issue for me anymore – but have you got any advice for the guys like me when they first whip it out? (I guess make sure it’s hard when she first see’s it)

  20. No one mentioned that as a guy loses weight, his penis looks and feels much bigger, and he “bottoms out” (assuming he’s not too long) with his pubic bone against my lady parts and buried inside me….oooohhhhhh yeah…..

  21. If penis size was the product of sexual selection then wouldn’t the average size be the one that was best fit for women? Average being 5.9 inches? I’m 7.25 bone pressed erect length and 5.25 girth. I was having sex with a women that has 6 kids but she still couldn’t take it and made me stop finished me off with a bj and that was it.?

  22. bigboy29117 says:

    im 18cm and fearly thick an my ex loved it she put it all the way in when she lay apon me..yes at the begining it would hurt when slidding it in but its a breez we knew what would work.i founded with a large penis a women would have a quik orgasem yip coming realy soon.i did found out here in south africa women realy like bigger ones.dont know why but they tend to say its best in bed thy wanne feel a bit pain butt not to mutc and at the same time feel plesure.

  23. i wana die says:

    iam a black dude who falls below the advarage size and i go true horrible experiences with women trust me size matters if youre 5 inches or under it will be very hard to keep a woman am in my 30,s and single due to my small pacage i know because i always get dump for the same reason

  24. SteveSickoftheJudgments says:

    Hey “I wanna die” cheer up man. I know it is tough. I am at 5.1 inches long and 5.1 inches in girth and married now for 24 years. My wife and I have had sexual issues but it was due to my depression about my size. Once I cleared up the depression, I could focus on her and she is my happy wife. You just need to find the right women. I’ve been humiliated in the past and I certainly understand your pain. I do not mind at all that the majority of women prefer a bigger cock but what I do mind is that these women judge us as lesser men and laugh at us to humiliate us! It seems like a double standard. Women want men to accept them even if they are not perfect (overweight, not very good looking, etc.) yet they will judge a man based solely on his penis. Hang in there as you have a friend here!


  25. Fascinating stuff. I got a small weiner. Its about 5 erect. Cant tell you how many women ive lost. Its ridiculous. Im really fucking charming, smart and funny too, and talented, aaaand forever single. In my 30’s. i go through bouts of dark depression due to penis size and the rejection that comes with it. It effects my whole life – money, success, everything. Women love assholes cuz guys with big penises and stamina can afford to be assholes and there ya’ go. Im known to be a ‘nice’ or at least kind man. And i am. Anyways i think this stuff is fascinating like a car accident – gruesome in the way it lays out the jungle truth of humanity. Its the reason conmunism doesnt work: there is no equality in this world, and the inequality stems from something we can hardly talk about. ‘I Wanna Die’, sometimes i wanna die too. But othertimes i don’t and life in all its ills is beautiful. Anyways, that guy with the perfect penis will one day be old, his cock will shrivel and not work, he might poop his pants who knows. I already see it happening to my friends – sexual dyfunction is creeping up with age. Im a warrior in that battle motherfucker. Keep the faith. Be like a buddha, its a badass exercise in choosing to be egoless. Despite the occassional depression im a happy man.

  26. Better than avg says:

    Be careful what you wish for. I am 8″ and have been with 33 women. Up until last year I had 5-6 women that I had to have sex with 5-10 times before they could handle me long enough for me to finish. So I had to deal with seeing that it hurts them plus deal with them feeling bad because they could not satisfy me. I was okay with this until last year when I met a girl that I thought was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen with an amazing personality and I really fell for her and she seemed to really like me but sex was a disaster. She constantly winced in pain and I stopped but she wanted me to finish or her pain was for nothing. We went out for a few months and she said sex felt like I was ripping her into so sex was limited and she broke up with me. I usually get iver women relatively fast but it took a year and another great girl to get over her.

  27. “human females kept choosing human males with above average penis size” not necessarily true, a history of group sex/ multiple partners and sperm competition (as seen in modern bonobos and chimps) would achieve the same thing during an evolutionary period of time. A giant cock is the tool of a rapist.

  28. Some women only orgasm clitoral-ly, some anally, some vaginally, some breast-play, some kissing, some all of the above, etc.

    What does the penis size matter to a woman who can only orgasm clitoral-ly?

  29. The assumption that female sexual satisfaction is the end-all, be-all, most important thing in human existence is just ludicrous. It is one of the highest forms of hubris and entitlement to which I have ever been exposed. Oh, and yes, I am only 5 inches erect and 5 inches in girth and you know what? We all die so I am truly learning not to give a shit! And I am happily married with two kids. One final comment, “Fuck it!”

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